If you've never lost your mind, you've never followed your heart.
Sunday January 4, 2015
As Pansy woke all the memories from the previous night came back to her and they were blissful. The memories were just mixtures of feelings- of Harry's lips on my skin, our bodies working in sync with each other, his fingertips tracing every line on my body, the feeling of his warm, tough chest pressed against me. As intoxicated as I was, the memories stuck so vividly in my brain that, even when I woke up the next morning in bed, I could recall each and every detail of that passionate night. However, the realization hit me that I was still in bed and not at work. Shit, the boss had been specific about not being late for our meeting this afternoon. Fortunately I woke up with enough time, so I quietly climbed over Harry as he slept and slipped back into my clothes. As I put my heels back on, I took a good look at his peaceful, innocent face as he slept. My heart raced as images from last night's escapade revisited my thoughts, and I immediately smiled to myself. Before I left I found a slip of empty paper and scribbled Harry a note that simply said, "Wow."
Being late for work was exhaustively stressful. In recent years the Ministry had undergone significant upgrades in terms of security, getting through all the checkpoints had inevitably slowed her down. My boss gave me his notorious stink eye as he saw me speed walking my way to my office in order to beat the clock. In his eyes, if you weren't early, you were late, so I made it a point to turn away from his glare by turning my attention to my secretary. "Julia, do I have any messages?" I asked her with a sigh, relieved to not see my boss's piercing stare anymore. She handed me one sticky note with a list of my important floo call messages on it, and I took it and sped off into my office to go over it there.
I took a deep breath as I closed my office door. All I wanted to do was fall asleep. My endeavors from last night had left me completely worn out, and I was hung-over and cranky. Deciding just to go ahead and start getting my work done to get through the afternoon. The D.O.M only worked Sunday afternoons so she would be back home in a few hours. As I began going through my messages, my boss had left me three messages letting me know that if I was not at work on time then I would face serious consequences. I snorted at that, I was screwing his boss, what's the worse that could really happen. Nevertheless she didn't doubt that Harry would be unhappy if she used their connection as an excuse to act out while expecting him to bail her out. Various projects required my attention so I flooed back the necessary Unspeakables answering queries. Finally done with that I saw there was a message from Blaise. His only request was to please call him back, so I moved over to the fireplace and called out his name.
"Hello?" His voice answered.
"Blaise, it's Pansy. I got your message. What's up?"
"Oh, hey Pans. I was just calling to figure out when we could grab dinner." He sounded so innocent and his voice brought back memories of times right after Hogwarts when our relationship was normal and we were crazy about each other.
"Oh, right. Well, how does tonight sound?" I asked. I didn't want to admit it but I was extremely excited to see him , there weren't to many former classmates that had survived and were willing to talk to her. It was always nice to catch up with old friends. He agreed to dinner tonight, and I got back to work, now having something to look forward to.
That night was a whirlwind of emotions. Blaise took me out to dinner and we spent the night catching up on what had been happening over the past six months. I shared with him the stress I'd been dealing with at work, and we shared laughs about the faces my boss gives late people. We had finished laughing about my boss when he asked, "So why were you running late this morning? I know you're usually always on time."
I cringed, realizing that the reason I was late was because I had spent the night in Harry after we…
"Oh, I was hung-over. Hahaha..." I laughed, trying to play it off casually. Luckily, Blaise just laughed with me and didn't ask any more questions about the previous night. But from that moment on, I couldn't get Harry out of my head.
That night when Blaise side-alonged me to my place, standing in the lobby I hardly realized he was asking me out again. I nodded vacantly, just trying to get the images from the previous night out of my head. I could still feel Harry's lips caressing my body… Fortunately, Blaise didn't make more conversation after he asked me out again, a quick peck on the cheek and he was gone. I couldn't stop all the memories flooding my head. I craved the sensations from last night and it clouded my vision. When Blaise left, I sat outside on my balcony to try and let the fresh, cold London air fill my lungs and erase the desire I couldn't escape.
