Disclaimer: I don't own or want Harry Potter, Rowling can keep 'im. But can I keep Sevie? Pleeeeaaaase….


Of Wardrobes And Websites

Hermione woke up, and thanks gods, for the first time in two weeks it was pouring. Ahh, perfect day.

Slowly she got up and went to her bathroom. First thing she saw there made her snort. There, on the floor lay the dirty laundry that Snape had worn. If she'll ever have a chance to ask him what was he doing wearing them, she most definitely will. Pity she didn't think of camera.

Kicking them aside she stepped into the shower, fifteen minutes later emerging wearing a bathrobe. Deciding to dress later she went to the kitchen for breakfast. Even breakfast seemed to be merry with sucky weather and without stuffy nose.

Later she climbed up the stairs back to her room and started applying make-up, after two months of incarceration she'll be going out. Just one thing before that…

Hack!

During her last summer, spent solely on experiencing joys of internet, Hermione met some Russian guy named Xotabych. A bit of a nutter but an amazing hacker. She had spent hours talking to him and by the end of the summer she did e-mail hacking for morning muscle stretching. First it was only a healthy amount of fun, but later it turned a bit more serious.

Xotabych: Zdarov, Sunshine. Hows u. feel like stretching?

Boogyboo: Yah, sure. But first – spill…

Xotabych: spill? Im not drinkin

Boogyboo: its a saying. Means tell the news or sumthin like tha

Xotabych: oh… okay. Still no good tryin to crack tha big nut. I got some tracks for you to sniff out though. Someone legally visited THE site. Didn't have time to check.

Boogyboo: someone visited?!!!!!!!!!!

Xotabych: that's bad

Xotabych?

Boogyboo: dont know yet. Gimme sock to sniff. Maybe Voldy left us with something afterall.

Xotabych: mightbe. Site hasnt been visited for 2 weeks.

Exactly, deary, exactly two weeks since he died. Hermione scowled.

Xotabych: okay Lassy, catch!

…..

File transmission ….

Boogyboo: amazing. The stupid didnt even try to hide the tracks and uses Norton antivirus?

Xotabych: seems like it. Ok gtg. Have to do something about micro softies. They cant be invincible

Boogyboo: ok thanks. Good luck, brake a finger.

Boogyboo: cya

Xotabych: heheheh, latters hon.

Hermione grinned.

'Cute weirdo. Microsoft now Pentagon latter, heh.' She mused 'Though Voldy and his website can wait 'till evening.'

Hermione strode to her wardrobe and looked at the mirror hanging on its door. She looked at herself:

'Feelin' gothish, punkish or divish today?' with a smile she opened the door and…

'WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!'

'CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR!!!!!'

Hermione slammed the door and stumbled backwards so fast that she almost fell through the open window.

'Now close the fucking curtains and open the fucking door!!!' shrieked the wardrobe.

Hermione panicked and did what ordered in instant. Ones she opened the door the sight that met her eyes probably will never be witnessed in the entire history of human kind.

Hanging there upside down on the pole for hangers was Snape, his nose bleeding badly. He was half naked, only leather pants she'd given him yesterday, his tattoo on his chest clearly visible.

Batty…? What does that mea

'Hey! I'm talking to you!' shouted Snape. 'Step back!'

Hermione took a few steps and Snape performed some really cool Matrix stunt and was standing on his feet, glaring at her.

'Let's put it this way. There I was trying to sleep and you go ripping the door open and waking me up, not to mention you left the curtains open. And then you just bang the door and brake my nose!!!' shrieked Snape. 'Fifth time! Fifth, for fucks sake, that I get the doors slammed straight into my face!'

As scary as he might be the irony's never lost on Hermione.

'Ever considered some character changes, Snape? After the therapy you might be able to reduce it to 2.' Hermione smirked evilly, come what may…

But Snape just glared at her and went to her bathroom. Later emerging, his nose clean of blood. He looked at the mirror and raised his eyebrows.

'It looks slightly better.' He stared at his nose. 'straighter…'

'Yes, Snape, exactly my intention.' Snorted Hermione. 'Wanna try it again?' She asked smirking.

'Very tempting indeed.' As sarcastic as ever.

'Now what the heck were you doing in my wardrobe?' she frowned. 'I thought you left last night.'

'I was looking for Narnia, Granger.'

Hermione scowled. Snape sighted.

'Sleeping, Granger, sleeping.'

'Muggles do have guest rooms.' She rolled her eyes. 'And doormats.' Added as an after thought.

