--Chapter Three--
A/N—I went back and corrected the years on the flashbacks to reflect the years the series aired, rather than basing off when the pilot was filmed.
Later that day, Mike wants to speak with his two eldest. He is working in the den and Greg and Marcia enter.
Greg: Alice said you wanted to see us?
Mike: Puts down his pencil and faces his kids. Yes. The three of us need to talk. You know, to wrap a little.
Marcia: To Greg. You know it's serious when the parents start using our slang.
Greg: You said it. So, what's going on?
Mike: When your mother announced this morning that she was going to have a baby, you two seemed a little less than enthused.
Greg: Great. We're being busted for being "a little less than enthused."
Mike: No. It's okay that you're not crazy about the idea of having a baby brother or sister.
Marcia: Well, then what is it?
Mike: Your mother and I heard your conversation on your way out to school.
Marcia: Sighs. Oh boy. We're busted.
Mike: No, you're not "busted," but I do want to talk about what you two said about your mother and the baby.
Greg: Puzzled; not remembering. What?
Mike: You two said that she's gonna be an embarrassment to you, that this is ruining your lives.
Greg: We were just talking.
Marcia: We didn't mean it. Honest.
Mike: I know, but words can really hurt. And your words really hurt your mother.
Marcia: Pained. We're sorry. We didn't mean it.
Greg: Yeah. We were just talking.
Marcia: We messed up.
Mike: I think the two of you should talk to your mother and apologize.
Greg: You're right, dad.
Marcia: Let's go talk to her. Where is she, dad?
Mike: She's probably upstairs in our room taking a nap.
Greg: Let's go.
Marcia: Yeah.
Greg and Marcia go upstairs and knock on their parents' bedroom door.
Marcia: Mom, can we come in?
Carol: A bit groggy. What is it?
Marcia: Mom, it's me and Greg. Can we come in?
Carol: Come in.
Marcia quietly opens the door and sees her mother in bed with the covers tucked around her.
Marcia: Mom?
Carol: Sits up. Yes?
Marcia: Can we talk?
Carol: Sure, come over and sit. She gently pats the bed.
Greg: You heard what me and Marcia said this morning.
Carol: A tear rolls down her cheek. I did.
Greg: We're sorry.
Marcia: We know we hurt you and we're sorry.
Carol: It did hurt me.
Greg: We didn't mean it.
Marcia: You're not an embarrassment.
Carol: Then why did you say it?
Marcia: W...well, this is a shock.
Greg: Yeah. I'm in high school and...
Marcia: ...it's a bit weird for us, mom.
Carol: A bit put off. Well, I'm sorry my having a baby is weird for you.
Marcia: Mom, just give us time to get used to it. Remember when you told me and Jan about Cindy?
Carol: Yes, I do.
Marcia: It took me awhile to come around.
Greg: A...a...and I'll be all right with the new baby too.
Carol: The two of you are growing up and you've got to be more careful about your word choices. You're not little kids anymore.
Greg: Okay.
Marcia: Okay.
Carol: Now, do you have any homework?
Greg: I did mine in study hall.
Marcia: I've got math.
Carol: Well, get your homework done. Greg, gather up the trash for me, please. It's trash day tomorrow.
Greg: Yes ma'am.
The kids leave the room and go talk in the linen closet, where they're sure no one can hear them.
Marcia: Somber. Well, I feel like a heel.
Greg: Equally somber. Yeah.
Marcia: Trying to wrap her head around the idea of a baby. It's just...yeah.
Greg: Mom and dad having a baby?!
Marcia: I guess so.
Greg: I'm too old to have a baby brother and sister. I'm in high school.
Marcia: Me too. Giggles a bit. Well, I'm almost in high school.
Greg: I'm still not too keen on this baby business.
Marcia: You'd better not let mom, dad, or even Alice hear you say that.
Greg: Yeah. But what about you?
Marcia: I'm not exactly thrilled about it either, but what are we gonna do? The baby's coming, like it or not.
Greg: True. Changes the subject. Umm, well, uhh, we'd better get our homework and chores done.
Marcia: I guess we're in trouble enough. I don't want another lecture from mom or dad.
They exit the closet and sneak off to do their respective work.
Jan and Cindy are in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookies with Alice. Cindy is kneading dough and has it all over her hands.
Jan: Cindy, you've got dough all over your hands.
Cindy: Giggles. I like it!
Alice: Here honey, lemme dab some oil on your hands so the dough won't stick.
She puts a couple drops in the child's hands and Cindy rubs her hands together, getting the excess dough off.
Jan: I'm ready to roll mine out.
Alice: Okay, remember to sprinkle flour on the mat so the dough won't stick to the rolling pin.
Jan: Got it.
