Disclaimer: We own nothing

A/N Nerwen Aldarion: WOW I never thought that this far into the story that we would have over 30 reviews. I'm completely blown away by the response to this story. You guys make me smile every time I read a review. This story is coming along but school starts tomorrow so fanfiction will have to take second priority but we'll find the time to write.

A/N Tinuviel Undomiel: Not as long as a chapter as the last one, but chock full of important things. This is when Jane gets a real feel for the case, but maybe not who the attacker is. Lisbon sinks a bit deeper into her sorrow and pain. Sorry guys, but it's going to get worse for her before she gets better. I hope you all enjoy it.

Note: We like to respond to every review so if you have an account please sign in so that we can send you a PM

These are the anonymous reviewers we wanted to respond to:

MissDonnie: That was the point of this story, to put Jane and Lisbon in each other's shoes. We wanted to see how Jane would react to having to help Lisbon heal, especially since she has been the rock that has anchored him down for so many years. It will get even better when she really starts to spiral downward

mmm: Well here is an update, I hope it's soon enough for you ;-)

Anonymous: Yes this story is emotional but don't expect the rapist to be caught soon. It will be a long case and a long recovery for Lisbon. As for the Jisbon, well you will see at the end of this chapter how Lisbon feels about Jane touching her and we guarantee that by the end of this story, there will be plenty of Jisbony goodness.

Lisbon-Fan: Thanks so much! We're working on the next few chapters now

123TellMeYouLove: Well we prefer longer chapters, it flows better that way. We're trying to update as soon as possible but real life does get in the way sometimes. We did a lot of research about rape victims and how they react so we could form Lisbon's own reactions during this story, how she starts to deal with her own tragedy and the like. Jane's breakdown was a scene that we really wanted to share, it was important to show just how much this is hurting him too. Yes he feels guilt for what happened, that's who he is. You'll see more scenes with Jane's emotions about this event in later chapters too. I think Lisbon is a bit rougher in our other fictions because in those stories she's angry with him, in this one she isn't actually mad at Jane so she isn't harsh with him. Thanks for reading

MacKenzi1990: That was the intention. The title is subtle, if you've read the play than you might have an idea what would happen in the first chapter. But we did want to lull people into a false sense of comfort, hence the very romantic dance just moments before the attack.

LoveLisbon: So sorry we made you cry. Cheer up though, this story has a happy ending

Alexia McKinley: The scene with Lisbon admitting to Jane and the Forensic Nurse what happened was one we had envisioned from the beginning. It was hard to write, as was the scene with Cho and Rigsby finding out. So we're glad they left a clear impression. Just so you know, we are happy ending people. As much as we love angst, we always want to end the story with a smile.


Chapter 3: Who Can Understand?

Despite the fact that everyone had been up all night, none of Lisbon's team made a motion to put aside the investigation to get breakfast. Food wasn't important at the moment. But Jane knew they couldn't work at full capacity with no food and sleep. He couldn't tell them to rest, not when he had no intention of doing that. But he could settle their stomachs.

He didn't go far, just to the rooftop café the Bureau had set up for its employees. It was early enough so there weren't a lot of people out yet, but the attendant gave Jane a smile and gladly took down the order for three coffees, one tea and four muffins.

"How's Agent Lisbon doing?" the attendant asked.

"She's holding it together," he said. It was the best he could say since he knew Lisbon was not fine.

She shook her head as she removed the muffins from the tray. "I can't believe something like this would happen to her."

"None of us can," Jane said. In his wildest dreams he had never imagined such a thing would happen to Lisbon.

"Your coffees will be ready in a minute. It's still brewing."

"I can wait," Jane said.

"But here's your tea." She gave him the hot, paper cup.

"Thank you," he said.

Jane walked over to the railing, propping his cup on it so he could let the tea seep. The steady sound of traffic and the cool wind was familiar and soothing. At least some things were still the same.

"Director, I really think we should discuss this somewhere else."

Jane turned to the sound of Brenda Shettrick's voice. He hadn't realized that she was up there along with Bertram. They occupied a table on the far side of the café, but the acoustics kept the sound constant. Judging by the one cup of coffee and the half eaten scone, Jane guessed poor Brenda had been sought out by Bertram in the middle of her breakfast.

"We need to discuss this," Bertram insisted, "The CBI is all over the news right now. We have to come up with a strategy."

Brenda sighed and shook her head slightly. "Certainly we should let the public know about Lisbon's condition and her plans for recovery."

"Absolutely. We'll tell them that she is being given the best possible care by the hospital and that the Bureau is going to make sure she sees the city's most qualified therapist."

"Yes, that is a good idea."

"We need to address the issue of the attack," Bertram continued, "This article discusses the fact that she was assaulted less than a hundred yards away from her colleagues."

Brenda nodded. "Yes, that is bad, but—."

"Have you read her statement? Is it possible that this was an error on her part."

Jane felt his entire body tense. The idea of throwing his hot cup of tea into Bertram's face danced through his mind. Yes, that was a very pretty image.

"No, I don't think that is the best way to go," Brenda said, "Right now we should just say that we are looking into the matter and make it clear that the attack did not occur in the Plaza, but outside of it where she couldn't be seen or heard."

"This article is bad for us," Bertram said, "This reporter questions our ability to protect the public if we can't look after one of our own."

"Sir, there is little we can do there except assure everyone that we are doing the best we can."

Bertram groaned and shook his head. "God, this is a disaster. The sooner this nightmare is over the better. The Bureau can't handle too much bad press."

Jane was on the verge of making his fantasy come true, but he was saved by the coffee girl. "Jane, your coffee is ready."

"Thank you," Jane said and gladly took the paper bag of muffins and the tray of paper cups. He couldn't help but wave at Bertram. "Good morning," he said.

Bertram's humiliated face was enough retribution.


The coffee and muffins had been accepted readily while the team continued to pound the pavement in a manner of speaking. It didn't matter that they were all dead on their feet and anxiously worrying about their boss. The investigation was in the early stages; they were tired and concerned but also optimistic. And determined, determined to find the bastard yesterday.

