I know I skipped a lot of days, but I have much more planned for after he's dead than how he is now. I'm going to try to not rush to L dying, though. Hopefully it won't be so boring until then. -.-

Also, this chapter is probably a little OOC. There's smut and L is kind of... sad. Maybe a little desperate to believe that Raito isn't the monster he's made himself (secretly) out to be.


The days have been flying by so far, and I can't help but to start worrying. It's not like I can change it now. That Shinigami, Ryuk, explained to me some of the rules. If I had changed my mind, it would have had to been within seconds of writing my name down in the Death Note. It's too late now... but if I hadn't, I would be dead already, and Kira would have gotten his way. That, more than anything, makes me feel so... angry. If he basically had the nerve to kill me off, just like that, what else can he do? That makes me wonder when exactly he'd returned to his normal heartless self. Was it before we caught Higuchi? Did he say those things just to trick me and make me weaker?

Frowning, I pushed my computer away, finished my now cold tea before setting it back down. I stood, slipping my shoes on and going to the door. I'm sure someone would like to know where I'm going in case they need me, but I just want to be alone... Not that I haven't been for the past few days, but I feel like I need to go somewhere. Perhaps "fresh air" up on the roof isn't enough. I slipped past the security cameras, going to the elevator. I know every location of every camera in the building. Considering that there are over one hundred of them, I think that's pretty impressive myself.

When the elevator reached the first floor, I got off, avoiding more of the cameras to get through the front sliding doors. A bright ray of sunlight hit me and I had to cover my eyes for a moment. It's been raining on and off for the past few days. Why is the sky clear now? Of course this would happen, when I want to go out on my own... I hate the sun. Despite the warmth trying to come from the sun, it's still too cold to only be wearing a long sleeve shirt and a pair of baggy pants. I shoved my hands into my pockets, slouching forward, and began walking.

After seeing numerous cafes, I chose one and went inside.

I sat down, tempted to just sit and not order anything. I'd much rather just "people-watch" than be distracted by food. Still, when the waistress came over, I ordered nearly everything on the menu. Needless to say, she seemed surprised. She left me alone for a while, and I turned my gaze to the window. I saw many teens walking down the street, a few families, and even fewer business men crossing the street to get to a building or walking over to get to the bullet train.

I rested my chin on my palm, sighing softly. Perhaps being out isn't such a bad idea. The few times I did voluntarily go out, Watari was always with me, making sure that no one tried to approach me with malicious intent. It never happened before, and I doubt that it's going to happen today.

When my food came, I turned my gaze away to look at my food, only to see a clawed hand snatching up one of my cherries. I looked up at Ryuk, tilting my head. Did he follow me all the way here? How odd... He's never been interested in following me before. I sighed and began to eat, talking between my chewing quietly and quickly to keep anyone from noticing. If they saw a floating cherry suddenly disappear, then I could just say they're insane and that they need to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. "What are you doing here?"

The Shinigami only laughed at me, eating the fruit with shark-like teeth, a huge grin on his face. He's a bit annoying, but I have to admit... I prefer his company over Rem's. She's so quiet and she just stares at me all the time, whenever she is present. I've heard some say I'm creepy. They should see her.

When Ryuk tried to reach down to steal another cherry, I pulled my plate away. "Mine. Seriously, Ryuk, what are you doing here?" I gave him a quick glare. I expected him to only laugh-he did-but he actually spoke to me.

"Heh... Wouldn't you like to know."

"I would. That's why I asked."

He snickered down at me. "Your time is fading fast... Are you sure you want to die like that?"

I cocked an eyebrow in his direction. What is he talking about? I'd rather die peacefully than die from falling off a building or being stabbed to death. "If you're indicating that my death is rather boring, I'm so sorry, but I don't need to do something unexpected to amuse you further. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't change it." I shrugged and began to eat again, my eyes occasionally going back to the window.

Still, after not saying anything for nearly eight minutes, Ryuk started laughing again. He's starting to get on my nerves... I'd really like to know what he's laughing about now. "Do you know where you'll go after you die?"

