How Not to Learn Hobbies

Chapter Three

"Fore!"

"Okay, Cosmo," Amy said, "here we are!" They were just entering a golf course with Tails and Cream.

"Um, what do I do?" Cosmo asked nervously. She hadn't had much luck with sports so far.

"Just watch me," Amy said. They walked down to the first hole. Amy set her ball down. She swung her club back, nearly hitting Cosmo, who had been staring at her curiously. "Cosmo! Are you trying to get clobbered?!"

"N-no, Amy," Cosmo said. "Sorry."

Amy rolled her eyes. Then she swung her club back again. "Fore!" She hit the ball. It flew threw the air, landing with a bounce near a hole with a flag that said "1" on it. "Got it now, Cosmo?" Amy asked.

"Uhh…"

"Tails, Cream, you two go ahead of her," Amy said. "Watch them, Cosmo, but don't get too close!"

Tails' ball hit a tree and ended up nearly where he'd started. Cream's ball his Tails' ball, knocking it into another tree.

"Oops! Sorry, Tails!" Cream said.

"That's okay," Tails said. He was only coming along because Cosmo needed support. Amy's fuse was getting shorter all the time.

"Okay, Cosmo," Amy said, "you're next."

"Oh dear!" Cosmo said. She swung her club and missed her ball.

"Try again, Cosmo!" Tails said.

Cosmo swung a second time. The ball fell off the tee. She swung a third time. She missed the ball, but she did tear a clump of grass and dirt out of the course.

"Oh no!" she cried. "I tore a hole in the ground!" She got down on her knees, and tried to replant it.

"That's just a divot," Amy said. "It happens sometimes. Try again."

"But I've damaged the ground!" Cosmo sobbed. "I have to get grass seed and repair it!" She started off. Amy grabbed her by the collar.

"Somebody'll take care of it!" Amy said. "Hit the ball!"

Cosmo tapped it gently. It went a few feet.

"Harder, Cosmo!" Amy yelled.

Cosmo swung her club with all her might. Unfortunately, her hands were sweaty by now. The club went flying right off the course.

Crash!

"Uh oh!" Cream said.

"My new car!" Amy cried. "Cosmo, you threw your club right through the windshield!"

"I'm sorry, Amy!" Cosmo sobbed. "I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, Cosmo!" Tails said, putting his arm around her. "I'll fix your windshield, Amy!"

"You'd better!" Amy said.

Tails went and got Cosmo's club. After making sure there were no pieces of broken glass on it, he returned it to her.

"I ought to have my head examined, not stopping this now!" Amy cried. "But let's see if you can improve! Hold onto the club, and try again, you doofus!"

This time Cosmo's ball went flying. It hit Tails' ball, sending it crashing into yet another tree.

"I'm sorry, Tails!" Cosmo cried.

"That's okay," Tails said.

At the fifth hole, Cosmo's ball ended up in the sand trap. "What do I do now?" she asked.

"Go in there and knock it out!" Amy said.

So Cosmo climbed into the sand trap. She swung and missed. Sand flew up all around her.

"One," Amy said.

Cosmo swung again. Again she missed. Again sand flew up all around her.

"Two!" Amy said.

Cosmo swung again. Again she missed. This time, sand got in her eyes. "Ow!" she cried. She dropped her club and started staggering about. She walked around in circles for a minute, then finally climbed out of the sand trap. She walked into Amy, stepping on her foot.

"Ow!" Amy yelled. "Watch it, Cosmo!"

"I can't!" Cosmo sobbed. "I can't see!"

Tails helped Cosmo to the drinking fountain and rinsed her eyes out. "Thank you, Tails," Cosmo said.

"Don't mention it," Tails said.

Cosmo sighed. "Do I have to go back in the sand trap?"

"I'll just put down 'six'," Amy said.

The next problem came at the twelfth hole. Cosmo's ball fell in the water trap.

"Oh well," Amy said, "I'll just put down 'six' again, and…Cosmo! What are you doing?!"

Cosmo had kicked off her shoes and was wading through the water trap. "Trying to find my ball," she told Amy.

