Ninja Academy

Chapter 3 Field Training: The Forgotten Village. Watch Your Step

Mai sits on a recliner in Taki's office. The younger ninja agreed to go through a therapist session. While Mai talks about her personal meaning of love, her past, and some other things, we soon learn some very interesting things about Andy.

Taki: Poor guy. He really don't know what he's missing out on.

Mai: You can say that again. He rather do push-ups for the remaining of the night than to sleep with me.

Taki: It's either that he's intimidated of you or he's trying to be a gentleman.

Mai: Or he could be gay. I've been suspecting that lately...

Taki: If he is, then there's no surprise then. From the way you explain how he constantly grooms himself and flips his hair it is a very high possibility.

Mai: Nah, couldn't have been. There were rumors that he slept with some blonde Bushin chick named Maki and then there was that time he constantly made passes at Athena.

Taki: Right. So he's still sort of hard to tell.

Mai: Yeah, I guess. I mean I used to joke on him, saying he's gay and he doesn't react to it. Other times I call him that he gets angry. He's a mixed up kind of guy... (burst out crying) WAH! He is so confusing!

Taki: You're telling me. (Notices Kyo entering her office, a sly smile on his face) What do you want now?

Kyo: Umm, I have an injury, remember. My finger's grazed. Can you treat me?

Taki: Such immaturity. (Hands him a bandage) Here. Knock yourself out. It will take care of that.

Kyo: Aww... (Exits the room)

Taki: Now where were we? (Raven's head appears at the window). Can I help you, Blade?

Raven: I've been having such a pounding headache today. Can you get rid of it somehow?

Taki: I have just the thing for that. Just a sec (Pulls a giant mallet from the dresser). Hold still...

Raven: What? AHH! (Taki knocks the hell out of him with the weapon).

Taki: That takes care of that.

Mai: Wow. Men stalk after you too? I hate that.

Taki: Yeah. Everyday is the same thing. Most men just care about a pretty face, ass, and titties. It gets tiring really. (Fuuma tries to come quietly through the door but he accidentally steps on a mine bomb set by Taki) BOOM! Maybe we should end this session, huh?

Mai: Good idea.

Back at the dorms. Most of the students 'eagerly' awaits in the lobby for today's next training. Ibuki and Eiji were playing BlackJack. Galford was busy trying to get Shiki to talk to him, and Kyo, Raven, along with a charcoaled Fuuma returns to the dorm in great disappointment.

Ibuki: Hey guys. What's up with the long faces?

Kyo: The goddess of a therapist won't treat my finger wound.

Raven: She busted my head with a mallet.

Fuuma: There was a mine bomb underneath the welcome map. So that explains why I'm pitch black right now. Damn her! She must think that this is Super Smash Bros. or something.

Eiji: You crash dummies got what you deserved.

Ibuki: Aw. That's too bad (realizes she can win the game) Hey! I have 21!

Eiji: Shit... I never win at BlackJack. If you wasn't for the fact that you're my only friend I'll murder you in cold blood.

Ibuki: That's my boy Eiji. He always has a vivid imagination. He'll make a good fanfic writer.

Kyo: If anyone needs me, I'll be back in my room and trying to catch up on my sleep. (Leaves)

Raven: Me too. There's no telling what Hanzo's crazy ass have on his mind for our next exercise. (Leaves as well)

Fuuma: I'm off too. I'll be enjoying hentai pics of Janne and Ryoko... Doh! Wasn't suppose to say that aloud. (Mai enters the dorm) Or, I'll try my hardest to get into Mai's drawers! (Gets hit by one of her ninja fans) OWW!

Mai: In your dreams, weirdo.

Fuuma: Speaking of that, you always let me have my way with you in my dreams.

Mai: Ew! Forget I said that.

Ibuki: So Mai, how's Guy doing? Is he going to be okay?

Mai: Yeah. He's going to make it just fine. (Mentally) Maybe I should try to be friends with him? He does seems to appreciate me and he did help me dispose those thugs. I bet if we get real close then... hehehehehe... Andy's going to be jealous. Yes! That'll teach the possible gay bastard! (Chuckles evilly)

Ibuki: Okay... Maybe I should leave you alone.

Eiji: Typical kunoichi... they're all crazy in the head.

Ibuki: HEY!

Mai: (confused) Uh... what's a kunoichi?

Ibuki: (Slaps her forehead).

Eiji: Told you.

Hanzo suddenly enters the dorm, alerting every one. The ninja master have indeed scheduled advanced training for the students. To everyone's dismay, he has a announcements.

Hanzo: Okay you maggots! It's time for our next session. And this is one of my favorites: Field Training. You guys, along with some new students gets to go an actual village that is set by tons of traps, secret pathways, and other feudal hocus pocus stuff. This is where it gets interesting: today's rules are Survival of The Fittest. Meaning that you can really hurt someone just in case you encounter them. However... NO Fatalities. I don't need another lawsuit you know.

