Alice couldn't sleep. She usually had nightmares about the plane falling down or her family dying, but in overall they were quite manageable. This night they got worse. She dreamt of Annie lying on the operating table, screaming for her to save her, blaming her for what happened, even when it wasn't really Alice's fault.
''It should've been you! You should have died! Just give up and join me!"
Alice woke up with a gasp, bathed in cold sweat. She was breathing erratically, her heart pounding like crazy. Then she covered her face with her hands and started crying. The whole situation was only getting worse and she didn't know how much more she would be able to handle.
Once she cleaned herself up and with no enthusiasm ate some breakfast, Jack walked over to her, suggesting she'd go with him to explore the caves further. She agreed since it could take her mind off the nightmares she'd been having and her past for at least a few precious hours. She so didn't expect to find two skeletons and two backgammon pawns there.
''Our own Adam and Eve," Locke said as they accidentally bumped into each other there and Jack notified that those dead people had actually been a male and a female.
''There are forty six people on the beach," he then pointed out when talking to John. ''We can't possibly bring them all water every day. I say we need to bring the people to the water."
As they were concocting a plan, debating over whether they should give up on signaling fire on the beach and altogether move to the caves, none of them noticed the horrible state Alice was in. She was sitting on a rock, looking into the jungle at... her own sister. Dreaming about Annie was one thing, but actually seeing her was another. Then again, Jack had seen his father in the jungle, too. Was Annie a hallucination? Was she real or was she just a figment of Alice's imagination? Then her sister actually spoke, ''You know you want to join me. You know it, Alice. Why don't you just do it, then?"
In the end, Jack only managed to bring about half of the survivors to the caves. He didn't push for more when knowing that maybe, just maybe a plane someday would appear in the sky or a boat in the distance and then those who stayed behind would come useful. He might not believe it himself, but others did and that was enough.
He was very busy that day when settling in and trying to find and store more medicine, so he noticed Alice being gone just in the afternoon. It should be nothing to worry about. People took strolls in the jungle or walked to the beach to visit those who stayed there all the time – and Alice could've gone to visit Claire as they really liked each other. Shannon was in the caves, though, Jack realized when thinking about another friend of Alice's. Besides, he just had that feeling in his guts that something was wrong and even though he usually didn't believe such things as being a man of science himself, he couldn't possibly ignore it. His intuition had helped him diagnose patients in the past more than once. Now he just knew that something was wrong.
''Have you seen Alice?" he asked Shannon.
''She went somewhere over there," the blonde pointed the caves further in the jungle. ''I figured she wanted to do some more exploring, but she did look kind of out of it."
''And you didn't think to stop her?" Jack followed in exasperation.
''Jack, after everything she's been through, she might need some time alone," Shannon just said with a shrug. He knew her enough by now as not to feel offended by her bluntness.
''She told you about that?" he prompted in surprise.
''Don't be so shocked. You're not the only one privileged enough to know. We had a girl night on the beach," she informed as though it should explain everything.
''Right." He just nodded and followed the direction Shannon pointed. Maybe Alice did want to be alone, but it didn't mean that she should. How could Jack trust her with that after she'd admitted to him that she wanted to just give up and die? And whatever or whomever he'd seen in the jungle earlier, even if that was only his subconscious manifesting itself in the person of his father, he felt like he really should listen to what it had said and help Alice, like he should save her.
Alice followed her dead sister along the caves and further into the jungle. When Anne stopped right in front of another entrance that was much bigger than the one the survivors were currently staying by, Alice stopped in hesitation. What could possibly be inside? Snakes? If there were polar bears on the island... Wait, so maybe it was a bear lair?
"Come on in, Alice," Anne spoke just then and the girl in question was too busy looking inside the caves to notice the little wisp of smoke escaping her sister's body. ''I know you want to be with me, Alice," the 'ghost' continued. "What do you have left here anyway? Your entire family is gone. You're alone on a strange island and we both know that you just want it all to end. You know that you were meant to die. Finish the job. Finish what the car and the plane crash couldn't."