She sprinkles flour on the mat, rolls out her dough and starts cutting out cookies.
Alice: So, how do you girls feel about the baby?
Cindy: I'll get to be a big sister instead of being the baby.
Jan: I think it's pretty cool. I hope it's a boy.
Cindy: Not me. Boys are yucky. I hope it's a girl.
Alice: Oh, I see. Well, what would you want to name the baby, if you got to name it?
Cindy: I like Julie or Wendy.
Alice: Those are nice names.
Jan: If it's a boy, I like Jason or Brian. If it's a girl, I like Jennifer, Michelle, or Kimberly. How 'bout you, Alice?
Alice: If I'd had a little girl, I would've named her Sandra Kathleen, and if I'd had a little boy, I would've chosen William Daniel.
Cindy: There's a boy in my class named Daniel. He's in my reading group. He's nice.
Jan: Okay, my sheet's ready for the oven.
Alice: As soon as Cindy gets hers cut out, we'll put them all in the oven.
Carol walks through the kitchen as Alice helps the girls put their sheets in the oven.
Carol: Mmm! Something smells good in here.
Cindy: We're making chocolate chip cookies.
Jan: So we can have some after dinner.
Carol: Pretends to beg. Aww, can't I have one when they're done?
Cindy: Giggles. Mommy, they have to cool down before we can eat them.
Carol: Smiles. Okay.
Jan: But we do have a little bit of dough left if you'd like some.
Both Jan and Cindy make a dough ball each for their mother. Alice starts on dinner.
Alice: Dinner's gonna be ready in about half an hour.
Carol: What are we having?
Alice: I'm fixing King Ranch Casserole, a green salad, bread sticks, and the cookies for dessert.
Carol: Mmm! That sounds delicious.
Cindy: Alice, can I grate the cheese?
Alice: Sure! The grater's in the top drawer. Get out the cheddar and Colby.
Cindy: Which one's the Colby?
Alice: Jan, can you help her?
Jan: Sure. She gets the cheeses for her sister.
Carol: Let me get the salad and bread sticks together.
Alice: We've got it.
Carol: No really. I insist.
Alice: Okay. Go ahead and get the salad together.
Carol: Jan, can you get Peter and Bobby? It's their turn to set the table.
Jan does as she's told.
Peter and Bobby begin setting the table.
Alice: We need the yellow plates, forks, and knives.
Bobby: Do we need spoons?
Alice: No.
Peter: What's for dinner?
Alice: King Ranch Casserole, a green salad, bread sticks, and the cookies for dessert.
Bobby: Do the bread sticks have cheese on 'em?
Alice: Yes. We did some with garlic and some with cheddar.
Peter: Thanks.
Alice: Can you get the dishes down for Bobby?
Peter: Sure.
Peter gets the dishes while Bobby puts the glasses on the table. As the boys finish setting the table, the family gathers for dinner. Mike prays over the meal and the family eats their dinner.
That night, the boys are in bed talking.
Bobby: Greg, what do you think about the new baby?
Greg: Ummm, I dunno.
Bobby: Whaddya mean, "I dunno"?
Greg: Just what I said, "I dunno."
Peter: Ah, he's just a big shot in high school. He's too cool to be with us, umm "little kids."
Bobby: Yeah, that's true. He's a big man on campus, ya know.
Greg: Annoyed. Will you two cut it out?
Bobby: Ignoring his oldest brother. How 'bout you, Pete?
Peter: How 'bout me, what?
Bobby: The baby. Whaddya think about it?
Peter: I think it's pretty cool. Ya know, having another brother to play with, go camping with. You?
Bobby: I think it's neato. I always wanted a baby brother.
Greg: Ya know, it could be a girl.
Bobby: NO way!
Greg: Well, it's true. The baby has as much chance of being a girl as it does of being a boy.
Bobby: Panicking. But you told me that the guy tells whether or not a baby's a boy or girl.
Greg: Yeah, it's true you dumbhead, but it's not like the guy can say what he wants. It just happens.
Bobby: Whaddya mean it just happens?
Greg: Never mind! Ask dad. Now go to sleep!
Bobby: Protesting. Aww, c'mon! Explain it to me.
Greg: No. Now go to sleep!
Mike walks into the boys' room.
Mike: Don't you know it's way past your bedtime?
Greg: These two kids!
Peter: Hey! Who are you calling a kid?
Mike: Enough. Now, go to sleep.
He starts to walk out, but Bobby interrupts him.
Bobby: Uh dad?
Mike: Yes, son?
Bobby: Greg said that the man tells if the baby is a boy or a girl. Is that right?
Mike: Sorta. Can we talk about it in the morning? You've got a game tomorrow.
Peter: I...I'm curious too.
Greg: Rolls his eyes. Dad, you might as well explain it now, or else we'll never get any sleep.
