A/N:Shall we have another chapter of Izaya humiliating the wizards, or smartass Harry/Izaya? Izarry kicks ass. I am on the seventh book and I'm still kinda bored by the books but amazed at how my opinion on Dumbledore has changed. I still think he's a manipulative idiot but the book has me a changed person. I now believe that bashing is kinda silly but fun for whatever purpose you want it to serve, heh heh.
So here we have the next chapter. Some Dumbledore bashing abounds, but this time we take a look at what Izaya's life would have been like at Hogwarts if he had been that clever the whole time he was there. By that, I mean being a badass and sociopath, of course. :D
Chapter 3 Izaya Orihara and the Half-Witted Wizards
Harry Potter had not been an ordinary person. From the time he was little, he displayed signs of extreme intelligence, but he was also a sociopath. This freaked Petunia Dursley out so much that she did her best to not piss off her nephew. This doubled once he somehow figured out that he was not normal.
It had all started one fine summer day when the boy was only five and preparing them some breakfast. Back then, he had been a freak, but he had been normal. Until that very second, where her normality was shattered into pieces.
Her dear Dinky Duddy-dums had woken up and loudly told the freak to make them some bacon as he was very hungry. The boy had done as he was asked, but not without a few odd looks in Dudley's direction. He almost had a predatory look on his face.
"Boy, is the bacon ready?" Uncle Vernon yelled.
The boy didn't flinch, instead he looked at him and said, "Calm down old man. It'll be ready soon." In a voice that was unfeeling. Where had he learned to talk like that?
Instantly, Vernon lashed out with his fists, but the boy dodged quickly.
"I don't like you. You're mean. Maybe you should learn a lesson."
Instantly, Vernon turned puce with rage and picked the boy up, and punched him hard in the face. The boy fell to the floor but got back up, still smiling.
"Hit me again. See where it gets you." He challenged, his green eyes glinting with some emotion Petunia could not place.
"You little brat, you're going to go back and make us some food."
But then Vernon started screaming a second later, for the boy had somehow gotten his hands on a knife and slashed Vernon's arm precisely.
"Are you going to make me angry again, Uncle?" He said calmly, not even bothered.
Petunia knew then that the second he smiled while holding a knife in his hand, that he was even worse than a freak. He was...a sociopath. Oh god.
She watched him serve the bacon to everyone, but he still carried the knife in his hands. "Uncle, Aunt, let's all get along now. You wouldn't want me angry now, would you?"
"Where did you learn to use such a weapon?" Petunia barked.
"Your fine little Dudders and his gang use knives on animals. Thought you should know."
The horrified look Petunia shot Dudley was enough to make the child shudder and shake, denying that it was the truth.
"You're lying!" Petunia said.
Harry shrugged before lifting out a plastic bag with the body of a dead animal in it. "Dudley you did this, remember?"
Instantly, Petunia punished both of them. Though she loved Duddy-dums, she wasn't going to let him be influenced by a sociopathic freak.
"Sociopath," She hissed at him.
"What does that word mean?" He asked.
"Don't ask questions, just do your chores!" She snapped.
"Yes, ma'am!" He said, bowing.
She was taken aback by this show of respect, missing that it was incredibly sarcastic in nature.
Hagrid was not a stupid man. He was smart enough to understand that there was something wrong with Harry Potter, just a little bit.
For one thing, the boy was intelligent. Quite intelligent, really.
And very charming. Not like that was a bad thing, right?
"Harry, what's that you've got there?" He asked the boy, as the other was walking in Diagon Alley with him.
Harry looked away from him before pulling out some coins from his vault. "Just some coins, sir."
He swore he had seen the kid with something, but he put it out of his mind.
Draco Malfoy had not been expecting Harry Potter to be like this.
The boy showed barely any emotion, excelled at most of his classes (except for potions, of course) and seemed to be every teacher's favorite student.
"Oi, Potter," He said, trying to get the boy's attention.
However, the boy was too busy cutting something up with...a Muggle weapon?
He blinked, but before he could react, the boy looked at him and smiled.
"If you know what's good for you, you'll leave me alone. Or else you'll be sorry." He chirped.
Draco shuddered, but proceeded to do as the boy asked.
Tom Riddle was most surprised to meet Harry Potter face to face.
Instead of the naive, heroic boy he'd been expecting, he got a cold, silent boy who just listened to what he had to say before laughing.
"I'm sorry, I completely disagree with you. Destroying this world and destroying all the people in it, what fun is there in that? It's more fun playing with them, if you ask me."
Tom was silent, and then he decided he needed to dispose of the boy. If he wasn't a pureblood, then he was no use.
Seconds later, the boy dodged the Basilisk and then used the sword of Gryffindor to cut it clean in two. Smirking, he pointed at the diary. "I think you need this, Tom. Or maybe I'll just destroy it."
He picked up the sword and plunged it into the diary, destroying it and Tom without a trace.
Sirius Black was troubled.
They'd time traveled to bring his nephew back from where he'd been living as a Muggle, and instead they'd been gifted with a pure and utter sociopath. What bad luck they had.
The boy was sitting there, humming to himself, just having a good time as he cut holes in some paper with his knife.
"Harry," He asked, "Can I speak with you?"
The man looked at him before smirking.
"Sure, what do you want to talk about?" He said.
"I am concerned about your health."
"My health is just fine, godfather. Seeing as you don't really care about me unless it has to do with what Dumbassdore says, you can go to hell and stop bugging me."
Sirius stared at him in disbelief before he turned away.
"Hello, Mr. Potter, I'm Rita Skeeter, here to ask you if you want an interview. What is it like living as a Muggle?" Rita said, sticking her notepad in Izaya's face.
"It's fun living as a Muggle because I'm away from all of you idiots. And no, I do not want an interview from a contemptible shrew like you who will just distort my words anyway."
Rita looked on in shock before slapping Izaya.
He just smiled.
"You wizards are pathetic."
