Kagome didn't return until the sun had nearly disappeared past the horizon and most of the villagers had deserted the streets of the little village. The few men left out gave her a friendly smile which she forced in return, happy that it was dark enough that they couldn't see just how red her face was.
She'd gone to the well, sitting with her back against the aged wood and sobbing into her knees until she'd completely exhausted herself. Her head still hurt from the effort, but emotionally she felt better. Cleansed.
While at the well she'd pondered whether or not she should have just gone to her mother's for the night, but that wouldn't have solved anything and the idea had been quickly dismissed. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the straw mat aside and stepped into the hut she called home.
As soon as he lay down, her scent—their combined scent—filled his nose. It was intoxicating, and he breathed deeper and deeper until he quickly found himself in a meditative state. If he didn't have an important goal, he would've wondered at the reason he calmed so quickly.
Fragments of memories passed before his eyes. A long time seemed to pass before he had a somewhat cohesive picture. He managed to remember everything that happened with Naraku, and when he befriended Kagome. Even though he couldn't remember the love he felt, he at least knew her a little better. It was better than nothing.
"Kagome," murmured, bolting upright as she entered the hut. His face was relaxed, happy to see her, but not the way a lover would be. He looked as if he was seeing a friend rather than a spouse.
Even in the ever dimming light Kagome could see the familiarity in his eyes. A smile crossed her lips as he said her name and she knew he would be able to tell that she had been crying. Still, a spike of hope ran up through her and she removed her sandals and stepped up to be on level ground with him.
"Any luck?" she asked, trying to sound casual as she crossed the room and tried to ignore the on edge desperation that was coursing through her. A match was lit and its flame was transferred to a candle or two before Kagome busied herself with making a fire.
The whole scene was reminiscent of the first time they'd slept together here in her bed. There had been this palpable, unspoken sense of nervousness present that was here now, though for a much different reason.
As she made the fire and started making stew, she could feel his eyes on her.
"Some," he said. If he remembered more he would've reached out to her, but his next bit of news might not make her so accepting of him. "I remember everything up to the point we became friends…I do not yet remember the love or affection I felt for you. I am not quite sure how we got to the point of being lovers…but the more I think, the more I can almost see the progression."
His amber eyes carefully watched her, unsure how she'd take the news. It wasn't what she wanted, and he suspected it would hurt a bit too. There was nothing he could do though and that was what frustrated him the most. He remembered her reactions earlier and thinking back, he felt bad for being the cause of it.
It wasn't until she'd gotten the fire going and the little house was lit up that she turned to face him. Those amber eyes that she loved so much watched her apologetically. Nothing moved inside her, she was emotionally exhausted and was at a complete loss of what to do. She hadn't thought when she'd left that he would forget her, amnesia had never crossed her mind as a possibility and now that she was staring it in the face with every ounce of hope, confusion and sorrow expended, she had no idea what to do to help him.
Giving a sigh, she managed a smile for him-after all the situation wasn't his fault and there was no point in making it out to be-and leaned to press a gentle kiss to his lips. She wasn't giving up, that much was for certain, but there was nothing she could do to force it, it had to happen on its own terms.
So she crossed the room, sat down on the futon that they shared, patted the spot beside her and tried a new tactic.
"Tell me a story..." she demanded light heartedly, "What did you dream about while you were at the village after they found you?"
He didn't respond to the kiss; he couldn't, not when it would give her false hope. Apology shone in his eyes when she pulled away. "My dreams? They were vague, chaotic, the fight. That being said, I remember a raven-haired woman. I remember her beauty and how it captivated me in the dream," he said softly, staring at the fire.
Out of the corner of his eyes, he glanced at her. Now that he didn't hate humans, he could fully admire her beauty. His eye discreetly traced over her form. Perhaps he would fall in love all over again, but he wouldn't mind that if it happened
Fighting the urge to lean against him, she shifted to lean against a wall and caught him watching her; the glow of the fire turning his magenta stripes a brownish orange.