Monday January 5, 2015
Andromeda stood at the front of the conference observing some of the most dangerous wizards Britain had to offer. She considered the wisdom of informing them of the Ministries most guarded secret. They were under a plethora of vows and binding contracts, but they were all brilliant in their own ways and equally dangerous. Traitors were everywhere
"After the fall of Voldemort in an effort to improve relations with the muggles the Prime Minister was briefed on the war with Voldemort and the attacks that he was responsible for on the muggle population. Suffice to say he was severely displeased."
"Yeah, no shit."
"Thank you for the unsolicited wit Sebastian. The Xerxes Protocol is a Special Warfare program designed by some Albus Dumbledore and Unspeakable Lily Potter for the Ministry in 1979 in an effort to defeat the Dark Lord Voldemort. The project was created with several goals in mind. The first was to create a group of elite wizards with abilities well beyond the norm to subdue and/or terminate the Death Eaters. The problem was that it required that the Xerxes Protocol be applied to the candidates in their infancy."
"Well shit. So why aren't their a bunch of super powered wizards packing the Auror Corps. If we had even a handful of them under Ministry control we could decimate any nation or enemy force that thought to strike against us. It would minimize civilian casualties in combat situations and be useful in averting another civil war with dark wizards. There'd be no real reason to ever live in fear when we have the bigger stick."
"One simple answer, muggleborns. In the late 70's and early 80's as their presence in the wizarding world increased they were outraged that we were considering running our 'barbaric experiments' on children. They threaten to expose us to 'their' governments. Forgetting ever so conveniently that the moment they picked up a wand they were under the ministries jurisdiction. So when that threat failed next they began rile up the purebloods, spreading fear amongst them that we were going to start kidnapping their children and doing all manner of vile things to them. Eventually an official vote was passed and the Wizengamot decided to decommission the Xerxes Protocol and all records of it's existence were stricken."
"Typical, bloody politicians. Always looking to appease the masses even when it's against their interest."
The glare's the Commander and DWI leveled at Sebastian quickly shut him up.
"The one most heavily guarded secret of the Department of Mysteries is that it went against Ministry directive and went ahead with Xerxes on one subject, Harry Potter. The magical side of the procedures where performed at the insistence of his mother after she learned of a prophecy hanging over his head, it was intended to increase the magical with the hope that she'd be able to train him before he ever had to confront the dark lord. It is the belief of the D.O.M. that this is largely what allowed him to survive the killing curse. The BEAR rituals were the second part of Xerxes.
"With England being the only currently unanimously recognized super power in the global wizarding there is plenty of hostility towards us from subversive elements. We're the ones to take down to become king of the hill so to speak. Only records remaining are Lily Potter's notes which are in the Commander's possession and Albus Dumbledore's of which the location is currently unknown. The problem is if these WRATH terrorists get the program, they will be able to start pumping out stronger fighters. Even with the BEAR segment alone, they would be dangerous. We cannot allow that to happen at any cost. Fighting zealots is problematic enough without giving them an advantage."
"That's everything?"
"There are a few other details but it's compartmentalized information, need to know only. That's all I have to say for today, we don't have any upcoming missions at the Green your on standby today, the rest of you can head on out. I'll be in my office."
February 2nd, 2015
A few weeks had passed since revealing to his team what Xerxes was, they had been assisting spent a great deal of the time since taking down any suspected terrorists the Aurors identified. They had all been low-level grunts, unable to give them any new information. Harry sitting in his office back to the wall, elbows propped up on his desk gripping his forever-wild hair in frustration. He'd relaxed the iron grip he kept on his magic and mind shields, trigging a memory of the one and only conversation he'd ever had with Dumbledore's portrait shortly before becoming Commander. He wished he could tell the voice to just shut up, but it was too stubborn for that.
Flashback
"I know haven't been a perfect mentor, Harry. I know that. I want you to know that I know that. Never, in all my years on this earth, did I see a sorcerer with such raw power.
