Age fourteen

Letting go

-Flashback-

I knelt before my father's throne, "I want you to discard Mamushi from sight, once it held even the tiniest drop of my nephew's blood; I didn't want anything to do with it. Please father…"

My mother looked teary eyed at me, I could guess she was bitterly ashamed of what had occurred, sick to the stomach at the new of her eldest grandson's brief death. My father could feel her rage bubbling inside due to their bond, he gave her a certain look and concentrated on his own inner calm and then I noticed he began to simmer down and look more kindly upon me. Upon her lap sat my newest sibling, Kontone. Her eyes were like mine…gold, a rich and imperial gold. What set her apart from the rest of us was her black hair…my biological siblings all had silver hair. She was only a year old and already her hair was almost down to her little feet.

Father stood from his throne and stepped down to me, I raised the Mamushi for him to take from me. Instead he knelt down to me, "Listen to me" he began, "Katashi….you cannot run from your past, you cannot simply discard of certain mistakes. The fatal errors we make…though we cannot let them hold us back we must still keep them…in order to push us forward. Let that sword be a reminder of the demon you were and the demon you became after the horrid ordeal." He then moved away and returned to his placed beside my mother who was watching the scene with more understanding.

"What am I to do?" I asked them, I then looked to my father directly, "Father….what did you do? When will I be ready to conquer in the south-west? It has been three years since I began this quest…the empire is faltering under the neglectful leadership of Shigeo, the hog King….how much longer can I wait…knowing that I destined to rule those land?"

My parents sighed and shook their heads; they clearly saw me for a moment as the impatient hot-headed little boy, which did irk me slightly.

"Katashi…your father began his journey long before he met me….it took him hundreds of years just to cross the first barrier he was faced with." Rin told me, her voice was smooth and cool, she shifted Kotone on her lap, and the little thing gargled happily.

Sesshomaru cleared his throat, "in order to become a worthy ruler I had to learn to be a better being, things I was taught to do by my future wife, who came to me a child and a sword I once despised. Three years have passed? I'd say that means you have at least two hundred and ninety-seven to go." Both of them smirked at the last part, they were such….a couple.

"Am I forgiven?" I asked, "will you all continue to care for Takara….while I travel on…I have to see more things and become a better warrior, I have to slay demons an face foes…then I will return for her, I will collect her from whichever of you have her in your custody."

My parents exchanged looks, "How long do you intend to stay away from her?" my mother asked, "your father visited me on the same day of each month till I was old enough to leave with him. You have only been away from Takara a little over a month and she asks for you constantly….this will break her sweet young heart."

I sighed, "Mother….father may be the only one to understand this…but I do this for her own good, I'll return in three years."

Rin handed Kotone over to Sesshomaru, the one year old chuckled and snuggled in close, she snuggle in close to our father's chest and suckled upon the ends of his silver hair and entwined it around her little fingers. My mother then moved down the steps and embraced me. "I knew you would come back some day…three more years, she'll be with a member of this family, safe and happy…but don't be gone any longer than that."

Three years, Takara would see me again.

-End of flashback-

Three years, it was a promise I was keeping, I had received word that Takara was staying with my brother Katsu.

"Are we going to see Takara, my Lord?" Jaken inquired.

Of course you fool! I didn't reply, we were upon Ah-Un and eventually we approached Katsu's home. The large mansion he had built by Sun' tree was decorated with leaves and flowers of every kind imaginable; he had somehow combined his love for his wife, his home and the earth into brick and cement. He laid his hand upon the bark of the tree and closed his eyes, the way he had done when he first cast her in there in order to save her life.

He did not turn to face me as we landed, however he knew I was there. "I feel her in there" he spoke, "I feel her and her growing anticipation...not long and we'll be reunited."

Jaken shifted uncomfortably, "He's so sappy and openhearted, just like his mother" he commented.

I rolled my eyes, still no one you'd want to fight with. "Where I Takara?" I inquired, at that moment she wandered out with a three year old Haru balanced on her hip and his twin brother Daiki running alongside her. All three of them carried sunflowers in hand.

Takara….fourteen years old now and almost a woman, her little frame had curved in all the right and her hair had grown; it fell like a curtain of silk. She looked softer than a saintly dream….she was a cloud in spring, or a little pink petal upon the season's gentle breath. Takara's celestial gaze fell upon me and her dark lashes fluttered, "my Lord!" she breathed, she then saw Jaken and our two-headed dragon and smiled so pleasantly at the. "Master Jaken! Ah-Un, you both look so well!"

