Chapter 3

July

12.03am

Sage cries. I get up. I feed Sage. I try to get some sleep.

2.14am

Sage cries. I get up. I change Sage's diaper. I try to get some sleep.

4.27am

Sage cries. I get up. I feed Sage.

I tuck Sage back into her crib and then crawl back into bed. I am so tired. My life is just an endless cycle of feeding Sage. Changing Sage. Bathing Sage. Snatching sleep whenever I can. My limbs ache and I want to cry from exhaustion. I pray to god that she doesn't wake again before 6.

I have barely closed my eyes when I hear a loud crashing sound followed by a few loud swear words coming from the living room. The noise is enough to wake Sage up again and she begins bawling from inside her crib.

I screw my eyes up to stop the tears that threaten to fall. I just want some sleep. Why the hell does he have to be such a disturbance? I wipe a stray tear away with the back of my hand before getting up off the bed to comfort Sage. I pick her up gently and cradle her against my chest, whispering soothing sounds and bouncing her gently up and down. Her cries begin to lessen once I have done so but I know it will be a while before she falls back to sleep again.

Thom comes stumbling into the room moments later and I shoot him a look of pure venom as he enters. Even in his inebriated state he notices my stare and instantly goes on the defence.

"Don't fucking start," he warns as he tears his beer stained shirt off his torso.

I can smell the spirits and weed on him and know he has been at yet another party. This will be the third one this week. I hate that he can go out and leave us without a second thought. The thought of physically leaving Sage makes me sick with panic and fear. I don't want to leave her and I just want him to stay here and help me with Sage.

"I just got Sage down!" I growl at him, still bouncing Sage up and down in my arms. "You stink of smoke and beer. You can't spend all night out partying and then come in and wake Sage up without some consequences!"

Anger fills his eyes. Sage begins to whimper at the angry tone of my voice. I hold her closer to my chest, hoping to shield her from most of the argument.

"I never asked for that piece of shit," he yells gesturing to Sage.

His words knock all the air out of me and Sage cries grow louder at his angry words. I continue to clutch her close to my chest horrified that he could talk about our daughter in that way. His cruel words towards me have little effect, they are nothing new, but I draw a line at insulting Sage. I hate him for it.

"Get out," I say through gritted teeth. "Never talk about our daughter in that way again."

I stare at him venomously. The sight of him right now makes me sick. He stares back at me with equal intent before eventually conceding and throwing on a clean shirt.

"Fine by me. I don't need this agro," he snaps before he storms out.

I hear the front door slam moments later and I wince at the sound. Sage is still howling against my chest and I kiss the top of her head in an effort to soothe her.

A small tear slips down my cheek.


Sage wakes me earlier than I would have liked and I begin to go about our daily routine. We pass Mom in the kitchen after she comes in from her night shift and I briefly tell her about my fight with Thom only a couple of hours ago. She sighs and gives me a knowing look before kissing Sage and going to bed. I don't feel any better after she is gone.

I keep replaying the argument with Thom over and over again in my head. Things have been leading towards this point for weeks now. After those first couple of days in the hospital he hasn't been the most supportive or loving father. He spends most nights out with his friends getting drunk and high and god knows what else before coming home and then complaining he is too tired to look after Sage. He never picks her up when she cries. He only changes he diaper after I have nagged him to do so. I feel like I am constantly on his case asking him to help out with Sage and I don't like it. I want him to want to do these things for his daughter.

I don't know when he will come back but know our conversation is not finished once he does.

I finish changing Sage's diaper and change her into some day clothes. She gurgles at me as I pull up her trousers and I pull a silly face at her.

"That feel better munchkin?" I ask her rubbing her tummy. "What fun things will we get up to today?"

Sage can only gurgle again in response and I sigh as I pick her up and hold her against my chest.

I wasn't prepared for the loneliness I would feel after Sage was born. You would think spending 24 hours a day with another human being could never get lonely but Sage can't talk back. I spend my whole day talking and singing to someone who is unable to reply.

I love Sage but I crave some adult conversation. Anything other than hearing the sound of my own voice. But Mom sleeps most of the day and Thom is often MIA working on his truck. I haven't seen any of my friends since Sage has been born. A baby is too much for them to handle. They don't know how to relate to me and can't be bothered to try. It would only get in the way of the endless parties and booze. I have begun to realise that they may have never been my friends in the first place.

Most of them I don't really care about seeing anymore but it hurts how much Gale has cut me out of his life. Most of the time I only see him across the street as he leaves every morning. He came round a couple of times with Thom but he has still not figured out how to talk to me and spent most of the time playing video games with Thom. I miss having a person I could share anything with.

