I'm sorry for the short chapter, but this has just been sitting for a while and I figured that you've waited long enough. So here we are, Chapter 2! I didn't really go over it so I'm sorry if it's crappy.
I slowly open my eyes. The world is blurry and unfocused. I blink in hopes of clearing my vision. I lift my hand to my face, vigorously rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I test my eyes again, shocking my eyes from the bright fluorescent light above. Using my arm to shade my eyes from the piercing brightness. I attempt to sit up but a wave of dizziness hits me causing me to lean back on my arm. Holding my head to keep it from spinning, I wait as it begins to subside. Fully sitting up, slightly hunched over from lack of energy to keep upright.
The room was bleach white. Every surface was void of colour. Posters of various Illness and body parts covered the walls. Implements of various sorts lined in an organized manner along the counter top.
I look down at myself. I was wearing one of those thin hospital gowns. The colour was a very pale baby blue. I glance to my left forearm, wrapped thickly with bandaging and gauze. Attached to my hand was a taped tube puncturing into my flesh. A bag of clear fluid flowing through the IV into my own body.
I didn't die? Broken memories start to come back. A headache starting to form as fuzzy memories start to flood back. There was so much blood. Nonno was talking to me; maybe yelling is a better description. Then everything went black.
How did I get here? Where was everyone? Why can't I remember?
My breathing starts to pick up its pace. Panic rushes through my body. Painfully residing in my stomach and chest. Hands shake against my will.
I needed to get home.
I need to get out of here.
I rip out the Iv. Blood dripped from the wound, slowly pumping out with each thud of my heart. Shifting on the thin covers, legs dangling over the edge before sliding off. Feet contact cold linoleum. Legs shaking under my weight. I grasp onto the counter using it as leverage to keep myself from falling flat on the floor. Steadily making my way to the door. Why is the door so goddamn far? Finally reaching the door, I pull the lever and struggle to open the heavy door. As I open the door I am greeted with a startled man. He was a giant; he had to be over six feet tall. Short cropped blond hair, glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, a white lab coat and a stethoscope hanging on his neck completed his appearance. His face was absolutely terrifying. Blue eyes glaring me down, eyebrows knit together. I shrunk back against his gaze.
He lowered himself to my level. My heart thudded in my chest. Oh god what was he going to do? Reaching his massive hand towards me I clamped my eyes shut. To my surprise he only lightly grasped my hand gingerly in his and lifted it up for closer inspection before speaking.
"Looks like ya used some f'rce tah rip it out," He spoke in a thick accent.
He motions to the bed I was sleeping in only minutes before.
"'Ere. Lemme wrap 'his up." Guiding me to the bed, I sit and he turns around grabbing the things he needed and a pair of latex gloves before returning and working on my hand.
I watched the doctor carefully clean the spot that previously the IV was with a swab. Intricately wrapping gauze around my hand to apply pressure and staunch the bleeding. After dressing the wound, the doctor quietly took a seat in a swivel chair. He turned to his desk grabbing a folder before flipping through some pages.
"Lovino Vargas?" He pronounced my name terribly. However, I looked it over and just nodded. "My name's Dr. Oxenstierna. Ah am curr'ntly yer family doct'r." He looks at me before he stops flipping through the pages and settles on one, pen in hand.
"Been a few years since ya last had a checkup. Ah'd like tah ask you some questions bef're ah ask yer Grandfather tah join us." I nodded again as a response.
"Are ya physically active?" You shrug.
"Sort of. Not really." He scribbles some things down on a paper.
"Have yah been on any medication?" You shake your head.
"No."
"Do yah drank any alcohol and how much?"
"None."
"Use of recreational drugs?"
"None."
"Are yah sexually active?"
You cower just a tad. Face slightly flushing before you stutter out a no.
"Any previous surgeries?"
"No."
"Okej." He continues to write some more things down before placing down his pen and turning to face me. "Ah must ask someone ya might not entirely be comfortable with." He pauses for a second before continuing, "How long has this been occurrin'?" He gestures to my arm.
My whole body freezes. I break eye contact and focus on my hands. Interlacing my fingers gently together, moving them around in a nervous manor. How was I supposed to tell him? Be clean and upfront? Should I lie? No, he's probably seen the scars, there'd be no point in lying.
I swallow past the lump in my throat. Desperately trying to calm my nerves. Without looking up, I open my mouth and take a deep breath, "For a while. A couple years probably."
My ears starting ringing. I couldn't believe it, I actually told someone. I wasn't sure whether to feel relief or be afraid that someone knew my secret. I hardly hear the next question.
"What was that?" I ask, once again making eye contact.
He repeats himself, face still stoic, "Is this tha first time ya been hospitalized fer this?"
"Yeah." I say it but it's so quiet. I feel so pathetic.
"Okej, that's all the questions ah wanted tah ask. If ya excuse me, Ah will bring in your Grandfather and we will continue our discussion." He briskly gets up and leaves without another word.
Panic quickly comes again. How was I going to face Nonno? Will he be mad? Fuck. I frantically look around the room for a way out but was stilled by the sound of the door opening. Behind the doctor was Nonno. He somehow looked old. His eyes sunken in, bruised a dark bluish colour beneath. Wrinkles more pronounced around his eyes and forehead. His mouth was set in a straight line. As our eyes made contact he rushed towards me and pulling me into a tight embrace.
"Don't…don't you ever do that to me again, Lovino. Capire?" Nonno trembled slightly as he spoke. Slowly releasing his death grip on me, he placed both hands on my shoulders and looked at me square on.
"Lovino, there are some things Dr. Oxenstierna were discussing while you were asleep. We believe it would be the best course of action for your…problem," The way he said problem was obviously referring to the cutting. I didn't want help.
He sits down in the chair beside the bed. Slightly slouched over, legs spread as he rested his elbows on his thighs, clasping his hands together. Dr. Oxenstierna continued.
"We were discussin' how it might be best to go get psychiatric help fer yah. We can't say yah 're in stable condition. Yah 're v'ry much a threat tah y'rself and that is something that can't go unnoticed. In the end yah still get to decide whether or not you want to go though. However, if you do not go we still have to send yah to a therapist daily and find you a psychiatrist."
I didn't respond. My own grandfather wanted to send me to a crazy house. Did he honestly think I was mental like other nut cases out there?
"There is a wonderful establishment just outside of the city. Many of the residents are around your age as well. You'd stay there for only a few weeks. It's called Riverview. It's a very nice and clean facility with some of the best nurses in the country. There's a huge courtyard and lots of foliage. It's a quiet and peaceful atmosphere. Ideal for rehabilitation."
Why would my own family betray me like that? What right did he have?
"Lovino. I know this must be hard to hear but I only have your best interest in mind. I want you to be well again. I want you to be in an environment where you can collect yourself and maybe heal a little. What do you say Lovino?"
I looked Nonno in the eyes one last time. They were filled with such sadness, like he failed as a guardian. It made me feel sick inside. Guilt felt heavy on my shoulders, pushing me down, crushing me with their weight. I was the one who did this to him. I did something so very selfish. I wanted to cry.
I would do it for Nonno.
"Okay."
