A/N: I hate college, in many ways. It takes up so much of my time I totally forgot all about my writing. Grr. And I'm getting tired of apologising because my load of assignments are being a bunch of asses. So, here's a chap to redeem myself! TQ to all who reviewed btw. :)

Shock attacked her like a pack of Kath Hounds coming in for a kill. Her hands suddenly felt cold and clammy. And the air in her room became too cool to her liking.

She picked on a loose thread from the sleeve of her robe absentmindedly as she paced from one end of the room to the other. Her nervousness made her feel no better, and with frustration mingled together with her nervousness, Kas'shen felt like an over-stuffed Ewok doll ready to burst.

His image appeared in front of her, the lines on his face were obvious, even in a recording. His hair was messy, unlike the tidy way he used to keep it.

"Everything's a lie…" Kas'shen mumbled incoherently to herself as she settled at the foot of the sofa and hugged her knees. "I've been lying to myself…" Her azure eyes closed and she took in a shaky deep breath to calm herself.

"No. He lied to himself." This time, she spoke with a firmer tone, and lowered her head to rest on her knees. "I always knew, but just didn't understand it…I never ran away, like he did…"

He looked tired, and restless, as if the world had suddenly collapsed and he was the only one there to pick it back up. He always acted as if it were like that, but it never showed that much until she saw that recording.

Kas'shen grabbed her head and tugged at her hair as hard as she could. The band that tied her hair back fell off, but she paid no heed to it. Scream. She shook her head. No. Not here. Not now. Not ever. The woman gripped harder, and hardly winced when she felt several strands of hair being pulled out.

"This is not happening to me. I am a Jedi Master, and it is not something that will happen to me. It is not possible." His voice was low. Kas'shen watched unmoving like she was paralysed. She found it hard to blink, let alone to breathe. This is wrong. These are his private matters… I can't go on watching. But she didn't move. She didn't turn it off.

Soft footsteps sounded unheard by her. Kas'shen closed her eyes tightly to forget the recording she watched two weeks ago.

"But…perhaps this is the only explanation I have." He shook his head. "No, it's not possible. I can't be in love with my own apprentice. She's…she's…" She had never seen him falter when he talked. Then his voice became firm. "No, I am a Jedi. I do not have feelings other than respect for my apprentice."

Because of that recording, she spent two frustratingly unsettling weeks trying to tell herself that it didn't matter that he loved her too. It was forbidden anyway. Revan became worried and kept hounding her, trying to pry the matter open from her.

Kas'shen remained silent on the matter and even Malak joined in the questioning.

"Kas'shen?" A warm hand held her shoulder firmly, and she stiffened at the voice. Kavar tapped her shoulder when she didn't lift her head up nor answered.

"Kavar…" Kas'shen managed to whisper.

He turned away from her abruptly and walked towards his desk. Kas'shen looked at her chronometer and saw that she had been in his quarters for four hours.

"You didn't tell me you were leaving for Dantooine two weeks ago." She knew she had to start the conversation. There was so much she wanted to ask; yet a bigger part of herself stopped her. The internal struggle was tiring, and she didn't want to fight.

Kavar said nothing, but carried on with his unpacking. A tiny flicker of anger licked at Kas'shen and the young woman almost lashed out at him for his apathy towards her. She recited the Jedi Code over and over again in her head, until she was able to calm down.

"Why?"

When he suddenly spoke, he caught her by surprise. His tone was low, and emotionless. Kavar only turned his head slightly to look at her from the corner of his eyes. He seemed different, quieter, and more distant from her than he was two weeks ago. The air between them was like a wall--thick and solid--separating the two of them.

"Why what?" Her voice was low like his, only colder. Kas'shen clenched her hands beside her, and she moved to stand next to him.

Kavar turned away immediately from her. The anger flared again in her, as she remembered the contents of the chip she was holding in her clenched fist.

"Why are you here?"

"Why am I here?" She surprised him when she chuckled lowly. "Are you that eager to be rid of me, Kavar?" The bitterness in her voice made him look at her straight in the eyes for the first time in weeks. The smile that came after never left her face. She slowly lifted the clenched fist that held the chip and continued.

"I thought I was the only one." She stopped when she saw his eyes darkened a little. "But no." The small bitter smile vanished from her face when she stared into the cold, green eyes of his. "Being a Jedi makes things so difficult, doesn't it?"

Kavar shifted uneasily under her intense gaze and he asked, "What are you trying to tell me, Kash?"

"Kash." She whispered her name under her breath. "I thought you'd never call me by that again." Kas'shen forced a smile and made herself sound more cheerful. I'm a Jedi. To deny this will be the best for all of us… it has to be. "Nothing." She held out the chip to him and placed on the desk. "Just wanted to see you after your trip and to return your stuff."

She spun around and walked hastily out of the door. Once outside, she ran to her room, and granted herself speed to reach her destination quicker.

Her bed never seemed so inviting to her before as she literally dove onto it and buried her head under her pillows to stop the tears from falling. She was hurt badly and furthermore angry. Her anger was directed to herself, though a small portion was towards him.

She was angry at him for running away from her, while she was the one who tried to make everything go back to normal.

"Love, to some is heaven and yet to some, hell."

The young woman remembered what Barielle had quoted from one of her holonovels. Back then, all she did was scoff at that and pushed away the agreement she had in her mind.

Love is hell.

She didn't hear the door to her room open, and certainly didn't hear someone walking into her room. Only when she felt someone sitting on her bed did she came out of her 'hiding' to look at the person.

Kavar sat there with his back towards her. In his right hand held the chip she had given back to him earlier.

