Yet another chapter in this crazy series of days in the life of Dissidia people. Still own nothing. Hope this is funny.


Chapter 3

"Oh, yes! The party is to be planned by brute force!" Shantotto pointed dramatically.

"Yes, now go talk to a wall," Squall waved her off, as he was trying to watch TV.

"Oh, ho, ho, ho!" the little midget-mage trotted off. "Marvelous joke!"

"This is getting old…" the SeeD muttered as he flipped the channel.

Tidus was humming his theme from FFX while hanging streamers in the gathering hall when he suddenly slipped and fell.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" CRACK!

"Medic!" Cloud called after examining the downed blitzer and the pool of blood slowly growing under his fractured skull.

"Get away!" Terra shouted, randomly shooting Blizzara spells at a spider that had come out of the box of tablecloths. The streamers were ruined, the ice sculpture that Firion and Cecil were carrying in was shattered, and OK was KO'd.

"I got it!" Zidane shouted. "Burn it up!" And the spider was torched…along with the tablecloths and half the tables.

"Light, give me strength…" WoL muttered, a hand to his forehead, as the fire alarms went off and water poured down on their heads. Squall merely licked his finger and turned the page in the magazine he was reading in a corner with his feet propped up.

"Light, give me strength…or whatever," Bartz mimicked, smirking at WoL and earning a pointy boot to the face.

"Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!" Shantotto added as she surveyed the carnage with a staff in hand. It was going to be a long day…

Meanwhile, at Chaos Shrine…

"Then I'll waltz in and ZAPPO!" Kefka concluded, disintegrating Kuja's action figures of the Cosmos crew.

"You blundering excuse for a circus performer!" the monkey-mage screamed as he cradled the charred remains. "One of these days…"

"Mwa, ha, ha!" Exdeath interjected.

"Perhaps we could disguise ourselves as the pizza delivery person…" Golbez suggested.

"And maybe you're not gay," Jecht retorted, obviously disapproving of the plan.

"Hey!" Golbez objected.

"The truly crafty must be leashed," CoD noted.

"Right…" Mateus muttered, making a mental note to cut the amount of candy that was available to everyone…except himself. He grabbed two chocolate-caramel bars before Garland could get them, making the full-plated guy shake in a Barret-esque fashion.

"Perhaps we should simply jump in through the skylight and Guilt them in the face, grab all the food, and run out!" Gabranth suddenly shouted, jumping up and brandishing his sword-thingy. Everyone looked at him and then thought for a moment.

"Turtle!" Exdeath agreed.

"Yes, that plan may just be the absolute stupidity we need," Mateus added.

"We'll send their party into the shadows!" CoD concurred as well.

"Very well," Golbez stated.

"Whatever," Jecht said from his upside down position in the trashcan with a lunar rock smashing him.

"TO ASH!" Garland shouted randomly. Several WTH looks later, they set about getting ready for their lame plan.

Back at Cosmos Castle…

"I implore you…don't cause as much collateral damage as last time," Cosmos said as she and WoL hung out in the hot tub in her large quarters (wearing swimsuits, of course).

"I will put an end to the conflict and accomplish the mission," WoL replied.

Down in the gathering hall…

"Don't put that there!" SQUISH! Firion looked under the box.

"Whoops. Sorry, Shantotto!" he said nervously as the little mage got up angrily.

"I think this is a natural progression!" she said as she summoned a tornado and tore up the hall again, flushing another hour's work down the drain.

Cosmos's Room…

"All right, so I may need some help," WoL admitted.

"I will believe in all of you, until the end…or I finally have to fire you, whichever comes first," Cosmos replied, leaning back and putting her feet in front of WoL.

"Yes, Cosmos…" WoL said meekly as he massaged her feet.

Back at Chaos Shrine…

"Fake dog leash, trick gum, explosive chocolate laxatives…" Exdeath crammed each object under his cape as he named it.

"Is that really necessary?" Mateus asked from the doorway. "It took me a week to get that gum bomb out of my hair,"

"Mwa, ha, ha!" Exdeath replied. "When I hit them with this stuff…Turtle!"

"All right, then…" the Emperor floated out and went down the hall. Glancing into Ultimecia's room, he saw her dancing around a fire, mostly naked and covered in chocobo blood.

After puking about something else, he continued to Garland's room, where he was punching a punching bag with everyone's picture on it (except for himself and Chaos, who was himself, technically).

"Checking into everyone?" CoD asked, floating up to him from her room.

"Are all these preparations…relevant?" Mateus mused aloud.

"I doubt it," CoD replied. "But they were never the sharpest blades in the inventory,"

"I'm the greatest!" Jecht shouted drunkenly from his room, followed promptly by a loud thud that indicated that he'd fallen down.

Free me from this fantasy. Mateus thought, putting a hand to his head as Golbez danced out of the kitchen with a tin of muffins and smudges of flour on his flowery apron.

Back at Cosmos's Castle…

"There we are," WoL said as he put the finishing touches on the gathering hall. By dismissing everyone except himself and Cecil, the preparations had been completed in 90 minutes instead of the 9 hours it would have otherwise likely taken.

