Early hours of Saturday Morning

He came and sat on the bed next to her, close but not touching and rubbed his hands over his face. He wasn't looking at her.

"I don't know where to start"

"What did you come here for then?"

"I don't know, I suppose I wanted to know whether you love him."

"What do you mean, do I love him?" Molly put her head on one side "Of course I love him; I'm going to marry him aren't I? And I'm not some people; I wouldn't lie about something like that"

"You're talking about me aren't you?" Molly shrugged "But you're wrong, you know, I never lied when I said I loved you, I did love you, I do love you, I never stopped loving you, but I know that I fucked up big time and because of that I screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me "

"Shall I clap now or wait till you've finished?" She didn't wait for an answer, she didn't expect one "I've never heard such a load of old bollocks in me life. For someone who was supposed to love me, you really let me down, didn't you? You shagged her, Charlie, when I was away missing you like hell; you were off shagging some little slapper and telling me that you missed me. How could you do that to me? You knew how much I loved you, what you meant to me, I never tried to hide it, and you knew how much I hated blokes who play away. I told you about me ex, and then you did it anyway, and when I asked you why you did it, what did you say? That you didn't know. You didn't know? What sort of bleeding answer was that? You wrecked everything and you couldn't even say why you'd done it. What did you expect me to do? Say, there, there it don't matter, or these things 'appen, I forgive you. Well, these things don't just 'appen, do they? And as for forgiving you just like that, well that was never gonna happen, was it? You knew what you was doing so it's a bit late to talk about me being the best thing that happened to you, innit?"

"But it was the truth, I didn't know why. It wasn't as if I set out to do something so bloody stupid, I never meant for any of it to happen and afterwards, well, you wouldn't listen, you wouldn't talk to me, I don't know, wouldn't let me try and explain, put things right, would you?"

"Oh, I see, so it's all my fault, is it?"

"Of course not, that's not what I'm saying. I was bored, Mol, I don't know, restless" Molly interrupted him, "You should have found a hobby, although it might have been best if it maybe didn't include shagging slappers" then after looking at his face, she added "Sorry"

"That's okay, I probably deserve it" he smiled, a rueful expression on his face "I was out with some old mates and I was pissed, hadn't had a lot to drink for a long time, and she was there and I was flattered, I was lonely, she kept coming over and sitting on my lap, and my so-called mates were egging me on, oh I know none of that's an excuse" he paused and wiped his hand over his face, then started to run his hands through the hair on the back of his neck "You know, Molly, I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to talk about it, I don't even want to think about it"

"But I wanna know"

"I don't remember much about it, Oh, I know I did it, I'm not denying that it happened and I remember that she had a condom, thank God, but I wasn't at the stage of being so pissed that I couldn't function, well obviously, but my common sense and my ability to think straight, well my ability to think at all really, had long gone. Afterwards I couldn't even look at her, couldn't get away quickly enough, and I'm not a bit proud of that. For a while I couldn't even remember her name, and I'm not proud of that either. It was the most stupid thing I'd ever done. I didn't know how to get away afterwards, so I gave her my number and told her to call me or text me, I was never going to answer, I thought she would give up and go away if I didn't, what a gentleman, but I couldn't tell her that my wife was going to be home in a couple of weeks and I would like her to fuck off, could I? But I should have deleted her texts. I never answered any of them, I didn't even read them after the first couple, so I didn't think about it, I never thought about her, except to feel so sorry and guilty every time I looked at you, and you knew that there was something wrong because you kept asking me, but I couldn't tell you, could I?"

Moly stared at him as he looked down at his feet and for the first time since she found all the texts on his phone, a small chink of doubt crept into her certainty that he and he alone had been 100% responsible for the break-up of their marriage. Oh, he'd been responsible for the problem that had set off the chain of events, but maybe she too had been a bit guilty, guilty of not letting him explain, guilty of being so totally convinced that the only reason for the dozens of texts, she too had only read the first couple, was the one she had in her head, so that she hadn't wanted to listen to anything else.

