Fandom: Detective Conan/Case Closed
Disclaimer: They belong to Gosho Aoyama. I wish they were mine. o.o
Story Title: Collective Moments
Notes: I almost feel sorry for him. Also, thank Buddha for crackass plunnies.
Chapter Title: The Dangerous Meatball
Chapter Summary: Kaito would regret this for the rest of his life.
Chapter Quote: He lay prone on the cold ground, rivulets of sweat running down his white forehead.
Kuroba Kaito was dying.
He lay prone on the cold ground, rivulets of sweat running down his white forehead. His eyes were half-lidded and dim from the pain that ravaged through him and burned his blood; his pale, bluish lips trembled from the endless torment that seared his body. The room slid in and out of focus as waves of unbearable heat overtook him, and the edges of his vision were slowly turning black. He struggled to breathe as an invisible force crushed the air out of him. He closed his eyes, his fingers shaking and cold. He could not hold out much longer -
"Oh," snapped Aoko irratably, pointing a dish-scrubber at him, "come off it already."
Kaito snapped out of his melodramatic stupor and glared at his wife from the corner of his eye. "But it's your fault!"
"My fault?" said Aoko, looking (despite herself) somewhat triumphant. "Who was it that flipped my skirt after I told him not to for the fiftieth time?"
Kaito whimpered helplessly and turned over on the ground. "But you didn't have to do this to me!"
"You fully deserved it," said Aoko with a sniff, and continued washing the dishes as Kaito writhed and moaned with pain on the ground, clutching his stomach.
Now, what was it that Aoko had done in vengeance for the skirt-flipping?
After she had glared at him with icy silence a few hours earlier, she walked away with a huff from her ever-perverted husband to go make dinner. Kaito had been mildly surprised at the lack of punch-throwing and mop-jabbing, but had shrugged it off as he decided to go work on a few magic tricks for his newest show (and secretly, for his beloved Taskforce to grimace upon). The practice was a little more strenuous than he had previously thought it would be, and when he returned from his studio, he had been thoroughly starved. Aoko had, just then, been setting out the plates for dinner.
"What's to eat?" he had said hopefully, forgetting that she was still possibly angry at him.
"Spaghetti and meatballs," she had answered innocently enough, giving him a doe-eyed look.
Then he had dug cheerily into his meal, finishing nearly four platefulls of the stuff. And through the entire dinnertime, Aoko had a strange expression on her face. She'd watch him eat and then her hand would fly up to her mouth, almost as if she were struggling not to laugh. A faint bit of irritation dug at Kaito; certainly, he didn't look that silly when he was eating. And his was hungry, dammit!
"These meatballs are good," he had admitted at the end of the meal, leaning back in his chair. "What did you put in them?"
"Oh, the usual," Aoko had chirped, taking a sip of water. "Chicken, garlic, parsley, and..." She paused, and Kaito was alarmed to see that a manically evil gleam was growing in her eye.
"Aoko?" he had said nervously. "What else was in there?"
She had smiled at him cruelly, savoring the growing apprehension on her husband's face. "...I added some ground fish."
A/N: This popped into my head when I was watching Iron Chef, I believe, and somebody mixed ground chicken together with ground fish to make some meatball of pwn. Kaito, of course, immediately popped into my head. I HAD TO WRITE THIS! DAMN PLUNNIE! XD Also, evil!Aoko is beyond awesome.
Omake
Aoko merrily set the dishes to dry, watching Kaito shudder from the corner of her eye. The truth was, she thought with an quietly evil laugh, she had never put any fish into the meatballs at all.
From the living room, Kaito let out a pained groan and continued writhing in agony.