I didn't look away from the window, one certain individual catching my attention. I frowned, thinking about it for a moment. I did read the rules, no matter how ridiculous they sounded. I can't go to Heaven or Hell-not that I believed in such places anyway. "Six feet under in a casket, I suppose." I said with a sigh, watching Raito-Kira-kun walking with Amane-san. I don't want to say that I hate her for being with him... What's there to be jealous about? We were never really together, it was only physical. But for some reason, I have a feeling he'd be different if they never met... I really wish they hadn't.

"Haha... You think you know who he is... yet you still look at him like that." Ryuk cackled. "What a pitiful human you are."

I glared at him before shoving the rest of the cake down my throat. I seem to be the main source of this Shinigami's entertainment and amusement now... I really wish he'd just go away, since I don't have it in my heart to hate him or to make a fool of myself by yelling at him in public.

I sighed and went to the front to pay for my lunch, going back outside, seeing Amane-san grab Raito-kun's hand... My fingers twitched and I looked down at my hand, sighing again. I wish he'd look at me like that again. Oh well... I can't expect much, since he IS Kira after all and he wants me to die. Yagami Raito... is a much more pitiful human than I ever will be.

Once back at the headquarters, I see Raito going down the hall without his girlfriend in tow. That makes me feel some satisfaction and I can't help but scoff at myself. Whatever he's done to me... it's cruel. I wonder if this is how all of his past lovers feel when he dumps them so coldly. My shoulders dropped slightly at the thought and I entered the room and started to strip, heading to the bathroom. No sooner did I take off my shirt that I heard the door close again behind me and my nose wrinkled slightly. "What do you want, Raito-kun?" I asked, continuing on my way to the bathroom.

The silence of the younger man should have made warning bells go off in my head. "No." I said almost immediately, though I didn't try to make him leave, leaning over the tub to turn the showerhead on, hearing him approaching me calmly. "I'm not going to have sex with you today. I'm trying to enjoy the few days I have by myself, I'd rather not suffer having your weight on me during this time." I said, turning my head to look at him as my hands went to my pants. That only seemed to encourage him.

He smirked over at me. "Ryuuzaki... It's been some time since we were together." He said coolly, shutting the bathroom door as he followed me into the bathroom. "... Just the two of us."

"... Yes, but I don't want to be alone with you. I want to be alone with myself."

This made him laugh. "I can do more than your hand can."

A light blush came to my face, but I shook my head. "That's not what I meant. Go away or I'm calling Watari." I didn't hear him move one step and turned around to glare, only to find him nearly pressed against me. "R-Raito... I'm serious." I said, feeling the heat coming to my face again.

"Ryuuzaki..." He said, that odd smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss me. He couldn't back up any more without falling into the shower so I had no choice unless I wanted to be soaking wet with my pants on. "Just one last time... Right?" He said, unbuttoning my pants. That's what I said last time. He's making fun of me, taunting me. He's...

"Raito... Stop." I said, putting my hands to his chest. It was firm, and I could feel his heart beat pound faster in his chest. He probably thought it was exciting that I resisted, that I tried to hide my desire from him when he could clearly feel it against his hand. I looked into his eyes, not seeing any hint of the Raito that I cared so much for while we were handcuffed together. His eyes were merciless, mean, and... very lustful. I don't like it at all. I tried to shove him back. "Raito, if you don't back off, I'm going to kick you where-" He pushed my pants down and kissed me hard, cutting off my words. "Mmm..."

He wrapped an arm around me, pushing me back further, and I felt water hit my head. I want Raito back so much, and the last time I had him, his eyes were so bright and he seemed almost content with being this close to me. He looked up at him and his eyes were closed, water pouring down his face to his neck and into his shirt. I found myself wanting to admire where the drops of water was disappearing and to kiss and taste it... I still wanted him. Badly.

My hands started to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing it from his shoulders and throwing it onto the floor, my hands gripping his shoulders and I pulled him closer to me, feeling his chest against mine. His heart was beating so fast now and I for a moment, I thought mine was beating in the same rhythm. How cliche that would be.

