Chapter 3 Relationships
A/N- For my continuing readers, I added an EPOV, but other than that all I did was fix grammar and things of that sort.
I hope everyone enjoys this chapter.
Next Week is Christmas, and I am so excited to get to see family and just laugh and hang out with them! I'll have the next chapter up by the 22nd.. It's basically done, I just wanted to re-read it again and then maybe add a thing or two. See You Then!
Bella POV Relationships
As I reached the door I could see the guys around the two cars we came in. I was pretty sure the Cullen's wouldn't follow me since I promised Alice I would call when I got back to Forks, but you never know with vampires. I had a sinking feeling that I shouldn't have told them about the wolves; I know they are going to want me to elaborate on everything.
It was just so natural for me to bring up the wolves, well I guess technically Emmet brought up the subject, but still I felt bad. I had elaborated on the subject when I could have just gotten up and walked away. In a way though I guess I was just letting them know the treaty is in affect because I told the guys about the Cullen's. Even though they knew what they were, they didn't know who they were and that is what I let the guys in on.
I still can't get over the fact the Edward forbid me from seeing the guys. I mean why would it even matter to him. If it was Alice I would understand, even though I would not listen to her. Alice was my friend and she would just be trying to protect me. Edward was no longer anything to me. The guys were family to me. I had spent every day there since the first day I started the drums.
"You ready?" At those words I realized I had reached Jake and the guys; Jake had his arm around my shoulders with a worried look on his face.
"Yeah Jake I'm ready to go, but I was thinking can we just go home instead of staying in the city? I mean we don't really have to play tomorrow night, and I just kind of want to get back home. Please?" I looked up at him and I knew he could see it in my eyes that something was wrong. I hated that people could see right through me. It never turned out to be a good thing. Well I guess with Jake it could be considered a good thing because he could tell when I was having a hard time and he could always manage to cheer me up.
Even though Jake and I were not dating we were very close. We held hands, on bad nights when I couldn't sleep because of my continuing dreams I still had, he would stay with me and just hold me. We even kissed a few times, but it was all innocent. It would be a peck on the cheek, rarely the lips, and never anything open mouth like I had always tried to pull on Edward. I knew how Jake felt for me and I felt bad leading him on, but he is always there for me and if I could make him happy like he has made me; then maybe one day I will give in and be with him. Being married to Jake wouldn't be bad at all; it would be like living with your best friend, but with perks. The perks was a different story though because I was in no way ready to think of that type of a relationship right now. A sexual relationship was something I hadn't thought about with Jake. I mean if we were to get married it would happen, but I think in the back of my mind I would always feel bad for not giving myself to him completely. I would always be holding back the part of me that still is on reserve for Edward. No matter how much I hate him, I don't think my heart will get over him completely.
"You okay Bells? I mean it's fine if we go home I just want to make sure it's not because of the Cullen's." I looked up with him and I could tell he thought Edward had said or done something that had hurt me. So I said the only thing that I knew would make him feel better, "Yeah Jake I'm good I just don't feel good, drive me home and I'll tell you what happened. Okay?" With this he got a sad smile. Even though he didn't want to know, he still wanted to know. It was a very complicated situation. He wanted to know that I was okay; which consisted of knowing what was said, but at the same time he didn't want to intrude on my life and make me feel like I had to tell him.
We got into the car after saying goodbye to the other guys and Jake drove off. As I stared off out the window at the passing trees, I once again got lost in my thoughts. This seemed to be a recurring theme for me tonight. Reminiscing in the past, unable to focus on the future.
All that I could seem to think about was all the ways that I had felt pain after Edward left and how Jake had been there to hold me together and he still seems to be here. He knows I still love Edward, that Edward will always be there haunting my dreams and sometimes my waking life. Yet Jake stays, and tries to get me to come around and see how much he can offer me. I know Jake loves me and I love him too, but I am not in love with him. I do not think that I will ever be in love with him.
"So what happened Bells?" Jake was very serious, and although I knew it was out of concern for my welfare, it still seemed to agitate me. I began to recount what happened verbatim to Jake. He took it all in without interruption. He had learned not to interrupt me last year during one of my rants or as my dad and Jake like to call it my last breakdown. After I finished he just gave me a slight nod to know that he had heard me.