In the end, Alice made a step forward, tempted by her sister's suggestion. Why prolonging the inevitable anyway? How many times would she be strong enough to resist the sweet promise of just ending everything? Of not feeling the pain anymore? Of feeling... nothing. Of the blissful rest.
When she stepped into the cave, the ground actually shook a little and she looked up, surprised. It must've been her sister's doing. Where was Anne now anyway? She wondered when looking around. Her sister was probably waiting for her further inside, she decided.
"Alice!" she suddenly heard Jack screaming her name. Oh, no, not now, she thought. She needed to just end it all and Jack couldn't stop her.
He finally noticed her and she saw pure horror reflecting on his face.
"Watch out!" he hollered and then sped up, knocking her off her feet until they both fell to the ground inside the cave. Then, there was a loud rumble and nothing but darkness.
When Alice managed to untangle herself from Jack's arms, she stood up shakily. "What did you do that for?!" she yelled at him.
"What?" He seemed not to understand her as he got up as well. Then he retrieved a flashlight out of his pocket and turned it on. "For your information, I've just saved your life!" he answered her back angrily. ''And a little thank you would be nice!"
"Well, I didn't need saving!" she kept on yelling at him, her eyes filling up with tears.
"Rocks were about to fall down on your head, Alice!" Jack informed her, still not following. Was she a radical feminist or something that she didn't want to accept help from a man? No, that didn't make any sense since she had before. Was she in shock, then? Maybe it would all clear out for her in a moment. "I hope the others heard that rumble," Jack just said when going over to the blocked entrance and examining it. When he turned back to Alice and saw how miserable she looked, his voice softened, "Are you hurt?"
"You just don't get it, do you?" she asked. ''Did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn't want to be saved?"
Jack's face hardened. "Alice, what are you trying to say?" he just asked.
"I can't do this anymore, Jack," she confessed when shaking her head, tears streaming down her face. "I can't live like this. I have no one. My entire family is dead! Why can't you just let me go? You can't possibly save everybody."
"I know that," he said gently when making a step towards her, "but this time I also know I can. Listen, you know by now that I'm not big when it comes to faith and believing that there's such a thing as destiny, but... against all odds you survived both a car accident and a plane crash, so don't tell me that you're meant to die."
"She said I have to," Alice suddenly confessed.
"She, who?" Jack prompted in confusion.
"My sister. I saw her, Jack. I saw her in the jungle just like you saw your father. She told me I should've died with her."
Jack was shocked with Alice's words, but then he just came over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. He looked her in the eye and said in confidence, "That was not your sister."
"How can you know that?!" Alice raised her voice again and made a step back, freeing herself from the hold he had on her. "You saw your father! Why can't I see Annie?!"
"Because my father never asked me to die for him," Jack simply answered. "And I know for sure that Anne wouldn't like for you to die either. She would want you to live just like you would want that for her if you were the one who died."
This took saving to a whole new level, Jack thought. When he'd seen the rocks falling down, he'd thought that was it, that was the moment he was supposed to save her, but in fact it ran much deeper than that. He needed to help Alice stay alive, he needed to give her a reason to. And he might just have the perfect one, he suddenly discovered.
"Alice, please, I beg of you, hold on, be strong. Live."
"What for, Jack?" she just asked when shrugging and spreading her arms while doing so. "I mean, look around. Look where we are. We might never get out of this island."
"Do it for me," he simply said and then his hands were reaching for her face and his lips were pressed against her lips. The moment he did that, she stopped thinking altogether. She could only feel so much and discover that while he was kissing her, the pain was gone, replaced by something else, something like... joy, desire. Like happiness. And passion. She did find Jack attractive and she would lie if she said that she never wondered. Still, there had been other things on her mind so far, things that had been consuming her and extinguishing that spark of life she had.
Jack stopped the kiss sooner than she would like him to, but his hands remained on place and he was still close, looking her deeply in the eye.
"I'm here, ok?" he assured her. "And I'm not going anywhere. You have to be strong, Alice. Be strong for me, ok? I need you."
