After uploading 12th chapter, I thought I needed to rebuild this one. So, here it goes - improved. Flawless? Never. I encourage you to review if you want this to look even better! ;)
For this chapter I chose:
- "The Great Pretender" - Freddie Mercury
- "I Dreamed a Dream" from the musical "Les Misérables" (the version of Ruthie Henshall is, in my opinion, the best)
- "Hurt" - Christina Aguilera.
When Silence Speaks Volumes
Ash and Pikachu were in the plane on their way to Pallet. Pikachu was in deep sleep because they had gotten up very early that morning to catch their flight. On the other hand, Ash could not sleep, not even close his eyes to relax a bit. Every time he did, he was taken to another place and he felt like kicking himself for that. I'm going crazy, Ash thought, running a hand over his face. He knew very well that his mom would probably invite lots and lots of people to the party - including her, he mentally added.
He felt divided - he didn't know what to do or think. Of course he wanted to go to a party his mother was organizing and… and seeing her after so long would be everything he could wish for - or maybe not. Ash knew that it had been four years, and although his heart told him it was not true, he could not avoid the possibility that another person might have come into her life. He could not erase the past, hide it or let it alone. That was his curse, one he had been holding onto for a long time.
But even in all his pain, deep inside, he just wished Misty was okay, not suffering. Why would she? She's the strongest girl I've ever known. And besides, she never told me she loved me, did she? Ash sighed faintly. He felt useless. Is this ever going to stop? Will she make it stop? These were some of the many questions his head was dealing with, still not finding the answers to calm his shaking soul.
Delia Ketchum was peacefully making lunch while humming a familiar tune. Mr. Mime, right next to her, was extremely focused on her hands, trying to learn a new recipe from his master.
"…so, now you add this and wait a few minutes and voilà" she finished with a giggle, cleaning her hands in the apron. "Understood?"
"Mime!"
"Great!" she exclaimed cheerfully, petting it. Delia turned her attention to the clock. It was almost lunch time. "Ash should be arriving very soon," she supposed happily. She hadn't seen her baby boy for a while, and she was so excited he was coming to the party she was throwing.
Honestly speaking, this party was partially an excuse to having Ash drop by. Twice a year was never enough - especially considering how her birthday was so close to Christmas. Besides, she had something under her sleeve.
Outside the house, four feet were walking in its direction at a fast and enthusiastic pace. Ash had grown ten years since the day he had left his home to pursue his dream, but the boy was still inside him, ready to emerge at any moment. Both trainer and pokémon ran crazily to the door, the sense of home hitting them in a pleasantly violent way. They punched the door repeatedly when they reached it.
"I'm coming!" Delia shouted from inside the kitchen and rushed to open the door with a huge smile.
She was a bit startled when she first opened the door. There he was, her beloved son - taller than her, with chocolate brown not-so-sparkling eyes, tanned skin, spiky hair and, to her surprise, a really well-built body. She always thought her boy was handsome, but now she understood why he was so famous among the girls.
He looks so much like you, honey, she thought.
"Hey, mom!" he greeted with a grin.
"Oh, Ash, my boy!" She ran to his open arms and held him in an excruciating bear hug. "You've grown so much, just look at you!" she exclaimed, pulling out of the hug.
"Yeah, guess I have. You look great too, mom, as always," he replied, smiling down at her.
"Pikachu!" the rodent exclaimed, claiming for attention.
"Hello, Pikachu," Delia said, scratching under his chin, receiving a content "cha" as an answer.
"Why don't you two come inside and tell me all the news?" she suggested.
They walked inside the house and seated on the couch. Ash took in his surroundings, feeling the sense of home hit him again. It had been too long since he had last stepped foot here. Well, it was always too long, anyway. The trainer let his bag rest on the couch beside him, leaning back in a comfortable position.
"Well, what do you want to know?" he asked.
"Everything!" Delia said blissfully.
So, Ash told her everything significant enough for his memory to remember. He described mostly the battles enthusiastically and Delia heard him, attentive as always. He avoided the whole Misty part and pretended to be as good as ever, though a little annoying voice in his head told him that this was his mother and that she knew more than she appeared to. He continued telling his and Pikachu's adventures all around the world until the oven's alarm rang, stating that lunch was ready.
After practically devouring it as a famished ogre, Ash felt like going out for a stroll to visit his old friends and pokémon at Professor Oak's lab. Pikachu, who was still tired, opted for staying at the house with Delia relaxing. Waving and smiling, he left the house and walked to the lab.
