"I think we'd all like to put earlier's event behind us," Roy smiled, covered in bruises.
"Um, yes, we should," Riza replied, guility.
"I swear, I will sue," Ed growled, he had a massive black eye.
The other's all wimpered "yes".
"Anyway, let's have another story to settle our differences. Let's have one with no love stories or anything behind it, so we don't have a repeat of any said events," Roy said.
"Fair enough," Ed shrugged, "But if this story sucks, I'm gonna sue you for all I can for unnecessary brutality."
"So the story will be GoldiEd and the Three Military Dogs," Roy started.
"Oh, Hell no. I know where this is going and I am opting out. I refuse to star in the… Roy are you listening?" Ed growled.
"No, I've already started the story. So like I was saying…"
Starring:
Ed as Goldilocks
Roy as Papa Hayate
Riza as Mama Hayate
Fuery as Baby Hayate
"Mama Bear, this porridge is far too hot again," Papa Hayate sighed.
"What did you say?" she barked in response, producing a gun.
"Nothing, but let's all go for a walk for no reason in particular at all," Papa Hayate suggested.
"But it's scary in the woods," Baby Hayate whimpered, pushing his glasses up.
"Shut up, Baby Hayate," Papa Hayate said hitting the back of Baby Hayate's head.
"Well then, what're we waiting for? Let's all go for a random walk in the woods," Mama Hayate said.
With that the dogs left and didn't lock their cottage door, being dogs security is not a key concern.
They didn't notice, however, that a small blonde girl in a pink frilly checkered dress with her hair in two pleats with bows at the end..."
____
"We get it Colonel. You can stop describing GoldiEd now," Ed growled.
"I don't think I will," Roy grinned.
____
"So anyway GoldiEd was wearing her beautiful dress with matching heels and was eagerly watching the house.
"Ha, they're bound to have food," she said, waiting cunningly.
As soon as the hayate family were out of sight the young GoldiEd quickly ran in, she saw the three porridges on the table.
"Mmmm. Food!" she exclaimed, leaping at the table.
GoldiEd picked up the first one.
"It's a bit salty, but I'm not complaining," she said, happily scoffing down the first bowl.
"This one's a bit sweet, but I do have a sweet tooth!" GoldiEd exclaimed, wolfing down the second bowl of porridge.
"And this one is perfect, so I should eat it too," she ate the third bowl.
GoldiEd then decided she needed to sit down.
First she walked to the small chair which she found an insult to her height and proceeded to kick to pieces.
The next chair he saw was too big and she couldn't sit on it so she proceeded to smash it to tiny bits as well.
The last chair was just right, but she was in a destructive mood so destroyed it too…"
____
"Hang on, Colonel. Brother isn't that destructive," Al pointed out, but upon turning to Ed he was forced to eat his words as Ed was currently tearing up some random paperwork because Ed thought he had had his height insulted.
Roy glared at Al.
"Carry on, Colonel," Al apologised.
____
"So like I was saying, having destroyed all the chairs then thought that she was very tired after eating all that food so went upstairs for a nap. He walked into the bedroom.
"It appears like there are three beds," GoldiEd said, being a Captain Obvious.
The first bed was far too big for GoldiEd so he set about destroying it.
The third bed was just the right size for GoldiEd, which meant it was absolutely tiny. GoldiEd also found this to be an insult so tore it to pieces and shredded the blanket with his teeth because he is a vicious son of a …"
_____
"Sir, I warned you last time," Riza scowled, "Make it child friendly."
"Colonel, I have something to say," Ed stood and stared him in the eyes, "You are a BLEEP BLEEP BLEEPity BLEEPing BLEEP BLEEP. You are about as nice as a BLEEP BLEEP BLEEPer BLEEPing BLEEP BLEEPity BLEEPed BLEEPer. So BLEEP you."
"Why thank you Ed, and for that you'll be the Princess in the next one too. And to think I was considering Havoc," Roy stated.
Havoc gave a vague look of shock and his cigarette nearly fell from his mouth.
"Anyway, let's continue…"
_____
"The only bed that remained standing was perfect, who cares that it was pink and girly, so he went and fell asleep on it because suddenly it was nightfall and the dogs had been out on their random little walk for almost twelve hours, they got distracted by a stick.
But when the Hayate family returned they found their food gone and that all their chairs were destroyed.
"That's it, I am gonna kill the little bleeper who did this," Mama Hayate growled, producing a gun again.
The dogs sneaked upstairs quietly and peeked into the.
"He.. I mean she destroyed my bed!" Papa Hayate whimpered.
"Mine too," Baby Hayate cried.
"Shut up," Papa Hayate scolded with a slap to the back off Baby Hayate's head.
With that GoldiEd woke up.
"Now I know it looks like I've destroyed all your stuff, but I can explain…" GoldiEd started.
But Mama Hayate pulled out her gun and shot her several times.
The End"
_____
"I'm pretty sure that that's not how that story goes, Chief," Havoc said.
"Know what Havoc. BLEEP you, Havoc. BLEEP you!" ROy stormed out.
"That was… interesting," Ed sighed, "Lt. Hawkeye, I just have one thing to say, I intend to sue. You'll be hearing from my lawyer."
Ed handed Hawkeye a card.
"Scar from Ishbal - Sexy Hobo & Discount Lawyer" it read.
Riza looked at the card disapprovingly, then looked at Ed.
"He's settled down. He went to law school," Ed said, "So we should wrap this up now."
"Yeah. Don't do drugs," Havoc stated.
"What?"
"I assumed there should be a moral to this story, so the moral of this story is 'Don't do drugs'," Havoc said.
"Oh, ok," Ed sighed, "What a load of BLEEP."
So this one is really random, but meh, what're you gonna do?
The next one should be CinderEdla, but anything can happen. I may end up completing Alphonse and The Bean Shrimp first.
Also I return to school tomorrow, so I can no longer stay up till the early hours to write fanfics, so sorry for anyone who has to wait on stories being completed etc.. Plus I kinda have two essays and a solo talk to write... And even if I were to stay up and write fanfics to the early hours it would certainly affect my classes (I struggle to stay awake in biology, maths and German anyway so that would only worsen things), but I will continue to use my Maths jotter to note down ideas in. But ssh! That doesn't leave this webpage as my maths teacher would be pissed if he found out. But I digress.
Also now I feel the need to write some actiony (that's not a word but I don't care) fanfics, possibly because I started to watch Kuroshitsuji (which is kick-ass) and possibly because I went and saw Sherlock Holmes at the cinema (also kick-ass), so expect some of that, Roy'll probably mess up a very peaceful fairytale with a dramatic fightscene featuring Ed in a dress. *fantasizes and drools* Sorry, I digress again.
Anyway, please review! All suggestions, constructive critisicism, etc is welcome!
Bye~!
Amy.
