Chapter Three: Renesmee and Jacob: Imprint On My Heart
Renesmee
"Renesmee, we need to talk…there is something I need to tell you, but I need you to promise you are going to listen to everything I have to say before you react."
I looked up into Jake's eyes as he stared directly at me. His dark eyes didn't sparkle like they did when he was happy, he seemed tense and nervous. Whatever he was going to tell me, it was not going to be good. My mind flew through the possibilities…he's moving…the pack is breaking up…the tribe elders told him he had to leave me because I'm half vampire…the Volturi are coming back and the wolves won't fight…I took a breath and braced myself for the worst.
"Ok Jake, I promise I won't say a word until you are done."
Jake took another deep breath and sat down, motioning for me to do the same. Not only was this going to be bad, it looked like it was going to be long.
"Renesmee, do you remember when you were little you asked me why I was always around you, and why I cared so much for you?"
I nodded. "You told me it was because you loved me and always wanted me safe." As I said that, I felt my heart drop slightly. My thoughts were still running wild. He's going to tell you he can't keep you safe anymore…
Jacob's slight smile alleviated some of my fears. If he was trying to smile it couldn't be that bad, right?
"And I meant every word I said. I love you Renesmee. You are my best friend. There is just a lot more to it that you need to know."
His smile faded as he continued. "The first time I ever laid eyes on you, right after you were born, there was a strong bond that was formed between us. This bond pulls me to you like gravity. It makes you the center of my word, and all I care about is that you are safe and happy. It's called imprinting, and it happens when a wolf finds their soul mate. It's different for each wolf, and not all wolves imprint. Essentially, you become exactly what your other half needs. The imprint grows with time, and changes as the needs of your soul mate change. The best example I can give you of this is in our own relationship. When you were little, I was there to protect you and care for you. As you grew up and learned to take care of yourself, I became more of a brother and friend. I have no doubt that as you mature, and your needs change, my place in your life will also change," Jacob paused and looked up at me. His eyes still looked sad.
"Ness, I am so sorry I never told you about this before; you should have known the truth a long time ago. I know a lot of what I am about to tell you will probably hurt you, but you need to know everything to fully understand this bond. In the end, I hope you can forgive me and know that I always have and always will love you.
Imprinting changed me. It gave me a new reason to live and opened up my heart when I thought it had been lost forever.
There was a time before you were born, when your father left your mother to try to protect her. It was in that time that your mother and I became best friends, and it was also when I fell in love with her. After your father returned, I tried everything I could to make your mother love me back, but she had eyes for only one man. It killed me to see her so devoted to him. She wanted nothing more than to give herself over to him, to become what he was, and when she nearly died giving birth to you, she finally got her wish. As her heart stopped beating, I felt my own die with it. I had lost her. The only emotion I had left was anger, and I chose to direct most of that anger at you. In my eyes, you were the biggest reason it had all come to an end, and I wanted to do nothing more than to destroy the thing that had destroyed my heart."
As I began to process what Jacob was saying, my eyes welled up with tears. How could it have been true? I didn't understand how Jacob, the person who I considered to be my closest friend, could have hated me so much that he wanted to destroy me. It was too much for me to take. I closed my eyes and shook my head, hoping that when I opened them again it would have all been a bad dream. The heat of Jake's hand brushed my cheek, as he reached up and wiped away the few tears that had escaped. He cared about me so much, I knew it killed him to see me in pain. I tried to hold it together long enough to ask the questions that were on my mind.
"What changed, Jake? How did you go from wanting to end my life to loving me?"
I saw the pain leave Jake's eyes as he continued. "My heart changed and it was you who changed it. I set out that night to do exactly what my anger was driving me to do, but when I saw you lying in Rosalie's arms, and our eyes met, it was as if my whole world got flipped around. All of a sudden my heart was beating again, and my life had purpose. It took everything in my power not to tear you out of Rose's arms just so I could hold you in my own. I knew right then and there that I had found my reason for living."
As Jake spoke those last words, the pieces clicked together in my head. The imprint was what made the relationship between me and Jake what it was. It was the reason that he understood me so well, and cared for me like no one else could. It was also the reason I felt drawn to him in a way that had left me feeling empty and alone when he wasn't there. It all seemed perfect…but there was still one thing that made me uncomfortable about it.
Jake had given up love for me, and it was the "magic" of the imprint that made it happen. I thought back to what Jake had told me. He had only mentioned one other person that he had truly fallen in love with, and that was before the imprint. I wondered if his feelings for her were still the same.
"What about my mother? You obviously cared deeply for her…do you still love her?"
"Ness, your mother always has been, and always will be one of my best friends, but I see now that was all we were ever supposed to be. What I lost in her is what I found in you when I imprinted. You're who my heart belongs to now."
My heart dropped at hearing this; it was as if my worst fears had been confirmed. Jacob was literally stuck with me for the rest of his life. He had said that the imprint would change as my needs changed, but what if I never loved him like that? He was my best friend, but as I had pointed out to my dad earlier, he was just a friend. If it never changed, would he be able to have a relationship with someone else? And what did that mean for me? I had never really thought about falling in love, other than someday I hoped it would happen. What if I fell for someone other then Jake…could he take the heartbreak I knew it would cause him? The heartbreak I knew I would cause him? I couldn't even look him in the eyes as I acknowledged the truth.
"Jake…I don't know what to say. I understand how the imprint works, and I am glad that it brought us together. But I wish it didn't have such a strong hold on you. I don't want to see you miss out on true love because you were stuck with your "best friend" forever. And more than that, I don't want you to end up hating me because I'm the reason you can't find true love."
