A/N: A big thank you to everyone who reviewed! Well, I was really gonna end it at the last chapter...but I won't. See, reviews DO make a big difference. Sorry it took me so long, I had a lot of stuff to do this past week. Not that anyone cares much about that.

Thank you people for giving me ideas about pets, this chapter is for Cool-girl 42 who requested a parrot.

Once again, apologies in advance for all typos and mistakes...I am a human.

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything. No, wait...I own the animal's name this time! Yeah, go me!


Vincent Valentine sulked as he sat in the corner, glaring at the pile of cloth laid out before him. The pile of cloth was actually Tifa's new curtains, which he had to pay for, as he was responsible for the previous set's destruction. When Vincent pointed out that Tifa's cat had, in fact, ruined them, Tifa pointed out that cats couldn't pay for new curtains.

'Hey Vincent,' Tifa asked cheerfully, stepping into the room, 'you want to set up the curtains now?'

'I don't suppose I can refuse, can I?'

'No, you can't. Come on, hop to it!'

'What if I were to tell you my back aches?'

'Nice try. Get up!'

Vincent grudgingly got up and approached the bare windows. Balancing himself precariously on a rickety stool, he began the laborious job of stringing the curtains onto the rod. Whatever condition his back had been in before, it was definitely hurting now.

Tifa was standing at the back, letting herself smile as Vincent swayed from side to side, a look of alarm on his face. Taking pity, she decided to help him out, when the doorbell rang.

'If it is Cloud or Cid come to laugh at me again, inform them that I shall shoot what little brains they have out of their heads,' he told Tifa graciously. She gave him a mock salute and went to answer the door.

Vincent stood on the stool, still scowling. The last two days had been so embarrassing, because Tifa and Yuffie had decided to spread word of his escapades with the kitten throughout the whole team. Reno had called him once, and it seemed that even the Turks were aware of their shenannigans. Vincent was surprised that random strangers in the street didn't ask him about Vanilla the kitten.

Right on cue, Vanilla strolled in, mewing as soon as she saw Vincent. Vincent gave her a smile.

'Hey there li'l fella!' Reno stepped in through the door, followed by Tifa.

'She's a girl, Reno,' Tifa told him, bending down to stroke Vanilla.

'Oh, no wonder she gave us so much trouble then! I never have good luck with ladies,' Reno said with a grin at Tifa.

Tifa rolled her eyes, but gave him a smile. 'I have to go see the spare room, okay?' she told Vincent. 'Barret's coming over today, with Marlene. Vincent, don't forget the curtains!'

'Curtains?' Reno asked, as Tifa left.

'Curtains. Vanilla ruined them, so I had to pay for a new set, and now I have to put them up.'

'Isn't that kinda harsh?'

Vincent shrugged. 'I suppose I was responsible.'

He looked down at Reno a bit longer, hoping Reno would have the decency to step forward and help him out. As if.

Reno bent down and began stroking Vanilla.

Giving a sigh, Vincent started work.

Behind him, he heard Reno cooing at the kitten. He scowled. Stupid Reno.

'Yo, Vincent, the curtains just fell off.'

Repressing the curses that sprang to his lips, Vincent picked up one edge and started again.

'You're really hopeless, aren't you?' Reno asked, watching Vincent struggle.

'And I suppose you are an expert at this?'

'Better than you are, that's for sure.'

'Oh please, I doubt you could keep yourself balanced for a minute.'

Reno at once snapped at the bait. 'Oh really? Get your ass off of there and I'll show you what I can do!'

Vincent obliged, and Reno got onto the stool, putting the curtains up.

Smirking, Vincent sat himself down on the couch and began reading 'Long and Boring Essays About Nothing in Particular'.

'There!' Reno said proudly after a few minutes. 'All done! You need skill for this, Valentine, something you just don't have!'

'Quite,' Vincent said absently, not even looking up from his book.

Reno prattled on, unaware of Vincent, and Vincent read on, unaware of Reno, occasionally pausing to pat Vanilla, who was lying on the ground by his side. Before this could carry on much longer, however, the doorbell rang again, but this time the door slammed open as well.

'Yo, Tifa! Spikey! Vincent! Anyone home!'

Barret's voice was audible throughout the house, and possibly throughout the neighbourhood as well.

The two men watched as Tifa went to the door, and the salutations began.

'Hey, Teef! Ain't seen you in a long time!'

'Hello Tifa.' This was Marlene, shy and sweet.

'Hey Barret, Marlene! It's so great to see you two! Come on in. Cloud's asleep, he's been a little ill since he got a stomach virus when he went drinking with Cid a few days ago. But Vincent's here, and so is Reno.'

She brought the guests to the t.v. room.

Barret thumped Vincent on the back and Vincent nearly fell forwards.

'Good to see ya Vincent!'

'Nice to see you too!' Vincent gasped, massaging his back

Marlene tugged on his cape. 'Hello Mr. Vincent.'

He gave her a smile, the same one he gave Vanilla. Marlene beamed, and then she saw Vanilla.