Eiji: Damn. Honestly Hanzo, you taking out a lot of fun.

Hanzo: Yeah, yeah, I know. Now let's go you lazy egg rolls!

Several minutes later, miles away from the academy, Hanzo leads the students to an actual village deep in a valley. Though there are no people living here, it is the next step in their training. The village is swarming with booby traps, dividing roads, and secret pathways like he said. Five of the new students he mentioned are already deep within the village.

Hanzo: Ah, here we are. This village is where our next assignment takes place.

Ibuki: Cool! It's an exact replica of a feudal village. This is going to be a lot of fun!

Hanzo: Right. Indeed it will be. You guys already know the rules, Survival of The Fittest and reach the goal. Taki will be there in case anyone gets to fucked up too badly during the training.

Kyo: Taki? I'm there! (Zooms off) See ya!

Raven: Yeah! (Takes off as well)

Fuuma: She's mine! You know she's too much woman for you two. (Follows)

Galford: Okay Poppy, you know what time it is. (Disappears in a poof of smoke)

Eiji: ... (Poof)

Shiki: Men...

Ibuki: Sad, isn't it?

Mai: Honestly, I don't know what they see in her?

Hanzo: A whole lot of... Alright little missies, you know what to do. Anyway, I bet you the men are going to catch hell in the village.

Mai: Here goes nothing. (Sprints ahead)

Ibuki: Yes sir! Uh, can Shiki and I team up for this assignment?

Hanzo: ...What the hell-- Go ahead.

Ibuki: YEAH! C'mon Shiki!

Shiki: Oh joy...

More minutes later, and deep in the village, Kyo walks around in the middle of a street, talking into his crew on a tiny microphone. The arrogant bastard thinks that this will be a piece of cake, but he's in for a huge surprise.

Kyo: Okay, I'm deep inside the village. No real difficulties encountered as of yet. There was bear traps, ditches, and traps that shoots arrows, but I'm having a real cakewalk here. No problem! Is this really what it takes to be a ninja? (Notices a brunette with a short skirt around a corner) HEY! What do we have here?

Woman: This is so hard... Can you help me, sexy?

Kyo (grinning): Help you? I'll do more than just help you!

Woman: I like that. C'mere then.

Kyo: Shit, this is my lucky day. (Turns off his mic) Time to get some kunoichi booty.

Woman: Hehehehe...

The now swooning poster boy approaches the woman, slowly, but surely. While she is giggling seductively, she secretly pulls out a weapon to knock out the fool.

Woman: Don't be scared, baby. I won't bite. Closer... just a bit closer...

Kyo: Yeah, I'm gonna take it nice and slow.

Woman: C'mon... (Raises a giant sledge hammer to smash him with) Ha! You fool! Thinking with your hormones will be your downfall! Kunoichi power, baby! (Genuinely noticing the man) Huh?... ? ACK! It's you!

Kyo (shaking off stupor): Yuki? What the hell you're doing here! And what's up with the skirt?

Yuki: (blushes) Uh... I always wanted to be a ninja.

Kyo: But ninjitsu's too dangerous for you!

Yuki: Hell, I'll manage! Besides, I signed up for this school in order to learn to defend myself. It's not like you gonna do anything to save me next time someone tries to rob us, when the Orochi's try to kidnap me again... or when the Mad Gear Gang decides to kidnap me again. Remember when they did that last time...

Kyo: Oh. (Goes bright red) Those guys were tough. Dangerous looking, and had weapons...

Yuki: You're just a punk! I made fools of them! I knocked em down like dominoes and crushed them! Some boyfriend you are! (Smashes Kyo with giant hammer)

Kyo: OWW! You bitch... (Goes unconscious)

Yuki: Humph. Serves you right. Hmm, now I gotta find a way out of here. Maybe I can-- AAIIEE! (turns around and now saw a dart on the left cheek of her arse, and the person who shot it). Kurenai, you're a cheater!

Kurenai, the sexy nineteen year old main character from Red Ninja appears on top of a pagoda. She is entirely not too pleased at what Yuki tried to do to Kyo just now...

Kurenai: That's what you get for using my seduction technique... (shoots her in the right cheek with a blowgun) and for trying to steal my image.

Yuki: You bitch... ZZZzzzzzz... (falls asleep)

Elsewhere, Eiji leaps from tree to tree, dodging traps with ease in a huge, dense forest. He is trekking throughout the area with ease, that is, until he senses another presence.

Eiji: Now what is it? Whoever it is trying to follow me better back down. Or you'll be sorry. (A mechanical falcon suddenly appears out of nowhere and tries to swoop down on him) What the hell-- since when Nakoruru decided to become a ninja?

Voice: You are incorrect, heathen.

