If Only

It came so fast but here it was… junior year. I remember like it was yesterday… one of the craziest years of high school. It started off with a crazy homecoming party just for juniors and seniors. It was thrown by some senior at his mansion which was huge… there were lots of people and lots of alcohol.

I was the designated driver for my friends and I was the only one with a license. Axel, Demyx, and Roxas came with me.

Once we were there everyone ran out of the car and up to the mansion which was blasting with music and covered with a bunch of drunk kids. I stepped out of the car and locked the doors. I looked up to see the mansion but instead there was a girl on the other side of my car staring at me.

"Hey" She said

"Hello" I replied

She had long blonde hair.

"I'm Namine." She said.

"I'm Zexion."

She grabbed my hand and told me to follow her. We stepped into the mansion and someone handed me a drink and another person threw up in front of me… how fun. Namine dragged me through the house and threw me onto a chair. I could tell she was a little drunk. She started straddling me and leaned in for a kiss. A few years ago I would have enjoyed this but not so much now. And then someone pulled her off of me… it was some big football jock… great.

"What the fuck are you doin' with my girlfriend!?" He yelled.

"N-nothing." I replied scared as shit.

"Nothin' huh?" He said as he pulled me up by my collar.

He got ready to punch me but someone flung themselves on top of him. I looked down to see who it was… it was some red head… not Axel. The red head kind of knocked out the jock by landing on him so he got up and introduced himself.

"Reno" He said shaking my hand.

"Zexion… um thanks for that." I said.

"No problem. So what were you doing with a girl like that?" He asked as he opened a bottle of beer.

"She jumped on me!"

"Heh sure she did." He mumbled.



"She did!" I yelled.

"Ok… so who are you here with?" He asked.

"Some of my friends." I said.

"I see… what grade?"

"Junior." I said

"Hm… I'm a senior."

"Awsome." I said sarcastically.

"I'm here with a couple of my friends too wanna meet um?" He asked.

"I guess."

He lead me down a hallway into a big room where there was a circle of people standing around.

He introduced me to three of his friends… Kadaj, Yazoo, and Cloud. They all gave me beer bottles and encouraged me to drink… so I did.

"So where are your friends?" Kadaj asked.

"I dunno… I lost them." I replied.

"How do you and Reno know each other?" Cloud asked.

"I saved his sorry ass!" Said Reno putting his arm around me and almost knocking me over.

"Ha ha! By doing what?" Cloud asked.

"He almost got beat up by some giant jock who saw Zex makin' out with his girl."

"Nice!" Said Kadaj as he gave me a high five.

This was really awkward.

"How'd you get a hot girl to make out wit you like that?" Asked Cloud.

"She was drunk and she jumped on top of me." I said.

"Sure she did." Said Reno.

"She did!!" I yelled

Then the whole group laughed except Yazoo who was giving me weird looks. These people were frustrating.



I just kept drinking and drinking until the room started spinning. I don't remember anything else… but this is what Axel says happened. I was laughing a lot with Reno's friends… and I was acting really crazy… I jumped on a few tables and couches, broke a few lamps, and threw up on a couple people. I also took my shirt off. I then made out with Yazoo… which is really creepy. Then I threw up again and fainted. Demyx carried me back to the car and drove me home.

I woke up the next morning in a strange room with a horrible, throbbing headache and a sick stomach. I sat up in the strange bed and Demyx was lying on the floor next to me… what a relief. But then I looked on the other side and it was Roxas… ok. Then I looked at the foot of the bed and it was Kadaj… ok this was getting creepy. I got out of bed and noticed I was only in boxers… I didn't want to know. I opened the bedroom door and at the other end of the hallway was a living room with the TV on and a couple people sitting around. I was too dizzy to care who it was so I went into the living room.

"Hey look who it is!" Shouted Axel.

He noticed I was getting woozy so he came over and grabbed me. He picked me up and brought me to the couch and put me down. I noticed a few other people in the room too… Reno and Cloud. All I could think was: Where the hell am I?