Mike: Okay, now what's your question?
Bobby: Is it true that the dad says if the baby is a boy or a girl?
Mike: Well, it is true that the man determines what the baby will be, but it's not like the man can say, "I want it to be a boy" or "I want it to be a girl."
Bobby: Then, how is it done?
Mike: It's through genes.
Bobby: Like Wranglers?
Greg: Annoyed. No, you dummy! Genes, not jeans!
Mike: Now that'll do, Greg. Everyone has two sets of genes. We get one set from our mother and one set from our father. And the set from the father determines whether the baby is a boy or a girl.
Bobby: How?
Mike: I think that's enough for one night. If you want to talk about it some more, we can after your game.
Bobby: Okay. G'night.
Mike: Good night.
Mike leaves the room and the boys settle to sleep.
Meanwhile, the girls are also talking about the baby.
Jan: Marcia?
Marcia: What?
Jan: Why don't you like the baby?
Marcia: I never said I didn't like the baby.
Cindy: You told Greg that the baby's an embrasment. Jan, what does embrasment mean?
Jan: It's embarrassment and it means she's ashamed of mom and the baby.
Cindy: Hurt. Why?
Marcia: It's complicated.
Cindy: No it isn't. You hurt mommy's feelings.
Marcia: Look. I'm not ashamed of mom...or the baby. It's just...weird that mom's having a baby.
Jan: No, it's not. My friend Stacy Whittier, her mom just had a baby boy and she also has a younger sister who is three.
Marcia: But kids my age don't have new baby brothers or sisters.
Jan: Annoyed. Some do. Stacy has an older brother. You know Andrew, don't you?
Marcia: Gasps. You don't mean your friend Stacy's older brother is Andrew Whittier?!
Jan: Uh huh!
Cindy: Who's Andrew Whittier?
Marcia: Gets starry-eyed. Only the grooviest boy in the eighth grade.
Cindy: Wrinkles her nose. Who cares?
Marcia: I do!
Jan: Yeah, I bet you want him to ask you out.
Marcia: Giggles. None of your business.
Cindy: Sings. Marcia and Andrew sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Marcia: Giggles. STOP!
Cindy: First comes love, then comes marriage.
Marcia: I mean it. STO-OP!
Cindy: Then comes Marcia pushin' a baby carriage!
The girls erupt into waves of laughter. Carol comes into the room.
Carol: Girls, it's past midnight.
Marcia: How can anyone sleep with these two on my case?
Jan: Miffed. Uh, you were in on it too.
Cindy: Giggling. She was telling us how cute she thinks Andrew Whittier is.
Carol: Never mind. It's time for you three to go to sleep.
Marcia: Yes, mother.
Carol leaves the room and the girls continue to talk.
Jan: You never answered my question, really.
Marcia: It's just weird. Hopefully I'll be in high school next year and now mom's having a baby. I'll be fourteen years older than this kid. It's not that I don't like the baby. It's just...
Jan: Interrupting. I know...weird.
The girls settle in to sleep.
Mike and Carol meet coming out of their kids' rooms. Mike puts his arm around her waist and escorts her into their room.
Carol: What were the boys into?
Mike: Oh, Bobby wanted to know how the sex of the baby is determined. Greg had told him that the father determines the sex, but he thought the father told the baby whether to be a boy or a girl.
Carol chuckles.
Mike: What were the girls into?
Carol: Jan and Cindy were quizzing Marcia about her latest crush.
Mike: Chuckles. I think that girl eats, sleeps, and breathes boys.
Carol: Yeah, she reminds me of me when I was her age.
They slip in bed.
Mike: Don't tell me you were boy crazy.
Carol: I was so boy crazy, my brother and sister thought I'd gone off the deep end. I was always going on dates. And I think Marcia's gonna be just like me in that area. She won't stay single for very long.
Mike: So you're saying we're in for some new and unchartered waters here?
Carol: Sorta. I was the popular girl in junior high and high school and so is Marcia.
Mike: And she'll be in high school sooner than we realize.
Carol: Gets a bit weepy. My baby girl's growing up.
Mike: Embraces his wife. They do that.
Tears begin flowing down her cheeks.
Mike: Gently brushes a tear away. Hey.
Carol begins to cry.
Carol: I'm sorry. It's just...I just can't help it.
Mike: It's okay.
Carol: I love you so much. I love that you love my girls and call them your own. I love that you gave me this baby. I wanna grow old with you. I want us to sit on our back porch, watching our grandchildren play. I love you.
Mike: I love you too. I love that you love my boys as much as you love your girls. I love that you're gonna make me a father all over again. I too want to grow old with you and watch our grandchildren grow up. I love you.
The fall asleep in each other's arms.
---End of Chapter Three--
