A/N: Because I'm going to punch the moon someday. Be Proud of me.
"And I'll be fine, you'll be fine, is this fine? I'm not fine. Give me pieces, give me things to stay awake,"--All American Rejects
Nostalgic For Love
--
--
Stop.
Try to breathe.
Try to understand.
Try to be calm.
Stop.
Stop the hurt.
Stop the voices.
Stop the rage.
Stop.
Scream...
The most that Cassie could remember about that moment was Craig's voice. His voice that still lingured in her mind as she hypervenilated on her cold, dirty bed. She also vaguely remembered Ellie's scream, but that was something she was willing to try and block from her memory. She winced at the very thought of that scream...the blood...the shakiness of her knees...the voices...
"God, just STOP!" Her fingernails dug deeply into the flesh on her calves as she rocked back and forth, listening to her own insane pants. Her mouth felt dry but she continued to heave all the air in the room into her lungs. Craig Manning, the source of all things horrible. He ruined it. Ruined what she and Ellie had. He just had to come back around with his pretty boy hair and his rockstar voice and his silky smooth charm...
"IHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHIS!" The shattering of glass broke the spell and she stopped breathing. She stopped thinking. She stopped. And she remembered...
--
"Oh...my...god...Craig," Ellie placed a hand on her mouth, than the other. Craig stood at the bottom of the cement Degrassi steps, smiling brightly, his guitar slung on his back. Ellie smiled, gracefully jumping down the stairs into his arms. He spun her around, laughing as if he hadn't seen her in fifty years.
"Ellie Nash, the cutest girl in school is even looking at me? After all I did?"
"Craig...I just can't believe that...y-you...my mom and...I just...Craig," Ellie sobbed into his jacket, Craig rubbing her back gently.
"Shh...it's okay, Ellie. The drugs, the lying...it's all over now. I promise you that," He nuzzled his face into her neck, whispering gently into her pale flesh, "When I said I loved you, it wasn't a lie. I do. I do love you Ellie," Craig's voice was like a honey, smooth and sweet, sticking to you and linguring. Well, maybe not to Cassie...
"Okay, so you've GOT to promise me that you'll finish the rest of the history report," Marco walked side-by-side with Cassie, both exiting the school and walking out into the bright sunshine that glittered down. Cassie laughed, nudging Marco with her shoulder.
"Come on, it's me, Marco! Of course I'll get it done and double-checked within a matter of ten minutes!"
"That's the part that worries me..." Marco groaned, walking ahead of Cassie even though she had stopped dead at the top of the steps. Marco turned back to look at her, seeing the sudden hatred that filled her hazel eyes. His own eyes responded with the infamous 'What's going on' look, but within a matter of seconds, he knew exactly what was going on, and what was about to happen. The shorter boy sprinted up the steps, standing in Cassie's way.
"Cass, don't do this. Please. If your probation officer finds out about this, he's going to---" Cassie pushed past Marco, taking a few steps towards Craig's doom.
"Don't worry, Marco. I'm only gonna break his face," Cassie strode, tall and defiant. She shoved and pushed past the group of students that were now surrounding the two. Cassie could feel herself shaking from all the rage built up, bottled. The moment Craig Manning set his eyes on her, there was going to be trouble. The older boy grinned, pulling his arms from Ellie's waist and gave his best sugar-coated greeting.
"Hey, Cassie, it's been so lon---" She didn't even think twice. When she saw his arms on Ellie, that was when his life ended. She gave the blow right to his perfect freaking jaw and heard the cracking of his ever-so-awesome bones. He never even had time to recooperate because the younger girl had taken that chance to jump ontop of him, bruising his pretty-little face with her fist. She couldn't quite remember how many hits she got on him, but it had to be more than twenty. Soon enough, Craig's face was nothing but red, bloody flesh and broken, bent bones just jutted from his skin. She stood, feeling ever bit of negative energy released from her body. It took a few moments to register one factor she had completely forgotten about: Ellie. She turned her head for a split second, seeing every emotion Ellie felt displayed on her face.
"Ellie..." Cassie whispered, but it was too late.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Ellie screamed, rushing over to the bloodied mess on the cracked sidewalk. She kneeled down by him as he coughed up more sticky crimson.
"I-I-I only...h-he...Ellie, don't you remember what he did to you? How he lied to you?! I was only giving that ass what he deserves!" Cassie screeched back, obviously terrified. Ellie stood, marching straight up to the taller girl and said defiantly:
"You know what, Cassie? If anyone's an ass, it's you," Ellie pointed her finger to Cassie's chest, tears soon following.