"Axel… where am I?" I mumbled.

"Oh, we're at Reno's place… he lives with Cloud, Kadaj, and Yazoo. He took us here cus he was the only designated driver." He replied.

I looked over at Cloud and Reno… they waved at me. Then I sighed and fell asleep.

I guess it was about 2 hours later that I woke up and next to where I was lying sat Kadaj drinking some coffee. On the other couches sat Roxas and Axel having a conversation… and then Demyx was talking to Reno and Cloud. I looked back at where the kitchen was and Yazoo was eating some cereal… he said hi. I felt really weird just sitting there in my underwear… but I also felt really ill.

"Uhh… where's your bathroom?" I asked Kadaj.

He put down his coffee and led me to it. I threw my head in the toilet and let it all out while Kadaj held my hair back. Then I flushed the toilet and got up. Then just right when I was about to walk out the bathroom door Demyx popped up and gave me a big hug. Then he carried me back to the couch.

"Aw Zexy I feel bad." Demyx said.

"I'm fine." I said.

"You must be cold let me get you some clothes." Said Demyx.

Demyx came back with some unfamiliar clothes and told me to follow him. He lead me into a bedroom and gave me the clothes to get dressed in.

"Whose clothes are these?" I asked



"Oh, they're Yazoo's… he was nice and lent you some." He replied.

"What a night huh?" He said.

"Tell me about it."

"So how'd you run into Reno?" Dem asked

"Long story. How'd we end up here?"

"Reno is Axel's cousin… we were all kind of drunk and tipsy so he drove us here."

"Was I the most drunk?" I asked

"Uh… not quite… I think Roxas beat you there."

We both laughed.

After I was finished getting dressed we went back to the living room.

"Lookin' good Zex!" Yelled Reno.

"Uh… thanks?" I said

"Hey! He's taken!" Said Demyx as he put his arm around me. I smiled.

I noticed Yazoo flinched when Dem said that.

"Oh! You're gay Zexion?" Reno asked.

"Yes."

"Hah! When you were makin' out with that girl last night I thought you were straight for sure!" Said Reno.

I looked up at Demyx frightened. I noticed he had taken his arm away from my shoulder. The room was deathly quiet and everyone was staring at me and Demyx.

"You what?!" Yelled Demyx.

"N-no i-it w-wasn't my intention!" I stuttered.

"Yeah sure it wasn't… tell me Zex were you sober when this happened?" He asked.

I paused… "Yes" I squeaked.

Then I looked up and the next thing I know is I'm lying on the floor with a bloody nose. Everyone gathered around me while Demyx stormed out the apartment door. Axel sat me up and Yazoo gave me a tissue.



"Nice job Reno!" Yelled Axel as he smacked him on the head.

"What did I do?"

"You told everyone Zex made out with some random girl!" Yelled Axel.

Reno looked pretty guilty after that.

"Sorry Zex." He said.

I justed stared at him blankly with a tissue up my nose.

I went home an hour later knowing school was the next day.

September 8th, 2008

Dear Journal,

Hey… you know something? I thought Zexion loved me… I thought he'd be faithful… apparently not. It just goes to show you can't trust anyone… and that really sucks. I mean he didn't have to make out with that girl! He could've pushed her off… but no he just had to cheat on me. But I do feel kind of bad that I slapped him. Oh well he got what he deserved… just like last time.

-Demyx

October and November kind of sucked… though I had made new friends with Kadaj, Yazoo, Cloud, and sort of Reno. They were really cool… all juniors except Reno. But Reno told me something… he said he'd try and get me back with Demyx. I told him he didn't have to but he insisted. Then December, January, and March went by… nothing… he said he was working on it.

Then it came time for spring break… thank god! Reno had invited us all to stay at his beach house for the week… we were all able to make it. Though Demyx was hesitant.

I drove down to the beach house with Axel, Roxas, and Cloud in my car… When we got there the house was huge! It was completely awesome. It was going to be a fun spring break.

