Okay, so maybe I just wanted to find Faith. Think about it though, with the slayer down it makes sense to find another to fill the void though doesn't it? I reasoned like this with myself seriously, for some time as I made my way to where I assumed Faith was hanging out: The beach. That's the problem with dreams, really. Sometimes you do stupid things and waste a lot of time trying to find a bad-ass-too-cool-for-you slayer prancing about in the waves or sunbathing and adding to her care- factor- of- zero tan, like I might have found myself doing, had I been looking for me. Asking apartment owners and lifeguards whether they knew where Faith is, like she was as common and universally found as a drinking fountain, didn't seem to be helping either. I was not ready to give up though. While the beach was illuminated with bright golden sunlight…one step beyond into city limits was middle of the night style darkness and literally crawling with vampires. Although, a large hotel in the distance was also bathed in sunlight.
"Curiouser and Curiouser!" I said aloud to myself.
A marching band procession comprising completely of flamboyant flamingos happened on by, and I of course asked the big question.
"Where's Faith?" I demanded, quite forgetting my manners. You see, I was getting more and more involved in the idea that SHE was the answer to the apocalypse.
I've always been on Faiths side of any dispute, even when she had clearly made mistakes. I'd go blue in the face before I stopped believing in her and ceased giving her my devoted support. She is just as much of a hero to me as Buffy is.
"Go Team Faith go!" As I was thinking this, I soon realized I had uttered it out loud and the leader of the marching band had decided it was catchy enough to be the words for a new theme song.
"GO TEAM FAITH!" Bellowed the flamingos.
"Oh yeah?" I said feeling rather bored of them already but still seeing the potential in their cry to alert Faith I was looking for her.
"Where's the 76 bloody trombones?" I remarked, and no sooner had the words left my mouth, 76 elephants with their trunks twisted into the shape of trombones (which I thought looked quite silly indeed) went on by honking to their marching bands tune.
"Bloody Hell!" I remarked and then tensed, afraid that I was perhaps turning into Spike. I looked down. No, I had not changed. How horrible it would be, I thought if I did begin to resemble him. I should hate to be attracted to myself which I think it would be very odd indeed. The very last elephant (as there were 76 of them all moving slowly) took quite a while to arrive and told me that Miss Kitty Fantastico knows where Faith is.
"Thanks goodness," I breathed, "But where shall I find her?" I asked anxiously.
"Recite me a rhyme and I shall tell you." said the elephant.
"Very well." I agreed and drew myself up to full height and began.
'How doth Captain Peroxide,
Improve his bleached blonde hair?
When he cannot use a mirror,
And to ask suggests he cares?
He….'
"NO, that is utter NONSENSE!" interrupted the elephant. "You must recite something better, that is unacceptable!"
"Okay." I replied nervously and began again, surprised at the words that seemed to be tumbling from my mouth.
'Five by Five and Slayer B were spoiling for a fight,
'Cause Slayer B said Five was wrong and B was very right.
Later on, B came to see, young Five by Five at home,
And they began to battle, with almost no will of their own.
B stabbed at Five who almost died,
And this was far from moral.
And it shocked B, to the point where she,
Soon quite forgot their quarrel.'
After I had finished he nodded in approval.
"Well." He said after a pause, "I would expect Miss Kitty would be more in that direction." He pointed his trumpeting trunk towards the onslaught of vampires in the darkness. I nodded, reaching for my stake. I had a feeling I would certainly be needing it.