He pulled his hands away from me for just a moment while he pushed his own pants down, getting in the shower with me completely, shutting the glass door. He pressed me against the wall and my hands were starting to travel down his chest and upper stomach, feeling the muscles beneath that tan skin ripple underneath my fingers. He ground his hips against mine, and I felt his hand slowly going down my back and I looked up at him... and I saw it. I saw my Raito-kunin there somewhere. He was still there, hidden behind the arrogance, pride and hate of the man with a God-complex they call Kira. That's when I gave into him and I felt one wet finger press against my entrance. I shuddered and gasped, arching my back against him. He did love to tease me, even when he was in his right mind... I suppose that's part of him no matter what.

I nearly moaned when I felt him press his finger against that spot inside of me and my hips rolled back against the pressure, my body trembling slightly. He kissed me again as my lips parted, his tongue massaging mine and my eyes finally fell closed. He was going so slow now, slower than usual. "R-Raito... Too slow..." I groaned, still moving back against his finger, my face heating up even more as he added another digit, stretching and preparing me as if we hadn't done it many times before. "Nnn... Raito, s-stop... I just want-" He pressed his fingers harshly against that spot, making me cry out, throwing my head back.

He planted kisses down my neck and I felt that smile on his lips, but imagined in my mind that it was different. That it was only amused because I was so desperate and I wanted to become one with him again, over and over and over again. "Wait, Ryuuzaki." He said against the nape of my neck.

"Ahh... Ah!" He bit at my neck, sucking at the sensitive skin there, and I could tell there would be a bruise there later. One among many. For someone who didn't like to attach himself to anyone, he sure did like to mark my body a lot.

His fingers went in and out slowly and I felt like I couldn't take much more, but I was far from reaching my climax. My head was so foggy as his lips went further down my body, one of my hands entangled in his hair, biting a thumb to try and keep from making those noises of apraisal that he so loved... but it didn't work. "Nnn! Raito, it's too much!" I said, my eyes rolling back as he kissed across my abodomen and added one more digit, the pressure becoming harder and his fingers moved quicker and my head fell back against the shower wall. "Please, please, please..." I begged, finally too needy to keep my pride intact, just like every other time. "I want you, Raito... so badly..."

That seemed to get his attention as he looked up at me, his eyes still lusty, but I could see more of Raito in them. There was that playful spark in them and I loved it. He trailed his lips and mouth back up my body, before kissing me again as he grabbed my thighs and made me wrap my legs around his waist. My arms came up around his neck as I deepened the kiss and he slowly lowered me onto his arousal, making me gasp sharply. "Ahh... You can't break me..." I told him, wanting to feel him slam into me, just like we did when we were in the middle of an argument.

He kissed my temple. "I beg to differ, L..." He said, moving in and out so slowly. It felt so good, so right... But that only made me love that part of Raito even more. The fact that he was going to pretend to make love to me before I died... For Raito and who he truly was, it was almost... sweet.

"I dare you." I whispered. His eyes darkened for a fraction of a second and I thought he was going to pin me to the shower floor and take me over completely. But he only smirked and continued that slow, agonizing, lovely pace.

"Your'e so cute." He said, grabbing my hips, pushing me up before jerking my hips back down harshly.

"Aah! N-no... No, I'm..." He was thrusting against my prostate so hard now and any words that wanted to leave my mouth were gone, replaced with nonsense and cries of ecstasy. "Oh, God! ... Yes, yes, Raito-kun..."

Only then did that seem to encourage him. His pace became faster and uneven and I felt my eyes roll back again. My head tossed to the side and my legs tightened around him, and I felt him pulsing inside of me. I bit my lip, feeling so, so close... So content with him this close and intimate and-

I felt him come and I shuddered, feeling that warm stickyness that made me finally reach my own climax. "Nngh... Rai... Raito..." I panted, still clinging to him as if I'd fall into nothingness if I let him go. Maybe I would have.

He held me for a few moments, his face pressed against my neck. Our bodies calmed down from the high of our... "love making" and his arms loosened around me. I set my feet back down on the floor, even though my legs were a little shaky. He looked down at me and I started to turn away, reaching for the wash cloth to clean my body when he grabbed my chin and kissed me, making it last. I nearly whimpered before he let go, licking his lips.

We cleaned up and got dressed.

I thought he was going to leave, but when I got into the bed and reached for my laptop, he was on the bed with me. I looked at him flatly before retracting his hand, kissing him again. Well... as long as he looked at me like that... I'd give him anything.