"It seems like every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me. Please say honestly you won't give up on me." I Shall Believe- Sheryl Crow
-.-.-.-.-
Nobody was really surprised when Jade West didn't show up to school that Friday…
That is, except for Tori Vega.
The young brunette knew how hurt the raven-haired girl was; as did the rest of her friends. The difference was that she was the only one who seemed to want to help her. Tori still worried every single day, and tried to cheer up Jade any way she could.
But it was as if the rest of them had given up on her.
She shook her head in disappointment as she made her way through the bright halls of Hollywood Arts, pretending it didn't faze her to pass by Beck's (now abandoned) transparent locker. Soon, she reached the before mentioned friends; who were all sitting at their usual lunch table at the Asphalt Café.
They were being uncharacteristically quiet, and she wanted to know why.
"Hey guys, what's going on? Do any of you know where Jade is?" Tori asked as she dropped her book bag onto the deserted space beside her.
"Today's November 4th," Cat Valentine answered quietly, her large brown eyes filling with sadness. She lowered her head and returned her attention to the untouched pasta on her tray.
"What does that have to do with Jade?"
"Today would have been Beck and Jade's anniversary," Andre clarified, and she didn't miss the slight bitterness that entered his tone as he spoke their names.
"The Wicked Witch of the West and Pretty Boy would have been together for three years today, you know; if she hadn't ditched him," Rex piped up, before Robbie shrieked in indignation and scolded him for the comment.
Tori's lips formed into a frown as her brain registered their words.
They were all so angry and hurt, and it had already been four weeks since Beck left.
Beck's departure had shaken them all, but as expected; Jade was the most affected.
She was… unstable, to say the least.
The first week that Beck was gone, Jade had been inconsolable.
Nobody could get her out of her room, and when her mother finally convinced her to go to school the second week; things had gotten intense. She walked around in a haze of sorrow and self-pity; the fire was gone from her eyes, as was her usual passionate nature.
Except when she felt overwhelmed; then she would explode.
Jade would lash out at everything and everyone that crossed her path, choosing to adopt a destructive personality in those instances. It wasn't like before, when she would do it out of anger or frustration; now she did it out of despair, out of necessity. Panic would overtake her and she'd push back anyone who got too close for comfort.
Tori noticed how it mostly happened when people tried to question her about Beck, and she never missed the (always-present) hollowness and pain in her (now-dull) blue eyes.
Now that Beck was gone, so was her balance. She was always either at one end of an extreme, or the other.
So when Jade lashed out at Tori one day, she didn't take it personally or let it offend her. She knew Jade was simply trying to push her away so she could be left alone, and it only served to further fuel her desire to help the girl who had considered her a rival for so long.
Unfortunately, Cat had also been subjected to one of Jade's attacks, and the sensitive redhead had not been as understanding. She couldn't understand how her best friend, her sister, could be so mean to her, when all she wanted was to help.
When they were younger, they had been confidants; swearing eternal friendship and loyalty. They told each other everything, and even though Cat couldn't always understand Jade's rationalizing and decisions; she had always accepted them (and her) without any objections or conditions.
Then Beck Oliver came along, and he stole Jade away from her.
Suddenly, it stopped being Jade and Cat: best friends forever, and became Beck&Jade: everything, always.
When news broke that Beck was now gone, Cat couldn't stop the bittersweet feelings that ran through her. Of course she would miss Beck, he was her friend; but maybe now that he was no longer a part of their lives, she could have her Jade back. They could go back to the way things used to be, before any boys had made their way so permanently into their lives.
Disappointment and hurt filled the (usually) perky girl when she realized that even if Beck wasn't physically there, he still had complete control of Jade's heart and attention. She was competing against a memory (and losing). The girl she had known her entire life; the strong, independent Jade who promised to never change, wasn't there anymore.
It was then that Cat Valentine accepted that maybe Jade West would never be the girl she grew up regarding as her sister again, and she wasn't sure she liked and wanted this new Jade in her life.
So she stopped trying, and stayed away.
Andre Harris didn't know what he felt, expect for a small resentment against both Beck and Jade.
He would admit that he didn't know the whole story, Beck having not informed any of them and Jade refusing to speak about it; but he was still angry.
Because what he did know was that Cheryl had passed away, and Jade had abandoned Beck when he needed her the most.
He couldn't understand what had prompted her to break up with him; he was offended on Beck's behalf, which was why he kind of understood why Beck had left so suddenly and cut off all communication.