Grace hung up her phone and heaved a very heavy sigh. "Well it took eight years but they finally are emailing me the list of the employees who worked the gala last night."

"Run background checks on all of them, see if any of them have a criminal record," Cho told her.

"Of course." She turned back to her computer to download the list and start running through the many, many names. A few times she rubbed her eyes but didn't stop her job and no one told her to do otherwise.

A half an hour later Rigsby walked into the bullpen with a small stack of discs. "Security cameras from the Plaza came in."

"Anything near the sight of the attack?" Jane asked.

Rigsby shook his head with a disappointed look. "Cameras were only inside and in the front, nothing on the side exit."

It was a piece of bad news. While no one had been looking forward to video of Lisbon's rape, at least it would have meant they would have been able to see her assailant. They all exchanged mixed reactions of relief and frustration.

"At least we can narrow down the timeline to when the attack occurred," Rigsby said taking a seat at his desk and inserting one of the discs.

Cho and Jane hovered behind Rigsby so they could look at the screen. "I found her in the parking lot a little after midnight," Jane reminded him. "Start an hour before that."

Rigsby nodded but didn't say anything as he began to fast forward through the footage. It was a blur of the evening with people moving across the screen but Jane's eye remained focused on the side exit that he'd watched her disappear through just the night before. He remembered briefly considering stopping her but had dismissed that idea, encouraging anything after that dance was a bad idea. Now he'd give anything to fix that.

But Jane was used to his decisions hurting the ones he cared about most.

Then he saw it. "Stop," he told Rigsby and the screen froze. There was Lisbon in grainy detail in the process of opening the door to leave.

"Time says 11:23," Rigsby said quietly.

Cho nodded. "So we're looking at a timeframe between 11:23 and midnight."

Rigsby let out a long sigh. "That's not a lot of time."

"It was enough," Jane said, his voice sounded dead and emotionless. Still the truth stung like a burn.

Grace had paused in her work but she'd heard what they had said. She didn't meet their eyes but the words slipped from her lips. "I was talking with Jimmy Collins from Forensics. I danced with him. Then I went to find you guys before Brenda came in…" She bit her lip and shook her head; anyone could see the guilt in her eyes.

Cho was watching her. "Nate and I were talking about the Kings game next week. He thought they had a shot at the playoffs."

Rigsby looked away from them, his eyes darting from his desk to his hands. "I was having a discussion with Sandra from accounting." He hesitated before admitting with an embarrassed shrug. "I was trying to get her number."

Jane didn't say anything but he remembered what he had been doing. Trying to keep his emotions in check and deciding when it would be a good time to duck out.

They had all been focused on their own lives, not knowing about the horror that was occurring until it was much too late. Now there was nothing they could do but regret. Still they were all thinking the same thing.

My fault.


Waiting around and for a computer to spit out information was not something Jane had the patience for. Normally at this point in the case he would go off on his own to pursue the lead that would inevitably turn out to be the culprit. But for once he had no leads, at least nothing solid. Still, he wasn't going to sit by and watch the numbers tick down on a lighted screen.

He returned to the hospital, this time with a travel chess set. He was getting to know the third floor of Sacramento General more than he wanted to, but he had little choice in the matter. Lisbon wasn't ready to be released.

He stopped short from rounding the corner of his destination when he saw Tommy standing outside with his cell phone at his ear. Now he had a different plan: eavesdropping.

"So Annie's doing all right?…Thanks for keeping an eye on her, James. I didn't expect Diane to go on a business trip now"

Tommy sighed and shook his head. "I don't know, I really don't know. She says she's fine, but she's obviously lying. Its like when she said that Aunt Clarice wasn't dead, just napping in a wooden box."

Jane couldn't bite back his smile. He'd always known Lisbon was a terrible liar, but who came up with something that bad?

"No, she won't talk about it. I mean, she gave them her statement but she won't talk about it with me or anyone. She keeps it all technical…Yeah, I know that doesn't sound good…Honestly, I think she's doing terrible. I hate to admit it, but I do."

Unfortunately, Tommy was right. Lisbon wasn't handling this well at all, not that this was a situation anyone could take in stride. It was killing Jane to see her like this.

"No, no, don't come down here…Because it isn't going to do any good, she'll just tell you to go home…Of course I'm not going yet…Look, you don't want to see her like this and it's just…she won't let anyone touch her, not even me…No, I can't even put a hand on her shoulder…Her partner, Jane, says this is normal, if you can call any of this normal."

Tommy rubbed at his tired eyes and shook his head. "She finally slept for about an hour, but then she woke up screaming."

This was news to Jane.

"Yeah, a nightmare…No, she wouldn't tell me, but she flipped out when the nurse tried to give her a sedative…I'm trying, James, I'm really trying."

Jane had heard enough now. Eavesdropping was often helpful, the only bad part was that he hated hearing it. Jane finally turned the corner and waved at Tommy as he walked by, as if he had only just arrived. Tommy was too focused on his phone call to give him more than a nod.

Jane knocked on the door and then stepped inside. Lisbon was sitting up on her bed surrounded by at least twenty different flower arrangements: roses, lilies, carnations and several cheap multi-colored daises dyed into neon hues. "Hey," he said.

"Thank God," she said with a relieved expression.

"Well that's a greeting I never thought I'd hear from you."

"You didn't bring flowers," she said, "I'm getting sick of flowers."

"Yes," Jane said, glancing around the room, "I had no idea there was a florist on this floor."

Lisbon nodded and picked up one of the cards from a tacky rainbow arrangement. "This one says 'Get Well Soon', can you believe that?"

"Well, it is the thought that counts, as the old adage goes," Jane said with grin and then held up the box. "I didn't bring flowers, but I do know that hospitals are exceedingly dull, how about a game of chess?"

Lisbon actually smiled a little. "Bless you."

"Another thing I never thought I'd hear from you."

He sat down on the foot of her bed, careful not to touch her, and set the magnetic board on her tray. She took one set of pawns and started to set them up on her side of the board. "So, how are things at work?"

Another thing Lisbon was bad at: subtlety. Jane shrugged and then caught her eye for a brief moment. "It's fine."