Could the raven haired woman in his dreams have been her?
It was certainly possible but she wasn't sure if she wanted to believe that right now. Brushing her hair behind her ears with both hands, she pulled her knees up and watched him.
"So tell me about her...what detail from the dream comes to mind first?" She would ask what he remembered soon enough, but she was curious to see where this avenue led.
He closed his eyes. "Her scent. Sweet and summery. She also smelled like home. Next I remember her personality. It is very dissimilar to mine. Warm whereas mine is colder. Then here voice. Soothing, even when she talked nonstop. All I can remember is her. Whatever else happened in the dream is a mystery," he said.
The irony wasn't lost on him. In the dream world, he could remember Kagome, but in the waking world…he could not remember the love he felt, not like the dream. He didn't tell her that because it would make the fact that he didn't love her hurt more. Once he remembered everything, maybe he'd tell her.
Kagome's lip trembled a little but she managed a smile for him, deciding to tell a story of her own. It wasn't prompted but she hoped he would listen and maybe bring something back.
"There's a market I don't go to anymore..." she murmured softly as she leaned back and watched the fire cast dancing shadows on the ceiling. "It's the largest market within a day's walk that carries everything I might need all in one place. Since I stopped going there I have had to go to three other markets, one of them further away than the larger one. The reason I stopped going to the market, started with an incident that happened at the very beginning of spring. We'd gone together, mainly so you could help me carry rice back, and it was an excuse to spend time together."
"I think everyone was thinking it, you could tell by the way they watched us walk past. But there was one woman..." Her hand came up to touch her cheek at the memory, "she slapped me across the face and yelled at me for bringing you with me. I dropped the jar I had been holding and before I could recover, you'd stepped up between us." She laughed a little, "I've never seen someone look so scared in my entire life..."
"You didn't hurt her though, I pulled you away and you didn't fight me; you even checked to see if I was okay once we were out of the village and on our way home. I tried going back alone after that but people would glare at me or give me sorry looks and eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I was always afraid someone was going to confront me and if things took a turn for the worse you weren't going to be there to help me so eventually I just stopped going. It took me two months to tell you, I always insisted on going shopping alone."
She laughed again tears brimming in her eyes again at the memory; their life-though just starting-was not an easy one. But there was nothing in this world or any other that she would trade it for.
His attention faded out so that he barely heard her words. A memory came into focus in his mind's eye. The happiness of being with her quickly spoiled when he heard a loud crash. He made it to the scene to see the aftermath of the woman's slap. White-hot anger filled him as he stepped between the two. He wanted to show the woman the animal he could be, but he also wanted to be someone Kagome would continue to love.
Blinking rapidly, he stared with an unfocused gaze at Kagome. He had never felt that strongly before…at least not that he could remember. The emotions in the memory were so strong they were almost real.
"I remember that day. It's the strongest memory I've had yet," he said softly, placing a hand on hers. Her unshed tears bothered him, and he didn't want them to fall. She shouldn't be crying.
His comment about remembering that day sent a shiver through her and suddenly she felt weak. Her head dropping, to rest on his hand that had covered hers, she did her best to regain herself.
This was good, right?
After a long moment, her head rose and her hand that his wasn't holding reached to cup his face. Light fingertips traced his magenta markings and she smiled a gentle smile, the first genuinely happy smile he'd seen probably since she'd first seen that it had been him in the headman's house.
"I love you..." She didn't really care if he said it back, or if it brought a memory forward or not; she knew that he didn't remember loving her back, but right now all she wanted was to tell him that simple truth.
He smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry. I wish I could remember the love we shared. I'm sorry I got injured like this," he murmured, leaning into her touch. Despite what he said, he liked being close to her. Something about her scent or presence having a calming effect. "If it takes too long, I may just wind up falling in love with you again," he admitted in a barely audible voice.
All she could do was laugh at his statement, mentally admitting that nothing would have made her happier. While part of her hoped that his memories wouldn't be lost forever, she didn't hate the idea of having him fall in love with her all over again.
