A/N: Just a quick NOTE: I had to make a small edit to Chapter 1. When I first started writing this, the time of year changed from Christmastime to summer and all over. I missed, in my extensive re-reads, a particular word in the very first paragraph. It says "summer" tourists, but, it's actually winter. You'll discover exactly what time of year it is (I'd think the fresh bouquet of roses would tip some off) in later chapters.
I'm enjoying the comments! Any extensive reviews, suggestions, critiques, even complaints, etc., are also welcome.
xoxo, La
Concerned about a new boyfriend of Loki's, and here, Tony was confronted by an old one. He didn't know what he was surprised by more: that Bucky and Steve were still a couple after all these years, or that Bucky's muscular arms, as far as he could tell, bared up to his elbows as they were even in the heart of winter, were covered with tattoos. And the question running rampant in his mind: was one or the other—or, Christ help him, both—Loki's roommate?
He didn't think the night could get any more uncomfortable. Until Rogers opened his mouth. What the fuck was he supposed to say to that? Thanks for nothing? Better luck next time?
That Tony was discovered at all in that godforsaken desert was a miracle in and of itself.
Time had certainly not changed Tony's feelings about his former roommate. After that first rough semester, things between them hadn't improved any; and the constant presence of former boyfriends Bucky and Loki mulling around only added to the attention. Loki and Steve had disliked each other on their first meeting. So how did they become such good friends? Because it was killing him to know, he asked Loki the question burning a hole on his tongue, once Steve and Bucky had exited. And received an answer he wasn't at all prepared for. His breath caught in his throat, lodged right next to his heart. What the hell did that mean?
As always with Loki, he couldn't tell when he was being facetious or completely honest. Of course, Tony hadn't heard anything about Loki. Everyone stopped talking to him when he left for M.I.T. Except Pepper and Rhodey. And neither of them were very close to Loki and his group of friends. He knew coming to see Loki was going to be difficult; that getting to say what he wanted to say—what he promised himself he would say if he ever got out of that damned cave—would be no easy feat. But Loki had to know. Even if it didn't fix anything, he had to know.
So, like a little puppy, Tony was jumping to his feet and following Loki into the kitchen, making sure he kept a respectable distance, but close enough that he could speak in a lowered voice.
"What happened, Loki? What do you mean Rogers saved your life? How?"
Loki barely spared him a glance as he rinsed his mug and utensils. Tony huffed irritably. Clearly, Loki still knew how to get under his skin.
"Fine. Don't tell me. I'll do a search. Just like I did to find out where you were." He pulled out his phone from his pocket, moving to a corner of the kitchen away from Loki. In his peripheral vision, he saw Loki spin around. "Jarvis. Do a search for medical records, arrests, anything on Loki Lau—hey!"
Tony watched in shock as Loki tore his phone from his hands and threw it against the nearest wall. It now lay in pieces on the floor.
"That was a new phone, damn it!" He moved toward the mess, already calculating from the pieces scattered around if he could put it back together on his own, and found himself violently shoved into the wall instead. "Loki!"
"You do not get to show up on my doorstep after a damned decade, demanding answers from me, Anthony Stark."
"I just—" Another hard shove had Tony pressed harder against the wall, Loki's hands curled in his shirt. His face was close enough now that Tony could see the pain, the anger, everything, in those big green eyes. The creak of Bucky's bedroom door opening just enough to peek out drew Tony's attention. Bucky seemed to quickly assess the situation and closed the door again.
"You left."
Tony's eyes darted back to Loki, his teeth clicked as his lips closed shut. The pressure on the skin around the arc reactor was hurting, but he wasn't about to interrupt again. And it couldn't possibly compare to what Loki was feeling, if his trembling lips meant anything.
"You forfeited any right to knowing anything about me or my life after you chose to leave it."
He was stuck in his spot, unable to move, afraid to speak, but then the pressure started to ebb away as Loki slowly released him and stepped back. Something was wrong. Loki was staring at his shaking hands, gasping softly—almost in shock. Tony nearly reached for him but thought better of it, and instead spoke his name softly.
Dark green flashed up to him, and Tony pressed himself against the wall.
"Get out."
What was he thinking baiting Tony like this?
He hadn't planned to share anything with his former lover. Especially not the story of how Tony's one-time roommate and he had put their differences aside and became rather good friends. Loki and Bucky had reconnected, as friends, not long after Tony disappeared from campus. Bucky and Steve had been dating for almost six months by then, and both had surprised Loki with their sympathy for him. The former boyfriends found they made better friends than romantic partners.