I have never felt so alone.

I carry Sage through to the living room and place her on her multicoloured mat. I pick up a stuffed octopus that rattles and dangle it above her head.

"Want to play with Olly the Octopus today?" I say jiggling the toy above her head. Sage reaches her arms up towards it.

"Olly likes playing with you. He likes swimming in the sea and finding stuff for tea," I sing song.

Sage continues to reach for the toy and I move it up and down out of her reach. She is fascinated by the colours and her eyes are fixed on the toy. I enjoy playing with her for a few minutes before I lower the toy to the ground and watch her continue to stare at it. I sit back on my hands.

Another day begins.


Thom reappears just after lunch and sheepishly enters the kitchen. I am in the middle of feeding Sage and I eye him cautiously as he comes over not wanting him to disturb Sage again. He sits down opposite me and reaches out to stroke Sage's head as she continues to suckle at my chest.

"I'm sorry okay," he states. "I didn't mean to wake her up."

"If you stayed in you wouldn't have," I reply bitterly.

"Look I just need some space. I have you nagging at me all day about helping out with Sage. I just need a break," he continues.

"And you don't think I would like a break too? I'm with Sage 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I don't get a break! I just want your support!" I reply.

Sage has stopped feeding now so I pull my top back down and lift her up so I can burp her.

"I do support you. I change her diaper and clean up after her," Thom replies defensively.

"Only once I have asked you. I shouldn't need to ask. You should want to do these things for your daughter."

"I'm here now aren't I? Most guys would have fucked off long before now!" he replies his voice getting louder.

I feel Sage begin to tense in my arms. I hate that she witnesses these arguments. This is not a good environment for her to be raised in. I stand up and place her in her bassinette that sits in the living room before going back through to finish my conversation with Thom.

"It takes more than just living here to support her! You should be out looking for a job. She's growing everyday and the bills are starting to add up," I state.

Thom rolls his eyes at me.

"Not this again. Your constant nagging isn't making me want to get a job!" he yells. "I am my own man. I do what I want!"

"But don't you see? You can't be selfish anymore. You have a daughter who depends on you!" I scream back.

Thom is getting agitated again and I can see he is about to blow his top.

"I don't even know why I bothered coming back! All you do is nag me! I hate you!" he bellows.

His last words don't have much effect on me. We have both screamed them on countless occasions before. We have always said them just as often as the words I love you. Sage has started crying again and I give him an angry stare as I rush past him to get to her.

By the time I have calmed her down again he has gone.


He stays away for 3 days. It is the longest he has been gone since Sage has been born. Mom asks me to think about Sage and how our relationship is affecting her. I know it is not good that she is hearing us scream and shout at each other but things have to work out with Thom. He is her father. I still want us to be a family. I hope that when he finally gets himself a job he will own up to his responsibilities more. I know Mom thinks I am being naïve and stupid but I want Sage to have both her parents in her life.

That is until I get a text from Johanna on the third day.

Thought you should know Thom hooked up with Leevy. He's being staying with her these last couple of days.

Anger and resentment are the best words to describe how I feel after this text. I am surprised in the first place Johanna has texted me. She hasn't made any effort since Sage has been born. I guess on some level she is still looking out for me as a friend.

I hate that he could do this. He's cheated on me before but this is definitely the worse case. Not only has he betrayed me but he has betrayed Sage. He has put his own selfish needs ahead of his daughter's. It hurts me that he can so easily go off with someone else. That he probably hasn't thought about how his actions affect me and Sage. And I know he won't come back full of remorse. He will probably be smug that he did it.

I've had enough. He's proven to me that he is not serious about being there for Sage. Parties, girls and trucks are more important to him. I am sick of having the same arguments over and over again with him. Mom is right. He's not going to change. At this moment the best thing for Sage is for her parents not to be together. I storm into my bedroom and begin throwing his things into bags. Once I am done I send him a picture of his packed things and wait to see his response.

He arrives 20 minutes later with a fire blazing behind his eyes.

"What the fuck?" he demands as he sees his stuff out on the street.

"I've had enough. I know you slept with Leevy. I don't want you living with us anymore," I state calmly.

Just as I expected he shows no remorse for what he has done. Instead he narrows his eyes and snatches up one of his bags.

"Whatever," he states. "I don't want to be around you and that fucking mistake any way."

I want to hit him for what he said about Sage. Does he not care about her at all? He was equally responsible for creating her. How dare he resent her for that?

"Go," is all I say in response. The sooner he has gone the better.

He snatches up the remainder of his things, throwing them into his truck and driving away without looking back.

I watch him leave before going back inside and to the daughter who needs me.