It didn't mean he was fine-and-dandy with his decision.
They were supposed to be best friends, and Beck had just dropped him like hot iron. Didn't he deserve at least the courtesy of a phone call or final conversation? He knew the girl in question meant a lot to him, but that didn't excuse him from disregarding the rest of his friend's feelings.
Jade had been his friend too, an initial mutual artistic respect and acceptance had formed into an honest friendship (and small crush on his side). She was one of the only people he felt could really understand his creative ideas, and keep up with him intellectually.
Now Beck was gone, and Jade might as well be, with the way she acted; he'd lost two of his best friends at the same time, and there was nothing he could do about it.
And Robbie Shapiro was just (plain) angry.
Beck was his friend, his real friend, and Robbie had always had an admiration for him.
It was why he always followed him around, and listened to his advice. Beck had turned into an older-brother figure for him. Even though he knew he his personality often annoyed him and their friends, Beck was always there for him.
For the first time, Robbie knew what it felt like to have someone really be there, he had an image to imitate.
His father had walked out on him and his family when he was too young to remember, and he never had any brothers. The only people ever to be an example for him were his Ma-maw and mother. Both wonderful, but not what a growing boy needed as a role model.
Now he was gone; and more than likely never coming back.
And he had no one else to blame, but Jade.
While Tori could understand their reasons for being upset with Jade, she didn't accept them.
Couldn't they see that she needed them?
Jade was more alone than ever, and they were turning their backs on her?
What kind of friends were they? Where was their loyalty and solidarity?
In that moment, Tori decided she would be paying Jade a visit as soon as school ended.
-.-.-.-.-
When Tori arrived at the West Residence, she didn't know what to expect.
She'd been over on a few occasions, so it was no problem getting Linda to let her into the house. In fact, she could have sworn she saw relief in the housekeeper's eyes as she pointed her towards Jade's bedroom. Her attention was diverted when she passed by the living room and noticed the young boy sitting there, eyes mindlessly watching a random kid's show on television.
It was Sam.
As if reading her mind, the boy turned around to stare at her with the familiar wide, blue eyes. The same eyes his sister had, which they inherited from their father.
Tori had always been a sucker for the boy, believing that his shiny blue eyes and shaggy, brown hair made him just about the most adorable kid she had ever seen. Except that his eyes looked too familiar this time, and not in the way they should.
They were full of sadness, just like Jade's.
"Hey, Tori," he greeted her, his voice quiet and low, eyes returning to the screen in front of him.
"Hey Sam, what's up?"
"Jade won't come out of her room, and she's been in there since yesterday when she got home from school," he informed her. "Usually my mom can get her to come out, but she left on a business trip for the weekend."
"Tori, do you know why she's so mad and won't talk to me? I think she hates me now, but I don't know what I did."
He turned around once again, and Tori's heart broke when she saw the thick tears rolling down his now-flushed cheeks. Confusion filled his voice, as did his frustration over the dilemma. His lips formed into a pout as he tried to stop himself from crying, because boys don't cry (daddy said so).
She quickly made her way towards Sam, and enveloped him in a hug. The boy clung on to her, and Tori knew that she had to help Jade not just for her, but also for all the people who were hurting with her.
"No Sam, she doesn't hate you. Your sister's just going through a really hard time right now, but I promise to help her get back to normal," Tori comforted him, leaning down to wipe away the evidence of his tears as he sniffled next to her.
After spending a couple of more minutes making sure Sam was feeling better, she quickly continued her path up the stairs and to Jade's room; determination burning in her.
To her surprise, the door wasn't locked.
Tori almost wished it had been.
"Jade?" She called out, testing to see just what she had to brace herself for.
"Go away, Vega," came the muffled response, but Tori heard the broken tone, and she pushed herself further into the dark room.
The thick, dark curtains were shut, blocking out any sort of light from the outside. Articles of clothing were scattered throughout the room, and in the center of it all; there was Jade.
She was lying down on her bed, covers pulled over her body and arms clutching a pillow close to her. Her face was buried into the same pillow, trying to avoid the light from the hallway that filtered into the room in any way possible.
Tori closed the door behind her, and made her way next to the opposite side of the room, deciding to sit on the floor and rest her back against the wooden bed frame.
"Leave, I just want to be alone," she snapped from her place, but her voice lacked force.
"No, I don't think so. I'm not leaving until you understand that you're not alone."
