Things That Go Bump in the Night
Chapter 3~ Death by Laughter
Yatem and I had left at 5, but because we were walking, we didn't reach the cinema until just after 6 o' clock.
He and I chillaxed in the movie theatre for the length of 3 movies. By then, it was almost 1 in the afternoon and there wasn't another movie until two-thirty. (I blew almost $100 buying tickets and food that day.) While waiting for the next movie, Yatem and I ended up sitting in the lobby and people-watched.
Enough people complained about us, however, and we were booted out of the cinema. Literally. "Was that really necessary?" I asked Yatem, getting up off the ground.
He groaned and stood up as well. "No."
"It was a rhetorical question," I said, rolling my eyes. He shrugged, not really caring. "Should we check on Mar-bear and 'Kura-cakes?"
"Mar- bear… and 'Kura-cakes?" Yatem repeated, looking at me quizzically. I grinned widely in response.
"Let's go. Hopefully, they didn't destroy too much."
As I stepped into my neighborhood, my senses were berated by the smell of something burning, and the sight of destroyed buildings.
Burning.
Burning.
I was suddenly in another time. One that had been burned into my memory.
"Mother!" I screamed, knowing what was coming next. But I couldn't be heard. I couldn't stop it.
The burning house crumbled to dust, just as rock turns to sand, and took a sacrifice; my mother's life.
No.
Stop…!
I can't-
Yatem grabbed my arm, obviously understanding that something had just happened to me. Stifling a scream from the horror of my memory, I used his touch as a lifeline to wrench myself back to reality. That wasn't happening now.
I'll just forget it. Everything will be fine…
"Are you okay?" Yatem was shaking me. I looked at him, confused. What just happened? I mentally shook my head, letting the memory sink into the back of my mind.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I quickly backed away, averting my eyes away from the flames, and speed-walked towards my house. Yatem trailed behind, trying to keep up. I had extreme midget legs, so I was used to walking fast.
However, I wasn't used to tripping over things, so when I did, I fell and what I fell on made this strange squeaking/wheezing noise.
It was Bakura. Passed out on my doorstep. "Asshat!" I yelled, slapping his face, several times, though it seemed very ineffective. He mumbled something I couldn't make out, and turned over, trapping my leg under him. "Agh, what the blargenshnurff?!" I flailed and kicked him in the face with my free leg.
He moaned in pain and cracked open an eye. "Nice underwear," he rasped.
I squealed and put my leg back down; I had completely forgotten that I was still in the clothes Millie had lent me the day before because I had sent mine to the cleaners. A skirt and an annoyingly frilly shirt. But it was better than being naked.
Never-the-less, my face turned so red it appeared to glow. We don't even need Rudolph this year! "Waaaaaaa!" I cried. "Get off of meeeeee!" I pushed him off my leg and ran inside, deliberately smashing the door into his skull.
"What's going on?" Marik questioned, stumbling around like a zombie.
Still annoyed with the state of my neighborhood, I stomped up to him, and repeated the original process that I had done with Bakura, minus the capture of my leg.
"My head hurts. What did you do?" Marik questioned, looking for all the world like a drunk.
"I didn't do nothing! You got fucked up on Monsters and destroyed the neighborhood!"
"Did we?" he questioned, scrunching up his face in deep concentration.
"Yes, you did." I rested my weight on my left side, and put my hands on my hips. Marik opened his mouth to answer, but then fell forwards. (At this point, I worried for the sake of his nose, I also mentally agreed with my earlier decision to never drink. I was pretty sure this would be similar to being hung over.) I rolled him over, and when he seemed fine, I dragged him into the bathroom, laughing evilly.
I plugged in the electric razor, and quickly shaved off his hair; he now had hair only a few centimeters long. The military captains would be proud… So would Karita.
I looked around, appraising the situation, and determined that it would be the perfect time to use the Sharpie that I stol- I mean borrowed- from my friend.
Above his mouth, I drew a curly French-style mustache, and doodled a monocle around his eye.
I nodded, in pride of my hard work. Quickly, I dragged him back in the living room, and pulled him onto a couch. If worse came to worst, I would tell him that Bakura did it.
With that idea in place, I got up and snuck back outside through the back door. Using my ninja-like skills, I snuck to the front, and pulled Bakura (with the help of Yatem) inside the house. And dropped him promptly on a second couch.
I stared at him creepily for a few seconds, before perching myself next to him. A second later, I was petting his hair. He really was fluffy! While I delved into a few thoughts (surprise, my brain actually does still function), I continued to play with his hair. When I finally sorted my thoughts into a more suitable pattern, I looked down, only to find Bakura's hair split into several hundred Jamaican braids.
The phone started ringing just then, to the tune of Für Elise, which scared the crap out of me.
