Listen To My Words

Chapter 3

"Flooding"

What happened last chapter:

Jared.

I choked on my words that desperately tried to flood out of my mouth, but all I could do was look at Jasper's eyes that slowly showed his understanding of what happened that night.

Jasper awkwardly looked away out the window and shifted his feet out in front of him. It's as if the air in the small space around Jasper and I not only thickened but froze into a paralyzing state. Almost as if liquid nitrogen was being pour through my nostrils, flooded my lungs, and stabbed my heart. I once again tried to regain my composure and close my gaping mouth. My heart beat raised as I cautiously locked eyes with Jasper's. I watched as his blue eyes harden slightly. I don't blame him though. He telepathically understood. Telepathically read what my mind just pieced together. He knew enough to answer his own and now my question.

Did you or did you not have sex with another man?

I'm not sure anymore. All my doubts faded into the foggy areas that flooded my memory.

Jasper shifted his feet one more and looked away, "Bella, why?"

Why.

That's a good question.

I slowed my rapidly increasing heart rate and explained my situation, "Jasper, I'm sorry…"

Jasper became somewhat livid. "Sorry! Don't tell me sorry! Tell Edward."

A tear slid down my cheek, "That's not what I was going to say!"

My anger sky-rocketed but almost simultaneously I remember that I need to calmly tell what little I know. "I was going to say I'm sorry that I can't tell you much of that night. I don't remember! I don't know how many times to how many people that I have to tell them I don't remember. Just glimpses. I was drunk that night. But I wasn't that drunk that I wouldn't remember something to a level like what happened." Or would I? I don't know.

Jasper gave a long sigh. He rubbed his face, "I tried. This is getting to me. I need to leave."

His shoulders slouched as he again shook his head. He had an aura of defeat that he breathed in and out. He seemed to realize that the place that Edward and I are in is trickier than anyone could have imagined. It's so difficult to solve because of the amount of emotions that are flooding in and out confuses everyone. Just remembering the night he left makes me think if this will ever be solved. If we will ever be back together. If that one night will continue to haunt me. To haunt Edward. To haunt our marriage.

After they left I honestly didn't' know what to do with myself. I contemplated sitting down in a dark room to try and get myself to remember what happened, but my own soul was afraid of what really happened. That is when I realized it. This will never get any better if I'm unable to think of what happened. To think of what possessed me to do what I supposedly did. But then again, how could I know what I did when I haven't even spoken to Edward. He hasn't told me anything. He hasn't told me what he saw exactly. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. I don't know why I'm even here. I guess I've never felt so hopeless before.

So I sat there.

Because there was nothing I felt I was worth enough to do. I don't know why I feel this way. Somehow my subconscious is telling me that I don't deserve certain things. That I'm not good enough.

I would just wallow in my self-disgust for the next day…week…month until Edward takes me back. But of course what does sitting here ever do. He always said that he only hated two kinds of people. Liars and people that don't help themselves. Supposedly I'm both of those things to him. I've, in such a short amount of time, broken the trust that has kept our love for each other strong for God knows how long. I can't help but think back onto how I got myself into this mess. How I put us into this situation. How I…

The doorbell rang.

My instinct was always to look up at the clock above our mirror in our bedroom. Or should I say, my bedroom.

3:21 PM

Suprising. A whole hour has gone by of me doing absolutely nothing. An hour of Edward probably just maybe thinking about me. Thinking about what how he has to deal with me. About where he went wrong in his judgment of marrying me. On how he was so foolish to marry such a girl that would…

The doorbell rang twice and was quickly followed by three sharp knocks.

I lifted myself off the bed and tried to think of who would be coming to the house. I quickly ruled out any chance it would be Edward. The only chance he would come to the house is if he lost all sanity in his mind. As I gazed into the peep hole by heart gave way and stopped short of giving me a heart attack. I never in a million years would have thought that this man would come here again. At least not in this lifetime.

I tried to swallow but my sudden dry mouth made me nearly choke. It nearly made me choke on the anxiety that came rushing into my mind that pranced and laughed at the overpowering load that I had to endure. Each and every second I had to breathe.

"Bella? Jasper called me. He said that things were rough. That I should talk to you."

His voice echoed in my mind. I tried to swallow as I brushed my hair behind my ears. I ran my hands through it while I checked my face in the hallway mirror.

Five loud bangs echoed through the hall.

"Bella?"

I slowly walked over to the door, "Jacob?"

His name hasn't ran been in my mouth for almost two years. He hasn't been in my train of thought for almost three. My heart felt mended inside. Almost as if a blanket was placed over it.

"Bella." He breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Jacob, what are you doing here?" Jasper called him. I know that. But the Cullens never talked to Jacob. Jacob never talked to the Cullens. It's not like they hated each other or anything, they just didn't have anything in common. Every special occasion we had they were on different sides of the room as if, invisibly, they were repelled by each other. Destined to never cross the same path at the same time.

"I told you. Jasper told me to come by. Please open up."

My mind was suddenly incoherent, "Why would you listen to Jasper?"

"He said you were going through a rift with Edward."