Pacing slowly, he thought of how he pretended to be okay for the last four years. He was okay, but not as much as he tried to show. He felt hollow and emotionless. He even missed the fights with her for Mew's sake!
Seriously, that's suicidal. Brock'd say I'm mental.
I'm the great pretender
Pretending I'm doing well
My need is such, I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell
Ash entered the lab and was greeted by Professor Oak and Tracey, who were not surprised to see him, since his mother had already told them he would come to the party. Just like he had expected, it wasn't going to be a small party.
The trainer asked to see his pokémon and left to the exterior with the Professor. When he saw all of them his lips moved to form a joyful childish smile he used to have.
After being glomped down to the ground by most of his companions - Muk setting apart by pouncing Professor Oak instead - and spending some quality time with them, Ash took off. There was a place he needed to go, though he wasn't sure as to what exactly was driving him.
When he left, however, the feeling of emptiness came again, almost overwhelming him.
Adrift in a world of my own
I play the game, but to my real shame
You've left me to dream all alone
Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal
Without taking notice of where he was going, being his usual reckless self, Ash followed the path he had trailed in his childhood, stopping only to smile at someone he knew or having a small frivolous chat, like, for example, "How have you been?" and, "I haven't seen you for a while!". He did what he had to, just answering what people expected to hear, because they didn't really care if he was suffering or dying inside, they just wanted a simple, "I'm fine and you?"
Just laughing and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I'm not, you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around
When all his abilities of pretending vanished in thin air and he couldn't hold a somewhat believable smile on his lips, he entered the woods and unconsciously seeked one of his favorite places. Emotionally speaking, Ash felt like screaming out of too many lies and fake smiles going on for the past four years. He was exhausted of that.
Misty was in the closest lake to Cerulean. She rarely had enough time to stop there, but since it was Friday and the gym had closed earlier because she had taken ten battles (losing only once to a confident pink haired girl with big grey eyes) and her pokémon were exhausted to keep fighting, she decided to close it earlier and bring only her Horsea with her.
"Horsea!" the seahorse cried in a happy and relieved tone.
"It feels good, huh?"Misty asked with a smile.
"Sea, sea!"
Misty chuckled lightly and then warned her pokémon to not swim too far from her. Horsea nodded and swam for what seemed to be a reasonable distance for Misty. Sighing in a relaxed fashion, she took off her clothes and adjusted her turquoise bikini on her shoulders. She looked around, stretching and scanning the forest.
She was surrounded by flowers, flowers and more flowers: daisies, violets, lilies, roses, tulips, cherry blossoms, carnations, daffodils and others. She loved that place for that, it was always so alive in spring and summer, as if Nature really breathed there. She could almost feel its heartbeat.
Then, she slowly walked into the water. The first contact made her slightly recoil due to the difference in temperature, but then she got used to it. Diving, she dissolved all of her concerns in the water. There were a lot of plants and fish below. Horsea, seeing Misty, approached her, dancing in circles around the girl.
They kept swimming for an hour or so.
She couldn't keep all her problems under the water for much longer, she was aware of that. However, she didn't want to feel that again, that growing pain that seemed to consume her heart and soul. And the worst part was that it didn't seem to get any better. On the contrary, it appeared to get more and more difficult every day.
Misty reluctantly remembered the brief kiss on the lips she almost didn't taste four years ago and flushed a cute pink. It seemed so truthful back there; meaningful, honest, full of unspoken promises and whispered desires. It seemed unafraid.
I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
I dreamed that love would never die,
Then I was young and unafraid,
When dreams were made and used and wasted
But then again, something felt wrong when he didn't call or send a message after those events. Back then, she had presumed it to be out of embarrassment, or maybe he actually wanted to man up and straightforwardly talk it through.
Nonetheless, something to add to that was Delia's party. It was rumored Ash Ketchum would come to help his mother with it. Right when she had already accepted the invitation!
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame
The bittersweet memory of him was still persistent in staying with her, living with her, as if he had never left. That thought could be an interesting one if Misty had a thing for psychological analysis, which she hadn't.
Couldn't she just give Delia a call and say she couldn't make it to the party? She could excuse herself with some sort of an indisposition, like food poisoning, a migraine or whatever.
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
However, deep inside her heart, she just wished, just dreamed he would come back for her. She was almost desperate for it, she couldn't think of anything else. But also deep inside, she knew that wasn't happening.
After four years of not showing up at her doorstep, she couldn't see how this could be any different. Besides, and maybe on an extremely pessimistic way, she had to consider the possibility of Ash bringing someone to the party. Just the thought alone made her cringe.