Eiji: So it's not Nakoruru. Damn, it was such an opportunity. (A huge mechanical panther charges at him) Another mecha animal? Someone's been watching way too many episodes of Voltron.

Emerging from behind a tree, was Capcom's cyber ninja-boy, Strider Hiryu. He is also one of the new students Hanzo referred to along with Kurenai. The android confronts him.

Strider: And? What's wrong with watching Voltron? It's certainly better than the most of the bullshit anime they show today. What do you have now: alternant dimensions, stupid love triangles, emotionless and unappreciative main characters, jailbait bimbo schoolgirls that are way too young that take on such dangers...

Eiji: You got problems. And I thought I have problems here.

Strider: You hypocrite. EN GRADE! (Pulls out his sword and charges at Eiji. But before he can make it to him, he steps on a mine bomb) KA-BOOM! UUURRGG!

Eiji: The nerd. The village isn't the only thing that have traps. (Proceeds and sets more mines)

Let's see how Raven is fairing shall we? The said ninja was currently walking along a lone dirt road up in the hills. He heard an explosion in the distance, but he can't be concerned about that. He continues his trek throughout the hills.

Raven: Heh. Some unfortunate fool been blow to smithereens. I bet it's that Fuuma idiot. (Hears a familiar creepy sound heard on Friday The 13th movies) Oh boy, looks like I'm finally gonna have to drop someone.

: Chechecheche... hahahahaha...

Raven: Listen whoever it is, I'm no victim so you better back off! Do so now before something bad happens to ya!

: Chee...Che... Chee... Che... Haha... ha... haaa...

Raven: Please. Be original you bastard. You should be ashamed even to mimic a classic.

Mortal Kombat's hellhound ninja, Scorpion rises from the ground like a demon from hell. He definitely doesn't like what Raven said.

Raven: Scorpion, huh?

Scorpion: WHAT YOU SAY BOY? GET OVER HERE! (Throws harpoon)

Raven: Uh oh! (Gets plugged by harpoon) Ow! The pain...

Scorpion: COME HERE! (Draws Raven in and pulls off mask when he closes in)

Raven: This will definitely hurt. Shit! A skull head? I now know where I'm going. I knew I should of stop saying "I'll see you in hell" when I win matches.

Fortunately, Scorpion steps on yet another mine, activating it. Unfortunately, both of them was blown flying through the skies, and it hurts like hell.

Raven: Damn it! I'm getting tired of these mines.

Meanwhile, inside a temple, Shiki and Ibuki are actually the closest people to reaching the goal. Inside the temple are numerous paintings ranging from ancient Japanese art to lost abstract art, one example being the lamest fighting tournament in history, Sega's Eternal Champion.

Ibuki: Aw man. This place is really creepy. Let's keep going.

Shiki: I agree.

Ibuki: Right. (looks at various paintings of animals) How cute! Lions, tigers, and bears. Ooh, and there's a blonde ninja too. How strange.

Shiki: That's not a painting. (Blushes) It's Galford.

Galford: Hey guys, it's good to know that I'm not the only one that's still in one piece. Listen, I know we suppose to beat the hell out of each other when we meet but I refuse to fight cute chicks like you two. Maybe we should team up and get out of here. I have a feeling we're nearing the goal. Whad'ya say, huh?

Ibuki: I'm down. How about you, Shiki?

Shiki: (Staring at Galford and still blushing) Ah... umm...

Galford: I take that as a yes.

Ibuki: Right. Lets go.

The three continues their way to the goal throughout the creepy temple. But there is one more obstacle that obstructs them... and this, it has nothing to do with mine bombs. Remember the part when Hanzo said the village having hocus pocus stuff? Well, the temple is cursed and two paintings of giant white tigers sprang to life from the wall.

Galford: Oh no! Vicious man-eating tigers! Go Poppy. (Poppy cowers) That's okay you scary wuss of a mutt.

Ibuki: Aw! They're so cute! But these guys will eat the shit out of you!

Tigers: ROAR!

Ibuki: AAIIEE! What are we going to do?

Galford: I have a gun on me but Nakoruru will definitely not like me if I hurt animals...

Shiki (Jealous): What? Nakoruru? That goody two shoes. (Looking at tigers) Lemme handle this.

Ibuki: Do we have a choice?

Shiki: Okay. Here goes. Here kitty, kitty, kitty!

Miraculously, the two beast became ultra docile and friendly. They stop roaring and growling and approached Shiki like two baby kittens. She sweet talks them and pats them on the head.

Shiki: Aw, such sweet babies. You guys are being so good. Here, have these. (Hands them a bag of T-Bone steaks she stolen from the canteen). You guys are not nearly as vicious as you look.

Galford: How?

Ibuki: Did you manage to tame two giant tigers that can quite possibly fuck up a little woman such as yourself? And treating them like babies while you at it?

