Zacharia/ Evan

I'm Already There- Lonestar

Evan, my boyfriend of three years, and I both knew that when I enlisted into the Marines there was a possibility that I was going to be deployed. That didn't stop us both from being depressed when the call came in yesterday morning. In fact, I think that call may have made Evan more depressed than I am.

He called her on the road
From a lonely cold hotel room
Just to hear her say I love you one more time
And when he heard the sound

My heart is sinking as I enter the hotel room right outside of Houston. When I'm deployed, it'll be from my Texas military base. Nothing could be colder than the way my heart feels right now. All I can think about is finding some way to be honorably discharged so that I can go home and see Evan. But I know that if I did that, Evan would be even madder. Instead I grab my phone and hit the first speed dial button to get a hold of Evan. The phone rings three times and after the third I hear his voice say, "Zachie?"

Of the kids laughing in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye
A little voice came on the phone
And said "Daddy when you coming home"

"Yeah baby," I smile, a tear coming to my eyes, "it's me."

"Oh my god, how are you? I miss you so much! When do you get deployed? When do you get to come back home to see me?" Evan asks, his voice going a mile minute. I can't help but laugh.

"Slow down baby. I can't understand you when you talk so fast." I laugh through my tears.

He said the first thing that came to his mind
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair

"When do you get deployed?" he asks me. I can hear the sadness in his voice and all I want to do is get home so that I can hold him and comfort him and make sure he isn't going to cry anymore.

"I get deployed tomorrow." I sigh.

"And when do you get home?" Evan asks, his voice meek.

I sigh, "Honey I honestly don't know that one."

I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers

"I want you home. I don't want you to go to war. What if you die? What am I suppose to do if you don't come back home from war?" he asks.

My heart is breaking as I answer, "Then you move on. You find someone else that can make you happy. If I don't come home, I still want you to be happy."

"I won't be happy unless I have you," Evan replies. I stifle a laugh.

Oh I'm already there
She got back on the phone
Said I really miss you darling
Don't worry about the kids they'll be alright

"You can be happy. Trust me. And besides, I don't know why you're so upset. I'm coming home. I swear I'm coming home."

"You don't know that for sure."

"I can feel it in my heart. I'm going to be back before you know it."

Wish I was in your arms
Lying right there beside you
But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight
And I'll gently kiss your lips

Evan sighs, "I miss you already and you've already been gone for a day. All our old friends are asking about you. They don't know why you would enlist."

"I told you, my dad was a military man. It just seemed natural to me. It really did." I reply. He knows how much my family means to me. And since I 'dishonored' my dad by being gay I thought I might as well sign up for the military and try and earn his love back.

"I just wish you didn't sign up," Evan replies.

Touch you with my fingertips
So turn out the light and close your eyes
I'm already there
Don't make a sound

"Think about it this way," I smile, "you're dating a man in uniform now. You said you always loved a man in uniform."

I finally get to hear Evan's sweet laugh. "That is true."

"So see, it's not all bad." I replied, whipping the tears from my eyes.

I'm the beat in your heart
I'm the moonlight shining down
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there until the end

Slowly I sigh, "Evan…I have to go…"

"Do you have to?" he pleads.

"I still have to eat and I still have a while to go…."

Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I'm already there
We may be a thousand miles apart
But I'll be with you wherever you are

He sighs, "Just make sure you make it back to me okay…"

"Of course I will…"

"Just promise me that you will never find someone over there that you love as much as you love me…" Evan sobs.

I nod, "I swear baby. I swear."

I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I'm already there
Oh I'm already
There