Jacob
Renesmee's words stung as they set in. She thought I felt trapped by her, that the imprint was holding me back from true love. What she didn't realize was that, in reality, it had brought me true love.
I grabbed her chin in my hand and forced her to look at me.
"Renesmee, don't say things like that. Don't you understand that you are the only one I will ever love?"
As she pulled away, tears began to fall down her cheeks.
"You're only saying that because of the imprint Jake. The magic has you under its spell. But what happens if my feelings for you never change? What happens when all your pack mates and everyone else you know, including me, finds love and you can't because of this…because of me? Can you honestly tell me you won't regret the imprint then?"
She reached her hand out to touch my cheek and images filled my head. Renesmee was using her gift to show me her thoughts. At first the images were of memories from the last few years. Us hanging out at the beach with the pack, hunting with her parents, laughing and having a great time at Charlie and Sue's wedding. Then the images changed. The images were no longer things from the past, they were filled with what Renesmee imagined the future would hold. The first of the new images were all of weddings. In each new image, the faces of the bride and groom changed: Paul and my sister, Embry and a girl I didn't recognize, Quil and Claire. In each one, I could see Nessie and I in the background and each time the way I looked at her changed. In the first, we looked similar to today, we were still laughing and smiling, but by the last, I was glaring with hatred at the girl I loved. Again the image changed. I was watching as Nessie stood across from me with another man at her side. He held her close, and she held up her left hand to show me a diamond ring. "We wanted you to be the first to know Jake…after all, you are my best friend." I gave her a murderous glare. "I'm happy for you Ness…it's good that at least one of us gets to experience true love."
Nessie pulled her hand away and as the images began to fade, her words rang through my head. "What if my feelings for you never change…after all you are my best friend." The image of her with another man came back into my mind. I had always known this might be a possibility; that she could choose to love someone else, without rejecting me all together. But actually hearing her say it, and seeing it with my own eyes, broke my heart.
The reality of just how hard I had fallen hit me. I was totally and completely in love with Renesmee, and at this point she obviously did not feel the same way about me.
I also knew that she blamed herself for the power that the imprint had on me. She thought that I would blame her if I never got to experience the love that all the others would eventually feel.
I knew that I had to stay strong. No matter what, I had to continue to be everything that Renesmee needed me to be. Even if that was just a friend, and even if I thought it was going to kill me.
I reached out and pulled Renesmee into my arms. As her tears hit my bare chest, I spoke softly to her and held her tight in attempt to comfort her.
"Nessie, I will never regret imprinting. More importantly, I will never, ever regret you. No matter what the future brings, as long as you are in my life, in whatever aspect that may be, I will be happy."
Her sobs begin to subside as she finally looked up at me. The look in her eyes told me she knew I was telling the truth.
"Jake, I'm sorry I reacted like this…I know you could never really hate me. I guess I am just at sort of an emotional stage of life right now."
I gave her a half smile and wiped the rest of her tears away. "Well, it's better than the response I was expecting…I thought you would be angry with me."
A small smile appeared on her face as she let out a laugh.
"I don't know if I could ever really be mad at you Jake. However, I am a little upset that no one ever told me about this before."
"I really am sorry about that part. But I wasn't the only one to have a say in it. Your parents wanted to make sure you were ready."
"I sort of guessed that…and trust me, I will be having a long talk with them about it. They need to know that I'm not a little girl anymore, and they can trust me with stuff like this."
She was frustrated with her parents. I didn't blame her, even I got frustrated with the way Edward and Bella treated her sometimes. But I also knew they only wanted the best for her, just like I did.
I also knew that if I didn't get Ness home soon, it wouldn't be long before her family came looking for us. And the last thing I wanted was to have to deal with Edward reading my thoughts about how great it felt to just be holding his daughter. Even if she just wanted friendship, I knew my feelings for her were not about to change.
Letting out a sigh, I loosened my arms from around Nessie's shoulders. "I should probably get you home before your parents send out a search party."
Nessie rolled her eyes, but stood up anyway, then gave me a mischievous grin that could only mean one thing…we were racing again. She took off in a flash, and I knew there was no way I was going to catch up, but I put in a good effort anyway. I quickly phased and ran after her.
When we reached the cottage, I phased back, making sure to stay hidden from Nessie's view. Once I was dressed again, I walked her to the door. She stopped before she walked in and turned to give me a hug. My heartbeat picked up slightly, and I prayed Edward was not within "hearing" range.
"Thanks for telling me the truth tonight Jake…and thanks for not freaking out when I turned into an emotional nut job. You really are the best friend anyone could ever ask for."
"Sure, sure." I smiled back at her as she turned and walked into her parent's cottage.
After she closed the door, I turned to head for home. I had planned on just walking home in human form; I didn't want to risk phasing in case anyone in my pack was still running. They would hear it all eventually, if they hadn't already when I phased a few minutes ago, but I needed time to sort through my own thoughts before sharing them with everyone else.
Just as I hit the edge of the road, I heard a howl off in the distance. As the alpha in my pack, I knew every wolf's distinct howl…this one belonged to Leah. I felt my heartbeat pick up again, but this time it was because of fear. Sam's pack was on patrol, so the only reason Leah would be calling was if is there was trouble. I ran for the trees shedding my shorts as I went. The minute I phased, Leah's mind connected with mine.
"Lee, what's the trouble?"
"Jake…It's Seth. I just got off the phone with him…things are not sounding good in Portland. I think he is going to loose it…"