"Hello?" I questioned, picking up the phone. My friend Ava, on the other line, asked if she could come over. "Sure!" I said, joyfully.
"Great! I'll be over in five minutes!" she said before hanging up.
Chuckling demonically, I took out a bottle of glue…
Yatem came downstairs after the fifth consecutive ring of the doorbell, to see me lying on the floor, shuffling a deck of cards.
"Aren't you going to get that?" he asked as the person ringing the doorbell's fingers went into hyper-drive.
"Nah. They can wait," I said, half zoned out. Yatem sighed, and was just about to open the door, when the handle started jiggling, and a credit card flashed through the crack. Yatem stared at it in horrified wonder. The door suddenly flew open and, doorknob catching Yatem on his chest, my friend Ava walked in.
Yatem had been literally blown back from the door's destructive power, but he now looked around, groaning in pain. He reached his hand up to his chest, only to immediately wipe it on his pants.
"Umbrë? What is this stuff on my shirt?" he asked, shakily.
"Oh, it's glue! I spread some on the doorknob when Ava called to tell me she was coming over!" I smiled happily. My plan had worked perfectly.
"Ava? What kind of name is that?" Bakura scoffed, still half asleep.
"It stands for Avery, Jamaican-man! By the way, Umbrë who are these peop-"
She was cut off as Bakura's confused expression turned into an angry one. "Umbrë, what the hell did you do to my hair?!" He pulled at his hair, trying to get the braids out.
"Nobody and I mean noooboody interrupts me!" Ava growled, before grabbing Bakura and throwing him to the floor in an intricate karate move.
Bakura was speechless for all of about two seconds before he cried out, "Ra almighty, are all women in this dimension so violent?!"
"Yes," I commented flatly. "My friends, at least. And Ava, these are the characters of Yu-Gi-Oh." I gestured around as I answered her half asked question.
"And this is THE Yatem?" she asked, pointing at the Yami that had been thrown to the floor. I nodded and she shrieked, "COOLIO!" and ran over to Yatem, to make sure he was okay.
"Hello, world! I am here for my precious Kevin!" Kami, another of my strange friends, announced walking in through the still open door.
Getting up, satisfied that she hadn't hurt Yatem too badly, Ava sighed. "Kami, you know Kevin doesn't exist."
"I don't know," I disagreed. "Maybe he does!" Kevin was the 'perfect boyfriend' for Kami- or so she claimed. She created him, so I guess he really could be.
"I bet you ten bucks that he doesn't," Ava bet.
"Gods, I know I'm handsome, but you don't have to bet for bucks!" I made a punny; bucks as in thrusts that is.
Ava was used to my perverted jokes, but she flushed anyway. "Dollars. I bet you ten dollars," she corrected.
"Well, I bet another five bucks that when he comes, he won't know Kami," I said, continuing the bet.
Ava laughed. "You might as well give me the fifteen dollars-" We both shut up as Kami ran up to us and slapped her hand all over our faces.
"You guys are so mean!" she cried.
"Kami, you know that he doesn't-" Ava was cut off a second time as a sound was heard from the basement. I knew this constant cutting off must be a cut to her imaginary ego.
"It's Kevin! He's come for me," my obsessed friend called once again, rushing to the door. She opened the door, only to find someone that looked awfully familiar…
"Seto? What are you doing here? I thought you said that you 'want nothing to do with us idiots because' you 'had a company you needed to run.' You also asked if you 'had mentioned that we were idiots.' Which, yes, you did," Yatem asked.
He opened his mouth to reply, but Kami pushed him aside, and he almost fell on my carpet. "Kevin!" Kami embraced someone.
"You owe me ten dollars," I murmured to Ava out of the corner of my mouth. She grumbled and searched her pocket for any money she might have on her. She found a ten dollar bill and handed it to me. We tuned back into the conversation.
"Who are you?" he asked, looking rather nervous.
"Why, I'm your long lost girlfriend, silly!" Kami giggled flirtatiously.
"Oh. Are you the cashier at Sears that always gives me coupons?" wondered Kevin.
"No…" Kami began.
"Not ringing any bells," Kevin interrupted, shrugging.
"Fifteen," I said, out of the corner of my mouth. Searching through her pockets, Ava pulled out things that should not be revealed in proper company. Of course, this wasn't… but still!
She handed me a five dollar bill, only to have me drop it as I found the tampon wadded inside it.
Ava grabbed it and chucked it at Bakura, then firmly said, "It's Millie's!"
Bakura looked at the tampon curiously. "What is it?" he asked Yatem, who was now attempting to hide from me and Ava with Bakura.
"It's a nose picker!" he exclaimed, taking the tampon from Bakura and shoving it right back up the Thief's nose. Bakura took it right back out, and stuck it to Yatem's hair.
Yatem didn't notice as he was too busy yelling, "Ava, why do you have a nose picker in your purse?"
