I enjoyed writing this chapter, really I did. –laugh- And, so you know, I don't really hate Draco. Too much. In some fanfics, maybe he's okay…

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

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Lily rubbed her forehead as she surveyed the destruction of her house. The emergency crews, both muggle and magical, had left. All that was left was the after mass. The fire had been put out. The silly string still hung around like a garish spider web. There was some glowing substance she was vainly hoping was glow paint. The couch was back to being a couch, and not a furry monster with teeth. The toilet was no longer shouting profanity, but it was still trying to eat people. Most of the ghosts were gone…

There was more, such as the fact that her son had been running around screaming with joy, naked, pained like a Hindu god. Or that her husband was dressed in an adult diaper. And that Black was trying to convincer her to let his penguin pals live in her nonexistent basement. But that saddest, by far was Remus Lupin.

He was wearing lady's lingerie, red and black. Lily was pretty sure there was a frog in his hair. He was on her kitchen counter, on his back, with his head in her sink.

"I really expect better of you."

"…"

"You don't let it get this far."

"…"

"Or you just clean up the evidence."

"…"

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"

"… It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Lily twitched and drew her wand.

###

Fred Weasly, by himself, walked into the Hufflepuff common. He looked like he could have been the fourth musketeer. Everyone in the room stared at him, and he stared back, looking for someone. His eyes lit up when he saw that person. He walked up to Cedric, took off both gloves and slapped the other boy on the cheek.

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You kill my father. Prepare to die."

Fred departed from the room.

The occupants looked at poor Cedric.

"What the hell?"

###

In the Gryffindor common room Neville stared at George. The redhead had a full length mirror next to him, and was talking in a confusing manner.

"So George and" pause "bee in his" pause "ate it without" pause "boy, did it" pause "his mouth!"

"George? What are you doing?"

"I'm not George," George said "I'm Fred. This is George." He pointed to the mirror next to him.

Neville looked at Oliver.

The Captain didn't even look up from his homework. "Fred wondered off about five minutes ago. George cracked, and pulled out that mirror. He's convinced his reflection is his twin. The pauses are so 'Fred' can speak."

"Oh." The boy turned back to half-twin and mirror to listen to half of a conversation that might have been funny.

###

McGonagall walked up to Dumbledore. "Headmaster, I was just wondering, for tax purposes, how old are you?"

"Tax purposes?"

"Yes. Its rather complicated. Please answer the question."

"I am five."

"Five… hundred?"

"No."

"Five… thousand?"

"No."

"Five… million?"

"No. Just five."

"As in… one, two, three, four, five?"

"Yes."

"…"

"Always remember, you're only as old as you remember."

###

There wasn't a meal that Pomona Sprout enjoyed more then fish, with a side garden salad, of course. It didn't matter the kind of fish, any sort would do. There was a particular Hogwarts house elf, Floopy, that made the best salmon ever.

At least once a week Pomona would enjoy eating fish. Until a certain senile headmaster hired a nutty professor.

Three days after this professor had been hired fish was served for dinner. Pomona's fork was just an inch away from her mouth with a horrified, wailing scream filled the great hall. The poor Hufflepuff head of house dropped her fork.

Sybil Trelawney jumped up on the professor's table and screamed "Fish are Friends! NOT Fooooooooood!"

Fish was no longer served at Hogwarts. And if the plants that Trelawney was allergic to kept showing up in her bed… well, no one would look at cheerful, innocent Professor Sprout.

###

"I just don't get it," Draco said one day.

"Get what?" Pansy asked without looking up from her book.

"Why so many girl hang out around Longbottom."

"Oh, that's because they're in his harem."

Draco stared. "What?"

Pansy rolled her eyes at him. "He has about twenty-five girls in it."

"Why the hell does that idiot get a harem?"

Pansy signed and closed her book. "He's not the only one. Cedric Diggory has one-"

"Didn't he die?"

"No," Pansy said with exaggerated patience "That was just a cover up by the Ministry to try and discredit Potter. As if his thirty some harem girls would let him die." She snorted.

Draco didn't know how to react.

"Anyways, The Weasly twins have quiet a number-"

"Wait, they each have their own harem?" Draco demanded.

"No. The have their own harem."

"So, they share-"

"No, they have a fifty-five member harem."

Draco let the subject drop.

"Potter has eighty something-"

"What about the Slytherin or Ravenclaws?" Draco burst out.

Pansy glared. "Blaise Zabini had around forty girls, and the Ravenclaws prudes. There's one Hufflepuff who claims to have a harem of about five guys, but everyone knows he really just has an open relationship..."

Draco did some quick math "Wait a minute, there aren't that many girls in Hogwarts!"

"That's because some girls are in multiple harems. Lovegood is in all five, but I think she's the only one."

"How do I get one?" Draco demanded.

Pansy laughed. "Oh, I'm sorry. You were siruis? Well… see, um, there really aren't many girls who want to be in your harem."

Draco looked crestfallen.

"Don't worry." Pansy patted him on the back. "I'm sure you'll find some foreign girl to marry you." she picked up her book and left.

Draco looked around the empty room. "Draco unloved…"

###

Neville was on a quest to know which flower girls liked the most.

"Hey, Susan? What's you're favorite flower?"

"Chocolate."

Neville had never heard of the chocolate flower, but surely that wasn't a very popular choice.

"Hello Hannah. What is your favorite flower?"

"Chocolate."

Surprised Neville moved on. "Daphne, what is your favorite flower?"

"Chocolate."

"Pansy, favorite flower?"

"Chocolate."

"Angeline, favorite flower?"

"Chocolate."

"Katie? Flower?"

"Chocolate."

Poor Neville was bewildered, He'd never head of the chocolate flower before. Did he really know so little about plants? "I don't understand!" He wailed.

"Understand what?" Luna asked.

Neville jumped. "What every time I ask what a girl's favorite is, thy say chocolate. I don't know what the chocolate flower is."

Luna giggled. "Silly boy, don't you know?"

"I guess not…"

"Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is." Luna skipped off.

Neville face palmed.

###

"You'd think that killing people would get you friends, but really it just gets people dead."

Everyone in the Ravenclaw common room stared at Luna.

"Is she really going to kill someone?" a first year asked.

"I wouldn't put it past her. She has friends in high places," another replied.

"Yeah. With the Gryffindor," a third said.

Luna smiled and unwrapped a lollypop to suck on.