"Woohoo! The rest of the crowed is here now it's a party!" Yelled Reno.

He showed us to our rooms… we each had to share it with someone… I didn't mind I was pretty much comfortable with everyone around here. Axel was with Roxas, Kadaj was with Demyx, Reno was with Cloud, and I was with Yazoo. I got into the room and saw Yazoo lying on his bed with his headphones on. He looked up and seemed quite happy to see me.

"Hey what's up?" He said as he took his headphones off.

"Nothin, what's up with you?" I said.

"Nothing really."



"Whatcha listening to?" I asked as I started unpacking my bag.

"My favorite band Coheed and Cambria." He said.

"Sounds cool."

He nodded and went back to listening. But while I was unpacking I couldn't help but feel like someone was staring at me… so I turned around… but Yazoo was looking out the window. Then I look towards the door… Demyx.

"H-hi" I said.

Demyx just smiled. "I just came by to say hello… so hello."

I nodded and he walked out the door. That was weird. Then I looked back at Yazoo who was now staring at me.

"What did he want?" He asked.

"To say hello."

"Oh, listen Zex." He said as he came towards me. "I don't think Demyx is good for you. I mean he should've let you tell your side of the story instead of coming to a conclusion like that."

"I know bu-"

"Look I think you should just forget about him and get someone better."

"Hey, who are you to tell me who I should and shouldn't be dating?"I asked.

"I'm just suggesting"

"I think you should take your mouth and go suggest somewhere else!" I yelled… then I stormed out of the room.

I ran into Kadaj and stormed passed him. He went to the room where Yazoo was.

"What did you do Yazoo?" He asked.

"I guess I messed up." He said as he sat down on the bed sadly.

Kadaj sat next to him and put his arm around him.

We didn't really do anything for the whole day except for unpacking and talking. Reno had things planned for us to do the next day.

Later that night I went to my room and dressed into my pajamas and got ready for bed… then Yazoo came in as I was lying on my bed watching TV.



"Listen Zex… I'm so sorry about what I said to you… it was totally uncalled for. The reason I said it was because I kind of have a crush on you… the first time I saw you I thought you were so hot and I dunno I guess I was wishing you would come to me instead of Demyx."He said.

I stared at him… it was a lot to take in at once. Then I got up and stood in front of him.

"Well I forgive you for being an ass… and… I think you're kind of cute too." I said.

He smiled a big smile. I leaned in to kiss him and soon we were making out on the bed. It sort of elevated to something very sexual… we took our clothes off and well… it's all kind of self explanatory from there. But it was the best feeling… we were hot, sweaty and moaning. I couldn't believe I lost my virginity… but I did.

The next morning I woke up naked next to Yazoo. I got up and my body stuck to the sheets. I went to take a shower and get dressed… Yazoo still hadn't got up yet… so I went downstairs. Everyone was dressed and eating breakfast.

"Hey Zex." Said Axel.

"Hey."

"What were those sounds coming from your room last night?" Asked Reno.

"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked nervously

"It was like a moaning sound." He said.

"Pssh… I wasn't doing anything he he."

Then Yazoo came down the stairs in only his underwear and he gave me a suggestive look. Then I turned back to look at the others and they were all smiling at me.

"What?" I said

They all laughed.

"What?!"

"You and Yazoo?" asked Axel

"No…" I said quietly.

"Give it up Zex." Said Cloud

"Yeah just admit it!" Said Roxas

Demyx stood there very quiet… I can only imagine why.

"It's cool! We don't care." Said Reno



"Fine! We did the nasty! Happy?" I said with a smile… then everyone laughed… except Demyx.

Yazoo was giggling and pretty red in the face too.

"So how was he Yazoo?" Asked Kadaj

"Not bad." He replied smiling at me.

Later that day we were all sitting on the couch being bored.

"Oh my god I thought you had things planned for us to do Reno! This is the worst spring break ever!" Said Axel.