"Do you kiss all the people you're trying to save?" she then asked, nearly breathlessly. Because he actually might've given her a reason to go on. He might've actually showed her that even though they'd barely known each other for more than a week now, they could become close, they could become more. They could give each other exactly what they needed.
"No," Jack answered with a smile. "Just the one I have feelings for."
"Good," she said with appreciation and kissed him again, loving how his mouth felt against hers, how he kissed her back and how he took her into his arms and how safe she felt when with him. And happy. He could actually make her happy.
The moment they deepened the kiss, tasting each other, they heard someone calling, "Jack?! Alice?!" The voice belonged to Michael. "Are you all right in there?!"
The kiss once again had to be broken so Jack could shout back to his friend.
"Sit tight! We'll get you out of there in no time!" the man assured them.
It turned out that it was Shannon who heard Jack's scream followed by the rumble and then alerted the rest. Jack actually swore never to get angry with her again.
Soon after being rescued, both Jack and Alice were sitting by the fire together, resting in silence. Then Alice just had to ask him something, suddenly feeling insecure.
"Jack," she started. "I… I need to know... Did you really mean it all back there in the caves?" she finally got it out nervously. "I know that you said you had feelings for me, but I'll understand if you just did that to help me." She braced herself when waiting for his answer. She didn't want it all to be a convenient lie. And even if it wasn't, she still needed a confirmation as she never had a good track with guys. All her boyfriends had eventually become assholes and some of them had actually hit on her sister, usually pretending they couldn't tell the difference, which was a complete and utter bullshit since Alice and Anne, even though they looked the same, were total opposites like fire and water. Anne being the explosive fire and Alice the calm stream.
"I meant it," Jack simply said when looking at her. "I meant every word and I want this, wherever this is going. You just have to promise me that you'll never do something as stupid as trying to take your own life ever again. Just live, Alice, treat life as a gift which it is. You could've died for the fourth time today when counting you landing in the water after the plane crashed. This has to mean something. There's a lot of people in this world who would like to have so many chances. Do it for me, if not for you, because I don't think I can lose you. There's this connection between us. I've felt it ever since the moment we met," he confessed.
Alice let him say it all without any interruption because she was just sitting there stunned, but also feeling happy and strangely giddy. Just then, when Jack stopped talking and there was this awkward silence, she found the right words to speak, "I felt it, too and I promise that I won't try anything again. And just for the record, I am doing it for the both of us."
Having heard that, Jack smiled brightly to her and leaned towards her to kiss her again. It was still a foreign territory for them since they didn't know each other that well, but the feelings were there and they didn't see the point of denying it. Soon, they heard Charlie and Hugo cheering and they broke the sweet kiss they shared, slightly embarrassed by their public display of affection.
"You know, Jack said that it isn't safe for the baby to spend so much time in this sun," Alice told Claire when visiting her on the beach the next morning. She really needed to get away from the caves for a while and maybe even from the man in question himself. She didn't regret what happened between her and the doctor, but she was afraid it was a little bit too soon. Also, she needed to shake off the fact that she'd seemed to see and talk to her dead sister. Or something that pretended to be Anne. Or just a hallucination evoked by her mind. In the end, Jack was right, Anne would never want Alice to just give up. She would want her to live and be happy. And she could still find that happiness, couldn't she? She was still young and if she survived the island, she would still have more years ahead of her than behind.
"So I'm supposed to move to the caves just because Jack says so?" Claire asked, clearly teasing Alice.
"Well, he is a doctor, isn't he?"
"And more than that," Claire prompted. "At least he's more than that to you."
Alice shot her a surprised look. "What are you...?" she started, but then Claire interrupted her.
"Oh, come on! Don't play innocent with me! I see the way you two look at each other."
"Well, if you absolutely have to know, we did kiss," Alice revealed and Claire squealed in excitement.
"Of course I absolutely have to know! You know, I might have my wild days behind me because of this buddy here," the blonde patted her stomach, "but I'll have you know that I was quite the party girl once!"