:I want you to know that I've always wanted the best for you. I've wanted you to be the best because to me you always were. Believe me, young Harry; I dedicated my life to hunting down the evil, and the wicked. I have seen many come and go. However, you have outdone all expectations your mother and I had for Xerxes. I didn't have a role model for how to be a leader and I stumbled. I know that. I got angry when I shouldn't have and I focused too much on how to keep you alive physically rather than worrying about your mental wellbeing. I didn't say enough how important it was to me when you were trying, when you were struggling, but never gave up."
"I don't want your help, not anymore. You have done more than enough for me. Every time you've gotten involved everything went to hell in a hand basket."
"Well, my young friend, that is no longer an option. You were too young to understand it at the time, but I did this all for you. From the moment I heard that prophecy I knew you would be hunted, it's the whole reason we put you as a baby through Xerxes despite all the pain it caused you. Believe me it's no easy thing to hear a child cry in pain and ignore it. However I knew dark wizards would crawl out of every crevice to prove themselves against you. We had to be sure you would win, but how couldn't you with me behind you… Magic is sentient. It's a theory many have had but very few have been able to present any substantial proof. I orchestrated and allowed a few of the perils you encountered during your youth as a student to happen for your own good. Your magic's most critical development time is from four years of age to seventeen. With the Dursley's your magic knew your body needed to be strong, it strengthened you, learned to heal you. At Hogwarts your desire to help others helped your magic grow. Even as a child you were exceptionally powerful no matter how much you sought to deny it. No your easily on your way to becoming more powerful than Voldemort or I.
"I don't care I'm done fighting other peoples war, I think after what I just did I deserve to fade to black. I'm not going to be anyone else's finger-puppet.
"It's too late for that my boy. The only way you will ever get to be in complete control of your life is if you lead the people. Already, future generations will know of your name, and speak of it in reverent tones. Your rise to power has been unparalleled and is far from complete. Your combat ability rivals my own, and will eventually surpass it. Destiny is not one to be denied Harry, I tried to ignore Grindlewald as he rampaged across Europe yet eventually I had to face him and my fate was sealed. You will become more than just an ordinary man. It is an inescapable truth."
"What do you mean?"
You will become a Legend…
Flashback End
A knock at the entrance brought Harry out of his reminiscing. Pansy was standing at his office door.
"Pardon me Harry, can I have a minute. "
"Of course, have a seat", Harry said pointing to the couch in the corner of his office. As he relocated to the sofa he waved his wand around the room putting up a few privacy wards. Pansy was starring at him intensely now.
"They say you can use destruction class curses?" Pansy reached out and cupped his hands in hers. "I have to ask you: is this really true?"
"Yes...I can," Harry said carefully. Pansy's face crumpled into a frown.
"Forgive me if I'm stepping out of line, but you do know that isn't a spell many people can execute. On top of that, most spells in that category have historically been used by Dark Wizards to bring about some cataclysm of another…"
"Yeah?" Harry responded abruptly letting her hand go. "What you think I am dark wizard now? The next Voldemort? After all I've sacrificed for this country? After all I've bleed for this Ministry!" Harry said defensively.
"Don't bite my head off. I'm only voicing concerns that I think some of the bureaucrats in the higher tiers are whispering these days…"
"Do you mean Shacklebolt?" Harry knew that he wasn't always fond of his methods.
"No, actually, if I didn't know you better; from the way he talks about his 'Commander'; I would have believed that Jesus himself had made his second coming. He seems hell bent on destroying WRATH, something about his legacy, I tuned out slightly." Harry snorted mockingly in response to that. "It's kind of scary the lengths he's willing to go to. But you are the one I'm really concerned about, are you sure you're okay with telling RAID about the Xerxes Protocol."
He didn't have the luxury of worrying about his feelings; there was work to do, people depending on him. Time waits for no man…
"Yeah, I'm fine," Harry said softly.
"That's good, because. I'm just letting you know that there are some different, er- attitudes towards you know in the office. Some are hailing you as the next "Great" and can't wait to be in your team, while others are... well… to put it bluntly, scared of you."
"Scared?! Why?"
"You took out a Azkaban with one spell. Isn't that enough?"