"Do you have a case?"

"Are we really going to play this game?" He didn't mean chess.

Lisbon sighed. "Look, how's it going? Do you have any leads?"

"We're looking into the staff," Jane said, "but nothing solid yet."

He could see she was crushed a little. She wanted this whole thing to be over, so did he. "Thank you for being honest," she said.

It was the least he could do for since he had nothing else to offer. He couldn't produce her rapist on a silver platter, not yet. All he could do was give her what no one else could: the truth.

"Are the others still at the office?"

Jane nodded. "They won't leave even for food."

With the board finally completely set, Lisbon took the lead and moved one of her pawns. "Seriously? They can't do that. Tell them I want them to go home early and get some sleep, that's an order."

Jane moved one of his pawns and nodded. "I'll tell them that."

"I'd tell you to do the same, but you never listen to me anyways."

He made himself laugh a little. It was obvious that she was trying to act normal, but the disguise was thin and stretched. She wanted to pretend that she was only there for some minor injuries, that the trauma had never happened. It wouldn't work.

"So what else is going on at the Bureau?"

"Not much," Jane said, playing casual, "Except I almost threw tea in Bertram's face."

"What?" She was grinning at the imagery. "You actually came close to a physical confrontation? I never thought I'd see the day."

"Meh." He waved it off.

"What set you off?"

Jane considered making something up, he could get away with it. But he found he couldn't lie to her right now. "Bertram was talking to Brenda Shettrick about a strategy with the media, you know being his typical heartless self."

Lisbon bobbed her head and absently moved on of her pawns right into the path of his knight. "Is the Bureau taking a hit?"

"The Bureau's fine," he said, "Don't worry about it."

"Jane, I know how bad this must look." She looked towards the window, even though all she could see was the parking lot. She turned back and reached for the phone on the nightstand. "Maybe I should give Bertram a statement for the press."

Luckily, Jane was much faster than Lisbon. He grabbed the phone and kicked it under her bed. "Don't even think about it."

"But Jane—!"

"Lisbon, the CBI was there long before us and it will be here long after we're gone." He snapped his fingers and pointed to the chess board. "Let's get back to the game."

"You just kicked the phone underneath my bed."

"Drastic times call for drastic measures."

"Jane, I now how bad this can be," she said, "The only way this could be worst was if I was raped inside the building."

"Lisbon—."

"Not that it matters anyways," she said in a low voice, "I couldn't even defend myself." Lisbon shook her head. "I'm a cop, Jane, I've had training. How could I not stop this from happening to me? I should have stopped him."

"You did everything you could." He'd seen the crime scene, he knew that she'd fought with everything she had.

"Obviously not. He could have killed me and I couldn't have stopped him." She reached up and touched her bare throat, empty of her cross. He knew she was imagining that bastard's hands around her throat. Meanwhile he couldn't shake the image of her lying in the alley, her eyes blank and lifeless. She wasn't the only one having nightmares.

"Why didn't he kill me?" she asked.

Jane opted for silence. What other choice was there?

"Because he wanted me to suffer," Lisbon said, "I know, you don't have to say it." She swallowed hard. "This is all my fault."

Jane frowned at her and shook his head. "No it's not."

"But—."

"Stop," he cut her off, "You did nothing wrong."

"What did I do right then? If it's not my fault, then whose is it?"

"It's his," Jane said, "He did this, not you."

"I don't even know who he is," Lisbon reminded him, "I'm an investigator. I catch killers. I've been doing that long before I met you. I was the youngest SFPD full rank detective. I earned my position at the CBI on my own. But with my own case, I can't even begin to guess who did it. What does that tell you?"

"That I have a lot of work to do," Jane said, "It's my job to find this guy, not yours."

"Right," she murmured with a tiny nod, "It's my case. I can't be the investigator…I'm the victim."

Jane shook his head at her. "Lisbon, you're not a victim. You're a survivor."

"How? We both know he never would have killed me. I didn't survive anything, I just endured. I'm an endurer."

"That's not a word."

"You know what I mean."

"No I don't," he said, "You didn't endure anything, you fought. You're a fighter, Lisbon, you always have been. That means that you will never be a victim."

She looked down at the now forgotten chess board. "Let's just get back to the game."

Jane knew that meant she didn't believe him. He could argue the point some more, but she wouldn't listen. Not yet anyways. Maybe when it wasn't so fresh.

"It's your move," he said instead.

Lisbon nodded and picked up her bishop and set it down, taking one of his knights. They played in silence for a little while, something they had never done before. The first time they had played had been a few weeks after he'd first arrived at the CBI. He's noticed the board in her office and insisted on a game. She'd lost and demanded a rematch the next day. Six rematches later, she gave up after hurling the board across the room. It had taken two years before he could coax another game out of her. She'd lost again. At least that time she didn't throw the board.

Jane moved his rook and put her king in check. Lisbon studied the board for a moment and then used her queen to block the check. Temporarily the right move, but Jane was already planning his next several moves. This game was already won but she didn't know it yet.

"Tommy mentioned that you had a nightmare."

She took one of his pawns and then gaped at him. "He told you?"

"No, he told James. I'm just a good listener."

She scowled at him with a shake of her head. "Look, I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't have to," he said, "I can figure it out myself."

"Jane, don't."

"You always say sharing is good, since you won't share then I'll have to do it myself."

"Jane—."

"That alley was dark, very little light, that's something that would stay with you."

"Stop," she said and shook her head.

"You feel like you couldn't stop him, that you didn't do enough. This unnecessary guilt undoubtedly made its way into your dream. My guess is that you were restrained in some way. Cuffs?" He studied her for a second and then shook his head. "No, just immobile."

"Shut up," she hissed and then rubbed at her arms, squirming now in the bed.

"He was touching you, but you couldn't see who he was."

"Shut up, Jane! Just shut up!" She drew her legs up until she could lock her arms around her knees. She put her head down so he couldn't see her face anymore, but he could see her body quivering.

Jane pushed the tray out of the way and scooted close towards her. He raised one hand to put it on her knee, but he remembered what Tommy had said to his brother. She was still haphephobic. He out his hand back down.

