Thanks to Cookiemunster for reviews, all reviews welcome!
Prepare yourselves folks... it's Tony Harrison time...
Vince lay slumped against Bollo, fast asleep. Tara knew she should have tried to on the ferry ride too, but was unable to, and instead she sat reading a book. Opposite her sat Howard, looking even less composed than usual, staring intently at her knees (no, he didn't have some kind of knee fetish, they just happened to be in his line of vision). A faint greenish tinge was beginning to creep in around the edge of his features, like emerald lions gathering around a herd of bewildered wildebeests.
'You alright Howard?' Tara asked, receiving only a small nod in reply, which may have just been the result of the sea swell.
'Here,' she continued, rooting around inside her rucksack and pulling out a small vial. 'Have a sniff of that. It'll help.'
Howard paused, and Tara realised that he was hesitant because he was being offered a mysterious substance to sniff that would make him 'feel good' again. She tilted her head to one side and spoke in an exasperated voice. 'It's spearmint oil'
'Oh, thanks'. He took the oil and sniffed at it, smiling at its pleasant aroma.
'You wanna go up onto the deck?'
'If you don't mind.'
'Nah, I could use a walk and a bit of fresh air myself.'
'Why didn't you go with Naboo?' The tiny shaman had gone off to investigate the buffet about fifteen minutes ago.
'I was engrossed.' She replied, holding up her book.
'Oh. Come on then.' He said, hauling himself up and taking another hasty sniff at the spearmint oil.
They told Bollo where they were off to and headed up to the deck, their hair being whipped around their faces. A little along the deck, they spotted a pink head with tentacles perched on a deckchair.
'Alright?' Called Tony Harrison in his raspy voice. They wandered over to him.
'Hello there.' Said Howard, about to shake hands then realising Tony had no hands, shaking a tentacle, and introducing himself. 'Howard Moon, and this is Tara Noir.'
'Pleased to meet you, I'm Tony Harrison.'
'Tony, hi. You travelling alone, or…?'
'Nah, I've got the missus with me, she just went down for some food. I have to stay up here on account of my travel sickness.' He explained. 'Is it just you two, or are you with others as well?'
'No, we're here with my brother Vince, and Naboo and Bollo. We just came up here because Howard was feeling a bit ill and I felt like a walk.'
'Did you say Naboo? Short guy, blue turban?'
'Yeah, you know him?'
'Oh yes, I'm on the Board of Shaman, he was called before us a few months ago for giving carpet rides to civilians.'
'Oh, that might have been us.' Said Howard. 'Tara was kidnapped by Tony the Prawn, and we all rode Naboo's carpet to go and rescue her.'
'No, it wasn't that, that was a rescue mission so it was excused. No, he's been giving rides to a young lady' he said knowingly.
'Oh.' Said Tara. 'That was probably me.' She was referring of course to the time Naboo took her up before she left the Zooniverse, as she'd been asleep during her previous ride.
'Oh, so you're the girl he's….'
'He's what?' asked Tara, confused.
Tony realised he knew something that they didn't, so decided to say something else. 'He's…..been giving rides to.'
'It was only the once.' Said Tara. 'Well, twice.'
Howard was just about ask her when this second time occurred, when the door back into the ship opened and a stunningly beautiful woman stepped out, her long blonde hair flowing in the wind. She walked over to them.
'Ah, here she is now. Uh, Howard, Tara, this is my wife Jessica.'
'Pleased to meet you.' She said, shaking their hands. Tara replied 'You too', but all Howard was able to say was 'muuhhhh….' until Tara kicked him.
'Hi, Howard Moon, pleased to meet you. What are you going over to France for?'
'Oh, we have a holiday home over there, so we come over as often as possible, but first we're planning to do a bit of shopping, and visit Pairs again.'
'We're staying in Pairs, maybe we'll run into each other.' Said Howard hopefully.
'Perhaps.' Jessica smiled.
'I must say, that's a smashing blouse you have on' said Howard, taking the excuse to stare rather obviously at her chest.
Looking frantically between the two of them and Tony Harrison, and sensing mounting tensions of more than one sort, Tara took Howard by the arm. 'C'mon Howard, if you're feeling better we'd better be getting back.'
'Well, I'm not entirely..' he replied
'We'd best go anyway, the others will be wondering where we are. Nice to meet you!' she added to Tony and Jessica.
'You too' called Tony, smiling at Tara but glaring at Howard's retreating back.
'What are you doing?' cried Howard. 'I was in there!'
'Yeah, in with someone else's wife! You should've seen the look Tony was giving you!'
'Come on, it was only a bit of fun!'
'Well he obviously didn't see it that way. I tell ya, if that guy had had hands, he'd have grabbed your-'
'Hi' said Naboo, appearing beside them.
'Hey Naboo. We just ran into someone who says he know you, Tony Harrison?'
'Oh yeah.' Naboo smiled. 'He alright?'
'He was, until Howard started flirting with his wife.'
'I was barely-' Howard protested, until Naboo interrupted.
'Uh-oh. What happened?'
'Nothing, I managed to drag him away. Tony was giving him one hell of a glaring though.'
'I'm not surprised, Tony's a very jealous…. head. He gets annoyed if someone so much as looks at his wife.'
'How come?'
'Well, being only a head I think he's a bit insecure about not being able to…. provide for her like some other men might.' Naboo explained.
'….oohhhhhh…..' said Tara, as she realised what he meant. Howard, however, remained clueless as always.
'What are you on about?'
'Let's just say that other men might be better able to accommodate her needs, as a woman, more than Tony.' Said Tara.
Howard still looked as perplexed as a vicar who went into the Church on a morning and found a sparrow wearing his best vestments.
'Bloody hell Howard.' Said Tara in exasperation. If this man has ever got lucky, then the world is a mystery to me she thought, as Naboo tried again to explain to Howard that Tony and Jessica had never had sex (in more discreet terms of course – they were English after all).
'Oh, I see!' said Howard, finally understanding. 'so they've never….'
'No.'
'Right.' He nodded. 'No wonder he's so jealous.'
'Yeah, once I said to him that maybe he should've got himself a less attractive wife. He spiked my lucozade, and for a week I thought Bollo was made of liquorice. Kept trying to nibble him.' Said Naboo.
'How'd he taste?'
'Furry.'
Disclaimer: the phrase 'that's a smashing blouse you have on' is from Bottom, which is owned by two geniuses knows as Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson. Basically, it's theirs not mine.
Hope you enjoyed that chapter, i gave Tony Harrison a bit of jealous depth, please review!
