Terror of the Timorous Beastie

Hoots, mon! The tale begins in bonnie Scotland, ya ken, where Casanova an' his wee lass ha' found themselves in th' wrong place yet again. "No, no, don't do that." ...ok.

Anyway, our dashing hero and his young wench find themselves captured by royal guards, who decide (much to Casanova's disappointment) to take them to see the queen instead of simply ravishing them immediately. Unfortunately the queen turns out to be Queen Vic Reeves, who was known for never being amused by ravaging, so Casanova finds himself out of luck. And along the failed seduction of the royal guard, he's too embarrassed to admit who he is and cleverly disguises himself ("Hi, I'm the Doc...Casa... Alias... Doctor Scottish Companion!"). And so Vic naturally takes him on as her protector. Silly queen.

The group travel on to the completely-innocent-and-not-at-all-sinister Torchwood Estate, which is full of completely-innocent-and-not-at-all-sinister monks (yeah, sure, they were beating up all the real servants earlier, and Mr. Torchwood is clearly suggesting that all is not well, and his wife is missing... but it's all good). Rose decides she's not part of the story yet, and uses her amazing powers of ancient wisdom (Torchwood is a funny name (I think it's an anagram... (it's Hot Cow Rod! (I MUST WARN THE DOCTOR!)))) and promptly writes it in her diary to remember for later. Then she's kidnapped and put in the basement with a creepy Scotsman.

Doctor Scottish Companion, meanwhile, is enjoying a meal with Vic and Mr. Torchwood, where they swap scary stories ("I once tried to seduce someone... and it turned out they weren't interested!") until Mr. Torchwood gets a turn and tells them all about his pet dog. Which is a wolf. And also not a pet. The completely-innocent-and-not-at-all-sinister monk is unimpressed and gets into a slap fight with Vic, but it turns out she's Jackie Tyler's ancestor and wins easily. And then shoots the monk, as one does when winning a slap fight.

Back at the old Tyler place (wait, no, wrong episode)... back at the old Torchwood basement, Rose has been swapping ghost stories with the creepy Scotsman ("I was once seduced... but I wasn't interested!") until he realises it's past his bedtime, and naturally transforms into a wolf who huffs, puffs and blows the house down. This was universally regarded as a bad idea, except by Doctor Scottish Companion, who snaps out of his funk and tries to seduce the werewolf. It... goes about as well as you could expect, really, and Casanova quickly finds a cage hitting him in the face. Silly Casanova.

Thus begins a comedy Scooby-Doo-style chase, as Casanova, Rose, Vic and Mr. Torchwood (along with his gang of not-so-creepy Scotsmen) are chased through a convenient hallway of identical doors before hilariously all crashing into each other at once and running down the hallway. The werewolf is highly amused and shows his appreciation by killing all the unnamed characters. Silly werewolf.

Luckily, Casanova leads the other three into the library, which is completely impenetrable to the illiterate werewolf because he didn't bring his library card, and the group sit down to a good book (except Rose, who just reads her diary. And seeing as it contains the word "Bad Wolf" about ten times over, followed by two instances of "Torchwood", it doesn't make for a particularly exciting read. So Rose sets about amusing herself by eating, talking loudly and generally disrupting the peace, which gets all of them kicked out.) Silly Rose.

The werewolf chases everyone to the telescope room (every house should have one), and kills Mr. Torchwood before Casanova shines moonlight onto the werewolf... um, and that kills it? I suppose that makes sense... So all is well (except for everyone being killed by a werewolf, of course), and Vic invites Casanova and Rose onto Shooting Stars, but Bob Mortimer doesn't think much of them and they're quickly banished from England (and that completely happens, which messes up Rose's life somewhat). Silly Bob Mortimer.