"You were?" Alice asked in surprise when sitting next to her friend.
"Oh, don't be so shocked! All these people on the beach see me as a young mother and nothing more! Well, maybe a girl who made a mistake, but the truth is that I used to dye my hair black and work for a tattoo/piercing studio."
"Are you serious?" Now Alice was simply in shock. She was talking to a girl who seemed to be as sweet as pie, after all.
"Of course I'm serious," Claire confirmed and then saddened, clearly thinking about her past. "Anyway," she said, shaking it off, "you go, girl! You couldn't have done better than Jack!"
"It's more than a common attraction... I think..." Alice then said when biting on her lip. "He... he actually saved me."
"Good," Claire told her friend when patting her shoulder, "we should expect and need more from men than just romance. I mean, look where it's gotten me!" She put her hands on her protruding stomach again.
"Yeah, we really do," Alice admitted with a sigh when thinking about it. Then she spotted Charlie walking out of the jungle, clearly bringing Claire water.
She quickly said her goodbye, then repeated that the young mother really should move and was dismissed again with Claire's never-fading smile.
"Charlie!" Alice called out to the guy and ran to him before he reached Claire. She quickly explained the situation to him and asked him to do anything he could to convince Claire to go to the caves. "Maybe she'll listen to you. I know she's all cool about being on the beach, but this is serious. If she exposes her child to too much of the sun, there might be complications."
"Sure, I'll try," Charlie agreed willingly. "No problem. I care about her, too."
"Thanks." Alice sent him a smile and then she heard Jack's angry voice. Apparently, he was on the beach and right now screaming at Sawyer.
She'd actually never seen Jack being so angry with someone so far…
"Hey, what's happening?" she asked when making her way to them.
"Shannon has asthma and he has her inhaler!" Jack screamed, pointing at the blond guy.
Alice quickly assessed the situation. She didn't care what had caused Sawyer to be the way he was now. She simply detested the guy. He must've had some serious problems, but she had them as well and no one saw her harming the other out of spite or simply not wanting to help them. No, she'd only hurt herself. Then she spotted Kate on the beach and got an idea.
"Jack, he's not going to tell you anything like this," she gently said to her boyfriend (?) - she started wondering about what they actually were to each other. Only then she just shook her head, leaving that for later. "Come, I have an idea." She took his hand and pulled gently.
"A girl's life's at stake here," Jack reminded her.
"Trust me, I understand it better than anyone," Alice assured him and the tone of her voice convinced him to listen.
"Let me talk to her," she said when pointing Kate.
"Why?" He didn't seem to understand.
"Because she and Sawyer have been hanging together a lot. If anyone can convince him to say or give anything to us, I think it's her. After all, you would listen to me, wouldn't you?"
"Ok, you got a point here," Jack agreed with a nod. "And thanks for the quick thinking."
"No problem." She just started off in Kate's direction.
"Oh, and Alice?"
"Yeah?" She turned back to Jack.
"I'm sorry I didn't find you in the morning."
"It's ok, Jack, it's all still fresh. Besides, Shannon needs you more right now."
"But are you all right today?"
"Yes, I am," Alice confirmed, knowing that he had to hear her say it in order to stop worrying about her. "I promised, remember?"
"Yeah, I do." He smiled sadly at her and then watched her go talk to Kate. She understood that it was because he was worried that he might not be able to help Shannon, after all.
Kate was willing to help, but after she talked to Sawyer, she came back to Jack empty-handed. Now Alice sat down by Shannon's side, watching her on Jack's request (he couldn't really relay on Boone since the guy never stopped panicking) while the doctor himself was rummaging through all the medicine in the caves, desperately hoping to find something he might've missed before.
Then Sawyer made the mistake of showing up in the caves and Jack lost it when hitting him twice. "Where is it?!" he kept on screaming.