The two young boys blinked at me in confusion, "Takara….father, who is he and why does he look just like you father?" Haru asked pointing at me; he had our silver hair and his mother's jade eyes. His brother however had our eyes but his mother's yellow tresses.

Katsu smiled, he still had his hand against his wife's tree though now he also held his other son Daiki. "That my sons, is your uncle Katashi….we have all told you much about him, Lady Takara especially." He informed them. My brother then grinned at me, "you see Katashi…you are now an uncle of nine! Soon to be ten once Yuna has her third, you need to catch up…you haven't given me any."

Takara blushed and place Haru down, she clearly wanted to change the subject "Um…the boys and I were placing flowers around their mother's tree, they are called Sunflowers…and their yellow like her hair….the tenth day of the month will be here soon and Lady Sun really appreciated seeing them upon her arrival." Takara explained as she and the young boys laid down the flowers.

"Mama, we're going to see Mama again!" Daiki cheered and his brother joined in with him, Katsu and Takara smiled down at them.

"And she is very excited to see her boys again" Katsu assured them, but by the smile on his face it was clear just how much he had missed Lady Sun and how thrilled he was that the night of his weakness was drawing closer. That was the bargain they made after all, he would guard her tree for the rest of his immortal life and in return she would return the favour by protecting him on his only night of weakness, when he became a complete human. She was a skilled demoness and quick with a bow and arrow.

Anyway, I had thing I needed to discuss with Takara, "Jaken, you and Ah-Un are to wait here with my brother" I then looked to Takara and outstretched my hand for her to take, she seemed so reluctant, a huge contrast to the little eleven year old that raced through fire to be in my arms. "You seem reluctant." I commented.

She took my hand and we travelled into the forest together, she seemed so uneasy, and so I asked, "Why is it you seem so displeased in my presence? I was told you had longed to see your Lord."

Takara halted and looked away, "Because…I have had a vision of this moment…I have seen this scenario play out many times in different ways and none of them turn out as I wish them to." She explained.

I chided at her "what do you mean? What scenario have you seen?"

She walked closer to me, "The one where I ask you questions I have dared not ask for a long time now, I have asked you in all kinds of ways….each of way you have disliked and in the end…I'm always in tears."

Why was my stomach tightening, why was I suddenly nervous? "Then do not ask" I countered and turned my back on her.

I felt a gentle hand that boldly reached out and placed itself upon my shoulder. "My Lord…I have to ask, it has been on my mind for so long now…what am I?" she asked, "Am I a demon like you? I know I'm not human and who are those people in the sky? Why do they call me mother when they are so much older than me? Why do the stars at night whisper my name? How can I create ice? How is it I can see into the many possible futures? Where did I come from…why don't I have a family like you?"

Her questions were all coming at me, I had told my kin to ensure that she did not converse with those meddling angels. "Takara….you will know all this yourself when you come of age" I assured her.

Her pretty face creased into a scowl, "My lord I beg you…I have followed your every word and instruction as though it had passed the lips of a god! I have always felt older than I appear; I have felt like an adult who has been treated and past around like a child! What is it you are protecting me from? Is it even me you're protecting or are you guarding yourself? I am fourteen and in another year I'll be fit for marriage…what do you intend to do with me then? Will you marry me off? Why do you even bother with me? Who am to you…who am I to your family…Just who am I!"

So many questions, so many things she had to know, I could tell she thought herself mad. Carefully I took her by the shoulders. "You are something that is far from either demon or human….soon enough you will know what this means…for now you must trust your lord."

"I trust you more than I trust myself!" she argued, her voice was rising, "that is why I ask you these things because you have never lied to me….you openly admit that you keep something from me! I am more powerful than you think, I have gained more magic since you've been gone, I can do more than see into the future and create ice. I can vanish without a trace, into a silver mist and go anywhere I please! I could have run away to find you at any time, but I stayed put because you ordered it of me. I could be gone in a moment, you would never find me…but I have stayed where I was told to, I have waited and waited for you….all I ask is that you answer my questions so that I can know who I am and what I mean to you! Isn't that the least I deserve?"

I was getting angry, why couldn't Takara understand that I did this to protect both of us, but most of all her heart. She had fallen for me once…I dare say she was falling all over again, it was already causing her pain. How could I tell her that all she sacrificed to be with me was all in vain, that she was still just a child to me and I had no intention of making her my wife? If I told her that…she really would disappear and I never would see her again, I couldn't understand why that alarmed me so much. Did my father have such troubles with my mother? Did he feel so torn when he noticed she was falling for him at such a young age?

"Takara!" I snapped, "obey me…that is the only way I can keep you safe, you do not need to seek answers that will come when you are of age…just be patient!"