"Well sorry!"

"Yeah c'mon let's go to the beach or something!" Said Roxas

"Yeah!" Everyone replied.

"Fine let's go to the beach." Said Reno.

We all got packed up for the beach and loaded the stuff in the van we rented. Then we got in the car and headed to the beach. The roads were jammed so it seemed it would be a while.

"Thank god I brought my ipod!" Said Yazoo.

"I wish I had something to do." I said.

Then Yazoo handed me one of his headphones.

"Here, listen with me."

"Ok, thanks." I said with a smile.

I think I saw Demyx roll his eyes.

About 30 more minutes went by and we were finally at the beach… which was also jammed with people.

"Man, there's so many freakin people!" Yelled Roxas as we walked onto the hot sand.

"Ow! And this sand burns like a motha!" Said Reno as he hopped along to find a spot to sit at.

"Ah! That guy almost hit me with a Frisbee!" Yelled Cloud.

We finally found an open spot to sit at. We were all so hot that we needed the water. So we ran down to swim. But Demyx was just sitting at our spot and wouldn't move.

"Hey Dem why don't you come?" I asked

"Nah… I'll stay here and watch our stuff." He said.



"Who's gonna steal this crap? C'mon let's go!" I encouraged.

"No! I don't want to."

"Don't be such a party pooper… you love the water!"

"I love you too." He said.

I stood there with a surprised expression.

"I-"

"Thanks for caring about my feelings but you already blew it… see ya… have fun with Yazoo." He said as he got up and left.

"Wait Demyx." I said… but he ignored me.

I didn't really feel like swimming after that. But then someone tapped my shoulder from behind.

"Hey, it's ok… c'mon let's go swimming." Said Yazoo then he gave me a hug.

I realized that he really cared about me. So I went swimming.

Later that night when we came home from the beach no one could find Demyx. I went to my room and found a not from him.

Zexion,

Incase you're wondering where I am, I went back home… it's less awkward here. Have a nice spring break… I'll be fine. Just forget about me.

-Demyx

I showed the note to everyone and they were pretty surprised. So was I… I almost wanted to go home with him.

Throughout the spring break week we went to the beach everyday, we went to a few concerts, and went to dinner. Yazoo and I were getting closer I suppose. But then it came to the last day… I was getting tired of these people anyway. I packed up all my stuff and threw it in my car.

"I can give you a ride if you need it." I told Yazoo as he waited for his mom to pick him up.

"If it's no trouble I guess I could come."

"Great!" I said as I took his bag and put it in the trunk.

It was Axel, Roxas, Cloud, and Yazoo in my car now… and we headed off on our long journey back.

"So how was your break you guys?" Asked Cloud.



"Fantastic!" Said Axel.

"Fun." Said Roxas

"Good." Said Yazoo.

"Interesting" I said

"I agree with all of you." Said Cloud.

At about 1:00 A.M. I had dropped everyone off at their houses except for Yazoo. Then about 10 minutes later I came to his house and walked him to his door.

"I had a good time." He said

"Me too"

"I guess I'll see you in school on Monday." He said.

"Yeah… I'll look forward to it."

Then he gave me a hug and I went back to my car and drove home.

The rest of the year wasn't that special… Demyx and I ignored each other. It was a wild year… I was glad when it ended. I couldn't wait to become a senior… but I kind of missed Demyx.

June 13th, 2009

Dear Journal,

Another year has gone by… how sad. But it's also a relief. I'm not looking forward to another year… why can't it be over?? Oh well… I'll deal. I'm gonna graduate next year! I'm thinking of going to college to be a movie director… kind of cool. It may not work out… I also wanna be a singer. Yeah that sounds cool. I'll probably end up working at a gas station though… heh. I miss Zexion… he was nice… oh well.

Love, Demyx xoxoxo

Sorry it took so long! There was lots of things I needed to take care of... the next one will come faster. Chapter 5 on it's way!