I spend that night crying silently with Sage curled up beside me. I cry for all the hurt he has caused me, but mainly I cry for Sage and the father she is not going to have. I only wanted her to have a happy and stable family life.


The first few days after he leaves I feel even lonelier than I did before. Up until this point I had never seriously considering raising Sage on my own. I had just assumed Thom would eventually grow up and be there to help me. Now he is gone I find it all that more daunting.

Mom encourages me to leave the house. I have barely left since Sage was born and she tells me that sitting and moping about the house isn't going to make anything better. I resist a little at first. I don't really feel up to facing the real world just yet and the judgemental stares that come with it. However on a particularly sunny Monday I decide it is too nice to stay inside. I strap Sage into her stroller, put her in her sun hat, cover her in sun screen and tuck in her toy rabbit before deciding to head to the nearby park.

The minute I step out the door I immediately relax. I have always enjoyed the outdoors and walking along in the warm breeze with the smell of freshly cut grass instantly perks up my senses and gets my endorphins running. It's been too long since I have been outdoors. Sage seems to love it too and stares at the many new wonders we encounter on our way to the park.

The park is busy due to the nice weather and summer vacation. It is full of young kids chasing soccer balls and throwing Frisbees. I look at them fondly wondering how long it will be before Sage is running about the park like them. If she is anything like me she will always want to be outdoors.

However as soon as we enter the park Sage falls asleep and I have to be content with just pushing her through the park as she sleeps. I don't mind too much as I get to savour the feeling of being out and about again. I finally begin to feel good again as I stroll leisurely around the park.

Unfortunately my mood quickly sours as I stroll past Glimmer and her bunch of cronies lounging around by the large duck pond. Some of the guys are throwing a football between themselves while the girls stretch out sunbathing in the heat.

I try to move past them without being noticed but Glimmer's eagle eyes easily spot me and she sits up on her arms in preparation for her latest triad against me.

"Watch out guys. Katniss Everdeen might trip and accidently fall on your dick. Isn't that how she got pregnant the last time? What a fucking whore," she sneers.

I force myself to ignore her and try to walk past without looking at her and rising to the bait.

I curse my bad luck. Haven't they gone off to college yet? I know Glimmer got into Princeton, just like every other member of her family, and even the most stupid of her friends have been able to buy a place into a college out of town. Can't they just go already and leave me alone.

I think I have succeeded in ignoring them when I bump into large man and jolt Sage awake. She begins screaming her head off at the sudden interruption of her sleep and I have to stop and drop everything to comfort her. The fat man I bumped into looks at me angrily before glancing down and spotting Sage.

"You bloody teen moms! Can't do anything right!" he snaps at me.

I apologise profusely while scooping Sage up in my arms and trying to get her to stop crying. The man shakes his head at me before going over to join his equally fat wife and 2 chubby children. I try not to judge him like he judged me.

I cradle Sage in my arms and try to calm her.

"Shh baby. It's okay. Nothing is going to happen to you. Mommy is sorry for waking you," I coo into her ear, kissing her head and stroking her hair.

But it's not working. She continues to howl and cry as I bounce her up and down.

To my side I can hear Glimmer and her friends cackling at my expense.

"You shouldn't be allowed out if you can't keep your baby from crying in public. It ruins it for the rest of us," Glimmer drones.

I try to block out her words and concentrate on soothing Sage. I don't need a reminder of how embarrassing this is.

"Please Sage. Stop crying. Stop crying for Mommy," I plead my emotions beginning to rise up in my chest, threatening to overwhelm me.

"How does it feel to not be able to comfort your own baby? You must be a really crap mother," Glimmer adds insult to injury.

I screw my eyes up and try not to cry. The feeling of loneliness after Thom has gone and her words aren't doing much for my confidence that I can look after Sage on my own. I feel completely hopeless as Sage continues to bawl in my arms.

"Must suck to know you are such a pathetic loser," Glimmer says.

"I hope you are not talking about me," a male voice asks in a joking manner.

Glimmer turns round to look at the owner of the voice before jumping up and squealing in delight at the person's arrival.

"You're back!" she screeches as she jumps onto the medium built young man with floppy blond hair. "I thought you weren't due back until Thursday?"

The young man laughs as he returns her hug and ruffles her hair as he releases her. Glimmer frowns at him and immediately goes to smooth her sleek hair back down.

"Last minute change of plans. Thought I'd come back and surprise you all," the man replies.

Glimmer smiles excitedly at him before yanking him down to sit beside her.

"I'm so glad you are home," she gushes. "It's so boring with just Mom and Dad."

The young man smiles and nods as he listens to her prattle on.