Edward. His name pierced my heart again and again. Suffocated me as if to cause noticeable discomfort.

My voice hardened, "What did he tell you?" I tried to keep my voice calm but I couldn't help but feel shaken up.

"That's what he told me. He told me you guys were going through some problems."

I snorted. Problems. Some problems. Does Jasper think he's doing me some sort of favor? Sending over Jacob to help comfort me in my solitary confinement?

"Why would you listen to him? We've had problems before. He hasn't called you. Even if you did, you wouldn't come and talk to me. You wouldn't dare step in between my marriage."

"Bella, please let me in." He pleaded with me. My curiosity took the best of me and I looked into the peep hole. He was leaned up against the door, his hands in his pocket.

"Only if you tell me this: Why did you really come here?"

He looked into the peephole, "Only if you let me in."

And then he grinned.

My heart fluttered at his grin. The grin that made me weak in my knees. The grin that made me open the door.

He looked fitter than before. Stronger. As if his male body finally stepped up and performed at its best. I couldn't help but look over him in awe.

Unfortunately, of the moments that I was captivated by him, he was captivated by me. Not by my hair that has grown longer, more wavy. He took in my hair that was knotted, my eyes that haven't caught an ounce of sleep and my heart that dimmed every time I took a breath. He walked through the door and took a step towards me. Taken aback I took a step away from him. Why did I feel this way? I don't even know why he is here. Everything is so confusing.

Jacob took another step towards me and reached out his arms and enclosed me in them. I inhaled his scent. Memories flooded in as if I'd never see them again. I couldn't help but try to choke back a sob. They overwhelmed me. I collapsed into his arms. Crying, screaming, nearly hysterical at the thought that Edward was not here, but yet Jacob was.

Jacob walked me to the kitchen and sat at one of the barstools. I laid my head down onto the cold kitchen top and pondered. I pondered about how I must look in his eye. Jacob's that is. I feel embarrassed. I must look like a fool that is locked up in her own house. He hasn't seen me in three years and this is what he comes back to? I feel guilty for dragging him into my problems. For not helping myself. I have no clue how I could possibly face him again. How I could lift my eyes to look into his. I'm helpless. My husband left me for sleeping with another man. A man that I don't even remember having sex with. I have no idea how I can get myself out of this mess.

Clink.

Within the moments of my personal thoughts Jacob made coffee. French Vanilla Coffee to be exact. My favorite or it used to be my favorite before he introduced me to another kind. Arabic iced tea. I say he because the word….Edward... is nearly too hard to bare. My eyes start to water yet again and Jacob places his hand on my shoulder but too soon takes it off.

I look up at him. I watch how his face turns into a blurred, watery picture. How his eyes become somewhat grim and sympathetic. Something in my heart switches my emotions. I become angry. Angry about how he feels he has to come and comfort because I can't help myself.

He opens his mouth, "What happened? I'm…"

I cut him off before he tries to console me, "Did Jasper put you up to this?"

He becomes shocked. "Wh..Why do you ask that?"

"Just answer my question. Did you come here because you don't think that I can take care of myself?"

His eyes enlarged, "No! Why are you even asking this Bella?"

Why shouldn't I be asking this? I'm here sheltered in the empty mansion of a house while Edward is surrounded by family and warm arms. It makes me resent him in a way. Somewhere in my sick, delusional mind I resent him for leaving me here. I looked down at my left hand ring finger. My empty ring finger. It's almost as if right now my mind told me I could do this. With or without him, but I will try to do this with him. With Edward.

"You know what Jacob? I can take care of myself. In fact I don't need you to be here. At all."

He looked away and his eyes softened as did his tone, "I came here because I wanted to help a friend. A friend whom I haven't seen in almost three years. "

Three years. He turned his face towards me, looking over my head.

"Three years I have been away from the one person that I can truly let go with," Jacob sighed and looked into my eyes. "Wow, how time changes things." Jacob got up from his barstool and wiped his hands on his pants. He started to walk out of the kitchen with defeat. He halted at the arch and turned around.

I wouldn't let him make me feel guilty. "You can continue walking. You know where the door is." I have no idea what made me just say that. I was harsh. For no reason apparent to me.

Jacob glared at me, his face turning red, "Shut up. Just stop talking Bella. Do you even understand why you're in this house? Alone? Alone in a house which you bought with your husband but he's not here with you? You ever wonder why?"

His words slash out at me. They rip my heart open and burn its contents alive. Right before me. He's never spoken to me like this. His words degrade be to a bit of ash. Burnt from a garbage pile. I look down because I don't understand. I look down because I refuse to understand. I can't.

"No Bella. You don't wonder why. You never wonder. Ask yourself why. It's always you and how everything has affected you never anyone else. I don't know what happened between you and Edward. What he could've done to you or you done to him. But I can tell you one thing. This friendship between you and me is pure bullshit. I..I've done so many…" He stopped. He panted while trying to calm himself down. To prevent himself from saying anything else.

And with that he walked out the door. The click of the door. The slam of his car door. The repetitive screeches of tires have haunted me these past two days.

My life is a mess. Day 1 without Edward in done.