Adam McFadden, Jr. hesitated before walking across the stage. He felt somewhat ridiculous in his long blue robe. Why do we have to wear these? He thought to himself. He shook the hand of his principal and the two other men who'd been introduced earlier, but he couldn't remember their names or who they were. He accepted his diploma and didn't look out to the audience until then. He could see his family - the long row of familiar faces easy to spot. No other family consisted of six sons. His mother was crying; he could see that even from here. He'd come downstairs wearing his robe earlier today and she'd burst into tears and had been crying off and on since then.
He accepted his diploma and disappeared back into the crowd of his class. He had done it. He was finally, finally finished with school. He stopped listening to the names and thought of the sweet warm air of San Diego, the sound of the ocean and a life apart from the Circle Bar Seven. It wasn't that he hated the ranch. He loved it. He loved his family. He loved his pesky little brothers who constantly begged him to help him do this or that. He even loved little Guthrie reaching out to him with sticky fingers and clinging tightly to his neck, kissing him and drooling on his cheek. But the unending sameness of his life: chores, school, chores, homework, sleep. He was so ready for it to end. He wanted to see the world beyond. He couldn't wait.
Elizabeth Rebecca Thomas.
He'd almost missed watching Liz cross the stage. His mind snapped back to the ceremony and he watched Liz who looked ridiculously beautiful. He smiled and waved knowing she would look for him.
He planned to break up with her in July. He felt guilty for thinking about that at this particular moment, but there was no way in hell, he was going off to San Diego with a girlfriend back at home. It was ridiculous to think that two seventeen year olds could maintain a long distance relationship! He had no plans to marry her, or anyone else for that matter - not for a long time to come!
***7***
"He's just humoring us." Kate McFadden sighed and said to her husband.
"Well, I can't imagine we were anxious to hang around the house after we graduated. He wants to go off with his friends. I suppose we ought to let him." He smiled at his wife. "It's not like he's leaving for college tomorrow Katie! You've got a couple of months yet."
"Ten weeks." She said.
"Not that anyone is counting." He grinned at her. She was beautiful. He still couldn't believe that they had seven sons - and one just graduated from high school! Brian would be next. He still saw the eighteen year old bride whose veil trembled as she'd walked down the aisle toward him. She was only thirty-seven years old! Of course, it had seemed they'd done everything early and at high speed. She'd been fourteen years old on their first date - unbelievably young now that he looked back on it. He would never let one of his sons take a girl out at fourteen!
"Why are you in such a rush?" People always used to ask them that. Especially after they had Adam, ten months to the day after they had married.
It was hard to explain. Partly it was Katie - he'd loved her so from that first date! He'd wanted to marry her before they'd finished high school, but her aunt had laughed and thought he was kidding when he'd asked her.
Partly it was because of all that they had lost. Her mother had died when she was just two, and her father when she was ten. The only family she had was an older aunt who had no time or real interest in her. His father had abandoned his mother when he was four years old, and the two of them had moved back to her grandfather's ranch which was in a state of disrepair. She had died just before Evan had been born.
The only family they'd really had was the one they'd created. They had determined that the next generation of McFadden's would be swarmed with family - always someone to watch over and to care. Kate was particularly determined that her boys would never have to suffer alone without loving eyes on them.
Maybe that's why letting Adam Jr. go had been such a struggle for them both. They'd known it was coming - she was right about that. Junior had declared over and over that he wouldn't spend his days chasing cows in isolation, and he could hardly blame him. He could understand the longings of youth. His own longing had been for roots, and thanks to Kate he had that, but now their first born son longed for wings. He sighed and wrapped an arm around his wife.
"I suppose we ought to let him off the hook." He squeezed her shoulder.
"Alright." She sighed. "Let's give him his present so he can get off to more exciting things." She looked so sad that he leaned over and kissed her, laughing.
"He'll still be here for morning chores, darling. Try not to look so heartbroken." She wiped her eyes and stepping away from him gathered their sons around them.
The small party of family and a few friends all gathered in their front room with Adam Jr. and his parents at the center.
"Well, Junior . . . I mean, Adam, here has a few other parties to attend so we thought we'd give him his graduation gift and send him out to better things." Adam McFadden said to those gathered close.
"Ju Ju!" Guthrie said clinging to his oldest brother's legs. Adam Jr. sighed and lifted his baby brother up into his arms.
"Everyone here knows about his scholarship and how he'll be heading off to San Diego in a few weeks. Now, Katie and me, are sorry to see him go." He swallowed hard, suddenly finding it difficult to talk. "We uh, we love our boy. Adam here is so smart, hardworking and determined."
"You forgot good-looking!" Junior said trying to lighten his father's mood.
"That goes without saying seeing as how much alike we look!" The small crowd laughed. "Anyway, we are proud of you son. We always have been. And wherever you roam, you take us with you; always. Even fifty years from now when your Mama and I are gone from this earth, we will still be here." He pointed a finger at his son's chest. "For always."
Junior ducked his head, embarrassed that tears had sprung to his eyes. Brian and Crane appeared then revealing a brand new set of luggage. It had a bright blue bow on it and a tag. His mother stepped forward then, and he knew he was a doomed man. There was no way he could hold back tears when she spoke.