"Lisbon," he said her name softly, but she still didn't look up. "Lisbon, please look at me."

She slowly lifted her head up from her knees. Her cheeks were dry, but her eyes were glossy. The shaking wasn't from crying then, but from remembering the dream and subsequently the attack.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm just trying to help. You won't get over these nightmares if you keep them to yourself."

"I don't want to get over them. I don't want to have them at all. So I'm just not going to sleep from now on."

"That's your plan, no sleep," he said skeptically.

"Really?" she questioned, "You want to tell me to sleep? How many times have I found you at work, napping on that couch at three in the afternoon?"

"Napping is still sleeping," he reminded her.

"Well I won't sleep at all."

"Lisbon, the only way you can do that is if you replaced all of your blood with coffee," he said, "But then you'd get all jittery."

She finally cracked a smile. Jane decided to keep pressing it. "I can see you now, shaking and dancing around like a marionette." He used his hands to mime the gestures of a puppeteer. "And you know your voice gets all squeaky when you have too much caffeine, like a chipmunk."

That did it, she actually broke down and started laughing. It wasn't a complete display of mirth and only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to put her back at ease. Jane smiled and pulled the tray back between them. "How about we finish this game?"

She nodded. "Okay."

In four moves, Jane had Lisbon's king in checkmate. At the declaration of his victory, Lisbon didn't pout, hiss out profanity or slap the board across the room. She smiled at her fallen king. "You won."

"Yes, I'm five-zero."

"Its just…I half expected you to let me win or something," she said, "I mean Tommy let me win at cards last night."

"There is no believable way you could beat me at chess," Jane said, "To be honest, I have to draw out these games so they don't end so quickly."

Lisbon's jaw fell open and she grabbed her queen and threw it at him. Jane chuckled as it bounced harmless against his shoulder. She smiled again, but it fell away as she glanced around at her plethora of flowers. "I just don't want everyone's pity."

"I don't pity you," Jane said, "I hate that this happened, but I don't pity you. But I am here to help."

"Thanks," she said, "But I don't really need any. I can handle this on my own."

Jane gave her a nod. He knew if he told her the truth, that she couldn't do this on her own, she wouldn't take it well. Right now she didn't need an argument. Instead he said, "There is no shame in needing help, I'm just saying."

"I know," she said, "But I'll be fine."

As always, Lisbon was a terrible liar.


The background checks of the staff were still running through with nothing solid coming up except for one public intoxication, but that was a far cry from sexual assault. But there were still a lot of names left on the list and the team was still thinking that by the end of the day, they would have a name.

When Jane came back into the bullpen they all knew immediately where he had been. "How is she?" Grace asked as soon as he walked in.

"The same," Jane told her. He decided to omit Lisbon's nightmare and her irrational belief that all of this was somehow her fault. "But she does want everyone to go home and get some sleep."

Cho didn't even look up from his desk. "We're not doing that."

"Didn't think so." He sat heavily down on his couch. Sure none of them were planning to listen to their team leader but that didn't mean they weren't exhausted. It wasn't just nearing forty-eight hours without sleep fatigue, it was a weariness brought on from being emotionally drained. They might not want to sleep…but it did seem like a good idea.

Grace stifled a yawn and reached for her coffee cup only to see that it was empty. Damn. She stood up from her desk with one destination in mind: the break room. The good news was that the coffee pot had a fresh pot of coffee so she didn't have to go through the process of making her own. She just refilled her cup, stifled another yawn and walked back to her desk. She was shaking a sugar packet ready to sweeten the brew when she glanced back up at her computer screen. "Oh my God."

"What?" Cho asked.

"I got a hit on one of the staff, he was arrested…for voyeurism."

That perked them all up, except for Rigsby who had dozed off on his desk. "Didn't you say that sexual assault could be a progressive crime?" Grace pointed out, "That people start small."

"Like Peeping Toms," Cho finished.

Jane nodded. "It can be." He stood up and walked over to Grace's desk. "Let me see his record."

Cho stood up from his desk to do the same thing, but not before slapping the back of Rigsby's head. "Huh what?" Rigsby said looking around. He blinked a couple of times and saw that they were crowded around Grace's desk. "Did you find something?"

"Staff member with an criminal record," Cho replied.

"Who is he?" Rigsby asked, stepping away from his desk and rubbing his tired eyes.

"He was the event organizer, his name is Lee Myers. He was arrested five years ago for videotaping three women in the shower at his gym." Grace replied, reading through the report.

Rigsby crouched down next to his friends to look at the picture and froze. "I know him."

They all looked up at him. "You do?"

"He was on the security footage," Rigsby explained, "I saw him with Lisbon."

That was news.

It was something of a mad dash to Rigsby's desk so they could watch the footage. Rigsby forwarded the tape to the moment that he had been referring to. "It was just after she arrived, she ran into him…but watch…he keeps staring at her." He forwarded the tape to a couple of hours, "And here again, he just keeps watching her."

"That's creepy," Grace said.

Rigsby paused the tape. "If this guy was a Peeping Tom once, maybe he was working his way up to something more."

It was a possibility and in many cases, it would make absolute sense. Cho sighed and looked up to the other member of their team. "Jane, what do you think?"

Jane had his eyes on the tape but he wasn't looking at the possible suspect. No, his eyes were focused on the image of Lisbon that was before him. He didn't look away but finally answered. "I think we should pursue every possibility."

That wasn't exactly the resounding call to action they had been expecting. "So…do you think it's him?" Grace asked.

Jane shrugged. "Too early to tell." Before moving away from the group.

Cho made the decision to bring Lee Meyers in for questioning and the rest of the team seemed satisfied with that. Jane wasn't enthused but sat back down on his couch, keeping his suspicions to himself.

He had a feeling this case was more complicated than they thought.


A side effect of working in law enforcement was that a cop learned a great deal about the press: how they worked and how they resembled vultures. Lisbon had never cared for reporters. The spotlight was uncomfortable for her so she never sang her own praises and only did the bare minimum of media exposure that was necessary for her job. But now she was center stage for the biggest scoop on the CBI, no way to keep a low profile. Thankfully no reporters had called or snuck into her room yet. Probably Wainwright had said she was unavailable for comment.