"Fine; do whatever you want," Jade answered back, too tired to even argue at this point.
She was just… exhausted.
She was tired of pretending she was fine. She was tired of the superior and knowing looks everyone at school shot her; they all thought Beck had finally left her (as if they had any idea of the truth). She was tired of the rumors that still hadn't died down, and appeared to grow every day.
She was tired of the judgment in her friend's eyes:
Andre's accusing (she's so sorry).
Robbie's hatred (she never wanted him to leave).
Cat's sadness (she could never understand).
Tori's worry (she should be).
She hated the way her little brother looked at her, like if she was broken (she was).
She hated the way her mother always hovered over her when she was around, as if she was going to run away back to Beck at any moment (which she might).
She was tired of the way Sikowitz stared at her, and always picked her to demonstrate to the class (oh, so now he chose her).
She was tired of Lane's insistence that she talk to him; she didn't need anyone to help her (she really did).
Most of all; she was tired of how much everything just hurt.
She hated the pain that stabbed through her chest, always throbbing inside of her and preventing her from breathing. She hated the way she couldn't eat, because of the rancid sensation that ran up her throat after she took a bite; the way it seemed to be stuck in her chest. She didn't have a disorder, of that she was sure; it was simply the metaphorical weight (that felt too real) pressing against her heart, that didn't allow her body to function properly.
Jade only wanted to stay here, in her room; away from everything and everyone. She wanted to sleep; sleep and not wake up until things didn't hurt anymore, or at least not as much.
Well, that's not entirely true; she wanted one thing more than everything else.
She wanted Beck to stop calling her (but dreaded the day he actually did, just as much).
The constant phone calls and text-messages had to stop; they made her doubt herself.
Those calls made her want to answer him, which she never did; because she knew once he got her in a weaker state, she'd be on the first flight to Canada, back to him. She had to remind herself why she chose to stay, and that only got harder to do with each passing day.
He left her a few voicemails: those, she couldn't stop herself from listening, or from reading his texts. She needed to at least hear him, to have that verification that he was still alive and somewhere in the world; even if she couldn't be there with him, even if it broke her heart (call her a masochist).
In some of them; he was sweet, and she would listen as his voice pleaded with her to answer him; to talk to him so they could fix everything and be together again. Sweet promises and reminders of dreams and plans they had together, references to their future never missing (it could be so easy).
In others; he hated her. He cursed her, and ever falling for her. He called her every insult he could think of, and said things carefully calculated to hurt her the most; to stab through her defenses. He wanted her to hurt, just as much as he was hurting (it's ok though, she knows she deserves it).
On those occasions: a message from him reading, I'm Sorry, would be in her text-messages the next day, without a fail.
And she forgave him, because how could she not; when she had so much more to be repentant for?
"Talk to me, Jade. I promise not to judge, I just want to help you."
Jade was broken out of her thoughts by the voice speaking to her; Vega.
She had forgotten for a second that she was there; Tori had been unusually quiet since she marched into her room. She was at a lost for what to do, but she was still here, still trying after everyone else gave up; Jade had to admit that the girl was loyal.
It was then that Jade realized something.
Unlike the others, Tori didn't want anything from her; she didn't expect anything in return from her.
Her mother wanted her to forget Beck and move on; Sam wanted her to go back to normal; Cat wanted her best friend back; Robbie wanted her to bring Beck back; and Andre wanted answers: all things she couldn't and wasn't ready to do yet.
But not Tori Vega.
The only thing Tori wanted, was the chance to help. She wanted to help Jade fix herself again, because she cared, and for nothing else. So Jade decided that if she had to talk to someone, someone who might be able to understand her and her reasons, that person would be Tori.
She stretched out her arm from underneath the soft pillow and rested her hand of Tori's shoulder; who didn't miss a beat and quickly placed her hand over Jade's, lightly squeezing her fingers to prove she was there; she was listening, and wasn't going anywhere.
It was a silent acceptance of friendship.
"I miss him," Jade whispered.
"I know you do, we all do," Tori conceded, before pressing for more information. There was obviously more to the story for Jade to be so torn up about it. "What really happened, Jade, why did Beck leave?"
"His mom passed away in a car accident, and I was with her when it happened," Jade confessed.
Tori's eyes widened in surprise and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, before a thought started creeping up her spine.
"Did Beck blame you?" She asked quietly, not wanting to believe he'd be capable of doing so; but understanding how it might be a possibility.