"Can I have a drink, please? There's some titchy bottles of vodka in that little fridge over there, at least there were in mine. There aren't now, of course" She giggled slightly, even though her hangover was beginning to bite across her eyes and she knew she probably shouldn't have anything else to drink, but to hell with it, this conversation needed alcohol. He got up and opened the fridge and poured a miniature bottle of vodka into a glass then waved the second one at her as if asking a question, to which she nodded so he added it to the glass and then got himself a drink, and listened to her.

"We should have had this chat a while ago, shouldn't we? " he nodded as she went on "I'm sorry, that was my fault, I always thought you was perfect, you know, had all the answers, I think it came from when you was the boss in Afghan and I knew you would never fuck up like I used to. Oh, I know you did once in Afghan, but you did that to keep me happy and I knew it, this time it was different and I just couldn't handle it"

"I used to love the way you thought I was perfect, Mol, it made me feel about ten feet tall" Molly interrupted him, pretending to be surprised "Oh, you mean you're not?".

"No, I'm not ten feet tall or perfect" he laughed "I fuck up as much as the next bloke, maybe more sometimes, and sometimes it was quite hard to live up to the me you were married to, because the one thing I was scared of was that I would let you down and that was exactly what I did, big time. When you said you wanted a divorce, I kept waiting for it to be a bad dream, thinking that I couldn't possibly have made such a bloody mess of things again"

Molly stretched out on the bed as Charles stretched out next to her, not touching, just laying side by side and staring up at the ceiling, thinking how strange it felt to be next to the person who had been the focus of so much hurt and pain and anger and the cause of so much misery and so many soaked pillows from tear-filled nights and to feel none of the raw emotions that had been a part of her life for so long, to feel nothing really except for a calm affection for him as she struggled against an overwhelming need to close her eyes and go to sleep, knowing that the vodka had been a mistake after all.

"What time are your lot getting here tomorrow, I'd quite like to see them again, even Nan, although I bet she'll give me hell" adding, as Molly didn't answer "Or if you prefer me to push off before they get here, just say and I will"

"They're not coming" Molly was having a serious problem now with staying awake "I decided it was too far and would cost too much for all of them to shlep all this way just for a party" Charles raised his eyebrows, knowing that she was hiding something, then feeling sad all over again as he realised that it wasn't any of his business any more "Charlie, I'm gonna have to go in a minute cos I'm having a job keeping me eyes open here" Molly struggled to sit up and then laid back and closed her eyes, and was fast asleep in seconds.

If someone had asked her before today how she used to sleep with him, she wouldn't have been able to answer, either she'd forgotten or her brain had worked very hard to bury the memory, but her body obviously remembered. She woke up feeling warm and comfortable and 'familiar'. At some point he had pulled the bedspread over them and her legs were entwined with his as he spooned round her, so close it was almost as if they were trying to share the same skin, even though they were fully clothed, and she felt the same flood of love and desire she had always felt when she woke up with him in the morning. Knowing that all she had to do was turn over and face him and, unless things had changed dramatically in the past two years, in no time at all they would be enjoying the most mind blowing sex. Some of the most incredible sex during their marriage had been first thing in the morning when they were barely awake, and she felt another little pang of regret when she realised that making love had become just plain sex.

Molly carefully lifted his arm off her so as not to wake him and moved away from the temptation of his body, much as she wanted to there was no way she could do that to Ben. Ben loved her and she owed him so much, without him she doubted that she could have healed as much as she had and he would never let her down, he deserved far more than she had been tempted to do just a few minutes ago, so she carefully got off the bed and made her way back to her own room, making sure that she didn't disturb him as she left.

Author's notes:

Thanks for the reviews, it's not over yet folks, there's still some way to go until things get sorted out, so let me know what you think.

I always felt that Molly would have a very high moral compass, both for herself and for other people which can be difficult to live with, both for her and for others. I also feel that her love for Charles would have made her full of expectations of him, not unreasonable, but he is a human, not superman, and can therefore make the same mistakes as everyone else.

To the reviewer that suggested I get on to OGA, I wish, believe me I've tried, with a bit of help from a friend, he knows who I mean, but for some reason I'm struggling!