But the conversation she'd had with Jane did tell her that the press was taking potshots at the Bureau. She had to know what they were saying. Unfortunately, she knew that if she asked Tommy for a newspaper, he would conveniently leave out the pages that concerned her case. It seemed like she had no choice but to live in an undesired ignorance.

But opportunity has a funny way of showing up whenever it is least expected.

Tommy had left to go to the cafeteria for food and her door was still open. Lisbon was watching some stupid soap opera since the hospital only had three and a half channels. It was the rustle of newspaper that pulled her attention away from some creepy guy trying to seduce some girl who looked about sixteen years old.

Some nurse in green scrubs was sitting in a chair reading a newspaper. The fancy title script told her it was the News and Review. Perfect, Hathaway worked for the Chronicle. She didn't want to read his article since it probably started with the word 'yay'.

The nurse picked up his coffee, tilted the cup back and then stared into it. Either his coffee had gone cold or he was out. He tossed the newspaper onto his chair and then stood up. Lisbon ignored her screaming muscles and bruises and she scrambled out of her bed, grateful that she didn't need an IV or heart probes. She stopped at her doorway and looked around. Everyone was too busy to see the patient streak across the hall, snatch the newspaper in her hand and then scurry back into her room.

Lisbon lay back into her bed and flipped the paper away from the sports section, back to the front page. The big headline was about a senator's recent meeting with a prostitute, but beneath that was the piece of news she had been looking for.

CBI Agent Assaulted at Ball

The CBI is investigating the case of one of their own. Special Agent Teresa Lisbon was sexually assaulted while attending a fundraising event for the California Bureau of Investigation at Capitol Plaza.

According to law enforcement, Agent Lisbon briefly left the party and was then brutally attacked by an unknown assailant. She was dragged to an alley less than a hundred yards from the ballroom containing two hundred of her colleagues and was beaten and raped.

She was later found in the parking lot by a fellow CBI employee in a state of shock. She was brought to the hospital and is currently being treated for her injuries. According to CBI Director Gail Bertram, Agent's Lisbon's injuries are not life threatening. "Her wounds are minor, but this is a severe blow to our Bureau. It cuts us straight to the heart."

The CBI is conducting an investigation to find Agent Lisbon's attacker, but they have yet to release any leads. When asked about how this could happen with her colleagues so near, Director Bertram could offer no comment.

"We are doing everything in our power to find [Agent Lisbon's] attacker," Bertram said, "We are confident that this man will be found soon and justice will be done. We take care of our own." However, many people have expressed concern in the CBI's ability to protect the citizens of California if they cannot prevent the assault of one of their agents.

Agent Lisbon is still recovering and is not available for comment on her case. She is the leader of the Major Crimes Unit and is expected to return to work as soon as she has recovered from her injuries.

On the surface, the article seemed to be a typical reiteration of her attack. But Lisbon had learned to read Media Speak over the years. The journalist was bringing into question the Bureau's capability in protecting the public. Right now the CBI was being examined with a microscope. If they didn't put a face and a name and cuffs onto her rapist then it was fair game for the press to smear out the failures of the CBI. She knew eventually it would be pointed out that Red John had yet to be caught, as well as other cases that were still unsolved.

If she had fought harder then she could have stopped her rape. If she had succeeded to thwarting him then she may be reading CBI Agent Successfully Stops Would Be Rapist. It would be an article about how she had beaten her attacker out of his plans, list his name and the charges filed against him. The press would be singing the praises of the CBI, pointing out how well-trained its agents were.

This was all her fault.

"Reese, what are doing?"

Lisbon looked up from her stolen newspaper and saw Tommy standing in her doorway. He shook his head at the paper. "How did you get that?"

"I found it."

"Reese, you shouldn't be reading that."

"Why not? It's about me isn't it? Shouldn't I be the judge of my own news." She glanced back at her article. "Her wounds are minor, but this is a severe blow to our Bureau. It cuts us straight to the heart. You think he came up with that on his own or did he have someone write it for him?"

"Reese—."

"I like the part where he questions the CBI's reliability. But I think 'many people have expressed concern in Agent Lisbon's ability to protect the citizens of California since she wanders outside alone and lets herself be—."

Tommy ripped the paper from her hands, crumbled it into a ball and threw it into the trash. "Don't you dare say that, Teresa," Tommy said in fury, "You didn't ask for this."

She gave him a bitter smile. "I'm just pointing out what they're really thinking. It's not the first time my name has been in the papers. I probably won't frame this article though."

"Reese, don't do this. Stop blaming yourself."

Her smile fell away. "Who can I blame then? I can't blame the CBI. They didn't attack me, they didn't fail to protect me. I was the one who failed. I could have tried harder."

"You did try."

She shook her head at him. "Not enough. Look at me, Tommy, is this the face of someone who tried to defend herself? This is the face of a failure. I know that. This is just something I have to live with."

She lay back down into her bed and flipped over so her back was to him. "Reese," Tommy begged out her name, but she refused to look at him. Instead she let the tears quietly slip down her cheeks. It seemed she could never cry enough now. Her well of sorrow could never run dry.


Lee Meyers was clearly nervous as he sat in the interrogation room; he was constantly shifting in his seat and looking around the plain empty room. Jane and Cho watched him from behind the mirror in the observation room. He turned towards Cho with raised eyebrows. "I don't think so."

"He's a voyeur." Cho reminded him.

"So are a lot of nineteen year olds."

"He's not nineteen."

"He is in his mind."

Cho shook his head. "We still have to question him."

Jane had a feeling this would be a waste of time but on the off chance that there was more to this guy, then it was necessary. Of course when Lee jumped in his seat as soon as they walked in, Jane was even more certain that this was going to get them nowhere.

"I don't know why you brought me in here…but I didn't do anything wrong."

"Then you won't mind telling us what you were doing at the CBI fundraiser," Cho segued into interrogation mode.