"It's a tampon!" she blushed.
"Yeah! We shove them right up our vaginas!" I added throwing up my arms in a gesture of victory.
Yatem returned Ava's blush, and Bakura covered his face. "Too much information, little girl," Bakura finally said.
"¡¿Quieres luchar conmigo?!" I asked, putting my hands on my hips.
"What is that you're speaking in? Polish?" Bakura frowned.
"Whaaat? No, it's Spanish, you dipwad!" I cried, felling the beginnings of a tick in my eyebrow.
"Never heard of it."
The tick grew larger. "Quieres luchar, ¿no?" I said, frowning.
"What the hell does that mean?!" Bakura exclaimed.
"It means you're an idiot, now shut up, Jamaican man!" I told him, adopting Ava's nickname. Bakura growled and was about to lunge at me, when a hair of hands attached to a curly blonde-haired woman pinched his nipples.
"So you do have pectorals. Interesting," my other friend, Millie said.
I laughed at the horrified expression on Bakura's face, and the concentrating expression on Millie's face.
"What is wrong with these women?" Bakura practically screamed, metaphorical steam coming out of his ears, as he pounded up the stairs.
"I think he's pissed," I commented lightly. From on the couch, Marik gurgled as he woke up.
"What's going on? I have such a headache." He sat up, and was mortified to see everyone point and laugh at him. I couldn't even keep down a giggle seeing my work in action.
Marik then went into the bathroom and screamed like a little girl. "Umbrë, what did you do to my face? AND MY HAIR?!" he wailed.
"It was Bakura," I said innocently, trying to make myself look as angelic as I could muster. A little smirk kept tugging at the corners of my lips, and it took all my self control to keep from full out evil grinning.
"Gawd. Why is Marik so feminine?" Ava asked Yatem from where they were both seated on the couch parallel to the one Marik had been on: the one Bakura had previously resided upon before he stormed off in a rage.
"I am not feminine!" Marik exclaimed putting his hands on his hips, which caused all in the room to raise an eyebrow skeptically at the spectacle in front of us.
"You're more feminine than us, and we're the girls here!" Ava cried, continuing.
"That's wrong on so many levels," I interjected dryly.
"Not what I meant," Ava said, almost growling at me. I was about to look down in mock shame when I saw Marik waltz by, purse in hand.
"Geez, I don't know many men that have purses," I speculated.
He turned to me and growing annoyed, he said, "It's a satchel!"
"Could have fooled me. It looks just like a man purse!" I'm really good at pissing people off! I thought, as I saw Bakura's metaphorical steam coming out of Marik's ears.
Marik stomped up the stairs, as Bakura had, causing me to snort. I turned around, only to find myself face-to-face with Ava. Eating my Doritos.
"No. No Doritos for you!" I exclaimed, taking them away from her. She put on her practiced 'oh noes' face. When that failed to do anything, she began pouting.
"Umbrë, you stink," she said after an eternity.
"Literally or metaphorically?" I countered.
"Both," she said, turning from me.
"Oh you did not just go there!" I chased after Ava. "Get back here you large cretin!" As I skidded around the corner, I saw Ava push aside my knee-high refrigerator and prepare to jump into the hole beneath it. She screamed, "To the Umbrë-cave!" Once inside, she began singing, "Duh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh, Umbrë-man!"
I shook my head sadly at my strange friend's antics. I then pushed the 'fridge back over the hole and went and closed the front door before going and sitting next to Yatem.
"It's just you and me, buddy," I said.
He just groaned.
THANK YOU WHO ALERTED OR FAVOURITED THIS STORY! Thank you also, to Zenna Crell who reviewed. (I always forget this part, so I'm catching up right here!)
CZR: I feel like I haven't updated in forever D:
Bakura: That's because you haven't.
CZR: *Glares* Well, first I had a writer's block, and then I went on a trip to Mexico last week so… Yes, those are my reasons. I hope a freakishly long chapter will make up for the absence. I also have to mention that it took me almost three days to type this up. (I only have 2 hours of computer time a day, except almost 5 on weekends, so that's why I update on weekends.)
Marik: And because it seemed necessary, there's going to be a lot of awkward moments with Umbrë and I and Umbrë and Yatem, but they're never going to be pairings.
CZR: The characters say Umbrë's name so often in this chapter o_o It's really getting annoying to go to the symbol setting every time I have to write her name x'D
Yuugi: CZR doesn't own Yugioh-
Marik/Bakura: *Restraining CZR from saying what she does own*
Yuugi: R&R please!
If you're still reading this, then I would be happy if you could go and read my draft of this story to see if I've improved the stuff on this story. Also, this story is going to take longer to get to the plot, so if you want to know what the heck the plot is (I actually DO have one), you should take a peeky poo at my draft ^^