Alice truly did not know what to do and quite frankly, Jack scared her a little. He got so angry that Sayid and Hugo had to drag him away from Sawyer. Then Alice pushed the fear away, thinking about how the doctor never gave up on trying to save somebody and she actually understood how frustrating it must've been for him, knowing that the medicine was out there somewhere in Sawyer's secret stash. If she thought more about it, she would probably act the same in Jack's shoes. Was Sawyer even serious? Would he really let an innocent young woman die out of spite? Well, maybe Shannon wasn't so innocent, but it wasn't like she killed anyone. If shouldn't have been Kate in those handcuffs on the plane, it should've been Sawyer, Alice thought when standing up and going over to Jack.
"Are you all right?" she asked when stopping right in front of him and placing her hand on his shoulder. His chest was rising and falling rapidly and he couldn't look her in the eye at the moment. She had an inkling as to why.
"Stay with Shannon," Jack eventually said, but he still didn't look at her. Sawyer was gone by now, so the doctor turned to Sayid, "I need your help."
The Iraqi nodded in response and they both disappeared somewhere. Alice could only sigh and come back to her sick friend. She really hoped this wasn't the end of a shockingly short relationship she seemed to have with Jack.
After a whole night of staying vigilant by Shannon's side, Alice slept till noon the next day and when she finally woke up, she realized that her friend was breathing normally.
"Did they find the inhaler?" she asked Boone and he only shook his head in response.
"They tortured the guy, can you believe that?" he informed. "And all of that to hear that he didn't have it in the first place."
"What?" Alice stood up, shocked. "Then why didn't he just say so?"
"How am I supposed to know what's running through a crazy man's head?" Boone just asked. "Sun helped Shannon in the end. She used eucalyptus."
Alice didn't really know what to think of it all. And she really needed to speak to Jack.
He seemed to sense that she was awake and wanted to talk because he left Shannon's side and came over.
She was actually afraid of the upcoming conversation after the previous day, after what she'd witnessed and what she just heard from Boone. When her eyes finally met Jack's, she realized how burdened he seemed to be and she wanted nothing more than to hold him and make him feel better.
He stopped right next to her, his sight not leaving her eyes and then he started off into the jungle. She knew what it was all about. He wanted to talk to her in private.
Finally, they seemed to be alone and far enough from both camps.
Then Jack finally spoke, ''Alice, I'm sorry."
"It's all right. Jack, you were just doing everything you could to help her. I get it. Everyone has the right to lose control sometimes. I'm actually relieved that you're not perfect. I know I'm not," she said, really meaning it.
Suddenly, he chuckled, "You're relieved? And why is that?"
"Because perfections are boring and you can never really raise to their standards," she answered with a shrug.
"Well, maybe you're right. Or maybe I just think I should be perfect and can't," he suddenly confessed. "I want to be a perfect doctor, perfect healer and I... just can't," he repeated with a heavy sigh. "I'd do anything to save people, even if I had to harm those standing in the way. What I let happen yesterday..." Jack only shook his head at the memory. "What I allowed Sayid to do... it was unethical and it was all for nothing."
"It wasn't your fault, Jack," Alice told him after thinking it over. "Sawyer should've told you the truth sooner instead of playing sick games. You did what you had to do to save those in need and in the end it was his choice to accept that and not yours. He could've stopped you any time and he didn't. You did nothing a police officer wouldn't do."
"I said yes to Sayid, but then almost immediately... I regretted it," Jack said and Alice could see the remorse on his face clearly. "I went too far and I know it."
"It's because you do what you have to, Jack and because you have a soul. It's only human to feel this way." When she said that, she closed the distance between them and put her arms around him.
"I thought you might not want to see me ever again after all of this," he revealed his fears to her when burying his face in her hair.
"Not a chance," she assured him when stroking his back. "I am with you, Jack." He felt so huge and solid against her small form and she clang to him like to a lifeline. Still, even though she seemed to be so fragile in comparison to him, something told her that right now she was his savior.
As they were standing like that, Alice saw something above Jack's shoulder and she smiled. Charlie succeeded. Somehow he managed to convince Claire to move to the caves.