"E...El....Ellllliiieee...." Between coughs and spurts of blood, Craig managed to call out to the redhead. She made an immediate turn, rushing to his side. Cassie could feel her knees shaking violently, her entire body pale. She felt like all the blood from her body was gone, on the ground with the rest of Craig's blood. Marco stepped up to her, but Cassie could say nothing. So, with the obvious chance of someone calling the cops and her probation officer turning the corner to take her away from Degrassi, she ran. She ran faster and faster, Ellie's screams slowly drowning out.
--
Cassie layed sideways on her bed, her fingers still covered in dried Craig blood. She felt dead. Absolutely dead. Any minute now, Officer Hempton would come banging on the door, demanding that she come downtown to explain what would compel(sp?) her to nearly kill another human being. But, instead of going through all that mess, Cassie shook away those thoughts and reached for the cheap, plastic piece of junk that Jay called a 'phone'. She swiftly punched in Spinner's cellphone number and waited impatiently for him to answer. The very sound of his voice caused her to melt.
"Hello, this is the Spinster,"
"Hey, Gavin, it's me. Look, I need something," Cassie's fingertips shook.
"Yeeaaahhh...and is that some Spinner loving? Spinster lovin, that is?" Cassie sighed rather loudly.
"I need some stuff. Something. Anything to pick me up," Spinner began to laugh heartily.
"Ah, yes. The depression after the storm. I heard about what you did to Manning on school grounds. Smooth move, there. What will your boyfriend, Officer Hempton think?"
"Spin, please? I don't need this from you right now. I just need...maybe some pot? Mara?" Cassie began to sound more impatient by the second, her heart going off like an AK-47.
"Yeah, okay. I just got some fresh a day ago. Come on over," Spinner said lazily, as if smoking pot was the most boring thing in the world. Cassie smiled for the first time in a few hours and nodded.
"Thanks, Spin. You're the best," Cassie pressed 'end' and hopped up from her nasty old bed, throwing herself at her dresser. She pulled out a black tank-top and a pair of red skinny jeans. She found her favorite perfume and spritzed it on herself. She felt blood pump through her system once more, the vivid feeling of being alive coursing through her veins. She felt happy, and maybe the drugs could make her feel just a little bit more human.
The only bad thing was...
Ellie Nash was nowhere to be found in Cassie's thoughts...
And Spinner started to take over.
--
--
--
"Jay!" Amber giggled as Jay Hogart's cold, mechanic hands covered her eyes as they made their way into his tiny, dirty apartment. Amber could smell the odor that came from day-old pizza boxes and discarded takeout food laying around. They moved right past all of that, into a dark room where the heavy smell of something new invaded Amber's nose. She felt tingly inside, her face flushed. Jay smiled, releasing his hands from her eyes. She was presented with a tiny bed and two bags of white powder. Amber tilted her head, looking rather confused by the entire thing.
"Um...Jay? What's this...?" Amber reached out, poking the bag as if it were a new species of plant. Jay took her hand, leading her deeper into the darkness.
"This, my dearest, is a bag of heaven," The older boy announced, grabbing the bag and setting it on the floor. He opened it rather carefully, then leaned his head forward and stuck his nose directly into the opening of the bag. He breathed it in, sighing.
"Ah, yes. The best bag of heaven..." He reached for a large piece of paper and a lighter, his entire body shaking furiously as he did so. Amber began to felt the blood drain from her face. The obvious answer to what he was doing was there on her tongue, but she refused to say it outloud.
"Jay...please tell me you didn't bring me back to your stupid apartment to make me do...do...drugs," Amber tried to sound disgusted, but Jay heard none of it. Instead, he took a big puff and took her hands into his.
"Do you remember that scumbag who came in a few weeks ago, the one who said you did a horrible job on his muffler? Or how about that ex-boyfriend who called you a slut? This stuff right here...it makes the pain all go away...everything is fine and dandy. Nothing hurts. It's numb...but a good kind of numb..." His voice sounded hollow and distant, which made Amber want to cry. She glanced down at the bag and the paper, then bravely took each into her hands.
"...Okay...but you have to promise that this stuff...it'll make all of it go away...every bit of it," she said pointedly. The very high Jay placed his hand on his heart and closed his eyes drowzily.
"Scouts honoorr," he slurred, laughing loudly as if he had just heard the world's funniest joke. He giggled to hysterics, which made Amber want it more. She wanted to be free...she wanted the adrenaline rush. She wanted all the pain to stop...
And it did.
She floated high above the world, happy and together.
Nothing lonely.
Nothing broken.
And the world was bright and cheery...why couldn't it be like this forever...?
Happy freakin' day, hono. YOU WILL WRITE ME SOMETHING FOR THIS. I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT. WITH L. AND THE EARLY NOVEMBER. SO CALL ME. CHILD. I LOVE YOU.