Lee blinked a couple of times. "I was one of the organizers. I was there to make sure everything was going smoothly."

"So what does that job entail?" Jane asked, earning an annoyed look from Cho.

But Lee took it seriously. "Making sure the bar is stocked, the food isn't running low, stuff like that."

"Interesting," Jane said nodding just a little. He was trying to keep him at ease for the inevitable hammer blow from Cho.

"Five years ago you were arrested for voyeurism," Cho pointed out.

Lee looked ashamed. "Yeah that was stupid. But that was a long time ago."

"Did you meet Agent Lisbon at the fundraiser?" Cho asked with a slightly harder edge to his voice.

"Who?" Lee said and then it dawned on him. "Is she the woman that was attacked? Well I didn't see her."

"Then you weren't staring at her all night?"

"No!"

Cho put down one of the security stills that showed Lee watching Lisbon walking away. "You still going to say you don't know her?"

Lee looked down at the photograph on the table a little too long for Jane's taste. When he did look back at Cho it was in surprise. "Is she the one that was hurt?"

"Yeah," Cho told him coldly, "were you the one that hurt her?"

"No!"

"But you were watching her all night."

"No…well yes but it isn't what you think."

"You want to know what I really think?" Cho said leaning forward. "I think you went to the ball and you saw Agent Lisbon, you like what you saw. So when you saw her alone outside you took your opportunity."

"Opportunity?"

"You dragged her out into the alley, you beat her and you raped her."

"What? No!" Lee exclaimed. "I didn't hurt her. I swear to God I didn't touch her!"

"But you were staring at her," Jane stated.

Lee looked down at the table in shame. It was as good as a confession on that point. "It wasn't anything you are thinking."

"You already know what I think," Cho reminded him.

"I just…I was watching her but I didn't do anything to her."

"Then why were you watching her?"

Lee shifted around uncomfortably in his seat. "I...I don't want to say."

Cho gave him a cold look. "Why were you watching her?"

Lee lowered his head and whispered very quickly. "Because she has the hottest ass I've ever seen outside of a really filthy magazine."

They hadn't been expecting that answer.

Jane and Cho exchanged surprised looks and for several moments they were both quiet. Finally Jane was able to find his voice and break the awkward moment. "We'll pass that along to her." He ignored Cho's annoyed expression and went into for the finish. "Let me see your hands, Lee."

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm on this side of the table and I get to tell you what to do," He replied simply and took up Lee's hands, carefully feeling his pulse points. He looked him straight in the eye. "Did you hurt Lisbon?"

Lee's eyes darted to Cho's questioningly but didn't find any help from that area of the room. Finally he looked back at Jane and simply answered, "No."

Jane studied him for a moment longer and then dropped his hands. "Good. Well I'm done here." He pushed his chair back and stood up to leave the room.

When Cho followed him out of the room Jane earned another disapproving look from the man. "What?" Jane asked but he didn't wait for an answer. "Come on, that guy couldn't have done it."

"You don't know that."

"Look at him. He's a small weakling that Lisbon would have made minced meat out of, there is no way that this man could have subdued her."

"And what about his voyeurism charge?"

"Well he does have a perverted mind but he's really nothing more than a visual person, pornography and such, he doesn't have the guts to turn fantasy into reality."

"That's not enough to eliminate him from the list," Cho said, "We need evidence to prove it wasn't him."

"You'll find it." Jane gestured in the direction of the bullpen. "Let's look at that surveillance video again."

Rigsby and Grace were throwing back more coffee when Jane and Cho returned. "Was it him?" Grace asked.

"Jane doesn't think so, but he doesn't have any evidence."

"I'll prove it," Jane said, "Rigsby, get that surveillance video up."

Rigsby fiddled with his computer until the video filled the screen again. "Go to 11:23," Jane instructed.

"We already determined that Lisbon exited out the side door," Cho said.

"What about Lee Myers? Where was he?" None of them had an answer to that.

"Okay, this is it." The screen was split into four different footages. They could still see Lisbon heading out the door on the top right reel. Jane slowly scanned the other screens, looking at each face until he found the one he wanted. "There, there's Myers." He pointed to the bottom left screen.

Myers was standing by the bar which had been on the other side of the room from Lisbon's exit. "Play the tape," Jane said.

They watched as Myers stood there sipping at a martini. Rigsby kept the reel on fast forward, but it was easy to keep track of him because he didn't move. At one point a woman stood next to him to order a cocktail. Myers purposefully knocked her little clutch from the bar and then ogled the view her low cut dress made when she bent down.

"You think she has the best cleavage outside a really filthy magazine?" Jane asked Cho who only grunted in reply. The others gave him a look of shock and confusion. "I'll explain later."

When midnight came around, Myers was still at the bar. "Okay, so it wasn't him," Cho said.

Grace sighed and shook her head. "Damn," Rigsby whispered.

The heavy clomp of expensive shoes attracted Jane's attention. He turned around and then whispered to the group. "Inspection crew."

"What?" Grace said. They all turned to see Director Bertram and Wainwright had walked into the bullpen.

"Agent Cho," Bertram said, "Any progress on Lisbon's case?"

"We've been going through the staff at the fundraiser," Cho said, "We thought we had a lead, but we've just eliminated him. As far as we can tell, none of the staff at the event had a history or motive in her assault."

"What's the next step?" Wainwright asked.

Cho opened his mouth to say something, but Bertram spoke up before he could get a word out. "Naturally, they would look into predators that may have been in the area, reports of peeping toms and assaulters that have been there before. Am I right?"

"If you want to go in the wrong direction, then, yes, you're right," Jane said.

Bertram scowled at him. He cleared his throat in his pretentious way and asked, "Then what is the right direction?"

"We look into the guests, particularly those in law enforcement or associated with them."

Wainwright's and Bertram had matching open mouthed, wide-eyed looks. Even the other members of the team looked shocked. "You think it was one of us?" Wainwright asked.

"Well not any of us here," Jane said while gesturing to those currently in the room, "But if you look at the facts as a whole it's clear that it was someone who understands cops."