"No, he didn't," Jade assured her, before adding, "His dad did. He blames me for everything."
"He was right, you know," she continued sardonically. "I'm poison. If Cheryl hadn't taken me home, she'd still be here. He said everything bad that happened in Beck's life lately was my fault, and that he'd blame me one day too. He said it in front of everyone, at the funeral, and Beck wanted me to leave with him; but I couldn't. I loved him, I really did; but I couldn't," Jade rambled out, all the emotions she had been suppressing flooding out of her as her grip tightened on the brunette's shoulder; fingernails digging into the plaid material.
Tori winced, and she could tell that her skin would more than likely be bruised in a few hours.
The distraught girl continued speaking, unloading on her and Tori's heart broke; just as much as Jade's did. She had to fight off the urge to protest as she listened to some of blames Jade placed on herself. She could obviously see that she didn't deserve them; that Jade was wrong and just couldn't see it yet because of the guilt she felt.
She didn't turn around or tried to stop her though.
Because Tori had been in a similar situation before, and she knew that you don't always need someone to comfort you and say everything will be alright.
Sometimes, the only thing you really need is for someone to listen without judging.
Tori knew Jade, and she knew she liked working things out on her own; she didn't like pity or help from anyone.
Jade hated feeling weak and vulnerable, but her walls were down at the moment.
Tori was sure that if she interrupted or tried to comfort her; those same walls would snap back into place and Jade would push her away.
Plus, there wasn't really anything she could say that could fix her problems; so she did the only thing she could.
Jade had finally opened up to her; and Tori knew that she would be able to help her see the truth with time. Together, they would find a way to let go of the pass and move on. Jade was broken, but she didn't have to always be that way. It would be a long and difficult process, but she had faith that it would be worth it at the end.
Right now, Tori simply listened; and for Jade, that was enough.
-.-.-.-.-
Two weeks later, Jade West was not having a good day.
While she was starting to feel better, it didn't mean that she was fine now; by any length of the word.
Lane had called her into his office, again.
Except this time, it wasn't to give her a lecture on how she needed to talk to somebody. She had the suspicion that Tori had told him she was helping her so that he would back off of her.
This visit however, was not due to her emotional well- being; but to her academic one instead.
He had made it quite clear that, while he understood her; she had to show work before she failed out of her classes.
Jade would admit that she had been lacking in her school work lately. Honestly, she wanted to do the work; but she couldn't concentrate enough to focus on math equations and physics. Her mind was a mess, thoughts frantically bounced from one side to the next, filled with unsolved dilemmas that had nothing to do with school.
So now, she was going to get kicked out if she didn't catch up in a month and half's work.
To top it all off, she had received a new message from Beck.
To say that he was angry today would be the understatement of the century.
Jade wished she could tell Tori about it, but knew it was impossible. There was no doubt in her mind that once the brunette found out about the continued communication and the effect it had on her, she would force her to stop it. The phone would likely be confiscated, ending all contact. So she hid that fact from her, and everybody else.
They were making progress, they really were. Jade trusted Tori, and listened to her advice. She was starting to see herself in a new light, and she liked the change that was happening.
But that phone was the last link she had to Beck.
Giving it up would be the equivalent of letting go of him once and for all.
How was she going to find out if he was still fine, if she didn't have that reminder?
He refused to call anyone besides her (she knew, she'd asked). Even if she didn't answer him, at least she knew that he was still out there (he still cared).
Was it deteriorating to her? Definitely so.
Did she care? Not a bit.
Now here she was, tapping her fingers angrily against the metal table as she tried to decipher the Physics textbook placed in front of her. Soon enough she gave up on it, deciding it was pointless to try and concentrate when her mind refused to think of anything besides Beck.
She crossed her arms in front of her and rested them on top of the book, before dropping her head onto them and beginning to take deep breaths.
The pain was still there, just as always; but now she was finding ways to manage it. She knew one day she's wake up and realize it didn't hurt anymore, or at the very least she'd be able to remember Beck with serenity. She wouldn't think of him as her tragic love story; but as her real, first love.
For now though; it still hurt like a bitch.
"You know, he would hate seeing you this sad."
"I highly doubt that," she murmured to herself, his last message still fresh on her mind.
Jade lifted her face to meet Andre's soft brown eyes, worry etched into them. She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to decipher his intentions.