I had also learned a little while back not to interrupt his train of thought when it came to the Edward situation. I'm not going to say that we talk about Edward a lot, because up until a few months ago I could barely even think his name let alone say it out loud. It was just recently since we found out they were coming back that we had started discussing it.
Our conversations were always the same, but with a few new words or thoughts added in. Basically Jake thought that as soon as I saw Edward I would take him back with open arms and leave Jake in the wind. I had made up my mind the moment I heard the news that there was no way I would ever be able to just open my arms and take him back. Even if he did want me back, which according to him he had never wanted me and I was just another "thing" to help him pass the time. I still would need lots of time and a lot proof that it wouldn't happen again. Although, now thinking about it, since he said he never wanted me in the first place I cannot really see myself taking him back. I mean who says that?
We finally got to my house and Jake cut the engine. I looked around and didn't see the cruiser; that's when I remembered that since I was going to be gone for the weekend my dad decided he would go to Billy's to go fishing and do "man tings". Yup that's my dad, hide your emotions and be a man. I smiled a little at the thought…
"Do you want me to stay tonight?" Jake looked at me and I smiled slightly, but I really took it into consideration. Jake took my moment of silence in the wrong way and quickly began to back track. "I mean I don't have to stay I just figured that maybe you would want me to stay tonight you know? It might make you feel batter?"
I looked at my hands in my lap and then looked up at him with as much of a smile as I could muster. "Sure Jake, of course I want you to stay. With the Cullen's back you never know who might try to come through my window." Jake, being Jake, immediately clammed up at that little admission. He hated the fact that I had slept in that bed, where we sometimes sleep, with Edward.
I just sighed and got out of the car going to open my front door. Jake followed with out another word. He sat on the sofa while I went and grabbed a couple of Cokes. "Jake if I fall asleep and you want something to eat; there are plenty of leftovers in the fridge okay?" He looked over at me and nodded and then stared back at the T.V, he was watching some late night comedy show. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked and turned towards him. He looked at me for a second with a hurt expression and then turned back to the T.V. once again.
"No Bells I don't need to talk about it. Can I just watch T.V. and hold you?" I couldn't help but smile at the question and the way that he sheepishly asked it. It was very clear that he understood that we weren't together and he couldn't just grab me at his will. This made me feel a little better about the way things were going. No matter what he always understood when I needed my boundaries. I nodded my head and complied by curling up into his side. I knew I would fall asleep from the warmth and probably wake up with a kink in my neck, but I didn't care. In this moment I was content to be where I was.
As I nodded off to sleep, I couldn't help but think about tomorrow. Jake would have to go home and talk with the pack, and I had already promised Alice I would call her and that we could talk. So I was a little worried. I knew anything I said to her, her brother could dig for and find out.. But at the same time I wasn't sure if that made me angry or happy. It makes me angry because he would know everything; me and Jake, school, my family, my suicidal thoughts, my breakdowns. If Alice was willing to listen I planned on telling her all of this. I needed her back in my life; she was a good friend and I know we are meant to stay friends for as long as I am alive.
I will not let Edward stand in the way of that. Right before everything went black and I drifted off I felt Jake put a kiss to my head, and I knew in that moment everything would be okay. I could get through tomorrow and everyday after that as long as I had people like Jake in my life. People who didn't judge me because of what happened and what will happen, and people who would no matter what be by my side.
EPOV
I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. I just needed to know that she made it home okay. I was running through the brush across from her house. As soon as I reached a clearing, I slowed to a normal human pace, but made sure no one was looking. I definitely could not have people calling the cops to the chief's house because of someone looking suspicious.
I made it around to the side of the house unnoticed. She wasn't in her bedroom. The light was off. I went around towards the living room and noticed a little light coming through because the T.V. was on. Then I spotted them.
They were on the sofa together. His arm was around her. Had I lost her completely? Was the damage un-repairable? I didn't want to contemplate it any longer. I ran for as long as I could without thinking. I made it halfway through Canada before I couldn't hold my thought at bay any longer.
I had no idea what I would need to do to get her back, but something had to work. We had been so happy together. Couldn't she see that this dog was a poor excuses for a replacement. I would have been more pleased if I would have come back and found her in the arms of Mike Newton.
At that I realized I needed to get back home. I didn't want her with anyone else, but myself. I would fight till the death if that's what it took. I needed to talk to Alice. See what she could see. If anything..