Thinking about that night, however, when Steve had shown up at exactly the right time, in exactly the right place, still occasionally gave Loki nightmares, and had him waking up in a cold sweat more than a few times. Laufey had had a field day with that incident, he remembered bitterly. The embarrassment Loki had felt, the stupidity for letting Tony's sudden departure nearly kill him, and it sweeping across the campus like a wildfire, had made Loki absolutely livid. But it was Steve and Bucky who helped him through it.
Would he really stand in his kitchen and tell Tony all of that? What right did he have to know now?
Incredulous at Tony's claim, he whipped around when the genius pulled out his phone. He had heard about those StarkPhones; technologically advanced, superior to everything else on the market from the iPhone to the Galaxy. His face crumpled into a dark glower as Tony spoke into it.
A deep-rooted, indignant rage filled Loki, and without thinking, he snatched the contraption from Tony's hands and flung it away. The sound of it breaking was extremely satisfying. His rage flamed hotter when Tony's only response was to reach for the damned phone. A growl rumbled in his throat, and in the next seconds he had Tony backed against the wall, his vision blurred red at the edges. Tears welled in the corners of his eyes, which frustrated him further, spittle flying as he berated Tony.
And then he froze.
He recognized the look of fear on Tony's face and his mind flashed back to the numerous arguments and physical altercations between he and Laufey through his teen years. Then, later, when he was with Thanos. Horrified, Loki yanked his hands back and stared at them.
Monster. Just like your father, that annoying little voice in the back of his head whispered.
"Loki…"
The sound of Tony's voice shot him back into reality. "Get out," he snapped before turning on his heel and heading back to the living room. Exhausted, irritated, and startled by the revelation that he was exactly like his father, Loki moved slowly to the sofa, dropping to it like a stone, and buried his face in his hands.
"Loki."
He didn't move. "Did I not tell you to leave?"
"And when have I ever actually listened to you when you gave me an order?"
A sharp sigh, and Loki moved his hands to rub at his temples. "In case it managed to escape your obviously rapt attention, I am not in a terribly entertaining mood."
"Yeah, I noticed." Tony tried a smile when Loki shot him another death stare. "Look, I came here to say something. And I'm not leaving until I say it."
Silently, Loki reached for a small wooden box on the lower half of the coffee table. Opening it up, he pulled out a freshly rolled cigarette, placing it between his lips as he pulled open a latch on the side and retrieved a lighter. "Then say it and do what you do best," he mumbled around the cigarette. He lit it, took a quick puff, and lifted his head, exhaling a long plume of smoke as he settled his eyes on Tony. "Disappear."
Tony was giving him an odd look, a mix between confusion and repulsion. "When did you start smoking?"
Deliberately, Loki brought the cigarette to his lips and took an extra long drag, his viridian eyes locked on Tony's the entire time. "Is that really what you—whom I've seen indulge in more addictive substances than tobacco, by the way—waited all these years to say?"
Frowning, and pouting like a petulant little boy, Tony moved closer, swiping at the smoke wafting around him, and lowered hesitantly to the coffee table. "No. I wanted to explain. And apologize."
Still for several moments, Loki moved suddenly to rub at his eye with the heel of his hand holding the cigarette. "Why?" he choked out, keeping his gaze lowered as he bent to pick up Bucky's favored ashtray and set down the still smoldering cigarette.
"Because you deserve one," Tony nearly whispered. "A real one."
"No." He looked up now, eyes red and damp, bottom lip trembling. "Why bother?"
Tony's shoulders slumped and he slid a little closer. "Loki, I—"
"You didn't think I was deserving of an explanation then. You didn't even say goodbye. You just...packed your bags and disappeared."
"I know, but—"
"You left my things behind. Every…single…letter, greeting card, t-shirt, everything that I ever gave you or that happened to collect in your dorm, you just left it there. In a beat-up old box." Loki's entire body was shaking with the tears he was fighting back. Defiantly, he stared at Tony, watching the genius he once believed was the love of his life slowly start to crumble before his eyes.
"I know what I did was awful…," Tony muttered, turning his face away. But Loki wasn't about to let him get off that easy. Surprising even himself, he threw out his arm, shoving his fist to Tony's shoulder, forcing him to look Loki in the eye.
"Is that how little I meant to you? Was I nothing more than another conquest for you? I thought I was, at the very least, your best friend."
Tony breathed out a weak sigh and started to reach for Loki's arm before he could pull back. But Loki cringed away, nearly turning his back to Tony.
"Don't. Just go. I don't want to relive this. It took me a very long time to put you and what you did behind me." He sniffled, swiping at his face with the sleeve of his shirt. "I don't want to see you ever again, Anthony. Leave. Now."