And still I dream he'll come to me
And we will live the years together
But there are dreams that can not be
And there are storms we can not weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed
Misty allowed a single tear to roll down her cheek and, falling into the lake and mixing with it, the tear disappeared as quickly as it had formed.
She never showed her weakness to anyone, but she had no one to convince when she was alone. Besides, she knew her pokémon were conscious about her longtime heartache.
"Horsea?" it asked in a coy whisper.
"It's nothing, Horsea, I'm fine," she stated, cleaning the tear with her wrist.
"Horsea, sea!"
"I just don't know what to do…" she whined. "I thought I could, but I can't… I thought I knew… I thought I knew how to cure this… but… I don't…"
The blue seahorse approached Misty and rested its head on her leg with a sympathetic expression.
"Thank you," Misty whispered before sitting down.
The sun was starting to set, creating a breathtakingly beautiful pallet of warm colors in the sky, and, as they reflected on the water, Misty wondered what that moron was doing right that moment.
Ash finally arrived to the place his heart was seeking - the closest lake to Cerulean. Thinking he was alone, he stretched, took a deep breath and looked around. The trees had grown so much since the last time he had gone there. The path through the woods was nearly unrecognizable, even if the person knew it well and for years. What he wasn't expecting was to be surprised with such a view.
When he saw her, a wave of unbelief rushed into all of him. It couldn't be her. But, well, who else had blue-green eyes, long orange hair waving on her back until the middle of it, peachy skin and a Horsea besides Misty?
The memories came abruptly back to him.
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
Ash regretted the past so much. Especially now, watching her play in the water with her pokémon - the same pokémon they had met all those years ago, when she had so, so bravely confronted that giant Tentacruel and prevented the destruction of Hutber Port, and, at the same time, screamed her lungs out at Nastina for being so reckless.
She hadn't felt his presence yet.
If only I knew what I know today
Misty felt observed. That was a silly thought, wasn't it? She had not heard anything besides the sound Horsea's and her own splashing was making. The gym leader ignored it, observing her pokémon emerging from the lake.
The sensation didn't ebb away, though. She glanced over her shoulder, expecting to see everything but that. Her muscles tensed up. There he was, four years later - taller, handsome, muscular, in the same kind of clothes and more of a man than a boy she used to know. They locked eyes. None moved.
I would hold you in my arms,
I would take the pain away
Thank for all you've done,
Forgive all your mistakes
Somehow, it seemed the world had just stopped. Could it stop because of a stare? We'll never know, but if it had to, this would be the one to stop it.
Panic struck Misty violently. This situation proved to be most inconvenient. What to say, what to do? Her memories danced before her eyes in the form of provoking ghosts.
She wasn't ready for this encounter.
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you,
But I know you won't be there
She stood up in a flash, still staring intently at Ash. He tentatively walked towards her, trying to bottle up his emotions, and find the correct words to say. He didn't want to scare her away.
He wasn't ready for this encounter.
"Hey…" In his head that sounded much better. Why weren't his vocal chords complying?
Misty returned Horsea without taking her eyes off him. She considered her possibilities: running or staying? Her body didn't seem capable of any brisk movements now - her knees felt like jelly, her legs were overall weak, her head was spinning from confusion and conflicting emotions and, somehow, it felt hard to breathe. So, the decision was made on its own.
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Ash blushed - he had finally noticed she was only wearing a bikini. He halted. She looked positively breathtaking. If he stepped any closer, he might not be able to withdraw his instincts. His jaw tightened. His hands clenched.
Misty felt his change in attitude. He looked tense, and somewhat tired. Any semblance with his former childish self had vanished for the moment. Seeing him there now made a bunch of new, different questions to emerge.
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
Misty couldn't explain it, but suddenly, surely due to seeing him there, she began to question everything that had happened all those years ago. After all, she didn't stay put to hear what he had to say. But he didn't have anything to explain, did he?
I'm sorry for blaming you,
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself…
How he wished to get back in time and get the chance to do what he should have done: insist. Not being a coward and fear the rejection, which was the only granted thing he had. Ash had never given up on anything before, she always made him try again, push harder. Since she had left his life, everything changed. He didn't confine to missing her presence, a piece of him was gone and he couldn't manage to find it. He was complete, of course, he had friends and family, pokémon, his life; but he was just another complete person with nothing special. She was his difference, the one that made him stand off the crowd.
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
Misty tried to speak, to say something, anything that would put an end to such awkwardness, but, apparently, her tongue was prisoner of her mouth. A shiver ran up her spine when he came two feet closer. Step back! she inwardly shouted.