I spy a look at him as Sage finally begins to calm down and am thankful that Glimmer's attention has been turned away from me.

I recognise the man she is with as her brother Peeta Mellark. She has 3 older brothers, Peeta being the youngest. Even though he is 4 years older I am still aware of who is and the legend he left behind at high school. His picture still hangs in the gym hall in remembrance of the two state championships he led the school football team to. He must have just graduated from Princeton after attending with a football scholarship. He is still talked about in school today like a god.

It doesn't help that he has the reputation for being one of the nicest guys in Panem. Before he went off to college he used to work in one of the many bakeries the Mellark's own. His muscular physique, cerulean blue eyes and charming personality had girls queuing up outside the shop. I remember going in with my dad and Prim and he was always cheery and would often sneak an extra cookie for my sister.

The last four years have not done him any harm and he chats away to Glimmer and her friends amiably. He catches my eye while Glimmer is the middle of a seemingly long story about a dress their mother forced her to wear. He smiles at me warmly before I avert my gaze and concentrate on Sage.

She has finally settled so I place her back into her stroller and rearrange her hat before finally moving on and getting away from them.

I have only gone a few feet when I hear a voice calling me back.

"Hey wait up," Peeta's voice calls.

I reluctantly stop and turn round slowly dreading what he could possibly want to say to me.

"You dropped this," Peeta says holding out Sage's stuffed bunny toy.

I reach out to accept the toy. It is the toy Mom bought for her and one of Sage's favourites. She would have been upset if I had lost it.

"Er thanks," I say a little awkwardly hoping I can now go and get away from here.

"I'm sorry about my sister. I am under no illusions that she can be a bitch. She's been spoilt too much. But that's no excuse for what she said to you," Peeta says.

I nod my head slowly at his apology. But Peeta has stopped looking at me and now strains to look into the stroller to catch a glimpse of Sage.

"She's gorgeous," he says peering into the stroller. "What's her name?"

I look at him a bit stunned that he asking me questions. I study him trying to figure out what he is playing at.

"Sage," I reply a little cautiously as I continue to study him.

Peeta grins at my words.

"Great choice of name. One of my favourite ingredients to use. Got to love anything named Sage," he replies. "How old is she?"

I am still perplexed about why he is talking to me and showing an interest in Sage. But it has been so long since I have had an adult conversation with anyone other than my mom and Thom that I eagerly answer him.

"Just turned 8 weeks, though it seems like I have had her forever," I reply.

Peeta smiles warmly at me again.

"I bet it does. You must be exhausted. I take it she doesn't sleep through the night yet?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"I've given up sleep until Kim Kardashian had been made president," I joke.

Peeta chuckles.

"I'm Peeta by the way," he introduces himself, sticking out his hand.

"Katniss," I reply taking his hand and shaking it firmly.

"Katniss and Sage," Peeta repeats with a smile. "Two beautiful names for two beautiful girls."

I blush a little at his compliment. I don't feel beautiful today. I had just thrown on an old pair of jean shorts and baggy t-shirt before I came out. I haven't spent any time taking care of my appearance since Sage was born.

Peeta doesn't seem to notice as he is busy pulling faces at Sage in her stroller. She looks up at him curiously as he begins to play an overly dramatic game of peek-a-boo. Sage watches him carefully for a few moments before breaking into a big smile after a particularly silly reveal from Peeta.

I stop and look at her in amazement at seeing her smile for the first time.

"Sage did you just smile?" I ask with a big grin on my face. Sage smiles in response and I give a yelp in excitement as I pick her up and shower her with kisses. Her smile has to be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Peeta watches us with a genuine joy on his face and his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"She's never smiled before huh?" he asks.

I shake my head while still cooing and praising Sage. Peeta's smile gets even bigger and I can't help but think what a nice smile he has. It's impossibly wide, reaching up to the top of his ears and making his eyes shine like the sun. If I hadn't just seen Sage's smile I would have said he has the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.

"Well, I'll let you get on. She really is adorable. You seem to be doing a really good job with her," he says.

I smile at him gratefully and he nods his head in departure. I hold Sage close and kiss the top of her head as I watch him walk back to his sister and her friends. I can see Glimmer look at him quizzically and begin to question him demandingly when he sits down but he passes her questions off with a laugh. He looks back at me and gives me another kind smile. I return it before turning round to place Sage back in her stroller.

As I strap her in I can't help but think how surprisingly genuine and nice Peeta Mellark was.


A/N: So Peeta has finally appeared! I know it is only a brief introduction but we will see a lot more of him from now on.

Thanks again to everyone who has followed/favourited/reviewed this story so far. Your support is much appreciated.