Bertram shook his head. "I don't buy it. No one in law enforcement would hurt Lisbon."

"You can't say that."

"Yes I can. You point out all the time how us cops are like a protective family."

"True," Jane said, "but the most passionate hatred is often family bred. I'm telling you, it was someone she knew that did this."

"Jane, how can you be so sure?" Grace asked.

"The attack was brutal, much more than was necessary if it was some passerby looking for sex," Jane explained, "Whoever attacked Lisbon didn't just want to dominate her, this was revenge."

"Plenty of sexual criminals use excessive force," Bertram said, "It's part of the thrill."

Jane turned around and pointed at Rigsby. "If you were a sexual predator, prowling around at night and you stumbled upon a beautiful woman in an evening dress, what is the first thing you would do?"

Rigsby blinked at him. "Jane, I don't know."

"Don't over think it, just say what you would do."

"Uh, grab her I guess."

"Exactly," Jane said and then turned back around to Bertram, "If it was some stranger he would have grabbed her. She would then have stomped onto his instep with her heel, kicked him in the groin and then broken his nose with her elbow. As he was writhing in pain, Lisbon would have called in security and we would have had a much happier ending.

"But that didn't happen," Jane said, "Instead, what did?"

"He slammed her head against the wall," Cho said.

"Why did he do that?"

"It temporarily incapacitated her," Grace answered.

Jane nodded. "He knew to subdue her first because he knew she would fight back, he knew she had training. He knew all of this because he knew she was cop. Coupled with the fact that Lisbon recalled him wearing a dress shirt, then it is clear that it had to have been someone at the fundraiser."

Bertram let out a grumbling sound and shook his head. "Interesting theory, but it's not enough. Agent Cho, I want to look into every possibility, including those outside the Plaza. We want this man found as soon as possible."

"Yes sir," Cho said.

"I'm telling you, it was someone at the party," Jane said.

"And I'm telling you that we have to consider every theory, not just yours," Bertram said. He nodded to Cho. "Keep us apprised."

"Of course."

Jane glared at the director's back as he walked away with Wainwright. If some dark chasm swallowed that man whole then Jane would buy everyone champagne to celebrate. Bertram hadn't become director because he was a good cop, but because he knew how to play dirty with politics.

"You really think it was someone we know?" Grace asked Jane once the bosses were gone.

He gave her a nod. "I'm certain. This wasn't some random act of violence, this was personal. He wanted her to suffer."

"Why?"

"We find that out, then we'll know who did this." Jane replied. His gaze was focused on the hallway, the people who passed through the halls.

The others noticed his look. "You think he works here." Cho said.

"It certainly is a possibility."

"Jane," Rigsby began, "there were over two hundred men at the fundraiser. A lot of them are high up in law enforcement or are major donors to the CBI."

Jane nodded. "I know."

Cho exchanged glances with Rigsby. "Going through the whole guest list will take a long time."

"If that is what it takes."

They didn't say anything for a long time. But Jane saw the three of them glancing up occasionally and looking around at those passing by. They were all wondering the same thing: is it him? Someone they knew had done this unspeakable thing. The worst part was not knowing who.

"You should go home," Jane finally said. "You've been working very hard and you need to sleep. There isn't anything more that you can do now and nothing that can't wait until the morning." He looked them each in the eye. "Go home. It's what Lisbon wants."

For a long moment no one moved as they wrestled with the guilt of leaving and the sheer exhaustion they all felt. To go home now without a real lead felt like giving up. The truth was that there was nothing more that could be done at the moment, if Jane was right then this was even more complicated then they first believed.

Fatigue won the battle and one by one the three agents reluctantly gathered their things and filed out of the bullpen. Jane watched them leave, never moving from his perch on his couch. He knew this would be hard for them, coming to terms with this truth.

Lisbon's rapist was almost certainly someone they all knew.

But they still didn't have a name.


Lisbon was alone in her room when Jane knocked softly on the doorway. She smiled when she saw him but like all of her smiles nowadays, they were fake. "Hey," she said, "You just missed Tommy, I finally convinced him to leave and get some sleep on a real bed."

He returned her smile with a faux one of his own. It was still hard to see her with her skin covered in dark purple bruises and her eyes filled with so much pain. "How are you doing?"

She lowed her eyes and shook her head. "I wish you people would stop asking me that."

Jane sighed heavily and nodded, looking down at the floor. "I suppose it is a ridiculous question to ask."

"I'm ready to go home," Lisbon told him, "I shouldn't be here anymore."

"You need more time to recover."

"And I have to be in a hospital to do that?" Lisbon shot back, "I'm going crazy here. I can't just sit around anymore, I need to do something."

Jane stepped forward so he was next to her bed but he leaned up against the wall, careful to remain at a distance that was comfortable for her. "Lisbon, you should wait and rest, listen to the doctors."

"Look who's calling the kettle black. When you were in the hospital you annoyed the staff so much they begged me to take you away."

That was different. He was the one in the hospital then. Lisbon was another story; in her case he wanted her to stay as long as possible, until she was back one hundred percent.

Of course for that to happen he would have to turn back time to before she'd been attacked.

"Yes well, you should never follow my example." She met his eyes again, but didn't say anything. Lisbon didn't agree with his answer but it was difficult to dispute. Most of their time together had been spent trying to do the exact opposite of what he did after all.

He cracked a smile again. "You should get some rest."

"And sleep?" Lisbon finished and shook her head. "I don't sleep anymore, Jane."

He didn't doubt that. When she closed her eyes nightmares would haunt her. He could imagine the horrors she saw then, the pain and anxiety that gripped her any time she managed to drift away. He couldn't decide what was worse, the dreams or the reality she faced.

"That will pass," he assured her.

"Has it for you?"

Well she had him there. Nine years had not helped him much, he still spent most nights tossing and turning before eventually giving up entirely. But this was different; Lisbon had no guilt to bear in this tragedy. Jane shrugged, "Apples and oranges."