"Listen-"
"Wait- before you go all out on a rant: I am not scared of you. In fact your magical prowess is comforting-" Harry froze, a bewildered expression on his face. Pansy bit her lip, embarrassed. "I mean, well to me, that is-" Harry raised an eyebrow. "As in professionally, you are good-" and in my bed she thought to herself…
Harry's eyes widened as that particular thought was unintentionally picked up by his Leglimens ability.
"-Well, dueling and battles, I mean, the odds were amazing- " my god- I need to keep myself under control, at work he's my commander? Well I'm always his to command…
Harry blinked once, twice-
"- you did all the heavy lifting on that mission, no casualty or injuries - " yes you are- don't lie to yourself.
At this, Harry shut his eyes, what the hell? This is why he usually only let go when he was home alone. He needed to calm down and stop listening to her thoughts. Nothing good would come of that.
"Hundreds of dementors eradicated…you should feel proud-" Pansy, you're thirty-five, and never had a serious boyfriend. What are you waiting for? And he is cute…
Harry immediately broke eye contact and brought up the imaginary steel walls in his mind, blocking her out. Her thoughts stopped whispering to him, and his head was clear once more. There were limits to how much he wanted to know, especially about people he cared for.
Harry leaned back into the sofa, looking at the ceiling as Pansy babbled on. Her voice was soothing though. Usually she was all cold and business like at the Ministry, but now…
"-Harry? Hey, Potter? Listening? There's another thing of some importance."
He nodded, even though he did not want to talk right now. So the wizarding world was once again under attack and in addition to his responsibilities to defend it Pansy wanted them to officially get together. Scary thought.
"What is it?" Harry said, not even looking at her as his thoughts were focused on this new conundrum.
"You know, Kingsly Shacklebolt has officially become minister just over a 17 years now. So her anniversary er- thing is this weekend-."
"Uh hmm?" Harry prompted, thinking that he finally got Ginny out of his life for good. There really was nothing stopping; he liked her well enough and she was quite the looker, not to mention being an Unspeakable she was capable of protecting herself.
"And to celebrate the first successful phase of the campaign against WRATH, he's holding a banquet in the 'RAID team's name'. Well, he's saying the 'team', but everyone knows it's because of you…"
"Oh really?" Harry said dismissively.
"Well, obviously you would have to make an appearance as Commander" Pansy paused, as if measuring her next few words. " It's a ministry thing. Supposed to build inter-department camaraderie and all that claptrap. Um- I think we should go. Well, seeing as we're on the same team and so on…I also checked Ministry and Department regulation there's nothing against it so…"
Harry wasn't paying much attention, and nodded easily without putting much thought into it.
"Okay. Why not?"
Pansy face was incredulous, that had turned out to be really easy. A smile spread across her face, and she touched his hand. "Great. It'll be..." Pansy paused, trying to subdue the strange little feeling in her stomach. My god, she couldn't believe she was feeling like this again. She cleared her throat, and attempted to regain a semblance of her trademark professionalism. Attempted was truly the key word. "A relaxing evening in the company of comrades."
Realizing that Harry still was a bit caught off guard, she hastily handed him a key and made an exit. "Here, come over tonight as soon as you're done here, here's a key. Stay for dinner with me - my treat. I er- have to do some grocery shopping. Make yourself at home; you know where everything is. See you in a bit. Don't flake, okay?" she laughed nervously. And with that rapid-fire burst of short sentences, she was out the door and gone. Harry tried to process what happened in the last ten minutes.
Gossip about him has evolved: The next 'Great'- or the next 'Dark Lord'? He was accustomed to tall stories about him. Seems a tad bit more serious now, so that was not good.
Kingsly was singing his name to his colleagues apparently.
Pansy seemed serious about evolving their current 'accord' into a relationship. He was going to a party with Pansy. God dammit. Did that mean they were 'together' now? Thank Merlin and all his disciples that he'd learned to dance at least.
Dumbledore had been right. He couldn't pretend to be unimportant anymore. Something serious was happening around him. He had to keep things under control, or else the people would lose faith and everything would spiral out of control.