"We decorated well," Cecil agreed.

"The catering has arrived," Cosmos informed them in her slow voice as she made OK push in the very large and heavy cart of food at gunblade point.

"Leave me alone!" he whined, running out after putting the cart in position.

"So now all we do is wait until tonight," WoL commented.

"Yes," she replied.

That night, outside…

"Hurry up, pitiful insect!" Mateus hissed as Garland wheezed and pulled himself up to the top of the hill.

"I…hate…hills…" Garland grumbled.

"Maybe you should take off some of that unsightly armor, then," Kuja tittered.

"Maybe you should turn to DUST!" Garland rasped angrily.

"It's a new adventure, turtles!" Exdeath announced loudly.

"Quiet down," CoD scolded them. "They'll hear us,"

"Unlikely," Golbez disagreed. "They are playing DDR Candyman so loudly that they wouldn't hear a stampede of chocobos coming,"

"I am the Judge Magister," Gabranth said randomly. Everyone gave him a WTH look. "Meaning, why do I have to drag this uncouth oaf!?" He dropped Jecht's drunk and unconscious body in front of them.

"He…does not have a place here," Ultimecia commented.

"Neither does Kuja, but we haven't kicked him out yet!" Kefka said excitedly.

"Why you-!" Kuja snarled, firing balls at the crazy clown, who just hopped, skipped, and jumped around them, laughing and screaming with joy (or insanity).

Inside…

"Do you hear something?" Cecil asked.

"I never hears nothin'," Zidane replied drunkenly, spilling some of his wine. "Hey, Terra! Baby!" He ran off to hit on her.

"I'm so frightened…" she curled up in a ball under the table.

"You're scaring her, Zargabaath," Shantotto scolded him, hitting him upside the head with her staff.

"This beer is a new adventure!" Bartz wobbled up drunkenly.

"Back off, Barfs!" the taru snapped, swiping at him. "This girl is not to be taken by brute force,"

"They're just tryin' to talk, dude," Firion said, cartwheeling by for no reason in particular.

"Ahh!" Terra teleported away.

"Geez, I ain't that drunk," Zidane grumbled, skipping off with Bartz.

On the roof…

"They are so gay," Mateus observed absently.

"Okay, plan in action!" Jecht shouted, swaying slightly on his feet. "Commencing in…AGHH!" He fell through the skylight.

"Meatheads, meatheads, everywhere!" Kefka shouted.

"No time! Go!" Gabranth dove in.

"Very well," Golbez followed.

Inside…

"Dad!" Tidus ran up and gave his drunk father a drunken punch to the face. "What're you doing here?!" Suddenly Gabranth landed next to them.

"My sustenance is…" he smacked Tidus in the face. "True hatred!" He waved his swords and the blitzer blew up for no reason.

"Time to part!" Golbez said before he landed, summoning a bunch of rocks out of the ground and tearing up most of the hall, injuring many, including his own comrades. "Farewell,"

"My reign is absolute!" Mateus declared as he swiped a bunch of food, kicked Firion in the crotch, and made a mad dash for the exit.

"ZAPPO!" Kefka blew up an ice sculpture in WoL's face before he could finish using his Shining Wave.

"Party Formation!" he shouted as a piece of cake hit him in the face.

"Time for the finalé!" Kuja declared as Exdeath threw out a bunch of trick items.

"Retreat!" CoD shouted, hefting 20 pizzas out the door.

"Very well," Golbez replied, levitating the beer kegs.

"Sephiroth!" Cloud shouted, having finally shown up for the party. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! A S was cut on the front of Cloud's shirt and Sephiroth was gone in a cloud of feathers.

"Darn you!" the ex-SOLDIER shouted. "These clothes cost 1000 gil!"

Back at Chaos Shrine…

"Well, that went tolerably well," Golbez said as he ate a slice of pizza, somehow.

"I wish that Mateus was a lollypop…" CoD sighed dreamily and drunkenly as she stared across the room at the emperor. He was sitting in the corner, sipping at some wine and, no doubt, thinking what a barely amusing diversion this party was.

"I wish that we'd stolen some more of their CDs," Garland grumbled, downing another martini as Candyman repeated again.

"Kuja's actually useful for something," Ultimecia said as he mixed a drink for Kefka.

"Hic…I'm…gonna…Hic!" the crooked clown commented vaguely.

"I foresee a hangover…" Sephiroth predicted grimly. "10, to be more exact,"

Back at Cosmos Castle…

"Me darn it!" Cosmos raged as she saw the chaos in her gathering hall. "What the heck happened in here?!"

"Chaos gang…" WoL moaned, still trying to get a vase off of his head, but it was being held on by his dorky helmet, making it difficult.

"CHAOS!" the goddess of harmony screamed, shattering every window in the castle. "Oh, crap…"

Chaos's Office…

"Whoo…" the god of discord turned down his A/C. "Where'd that chill come from?"


Poor Kuja, and it's odd how a supposed genious like Shantotto can't remember peoples names. Remember to review and I hope that this was an adequate diversion.