Shiki: Simple: I always like cats and cats always like me.

Galford: Good. Let's find that goal.

Shiki: Okay. (To tigers) Okay guys, mommy have to leave now. Enjoy your steaks.

Oh! And let's not forget Mai. I knew most people will be disappointed if I didn't wrote more about her trails. The bouncy ninja girl is running deep in the forest-- alone. After several minutes of this, she decides to take a break and sits at the shore of a lake. She looks around the scenery while thinking about her relationship with Andy and quite possibly one with Guy.

Mai: That damn Andy. Taki did made me realize something about him though. He's going to hate if I ever decides to get with Guy. (Sees a sign) Hey, I wonder what this sign say.

She approaches the sign and reads it. The sign was actually a warning. It warns anyone that comes near the lake that it is cursed and it is of a mystical nature. Mai scoffs at this.

Mai: Yeah right! If this is indeed a cursed lake then I'm that unsexy spoiled brat, Karin Kanzuki. (Reads some more) Beware! If you doubt the powers of the lake then prepare to face your personal dark side and perhaps your worst fear.

Voice: Oh, Mai...

Mai: What now. (Turns around and sees a waterspout at the lake) What the! ACK! A waterspout! What is that coming out of it though?

Mai watches on and soon enough, a figure indeed came out of the waterspout. To her horror, it was an image of herself, with dark clothes and short cut hair. What scares her the most is the fact that this side of her could be an even better look for her.

Mai: Yikes! It's me! (Studies her "dark" side) Hmm. Wow! I AM sexy! Look at the rack on me! And... uh oh... are my thighs really that big? I gotta stop eating those Twinkies. And what's up with the short hair and dark clothes?

Evil Mai: I am your darker self-- your future look.

Mai: You're funny, you know that? I personally really can't picture myself with short hair. I look sort of like Akane from Ranma 1/2, except I have a far better body.

Evil Mai: Amusing. But now is the time we battle. Prepare yourself, inferior me! (Does a Shin version of Ryu En Buu, of course, with annoying, evil purple flames).

Mai: (Dodges) AHH! Hey! You're really trying to hurt me are you?

Evil Mai: Of course! Didn't you read the sign?

Mai: Yeah, I did and... uh oh.

Evil Mai: Ha ha. You've guessed it, sister. I'm the darker side.

Mai: If you're my dark side then what is one of my greatest fears then?

Fuuma comes into the scene, with grazes and scratches on him but okay. He suddenly notices that he's all alone with two Mai's and he is VERY happy to see them.

Fuuma: Alright. Must be my lucky day because I'm hot for both of you.

Mai: Him? Horny and alone with me? That IS scary! Gotta go! (scrams)

Fuuma: Oh? So you wanna play hard to get huh? You know you want this. (Chases Mai)

Evil Mai: Hey! You can't abandon our battle! Come back here! (Follows)

Mai: Leave me alone! WAAAAH!

Meanwhile at the goal, Hanzo and Taki waits patiently for any of the students to reach them. Taki is worried for their safety, Hanzo is disappointed.

Taki: Maybe this was a bad idea.

Hanzo: You're joking right? C'mon, this is child's play (hears another explosion). There goes another one. What a bunch of failures.

Taki: Well, on the good side, it is Friday. After today's trials they are allowed liberty, Hanzo.

Hanzo: WHAT? (Skims through ninja handbook) Darn. You're right. They are free on the weekends. But time Monday comes around again, it's nothing but grueling trails and only four hours of sleep per night.

Taki: Oh well. (Sees Shiki, Ibuki, and Galford reaching them) Hey, they made it!

Galford: Too easy.

Ibuki: Piece of cake!

Shiki: ...

Hanzo: Well, next week is going to be hell for you guys. But for now, once everyone gets here, you're all free for the weekend. There's a shuttle scheduled to take you out tonight.

Galford: Cool. Finally I can get to see Japanese nightlife.

Ibuki: Haven't been to the mall in a while. I'm gonna shop till I drop! (Hears another explosion) Ooh...

Taki: Are the others really that clumsy. I mean, c'mon, mines are the oldest tricks in the book.

Hanzo: See you Monday. (Does the creepy chuckle from SS2) I'll promise you it'll be a living hell. (Disappears)

Galford: Well. Gotta make the best of the weekend then.

Note: Kurenai is the heroine from recent Animaga and videogame entitled, Red Ninja. She uses a wire that was used by enemy force to hang her, ironically, for vengeance. I bet they wished she died on that tree though...

NEXT CHAPTER:

Guy recovers, the groups goes out to a mall, and the female ninjas get challenged to a spar with the ultimate tag team: a wannabe sumo schoolgirl and a massively strong Orochi vixen with a half hidden face. And, Galford and Ibuki gets drunk off of 'Orochi's Blood'. Uh oh... dark clothing anyone?