This was the first time he had voluntarily spoken to her by himself, since Beck left. She knew he blamed her, and that was okay with her; so what did he want now? He looked nervous, but sincere?
She couldn't tell anymore.
"I've been thinking a lot lately," he began quietly. "And I'm sorry," Andre added, looking away from her.
"Why are you sorry?" Jade asked, genuinely confused.
He sighed, before taking a seat in front of her. They were alone, Jade having decided to sit in a reclusive area away from the rest of the school population (running as usual). Regardless, Andre didn't have to worry about other people hearing and spreading their conversation.
"For being a bad friend to you," he finally answered her. "I was so upset with how I felt, that I forgot that you were feeling even worse. I guess it was just easier to blame you, rather than trying to understand your reasons."
Jade was taken aback. She hadn't expected him to ever speak to her again, much less apologize. She softened her eyes at him, and forced her lips to form a smile for his benefit.
"It's okay, I understand."
"It shouldn't be okay though," he contradicted her. "Beck was my best friend, but you're my friend too. I shouldn't have turned my back on you the way I did. Can we be friends, if I promise not to do it again?"
His eyes were sincere and hopeful, looking for redemption. She lightly angled her face, as if seriously contemplating her options.
"Help me with this Physics homework, and I'll think about it," she answered him, finally ending his suspense.
And Andre knew he was forgiven.
-.-.-.-.-
It was December 26th; almost three months since the last time Jade West had seen Beck Oliver.
More importantly; it was the first day Jade woke up and felt that maybe things were finally going to start really changing for her. Maybe the universe finally realized all the shit it put her through, and was giving her a breather.
Because last night she had smiled, a real smile; for the first time in a way too long.
Tori and Andre had somehow convinced her to perform with them in a special Christmas Event, for charity. They had both been incredible to her in the past few weeks, when she needed them most; and Jade couldn't deny them that small act of gratitude.
Tori had transformed herself into a sister for her, always willing to listen. Jade knew that she could always count on her, for anything. Tori would be there for Jade every time she broke down and wanted to give up. She forced her to see that she wasn't to blame, and baked her muffins to cheer her up; when all else failed.
Andre had taken the role of an older brother. It was as if he believed that if Beck was gone, it was his responsibility to protect her. She knew he kept the other students at bay, making sure they left her alone. He even managed to get Rex to stop making comments about Beck when she was around.
Being up on a stage, singing her heart out, letting everything out again; it had amazing, almost therapeutically so.
Beck was still always on her mind, and probably always would be; but it was becoming manageable to be without him now.
She knew she'd be okay again.
Besides her, the green Pear Phone began vibrating.
Jade grabbed for it, figuring it'd probably be Tori who wanted to keep celebrating over the success of the event, or maybe tell her about the Christmas gifts she received.
Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion when she looked at the screen and didn't recognize the number. She always checked, not wanting to answer Beck by accident.
She considered for a moment that it might be her father, calling to congratulate them from wherever he currently was. Her father had so many different telephone numbers, that she didn't bother to try and keep track of them. Curiosity got the best of her, and her fingers tapped over the "Accept" option when it rang for the third time.
"Um, is this Jade West?" The frantic voice over the opposite end questioned. It was a guy, and he sounded the same age as her, which only served to confuse Jade even more.
Who was calling her, and why did they have her number?
"Yeah, who's this?"
"Oh thank God," the voice answered, releasing a sigh of relief. "My name's Michael, and I'm calling because of my friend Beck Oliver."
Jade quickly sat upright from her place on the chair in her room, clutching the phone closer to her ear to make sure she wasn't imagining anything. Beck would never give her phone number to anyone, specially someone she didn't know.
"What happened to Beck, where is he?" She questioned him, a bad feeling forming on the pit of her stomach. Something was wrong, something was definitely wrong.
"Beck's in the hospital right now; and you really need to be here."
-.-.-.-.-
AN: And here is Chapter 3!
OK, so don't hate me yet. I promise the next chapter is all Bade and them being reunited (and it feels so good! –Sorry, couldn't help myself- )
Do you guys understand why Jade won't answer Beck?
I hope this makes sense, I tried to show a little of how each of them is feeling. If you're confused about anything, just ask me and I'll try to explain it =)
Thanks so much for all the awesome reviews you guys leave, they really make my day.
Don't forget to Review Kris aka imlaughingnow's new stories! One Is a Bade and the other is a Jori friendship!
And don't forget to Review!
-Lele