'Is this your cat, Tifa? I love it! It's so cute! And soft! I just wanna hug it all day!'

'Heard about you and the cat!' Barret said to Reno and Vincent, laughing loudly. 'Man, it cracked me up!'

Reno frowned. 'Hey, none of it was my fault. Valentine's the one who can't read.'

'Well you aren't exactly the best help a man could ask for.'

Reno stuck his tongue out and went up to Tifa, who wanted to thank him for fixing up the curtains.

'Listen,' Barret said confidentially to Vincent. 'I got a favour to ask you.'

Vincent gave an inquiring look.

'You're pretty good with animals, aren't ya?'

Vincent quickly shook his head. 'Barret, once was enough! I don't-'

'Just listen! I got this parrot with me fer Marlene, and it's supposed to talk. But the damn thing ain't said a word since I bought it! The shopkeeper said it needed trainin', so I want you to train it.'

'You want me to train your bird how to talk?'

'Yep!' Barret grinned. 'C'mon Vincent! I gotta go with Marlene to the church, she's been wantin' to go there fer so long! You train it, even if it's jus' a word! She's gonna be so happy! I can't, 'cause I know my language ain't exactly refined enough. Come on, man!'

Vincent gave a groan. 'Fine! Where is the bird?'

'Right here! It's name's Carrot, just so ya know. An' whatever you do, don't let it out of the cage.'


'Hey, what's with the cage?' Reno asked as he came into the room.

Vincent showed him. Inside the little cage was a beautiful, lime-green parrot, swinging on its perch.

'Whoa, cool! A parrot! Hey Polly! Polly!'

The parrot just looked at Reno.

'Where's Tifa?' Vincent asked.

'She's taking Strife to the clinic. Hey, Polly wanna cracker? Yo, Polly! Hey, how come it ain't answering?'

'Well first, because it isn't trained, and second because its name isn't Polly.'

'What'd you name it then?'

'The bird isn't mine. This is Barret's parrot, Carrot.' (A/N: Say it out loud.)

'Come again?'

'Barret's parrot Carrot.'

Reno gave him a look. 'Do you HAVE to say it like that?'

'Well, I could tell you that this is Carrot, Barret's parrot. Or I could say, this parrot is named Carrot, and belongs to Barret. Or, Barret has a parrot called Carrot.' By this time, Vincent's own eyes were squiggling with the effort, and Reno looked completely lost. They both looked at each other for a minute, then burst into laughter. Or, at least, Reno did, and Vincent gave a smile.

'So, what're you doing with Barret's parrot Carrot?' Reno asked.

'Apparently, I have to teach it to talk.'

'Why can't Barret teach his parrot Carrot to talk?'

'Because Marlene is not supposed to hear language like his until she's older.'

'Oh.' Pause. 'Now I get what's up with Barret's parrot Car-'

'Reno, shut up. It isn't funny anymore.'

'Barret's parrot carrot!'

Vincent glared at Reno, who quickly said, 'It wasn't me! I swear!'

Both men looked at the bird in the cage, which cocked its head to the side and repeated, 'Barret's parrot Carrot! Wark!'

'Yo, cool! I only had it for, like, a minute and it can already talk!' Reno whooped. 'Man, am I good or what?'

'You'll certainly handle this job better than I will,' Vincent replied. 'Reno, may I ask you for a favour?'

'You want me to teach the bird?'

'If you can. Actually, I want you to keep an eye on it while I take a shower. Just give it some water and birdseed from the kitchen after some time.'

'No problem!'


After having a refreshing shower, which did wonders for his back-ache, Vincent felt at peace with the world. He was ready to hang up any curtain for Tifa, ready to discuss anything with Cloud to get his mind off the pain, ready to tell any story to Marlene (except Snow-White. She always forced him to do the voices for all seven dwarfs) and even ready to put with Barret's comments about his 'underfed' look. Too bad none of them were at home.

It was then he realised that Reno was still with the parrot. Good old Reno, such a nice person. Taking care of parrots when you needed him to.

His happy thoughts were cut off by a loud screech, followed by a crashing sound. A swearword came soon after.

Worriedly, Vincent made his way to the t.v. room. The door was closed. As he approached, Reno stuck his head out.

'Hey, Vincent!' he said in an overly cheerful voice. 'What's up?'

'I'd like to ask you that. What are you hiding Reno?'

'Me? Hiding? Nah!' Reno gave an extremly fake chuckle.

Vincent kept looking at him.

'Fine! I let the bird out and now-'

'YOU WHAT!'

'It's okay, it's no big deal!' Reno said hurriedly. 'Only problem is...it, uh...picked up a few words...'

Vincent threw open the door to see Carrot sitting atop the television.

'Hello bitch!' it squawked. 'Reno's sexy! Wark! Reno's sexy! Eat dirt, asshole!'


And that's all! I think it's a bit short...and I'm sure you're all glad of that. Next chapter is STILL about Barret's parrot Carrot...but give me your opinions about the following chapters! Please review people!