"I don't want to be patient!" she yelled, "Please…my Lord I beg you! Don't you know how hard this has been for me? It's like I'm about to explode! I have visions of you constantly, I know where you are most of the time and what you're doing…I see you dive into danger and I just stay put….because that's what you told me to do! I feel you in every corner of every room; your warmth is in the every atmosphere. Your eyes burn in every candle flame I see….I hear your voice even in the faintest trace sounds….my Lord, I love y-"

"-Stop!" I quickly yelled and grabbed her wrist, my hands was a flame that was put out by her ice. I would not let her finish that sentence, it was dangerous territory that she was about to cross.

Her eyes were wide and tears fell like snowflakes, "Who is Suki?" she asked.

My heart leapt in my chest…Suki, the one woman I came close to loving, the she-demon I thought I would marry, he left me for another demon….she was now a wife of six years and a mother to one child. "She is a former betrothal of mine" I answered honestly, "She is the reason I cannot love…not romantically."

Takara snatched her hand back, "because you never let go….your heart clings to the hope and memory of what you could of have had with her" she wiped away the frost that was brimming around her eyes. "Is that it….is that it? Have you paved me a broken road to walk down? Is that to be my fate? I am to be your little psychic…I am to give you advantages in battle, predict the outcomes of your enemies…be your faithful and pathetic servant while you pine for her the rest of your long life?"

Takara…I am not pining for anyone! Why do you speak to me like this? She had never been so defiant…what have the years done to her. she was on the brink of physical womanhood when her mind had been there all along, finally her body was catching up with her emotions. However, I could not lie and pretend that those were my exact intentions, but when she laid them all out before me…it made me feel as though I had deceived her and been cruel. But still, despite the shame in the pit of my stomach, I had to know what part Suki was to play in my future. "How do you know Suki?" I demanded "what have you seen."

Takara looked away from me, "she will once again appear in your life….she will come to you a broken and troubled demoness…I see you holding her tenderly and whispering her name."

Suki…what has happened to you? "Is that all?" I asked.

She glared up at me, "Isn't that enough my Lord?"

"When will I see her?"

"Soon"

A long silence drifted in, staring at each other intensely, "It's true then…" she breathed, her tears were streams of ice, frozen to her cheeks. "That is all I am to you…your ever-seeing servant, your tool" she removed her frozen tears and composed herself, "forgive me my Lord…you were right, I should not have asked…I will remember my place from now on." She then walked on. "You came to ask my advice…have I foreseen you anywhere else that will lead you to your empire…the answer is no, but the path to your destiny currently leads you North."

"Am I to travel to Morio's Kingdom?" I asked.

She shook her head, "no my Lord, but North is where you must go….I only ask that in return for this information, you take me with you."

"Very well…but tell what awaits us North"

She smiled playfully, "Lord Katashi…you don't need to seek all these answers from me, they will come to you soon enough, just be patient."

I am not amused, "let's retrieve Jaken and Ah-Un."

She shook her head again, "I will not need to ride upon our two-headed dragon, I will travel as the mist" she then transformed into a silver mist, almost invisible…I believe if she really wanted to, she could make it so that she was completely invisible to me.


"What awaits us in this wood?" I inquired, we had taken to walking, Takara walked alongside us.

"I am your humble servant my Lord….I may not know who I am or remember anything of my past, but I have known from the moment when I awoke and saw your face that I was to assist you to your destiny, I saw you with-"she stopped for a moment and quickly looked up to the night sky, startled.

"What are you so jumpy about?" Jaken chided, "Finish your sentences to Lord Katashi!"

Taraka shook herself, "forgive me…the stars were calling me again, they were a little more sharp in tone tonight…never mind, let us continue."

Why was the heaven's torturing her, why were they so insistent? Couldn't they see the negative effect it was having on Takara? I wished they would just accept her decision and respect it.

As walked on Takara suddenly stopped, Jaken turned, his arm flying all around him "why you annoying girl! Just ignore the stars! Why have you stopped now?"

Takara took a seat upon a silver rock, "Master Jaken, we are to remain here…perhaps we could build a fire, while Lord Katashi walks on."

Jaken blinked and Ah-Un settled comfortably next to Takara. I did as she said and went on alone, what is it she has in store for me? It's a good thing I trust her.

I walked on and on…Takara had suddenly turned so cold, was element finally touching at her heart, she was speaking to me as though she really were nothing but a servant, but is what I wanted….was it not?

Behind me came the snap of a twig, I spun around, drawing Mamushi from its scabbard.