In some kind of weird-telepathic way, Ash must have understood that message, because he stopped. What the hell am I even doing? I'm messing everything up! Ash's mind scolded him.
"Hi," she managed, surprising the both of them.
Ash mused over what to say next. Well, that's the irony of conversation - depending on who's standing before you, the exchange will either be easy and pleasant or the total opposite. Ash couldn't really classify this 'conversation'.
"So…" he hesitated. "So, how's it going with the gym?"
Killing me. I just want to run away from everything. I want to see the world.
"Oh, it's… huh, fine," she lied. "How's your journey?"
Empty. Meaningless. I'd love it if you'd join me again.
"Great," he replied curtly. Are you still mad at me? "I bet you're scaring the new trainers with that Gyarados of yours." Ash offered her a smile.
Misty let out a small chuckle. "I barely use him in battle. I have to take Gyarados to the sea often, so he can lash out a bit."
They fell quiet for a moment.
Wait, what am I doing? Get a grip, girl!
"Do you mind if get in?" Ash asked. He was already in the middle of removing his black t-shirt.
"S-sure," Misty stammered, her face blazing up. "As a matter of fact, I was actually leaving."
"So soon?" he sounded disappointed. The trainer closed some more distance between them.
Misty merely nodded, not trusting her voice. When had Ash grown from the skinny ten year-old boy into such a muscular young adult? This couldn't be real. She felt the urge to touch him -her fingertips were tingly, inciting her to reach her hand forward. That's all it would take.
Remember what he did!
Quickly, in a desperate attempt to keep her hands occupied with anything besides Ash, she bended down and picked up her towel, covering herself with it. Then Misty gathered her clothes, unceremoniously shoving them inside her bag. She put her yellow flip-flops on.
Ash watched her attentively, it slowly downing on him that she was, in fact, leaving. He reached forward and gently grabbed her forearm. Her eyes widened. He searched for something to say.
Nothing came out.
She detached herself from his grip, turning around and running away from him.
Ash watched her until she disappeared into the woods. He groaned and took off his pants, throwing himself into the water. He had just lost another change. Seriously, "do you mind if I get in" was the best I could do?
Misty stepped into the gym abruptly, shutting the door behind her and falling on her knees, with her hands in her head. Unbelief was spread all over her face.
Her pokémon had been playing inside the pool when she entered, and they halted their activities to worriedly look at her.
"What in the name of Mew just happened?" she silently asked herself. Azumarill approached the gym leader, softly rubbing her paws along her legs. Misty gave her a grateful smile. "I'm okay," she whispered, petting it.
Delia was waiting for him to come home, and even though he was twenty, she would still worry - that's a mother's job, right? It was past 10p.m. and no sign of Ash. She had cleaned and washed his dish in order to keep herself distracted. Mr. Mime was singing while mopping the floor, but, by out the corner of his eyes, he noticed that his trainer was mulling over something.
"Mime?"
"Oh, it's nothing," Delia said. However, by the knowing look Mr. Mime gave her, she knew he didn't believe her. "I'm just worried about Ash."
"Mime, Mr. Mime!" he replied confidently.
"Yes, you're right. He will be back soon!" She grinned.
After everything was done and clean in the kitchen, they went to the living room and turned on the TV - news, pokémon battles, more news, singing contest, soap operas… wait, singing contest?
"What do you think, Mr. Mime?" She giggled.
"Mime!" he nodded.
A few moments then, Ash stepped into the house. He had a neutral, emotionless look on his face and Delia noticed it immediately.
"Ash?"
"Mom, I'm just going to bed now. Tomorrow I'll help you with the party, okay?" he said in a rush. He didn't wait for the answer and kissed her forehead, running up the stairs to his room immediately afterwards.
When he arrived, he closed the door quietly and, carefully as to not wake Pikachu, he swiftly took off his clothes, throwing them to the floor, and lied down next to him.
"Pikapi?" asked the rodent in a sleepy voice.
"That's me, buddy. Now, back to sleep!"Ash whispered, as he gently carressed his pokémon's fur.
Pikachu didn't even reply to that, just obeying and snoozing off into a peaceful slumber.
Some minutes later, Ash was still staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, trying to somehow take in everything that had happened that day. Her face kept appearing before his eyes, even when he closed them, there was just not helping it.
What now?
Yes, I know that some of the lyrics were missing. That was on purpose. Some of them don't fit here. Sorry if this one has too many songs.
Don't forget to tell me what you think! After all, it's for you that I write :)
Love&Music for you all,
C'sMelody