Pulling away then and getting up to stir the stew. Honestly she just wanted to go to sleep, she wasn't in the mood for food or to take care of the meal after it was finished but she imagined that he was hungry and while he didn't normally eat human food, it was all she had to make him comfortable.
"I think I could live with that..." she said softly, managing a smile as she handed him a bowl of stew before returning to her spot against the wall.
Even though he didn't usually eat human food, he decided to eat it since she went through all the trouble of making it. He stared at the stew as he ate it, his thoughts far away and revisiting the recently recovered memories. He felt exhausted, and he was within his right to after such a long and draining day.
"It's been a long day. I'm going to go to sleep," he announced.
The miko nodded, covering the pot which now sat over heated coals as the fire dwindled and died. She thought about asking if he wanted to share the futon, but instead she took one of the blankets that was folded at the foot of the sleeping area and spread it out on the floor.
"It's been a long day..." was her only reply to his statement.
Turning her back to him-she felt it was indecent not to at this point-she slid her haori down to pool around her waist and removed her bra. Being surprisingly careful that all he could see was her back and the gentle movements of her shoulder blades, she pulled her top back up. Part of her wondered if she dared to look if she would catch him watching her.
Her movements caught his attention, and he immediately looked towards her only to find her trying to change without his notice. Giving her privacy, he stared at the ground, but something kept drawing his gaze back to her. What was this feeling again? Attraction, if he realized.
Once she was done, he stood up and walked over to her. "Kagome. You should sleep on the futon, it is more comfortable than a blanket and the floor," he said softly.
Jumping when his voice was suddenly right behind her, she jumped to find him all but looming over her. Swallowing hard as she thanked the heavens for the dim light that hid the blush that was starting on her cheeks at his close proximity.
As she registered his comment, she shook her head and managed a smile.
"That's alright..." He needed the bed more than she did; he was the one trying to recover.
He crouched down so that he no longer stood so far above her. "Sleep on the futon, Kagome," he repeated, this time with a little more strictness supporting his words. The last thing he wanted was for her to wake up tomorrow and be in pain from having a stiff back or something similar.
"I do not mind sleeping on the floor," he added.
Kagome didn't miss the sudden tone of command that his voice took on and she gave him a slightly stern look.
"Sesshomaru, the only way I am sleeping in that futon is if you're sleeping beside me." Her voice didn't waver, she wouldn't let it. There was no way she could go back to sleeping alone with him so close. They'd shared a bed for ages by now-even before he'd officially moved in-she couldn't sleep in their bed, alone.
It wasn't happening.
He searched her face for a sign that she'd agree to sleep there without him, but he found nothing. Finally he realized this was one issue he would not win. "Very well. I will sleep beside you," he replied with a nod before walking back to the futon. Lying down, he moved over so Kagome had enough room. Hopefully sleep would allow him to remember everything else.
Somehow throughout the course of the night, he shifted around. In his half-asleep state, he moved so that he was closer to Kagome, but that didn't satisfy him enough. He pulled her even closer until her head was on his chest with his arms wrapped around her, his nose buried in her hair.
Amber eyes opened in the morning, confused at why there was so much black in his vision. Pulling back slightly, he realized Kagome lay in his arms. The same way he often held her each night, he thought. His eyes widened when he realized he just remember something new, and that caused the corner of his mouth to pull upwards.
Moaning in her sleep at his movements, the miko didn't wake right away but instead settled against him more comfortably. It was only after she did that her eyes slowly fluttered open and the semi-conscious miko forgot about their ordeal of the day before and smiled at him.
"Good morning…" she murmured familiarly, as she had every morning since he'd started sleeping there and for a brief moment they were transported to a time before he'd left for that battle that had delivered him wounded and memory less to her.
"Good morning. I trust you slept well?" he asked in a relaxed voice. Compared to yesterday, he felt a lot better and calmer. In his mind, he made it a goal to find more memories, even if it only stopped Kagome from being so sad. But he too also wanted his memories back. He pushed his frustration away, not wanting to get worked up so early in the morning.
