A.N SqUeE! I absolutely love you guys! So, here's ANOTHER chapter! AND I'll try my hardest to update another fanfic and even my existing ones and you guys helped MAKE MY DAY! I LOVE YOU!

Disclaimer: Hmmmmmmmmmm…………I'm out of disclaimers at the moment. Does this mean I get sued? lawyers nod Aw crud.

P.S Thank yous as always are at the bottom and I don't own Artemis Fowl.

It's Harder Than it Seems!

PiNg-PoNg-HOCKEY PUCK!

LEP Headquarters, Haven

Root took a breath and felt the small satisfaction of yelling at one of his many officers, one of the many joys of being a commander. Now he was going to check if pony boy had done anything useful in the past hour. Handy that Foaly met him halfway, unfortunately Root, upon seeing the grinning centaur, wished he hadn't even moved a finger away from his desk that day.

"Me-Rawr!" Artemis tried to desperately move himself away from Foaly's evil, hairy hand.

Root almost dropped his fungus cigar. "What….Is…….ThAt!" He screamed, his face turning the shade of a ripe plum.

"Oh, hallo Julius!"

"Don't you 'hallo Julius' me, pony boy! Just tell me that is not what I think it is!"

"Well, what do YOU think it is, Julius?"

"I think it's a Mud kitten, but it had better be mechanical. And one more thing."

"Yes Julius?" Foaly rolled his eyes toward the ceiling, already knowing what was to come.

"DON'T CALL ME JULIUS, CIVILIAN!"

Foaly winced at the sheer volume of the commander's voice. "Sheesh, no need to grind your cigar into slimy dust, commander."

"So, is it?" Root fumed.

"Is what?"

"The hairy 'thing' in your hairy arms."

"Oh, yeah. It's real."

"How?" Root hissed, his face looking like it could fry and burn an egg.

Foaly took a deep breath and hoped that Julius would take his life saving lie as innocent truth. "Well. You see, you know that last dwarf smuggler?"

"Yes?"

"Wellll…Somehow or other a Mud cat had sneaked into his cargo and tagged along for the ride. I just decided to keep it.'

"Why wasn't it on the list?"

Foaly sighed and rolled his eyes in a way that one would match with someone trying to explain the simplest of concepts to no avail. "Becauuse, we only found it recently," Foaly decided to add a little something from Juliet to give the statement extra 'irritating Julius power'. "Duh."

Root's eye twitched. "Well, anyway. The reason I was just now going to find you was to get your monthly report."

"Oh."

"Come into the conference room, please."

"Yes Julius, but er-"Foaly looked behind him hoping that Holly would appear miraculously out of thin air.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Julius shrugged and led the way into the conference room, shutting the door after Foaly's tail was in, though he did admit he was sorely tempted to shut it a little before.

Foaly sat down across from Julius, a large stretch of smooth table separating them.

"Well? What's new in your department?"

"Quite a lot actually," Foaly set Artemis down on the table. The Mud boy turned kitten sat down, wrapping his tail around his lower body and staring at the commander.

"Such as?" Root drawled around a cigar, noxious wisps accompanying every syllable.

"Mostly top secret inventions that I'm putting finishing touches on," Foaly replied smugly as he reached out to pet Artemis again, feeling very much like an evil genius from one of those Mud man motion pictures.

Artemis growled and got up, padding to the other end of the table. Julius eyed the kitten warily as he laid down in front of him. "You're forgetting your place, civilian."

Foaly shrugged. "I'm indispensable. So, you can't sack me. They're my experiments and I assure you they will help the LEP. But that's all I'm saying, Julius."

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME JULIUS!" Root banged the table with his fist, causing Artemis to bounce a foot in the air. Artemis panted as he clutched the table, then deciding that this end was no longer safe he made a mad dash for the other end. Unfortunately, the table was too slick for kitty claws. So, the effect was like a hockey puck. Artemis slid toward Foaly with increasing speed. Foaly's eyes widened and his arm instinctively whipped out to protect himself.

Funny thing, it seems hockey pucks, ping-pong balls, AND kittens ricochet. You had to feel sorry for the poor thing. This continued for a while longer, Root and Foaly playing ping-pong hockey with Artemis. The kitten even took turns swiping at both of them because Artemis Fowl II did not find this game in the least amusing. But, honestly, there was really no harm meant to the kitten, it was just an issue of self protection. The last time Artemis made a final sprint for the door, he made it. He skidded down the hall, scaring a few secretaries and saw his image of salvation. There was a gap on the ledge of the fountain between Kelp and his buddies. Artemis leapt and, wouldn't you know it, four left paws, missed. KER-SPLOOSH! What do' ya know, black cats really ARE unlucky.

A.N Holly probably would've enjoyed seeing that. But, we have to give Artemis some dignity….Oh wait….I think the whole kitten thing just kind of destroyed what shreds of pride he had left. But, don't worry! He'll get it back! He's ALWAYS does! Or does he? Dum dum dum! Anywho, what's gonna happen next? What else can go wrong? Will this turn out to be one of those clichéd "It was all a dream" stories! All these questions and more will be answered in the FINAL installment of It's Harder Than it Seems! But don't worry, it's extra long!

IhateBeetroot- I don't know which I like more either! Arigatiou gozaimasu! (Thank you very much!) Hai! (Yes!)

HollyShortgirl- Thank you! I think so too! Ooooo! I know! Thanks! Will do! Foaly is enjoying this WAY too much…Don't worry, you'll soon get to see how Holly reacts! And let me tell you, the tables will turn…

I should be Studying- I know! Artemis would be SO cute as a black cat! Goodness knows, Holly already thinks of him as one, with all the trouble he's caused her and the People. THANKS! Hm. Holly and Artemis? You'll see, huge pupp-kitty eyed one, you'll see…

Lost Darkness- For shame, Lost! Actually, I'm rather bad at it too…fetchboy84 is about ready to kill me….and she can, cause I know her in real life…as you already know……SOOOO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU! DO YOU LIKE THE STORY? DID I MENTION I MISS YOU? I MISS YOU! CAN YOU TELL I'M HYPER THAT YOU REVIEWED? YOU DIDN'T GIVE UP ON ME! glomps you If you other people couldn't tell, I know Lost in real life too, but she goes to another high school, darn her….but she likes it, so what can I do, ne? We need to get together sometime!

P.S. Thank yous will be updated as other people read the fanfic! I promise not to forget anybody! But I only put thank yous of people who reviewed the previous chapter in the next chapter's thank yous! Oh, by the way, please don't think I'm stupid, but what is "natural soy"? I just heard it on a commercial and it caught my attention. Which, by the way, is not very hard to do.