"Katashi?" she gasped, immediately I lowered my sword, it had been almost seven years since I saw that face, saw those red eyes…one now bruised. Suki…she was wounded.

She collapsed and I caught her just in time….she was in my arms, a broken and troubled demoness, "Suki" I uttered…Takara was right, what else was to occur between Suki and I.

"You…have to help me" she whimpered, "I need help" she then fell unconscious.

What does she need? There was a time I would have done anything from this woman….anything, just when I was on the cusp of loving her, she married another and had his child. I had not seen her since I told her that she meant nothing to me….I am generally an honest person…but I lied to her when I said I never even cared for her in the slightest.

She was my light taste of love, a little appetiser, but even that was too much for me and it left a bitter taste in my mouth and I promised I would never take another bite of the sweet fruit love supposedly offered.

I swept her up and carried her to the others, Jaken's jaw dropped, "Lady Suki? Takara is this why you brought us here? To rescue the wench who disrespected the great Lord Katashi?"

"Enough Jaken!" I growled and placed Suki down by the fire….Suki, what happened to you? Takara's rock was now covered in fern patterned frost. Something had matured in her and she was looking more like a Tenshi. Once again a mysterious snow fell from her and when stuck to her hair they turned to diamonds which she shook from her long mane.

I laid Suki by the fire….I could smell the blood, she may die soon from the woundm I could revive her then…but I did not like the way she suffered from it and I thought of killing her quickly so that her revival would be just as fast.

As though reading my mind Takara shook her head at me, "No need to be rash dear Lord" she told me and knelt down beside Suki, rubbing her palms together. "There will be no need for death and resurrection….we have no time." Takara hovered her hand over Suki's wound, a golden light glowed from her hands, soaking away all the blood and eventually sealed the wound itself.

Jaken gasped, "w-when did you learn to do that?" he asked, "Have you been keeping secrets from our lord!"

Though the response was directed at him, her eyes fell on me "No….I have never kept anything from my Lord, I have always been an open book….I had already mentioned that my powers had grown since we last met….I discovered I could heal at age twelve, when Summer, Lord Kenta's daughter scraped her knee while trying to retrieve her little brother's toy from a tree. I healed her and took away all pain she felt….now, Suki will awake in a few minutes, would you like time alone with her my lord?"

Once again she had me startled, Takara was becoming more and more like a woman in my eyes, the child I knew was dissolving away faster than sugar in hot water. My face remained still and all I did was nod in response.

She bowed slightly "Very well…Jaken, shall we take a stroll with Ah-Un?"

He frowned, "it sounds like you're asking me but I doubt I've actually any choice in the matter." I watched as she walked away, a silver light seemed to surround her. It was only a few hours ago that she came to me weeping like a child, had what occurred in the glade had such a drastic effect on her?

Before Takara vanished into the darkling wood, she looked at me from over her shoulder…there was something strange…and sensual about her, a vision of light amidst an ocean of darkness. "I have one well" she spoke to me, "I have played my part well."

Eventually Suki's eyes fluttered open, "Katashi…of all people I could have found in my time of need…it had to be you…it's good to see your face, after the horror I have run from…it's comforting to see you again." She sat up and was surprised at the absence of her wound, "How am I okay?"

"I travel with…with a healer, of a sort…she saved you" I responded.

"I must thank her" Suki uttered quietly, I could tell by the darkness in her eyes that something truly horrible had happened to her.

"What happened Suki? Where is your family?"

Fresh tears coursed and suddenly she rushed at me…weeping into my chest, "I know this is a horrid thing to ask…but I need your help…they took my husband and our daughter!"

"Who did? Who took them?" I demanded.

"The hog King Shigeo! They were after me…he wanted me to join his harem, my husband defended me and they took them! They said if I wanted to them alive, I would have to crawl my half dead body to his gates and beg Shigeo to take me…only then would he release them." Her eyes sparkled up at me , "I can't lose them…Katashi…they are my life!"

Shigeo…at last I have the opportunity to meet you "Very well…I will do this, but only if you answer my question"

She nodded eagerly, "Yes…yes…I'll answer anything!"

"Why him and not me?"

This was the last question she expected, looking away she answered, "I thought you were incapable of loving someone romantically ….you…I mean...you showed a deeper interest in me than you did in any other female, that much was true….but never even the smallest amount of affection, you would not even hold my hand. You're fire powers out of control and at times I was frightened of you." She then moved up her sleeve to show a small scar. "Do you recall how I came to bare this? It was by accident…someone had angered you…you were alight with your element and when I moved to calm you…I too was burned…..do you remember that."