"She's a plant," Cream pointed out. "She loves water."

"Yeah, but isn't that recycled water?" Tails asked. "Cosmo, get out of there!"

"Just a minute!" Cosmo cried. "I've found my ball!" She swung. Splash!

"Oh good grief!" Amy said. She walked to the edge of the water trap. "Get out of there, nitwit!"

"What?" Cosmo called, swinging again. Splash! She got Amy right in the face.

"Cosmo!" Amy sputtered. "Get out of there NOW!" She was so furious, you could practically see flames all around her.

"Wait! I think I got it!" Cosmo cried. Splash! She got Amy in the face again. "No, I don't got it!"

Amy now had a pico-pico hammer in her hands. A vein stood out in her forehead. Cream put her index fingers against the side of her head. This, of course, meant that Amy was now "hopping mad."

"Once more!" Cosmo cried, oblivious to her danger. Splash! The ball went flying. "I did it!" she cried. "I did it!"

"Lucky shot!" Amy said through gritted teeth. She started to turn away, slipped on the damp ground, and fell into the water trap. Splash!

"Oh! Amy" Cosmo cried. She had stepped out of the water trap. She walked over to the water's edge and held her hand out. "Here, Amy! Let me pull you out!"

Amy grabbed Cosmo's hand and pulled. Splash! Cosmo went back in.

Finally, they reached the last hole. Amy, Tails, and Cream had all finished. That just left Cosmo. She hit the ball. It whizzed across the ground, just missing going in.

"Oh! So close!" Cream said. "Too bad, Cosmo!"

"Try again!" Tails cried.

Cosmo hit the ball. It skipped across the hole, just missing again.

"Try to do something right for a change!" Amy said.

Cosmo finally knocked the ball into the last hole. "Oh! Thank goodness!"

Tails and Cream hugged her. "Good job!" Tails cried.

"We knew you could do it!" Cream added.

"Let's get out of here before anything else goes wrong!" Amy said. She returned her club. "Give me yours, Cosmo!"

"Here you go, Amy," Cosmo said. She tripped on a pebble. "Whoops!" Cosmo's club went flying as she fell.

Crash! "My car!" Amy screamed. "You couldn't have hit the windshield again, could you? Nooo! You had to hit a window now!"

"I'm so sorry!" Cosmo sobbed. "It was an accident!"

"Yeah?" Amy said, pico-pico hammer in hand again. "I think I'm about to have an accident too!"

"Run, Cosmo!" Tails and Cream shouted.

Cosmo ran, Amy right behind her. Tails and Cream looked at each other, moaned, then took off flying after them. Tails flew Cosmo home.

"I'm sure Amy will be over her anger once I fix her car," Tails told Cosmo a little while later.

"I'm sure you're right," Cosmo said, looking out the living room window. "How long do you think she's going to stand outside, smacking her hand with her hammer?"

"I don't know," Tails admitted, "but I think you should stay inside away from windows for awhile."

"Come on, Cosmo!" Amy said sweetly, still smacking her hand. "Come on outside! I promise I won't hurt you!"

"Well, if she promises," Cosmo said, opening the door.

"Cosmo…No!" But it was too late.

Bam!

"That felt good!" Amy said. "Friends again?"The

"Which one of you Amies said that?" Cosmo asked.

"Oh, Cosmo!" Amy said, helping the Seedrian to her feet. "I just can't stay mad at you. You're so funny!"

"Thanks, I think," Cosmo said. "Can I interest you in a cup of tea?"

"Sure," Amy said. They went inside. Amy put down her hammer. Cosmo poured her tea.

"Here it is!" Cosmo said. "Careful, it's hot!"

"Cosmo!" Tails cried. "Look out for…"

Too late. Cosmo tripped on Amy's hammer. The hot tea splashed all over Amy.

"COS-MOOO!"

"Run?" Cosmo asked Tails.

"Run!" Tails cried.

And away they went again.

The end of chapter three

Next chapter, Amy tries to teach Cosmo to play Dungeons & Dragons. No rackets, balls, or clubs there, just paper, pencils, dice, and small figures. Surely nothing can go wrong this time, right? Right?