Kas'shen felt as if her lungs had suddenly malfunctioned, and she couldn't breathe. She watched him for some time, and he said nothing. He only sat there looking at the dull, ordinary chip as if it was something that was very interesting.

"Did you watch this?"

His quiet voice brought Kas'shen back to reality. The cool night wind that blew from her window did nothing to cool her heated face down.

She realised, that it was so wrong of her to have watched the contents and she silently wondered what would have happened if she hadn't watched it in the first place.

Kavar turned to look at her. The question hung in the air like a heavy cloak ready to suffocate her. Kas'shen propped herself up on an elbow, and slowly nodded her head. She watched her master's face turn a slightly paler colour.

"I should have thrown this away in the first place."

"No." Her disagreement came as a surprise to the two of them. She looked up and smiled woefully at him. "Throwing it away won't solve anything."

Kavar sighed deeply and shifted to look at her properly. Kas'shen took in the closeness between the two of them on her narrow bed, with him sitting on the said bed. She felt her face heat up at the realisation, and noticed that Kavar had been thinking of the same too, for his face had become a light shade of red.

"I'm sorry."

The young Jedi Knight propped herself higher and the bed shook with her sudden movement. Kavar stood up quickly and a part of her berated him for it.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Kavar." She focused her attention to the small chronometer on the side table and said, "I'm not."

"What?"

"I'm not sorry about my feelings for you."

The silence hung once again in the air as the master and apprentice both stared at each other. Her sudden willingness to finally express her feelings shocked her, and yet she felt at peace. She felt as if a burden had finally been taken off her shoulders, and she could breathe easily next to him for once in six years.

Kavar broke the silence by sighing again, and he averted his gaze on her to the scenery out of the window. He stared outside for some time, watching the beautiful night sky of Coruscant.

"We are Jedi, Kash." He paused. "It won't be possible."

"I know…" She sat up on her bed with her legs crossed. Then she looked at him defiantly. "But at least I'm not trying to avoid you to solve this matter."

"I-" He began to speak, but got cut of by her.

"Do you know how much it hurts to see you turn away from me?"

"I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?" She chuckled mockingly at him. "Six years, Kavar. But have you ever seen me turn away from you?"

Her master whispered after her. "Six years…"

"Yes, six years." The smile went away and he could see her eyes narrow in pain. "Six years and I try to confront my feelings by staying next to you and pretending nothing was happening, and yet when you found out about yours, you ran away." Kas'shen shook her head lightly at him and the small smile returned. "I don't know if I should be happy or angry."

Kavar glanced away from her. Kas'shen felt as if her senses were suddenly sharpened, she could almost hear his breathing, the vehicles down below the temple moving about, the ticking noises the chronometer made. She also thought she saw the frown on his face in the dim room.

"You're too young to understand these kinds of things, Kash."

Kas'shen almost snorted at that. Instead, she laughed out loud and startled him. "Too young?" She said between chuckles. "I'm twenty, Kavar. I'm not a child any longer." She chuckled again. "I understand this very well, thank you. But the one I think who doesn't understand this situation is you."

He was stunned.

"It'll never happen between us, Kash." He said when he finally found his voice.

Kas'shen didn't answer him. She reached into her side-table drawer and pulled out a mini-holoprojector. With a flick of a button, an image of an old Zabrak appeared. Kavar smiled slightly at the image, and lowered his head slightly.

"Master Rais-Kell always told me to understand the Jedi Code." She ran her tongue over her teeth and bit her lower lip lightly. "Said it would make us 'see' things in another way." A low chuckle came from her again. "He said that as Jedi, we shouldn't be afraid of everything, like what the Council is doing. To confront our fears is the best way of staying true to our beliefs."

She leaned on the headboard and Kavar watched as her face turned grim.

"I confronted my feelings by staying true to you, as an apprentice and as a friend. I didn't run away, leaving you alone to be all confused and sad." Anger began to tinge her voice. "I didn't avoid you. I didn't try to treat you as if you weren't there."

His next movement was so sudden and unexpected that she stopped her ranting immediately. Kavar held her close to him in a tight embrace, and she heard him murmur into her loose hair.

"I'm sorry, Kash." He hugged her closer to him. "I'm so sorry. "

Kas'shen wrapped her arms around him and kissed his neck.

If anyone had walked into the room right at that very moment, to see a master embracing his apprentice in a not-so-fatherly way and the apprentice kissing him, it would be certain that a large scandal would rear its ugly head. But to their luck, Kavar had locked the door after entering.

Kavar pushed her slightly away to look into her eyes. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"Neither do I." She breathed out. A sudden urge hit her and she forced herself to hold back. "I love you."

Her master said nothing, but continued to stare into her eyes. She saw the confusion slip away, and the battle behind it. Kas'shen wondered out loud to him.

"If we weren't Jedi-"

The Knight was interrupted when he leaned forward and brushed his lips softly on hers. Kas'shen felt the warmth of his skin, his breath and her heart skipped a beat at that. It felt like a dream of hers had come true.

She quickly captured him with a fierce kiss when he pulled away. All Jedi Code faded away as his presence and the feel of him dominated her mind. Vaguely, she heard him groan as he returned her kiss. Damn it all. She didn't care anymore, and she knew he didn't too.

All the resolve they had fell apart. Any oath they took to prevent this from happening was swept away by the waves of emotion they had for each other.

She savoured the feeling of his hand—which had found a way under her clothes—on her back and the smell of him up close.

They had given up the charade, the denial.

All that mattered to them was each other at that moment.

Only each other.

Kas'shen didn't protest when he pushed her onto the bed, with him following her. She only half-heartedly cursed the bed for being so narrow.