"It's hard not to look at you and see you a tiny baby still." She said softly. "I know you are grown, but my brain can't grab hold of it somehow. We love you, Junior; wherever you go and whatever you do. How I'd love to keep you here at this ranch for all time! I know God gave us to you first because He knew you'd be strong enough to lead these brothers of yours!" She sighed. "But the world is yours now, son; all of it. And I can't think of a better man to send out into it." She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "Go on now, see it all." Her voice was lost briefly in tears. "But call your Mama once in awhile, okay?" The crowd laughed and he nodded, and wrapped his arms around his mother lifting her off the ground in a hug.
"I love you, too, Mama." He said. "I'll call you all the time. You're my Mama." He set her down and kissed her cheek. "You always will be the first girl I ever loved."
***7***
Adam stood desolate before the stone markers. His brothers were all at the house. His parent's friends Mike and Marlene watching over them. He had no time for himself at the funeral and burial. Guthrie clung to him and both Ford and Evan sobbed holding onto his legs. It was all he could manage to guide his little brothers through the service. So many people longed to help but his brothers wanted only him. Even now, he wasn't truly free to think or feel his own sorrows; his heart was divided between his own deep pain and that of his brothers. Danny had not spoken a single word since he'd been told his parents were gone forever. He kept seeing Danny's broken eyes before him.
He found himself speaking without even realizing it.
"What am I supposed to do now?" He studied their names freshly carved into stone. "I can't . . . Mama . . . What am I supposed to do?"
He thought of the warm San Diego sun and the sound of waves lapping against a golden shore.
We heard of the recent deaths of your parents. If necessary we are more than willing to put your scholarship on hold for a semester or a year. We understand what a difficult time this must be for you and your family. We are trying to locate your next of kin so that we can contact the adult responsible for you. Your forms appear to be incomplete. We saw no names other than your parents.
Responsible adult.
Guardian.
"Who's going to look after your brothers?" Liz had asked him. "Don't you have family?"
Family.
A senile aunt in a home far away.
Six brothers.
"You're still going aren't ya?" His friend Michael had asked. "They can't expect you to take care of them! You're seventeen for heaven's sake!"
"Yeah," Hoops agreed. "You gotta go, Adam! You aren't their parent!"
Seventeen.
A minor.
"Adam, no one will judge you." Marlene said gently. "They are all so young! So are you! So many people would love to take your brothers in. And no one - no one - not even your sweet Mama would think any less of you."
"You aren't leaving?" Crane looked up with wide frightened eyes. "Some of them were saying you were gonna go. That they'd split us up. You aren't, are ya Junior? Please . . .don't . . ." Crane covered his face with his arm, hiding his tears.
The sound of his brothers' crying was always with him; every second, every day. He had been the one who'd faced them. He'd been the one who'd opened his lips and spoke the darkest words he had ever heard and watched their faces twist from confusion to anguish.
Crash.
Gone.
Forever.
"Adam?" He looked up startled, surprised to see Brian standing near him. "Adam?"
"You remember to call me it now." He said, shocked by the sound of his own bitterness. "Guess won't be no confusion now, huh?"
"Adam." Brian said horrified.
"Sorry . . .I . . ." He covered his face with his hands, ashamed to break down in front of his younger brother. "I don't know what to do, Brian! How am I supposed to know what to do? I wanna ask . . ." He sobbed. "But he's gone! What am I supposed to do? I'm not 18! They are gonna send all of them . . ."
"Junior," Brian said stepping forward and wrapping his arm around Adam. They were the same height. Adam couldn't remember when that happened. "I don't know man. I don't know."
Adam drew in a deep breath and broke free of Brian's embrace. Brian watched him as Adam wiped the tears from his face, his jaw becoming a hard, set line.
"I'm not losing them too. Guthrie's a McFadden. He's not gonna be raised by anyone but a McFadden. Brian placed a hand on the center of his older brother's chest, his eyes filled with tears he could only nod in response. Adam wrapped his own hand over Brian's but remembering instead his father's finger pressed in that same spot, and his deep, comforting voice saying, "You take us with you; always. Even fifty years from now when your Mama and I are gone from this earth, we will still be here; for always."
***7***
The brothers ran to them as they returned. Guthrie nearly jumping from Marlene's arms into his. He sat holding Guthrie, Ford on one side and Evan on the other. Brian sat across from him and pulled a stoic Daniel into his arms and onto his lap. Crane hovered near Brian's left elbow.
"Hey, Buckaroos." He began gently thinking of his mother's warm, soft voice.
"You going?" It was the first words that Danny had uttered since That Day.
"No."
Danny began to shake with sobs so violent that Adam thought the chair would fly apart. He stumbled forward, and Crane lifted Guthrie from Adam's arms. He opened his arms and Danny fell into them. "Please! Please! Promise it! Never leave me! Please! You are all I have!"
He held his sobbing brother in his arms and kissing the top of his head, running a hand through his shaggy, brown hair.
"I promise it, Danny. I won't leave you; not ever. Brothers stick together first."
He rested his cheek against his brothers head feeling tears run down his own face. Across from him, Brian nodded as he, too, wept. He felt Ford and Evan's small hands running comforting circles on his back, as Crane with Guthrie nestled in his arms, sat on the arm of the chair wrapping his long, skinny arm around Brian's shoulders.
I know God gave you to us first because He knew you'd be strong enough to lead these brothers of yours.
His mother's words reverberated deep within the chambers of his heart and looking down at Danny who clung tightly to him, he prayed with all his heart that she was right.
***7***
Author's Note:
Thanks for all the reviews and whatnot. I really appreciate it. (And for those who keep asking - I'm working on a Dan and Rebecca story - so hang in there!)