She nodded in answer to his question, nuzzling her cheek against his chest as she did.
"How did you sleep?" In that sentence it all came rushing back at her and her smile dimmed ever so slightly. But she didn't move, she was comfortable and was enjoying the closeness even though she was sure it was confusing to him.
"I slept well, better than when I was away fighting and injured," he replied. With a wistful sigh, he put some space between their bodies. As much as he wanted to stay where he was or even move closer, it didn't seem right. It would be like cheating her out of something. It would simply be for his physical benefit if he pulled her closer.
"I wish we could go back to before I left…when I had all my memories," he murmured.
As he pulled away, the miko got up to get ready for the day and did her best to ignore the sharp spike of sorrow that drove into her.
"So do I…" she whispered to herself before crossing the room and picking up her hairbrush. Sitting on the step that led down to the dirt floor before the door, she worked on brushing her hair. After a moment she stopped, not turning to look at him when she spoke, returning to her brushing as she did.
"Can you tell me about the battle? Do you remember anything before it?"
"As I flew towards the battleground, I remember thinking of you. As for what those thoughts were, I do not remember. I was surprised. I thought I was going to fight just one youkai, but four more attacked within minutes of my fight with the main one. The fight itself is a blur, but I remember things going black for a second. The last youkai's blade was coming towards my neck when I rolled out of the way. My head throbbed, but I killed the last youkai and flew back home. As you know, I never made it. You know the rest of the story too," he replied in a slow voice.
Hairbrush slowing to a stop, the miko listened in silence as the demon recounted the tale. It took her a moment afterwards for her to return to the task and once she did she only pulled the brush through a couple more times before setting it aside. Then she took a deep breath, stood, put on her zori and turned to give him a gentle smile.
"I have chores to do, wander about if you like; I only request that you return to me by sundown..." It wasn't an order, it was a request and she didn't know how he would take to such a request. In truth she just wanted to see what exploring brought forth in his mind.
Besides that she didn't need him looming over her shoulder as she did her chores and worked on some form of strategy to help him along.
She turned to head out of the door but paused as her hand touched the heavy straw mat. Her hair fell down her back as she turned back to him, a curious look on her face.
"Do you remember the night before you left for battle?" she asked, her grip on the mat tightening a little as she braced herself for his answer.
He shook his head.
"I do not remember what happened, but I do remember the emotions. It feels bittersweet; I'm happy to be doing whatever I was doing but sad to leave in the morning. There's also a peculiar feeling of warmth. It spreads throughout me but originates here," he replied resting a hand on his chest.
Kagome nodded and looked away from him. She couldn't say that she was exactly happy with his answer, but she was glad that he remembered everything. He might actually get a tad embarrassed when he finally remembered their night together. Granted it wasn't the first they'd had, it hadn't even been the first time they'd gone from dusk till dawn.
But there was a large amount of emotion behind the whole ordeal, emotion and experiences that she knew that she wouldn't be forgetting any time soon. It had been a night of pleasure, connection and branding between the two of them.
After a long moment, the miko nodded.
"Yes, well, you can go through our belongings and see if anything brings something back." She nodded again, as if reassuring herself, "I'll be back by sundown." And with that she grabbed her basket, knocking down a jar of spices that she didn't hear smash as she left the hut.
It hurt more than she wanted it to.
With a nod he watched her leave. He could almost feel the sadness radiating off her. Standing up, he cleaned up the ruined jar and spices before going to at their belongings. As he ran a clawed hand through the objects, memories slowly trickled in. When he touched her hairbrush, he remembered the first time they bathed together.
That night his heart was pounding, and her touch left fire in its wake. They were both nervous, but excited. It was another big step in their relationship. They took turns washing each other; it was one of the few times he could say he was actually worried, but the happiness and affection that came made it worth it. As he slowly remembered that night, he smiled softly.