"Of course I do" I replied shortly, "you are saying that after that incident you were afraid of me?"

"You have to understand" she reasoned, "I wondered what would occur if I ever made you angry….would you blow up on me? Would I be cast in flames….I am so flammable and I cannot withstand your flame. My husband…he's so gentle and calm, he and I are a perfect fit…you and I was not."

She was right…she was absolutely right. I was not affectionate with her, I did not hold hands…the only person whose hand I held…was Takara's. It was when she was nine…she awoke from a nightmare; I held her hand the rest of the night while she slept. Takara was also the only one who did not burn from touch; she cooled the red warmth of my palms.

Suki is my past, one that has haunted and clung to me for years…after her I was convinced that it was a sign that I was not meant to have a wife. Suki is the past….Takara, she is my future, I see that now! She is close to womanhood; to remembering everything….she would understand her feelings for me so much better. This was a true moment of clarity, I would find Takara…storm Shigeo's kingdom, let him know who I am and that I am a threat to him. While I am at it, I would save Suki's family, for old times' sake.

"You have my help" I told her, she wept with relief at me feet, "come…time you met your healer, so that you can thank her"….


"Jaken! Where is Takara?" I demanded icily, Suki frowned and searched for the girl I had described.

Jaken shook with fear, "My Lord Katashi! It was strange…we came into the woods, she suddenly rushed to Ah-Un, hugging each head and telling him goodbye. When I asked why she was saying goodbye and if she was intending to go somewhere….she then looked at me with those strange eyes of hers. She told me that I was very special to her, that she would not forget me…she thanked me for making her smile all those many times when she was child." Jaken paused and held out to me a small flower, made entirely of ice. "She told me to give you this…she said you must crush it and scatter it in the breeze by moonlight."

I took the ice flower and walked on to a nearby cliff, they did not follow me, all three of them knew me well enough to know that I did not want their company.

What was this feeling? Was it really devastation? She was always there…Takara had always waited for me, was it so easy for her to walk away? Was this to be her way of punishing me for leaving her for so long…did she feel this way in my absence, if so…I was ashamed and I would do anything to reverse the clocks and I would have kept her with me. I thought I had done the right thing…I was wrong. Takara had just taught me a lesson…a lesson of letting go of what I was and embrace who I am now. She had just taught me that I there was a being out there who had the strength…the courage and the patience to stand by me…but was I wrong there also? For Takara…she too has left me, without explanation.

I gazed down at the little memento she had left….crush it and scatter it in the breeze by moonlight. The moon was out and the breeze was gentle. I did as instructed and the shards of ice sparkled into the night. Then suddenly they swirled and formed in to the most unexpected, but beautiful form.

It was Takara…not the real Takara, but almost a ghost like version of her, floating there above me…smiling down upon me. "My Lord" her voice echoed and resonated throughout the night, supernaturally. "This is but another power of mine….I leave this message with you. I have lead you to the woman who you once believed was your destiny, I feel I have played my part and now I must move on. You were right, I cannot seek answers from you…I must find them myself. I have serve you for as long as I can, but I need to find out who I am….if I was ever really worthy of your presence" the illusion of her was growing sad. "I could not say goodbye in person…but I will always wonder…would you have let me leave or would you allow me to walk out of your life? Perhaps one day our paths will cross and I will find this out. I realise now….I have been a burden to you, but for years you have tolerated me. People don't realise this….you yourself do not realise this my Lord…but you are kind…that is why you have kept me and I was foolish enough to misunderstand that charity for genuine affection. I do this so that I no longer…encumbrance you and I no longer feel the pain of being such a bother. It is possible that you will never see me again…but I am so glad to have met you and maybe one day I'll find out why I was so lucky to have woken to you. Goodbye my Lord….you will make a fine ruler."

The vision vanished…Takara was gone! I threw my flame covered fists into the bark of a tree and then a rock, I opened my mouth and realised my dragon's breath. Takara…she was the one person I thought would never leave me! Yet it was my fault that she was gone, I drove her away just as I did Suki. Because I could not let myself be vulnerable with someone, grante I was more open with her, but there was still a barrier that blocked her from me.

I would aid Suki, get her husband back and then I'd find Takara….even if it took me all around the world three times over! My empire would have to wait…Takara; she comes first from now on!

Takara, foolish girl…I'm going to find you and then I'm never letting you go.

It was time to let go, it was time to allow myself to be vulnerable with a woman…to trust in one. Takara had to leave, this was another lesson life was teaching me…it wanted to see if I would follow her …truth is I would, even into hell where that Tenshi did not belong.

Next is age sixteen.