This time Snape scowled and grabbed the Kiss jumper and pulled it on. Hermione 'accidentally' glanced and saw tattoo just in time before it was covered. She narrowed her eyes.

'Batty?' she asked innocently.

Was it darkness, her imagination or Snape was really blushing.

'Batty like a cute little bat?' now she was certain that Snape was glowing bright red. 'Of course it's understandable. Living up to expectations and all…' she started giggling.

'I was a teenager!' he hissed. 'and I know about that one on your ass. Now what was that… a miniature dragon maybe?'

'How did you…' Hermione started wide eyed.

'Remember that mediwizard running your full body scan when you got that allergy? So he's my cousin!' Snape finished with a triumphant look on his face.

Hermione felt dumbstruck. So they what, met for a cup of cocoa and during the conversation "Hey Sevy, wanna know what Granger's got on her ass?"!

But still…

'Why the hell Batty?' She asked, still dizzy.

'I was a teen living in the dungeons.' He said, and mentally slapped himself. Who did he think she was! 'Why dragon?'

'Got a dragon fetish.'

Hermione felt cynical. This wasn't happening. Here she was sitting in her room with Snape of all people, talking about their tattoos!

For gods sake, even Ron didn't know about it, and I slept with him. She mentally shrieked and finally cracked. Hysterics took over. She was laughing so hard that she almost rolled off her bed. Then another thing struck her. Snape was laughing too.

What the heck is going on?

They both stopped laughing and looked embarrassed for very different reasons.

Must go and eat, must. I'm getting weird. All this starving must be getting to me. Yes, that's it. Thought Snape.

So now Snape knows about my butt. Great. If he talks I'm as good as dead. Whined Hermione.

Snape cleared his throat.

'Need Coldrex? Can't brew anymore. You said you had a cold.'

'No, I was trying to get your attention. I'm going back to sleep and I'd appreciate if you didn't come near the wardrobe.'

'You know we have other rooms that have curtains if you're so afraid of someone seeing you.' She said.

Snape gave her a funny look, shook his head and went towards the wardrobe. He closed the door and after a few seconds you could hear shuffling and everything went quiet.

'This is mad. Either Snape does yoga or has double joints. Either way, if I see the end of this, I'm writing a fanfiction.'

/\

After a good two hours of shopping and enjoying the rain Hermione got back. Hogsmeade was great, book shopping was even better, until she thought about Snape in her wardrobe and tracks Xotabych left her to 'sniff out'. And it's not like Snape's forbidden her to leave. Just don't talk.

The house was exactly as she left it, but it was already darkening. Knowing that Snape was probably sleeping, though it was totally beyond her how did he managed it, she crept up the stairs silently. It was really disturbing to have him here, especially now that she bought some new clothes and couldn't try them on in front of her wardrobe mirror. After a few colorful compliments thrown at her wardrobe she went to her mother's room for a big mirror. She felt punky today so red shorts, black boots and a really tight black top was just perfect. She just hopped that Snape would leave tonight and she would be free to go and have fun. She didn't care anymore. She'll just wait for another hour and if he doesn't decide to leave by then, well, triple fuck him.

She went back to her room, got her lap top and looked at the IP address Xotabych sent her. This Shouldn't be too hard, she thought, common anti-hack protection and a password. I should be there in no time.

She was right, whoever owned this website he was a novice, real sucker. You just don't go and visit a secret site that no one's supposed to know about using the front door. The idiot should have at least went to internet café, but then he'd be risking revealing the password to Voldys website, so the best would have been to just buy another comp and refrain from going there from his own website. Someone was being careless or stupid. Probably both.

Anyways, she was already in. The page was tasteless, cheap Turkish looking and the headline said "Welcome to the memories world". So maybe it was a deatheater family homepage, but why password then? Muggles would probably take it as fetish for sado/mazo. Suddenly, on the right side of the page appeared winamp window and a playlist lower, saying such as: the day in the forest, Valentine's day, Christmas evening, outing and so on. She didn't even care to glance at the left side of the screen to see the presentation or to notice the figure behind her staring at the screen intently. Hermione clicked at one of the titles in the play list and waited for it to download. It started playing, someone was adjusting camera and when she saw who it was she felt paralyzed. There, staring back at her was Bellatrix Lestrange, sadistic grin playing on her lips. Almost a minute passed and both, she and the figure behind her shrieked, horrified:

'HOLLY FUCKING SHIT!!!'


A/N: Wanna know what was it all about? Come and see later :D