"How so?" she asked but she didn't wait for an answer. "I wish everyone would stop pretending that everything will be fine, that all I need is time. You don't think I know how screwed up I am now? I worked cases like this in San Francisco, I met those women and I saw how ripped up they were inside…now I'm one of them." Lisbon shook her head, "Stop tiptoeing around the issue, just say it, Jane. I was raped. Keeping the word to yourself isn't going to change what happened, you're the one who told me that."

He was caught off guard by her anger. Jane knew he had been avoiding using the word 'rape' out loud; he just couldn't link the word with Lisbon. It hurt too much to know that something like this had happened to her. But he also knew that she wasn't really angry at him, she was angry with the man who did this to her, angry at the situation that she couldn't control, and unfortunately, she was angry with herself. She had the misguided notion that she should have prevented this.

It was a terrible thought and completely false. Lisbon was not at fault for what happened, not a single part of it.

"You aren't screwed up, Lisbon," he told her softly.

"I won't even let my brother touch me," she reminded him. "My brother! He isn't going to hurt me! But every time he gets too close I just…I can feel his hands on me." Lisbon shook her head, "I know I'm messed up. I know I'm not the same woman that I was. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I'm not a person, I'm evidence."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is. The photographs, the rape kit, the list of injuries, it's all in the report. That's me, Jane. For the first time in my life I'm not the investigator on a case…I'm the victim."

"No, you're not."

"Just stop it, Jane! Just stop!" Lisbon exclaimed, "I saw my little article in the paper, I read it." She scoffed at it with a bitter smile. "Front page, below the fold. What an honor. Maybe if he'd killed me I'd be headline news."

Jane's head snapped up and his eyes flashed at her. "Never say that again." His words were cold and harsh, his anger fueling power behind the words. The one saving grace was that she was alive, that was the only way this could be worse. He knew that she was going through possibly the worst thing a living person could face…but she wasn't dead.

He wanted to kill the bastard for what he did to Lisbon but he was grateful too that she hadn't been killed as well. If she was dead…well Jane didn't know if he would survive.

Lisbon was quiet for a while, obviously aware that she had said the wrong thing. But she didn't apologize. Her voice was free of any emotion when she finally did speak. "I'm tired of the pity. I can't take it anymore, no amount of sympathy is going help me get through this."

He knew what she meant. He hated it when people told him they were sorry for what happened to his family. What good was being sorry going to do? It was a useless thing to say.

"I understand how you feel," Jane told her.

But apparently that was the wrong thing to say.

Lisbon's head snapped up and she eyed him with real anger. "You understand how I feel? How could you possibly understand? You don't! You can't possibly imagine!

"You don't know what it is like to be violated. You don't know how it feels to have someone slam your head up against the wall and drag you away by your hair. How he punches you in the stomach so hard that you can't even breathe. You don't know what it is like to be tossed to the ground like trash, to feel him on top of you."

Tears filled her eyes and began to spill down her cheeks but her words were still laced with venom. "You have no idea. You've never had someone snap your wrist when you try to fight him. To be completely at their mercy…except they have none. You don't know what it is like to have someone laugh at you and then lick your face. You've never known the horror of someone ripping open your clothes and when you try to scream, he stuffs his fist in your mouth and punches you so hard across the face that all you see is white. You've never felt that pain…when every time he enters you…you feel like you are being split in two.

"So don't tell me you understand," She spat out, "you don't know anything."

Jane was stunned.

He stood there with a blank expression on his face as she explained thoroughly just how it felt to be violated. The graphic detail, the imagery it all conveyed, it was far too much for even him to stay calm.

Without a word Jane slowly walked out of her room.

He didn't go far.

Jane stood outside in the hallway and leaned up against the wall. He was shaking. His chest heaved with every breath as he tried to swallow back his churning emotions. Tears fell from his eyes, leaving wet tracts down his face. He knew that what she had experienced was horrific…but it was so much easier to not know the fine details.

He was angry. No, he was livid. He wanted to find the man who did this to her and let him feel her pain, even though it couldn't compare.

But he was also terribly sad.

Lisbon was completely shattered. That was something he couldn't ignore any longer. He hated it. For as long as he had known her she had been his rock, his anchor, the one thing that could keep him grounded. But now she was the one who was damaged, the one who needed to be saved.

Then he would have to help her. That was all there was to it.

Jane wiped the tears from his cheeks and took in a steady breath. He had to face her again, she might not want help but she needed it. With that determination set, he turned around to enter the room.

Lisbon was sobbing.

Her knees were drawn up to her chest and she had her arms wrapped around them. She hid her face in that small cocoon of limbs while she wept. Her whole body was shaking and heaving with every breath she took.

Eventually she looked up and her wet eyes met his. "I'm sorry," she told him and proceeded to cry harder, "I'm so sorry." Then she hid her face from him once again.

Jane was at a loss as to what to do. He'd rarely seen Lisbon vulnerable and he had never seen her sob before. Normally he would try to comfort her…but she didn't want to be touched.

But as she continued to croon Jane found he couldn't stop himself. With a will of it's own his hand reached over and covered hers. He expected her to pull away, to yank herself free from his touch.

She didn't.

Instead Lisbon actually latched onto his arm, pulling her closer to him. "I'm sorry." She repeated. And despite not being able to see her eyes, Jane knew exactly what she wanted him to do.

He sat down on the side of her bed and pulled her up against him. She rested her head against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, locking her in a safe and warm embrace. He was surprised that she was letting him do this but he was not going to question it, instead he was grateful for the chance to help. Her sobs began to subside but she was still crying.

"Shhhh," Jane whispered into hair, "don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for." He tilted her head so that she was looking into his eyes again. "You hear me? Don't ever apologize for this."

Her lips trembled but she smiled just a little before burying her head into his chest once more. Jane didn't mind though, he just continued to cradle her in his arms.

He was helping her, he was content with that.


A/N: How about that? Jane can not only touch her but he can hold her...why is that? Well you'll find out eventually. The next chapter will focus a bit more on Lisbon's perspective on what has happened to her and we'll get to see her interact with the team a bit, they haven't really spoken to her since the attack after all. Those will be some interesting scenes. AND there is another Jisbony scene next chapter so stay tuned.

Review and we work faster, it's proven by science.