Monday Morning, 8:30 am

Beca Mitchell liked to keep her emotions at an even keel. Even when things would set her a bit off kilter, she had methods in place to help her regain balance. Sometimes, something might slip through a crack in her armor. She had been known to every now and again have knee-jerk reactions where she might mouth off or on rare occasion (that was ONCE!), physically assault someone.

None of that could compare to what she experienced the other night with Chloe, though. That had been less a case of something seeping through her cracks and more a case of total destruction of every single line of defense she had at her ready. It had been a betrayal, an inside job. She had been betrayed by her own body, her own mind, a long forgotten back door left unchecked and unlocked and she had been caught off guard.

Once her security system had come crumbling down, she knew there was no easy or fast recovery and her fight or flight instinct had taken over. Flight had won. She knew that the fight option would have meant staying and talking to Chloe about what had happened, opening up to her, letting her see past the barbed wire. But flight had won and she couldn't be too hard on herself for it, considering the crumbled mess of what had once stood so proudly beside her, in front of her, all around her. But that didn't mean she had to like her reaction. She knew that she should have decided to fight.

Chloe had tried to reach out to her a few times over the course of the weekend, but Beca was still mid-flight. A handful of concerned texts were currently residing in her phone. The words Chloe had chosen weren't overtly worried, but Beca knew Chloe well enough to be able to translate the real intention behind them. She knew that the late-night Friday text, "You left your jacket here," really meant, "Did you get back to your room safe? Are you ok?" She knew that Saturday afternoon's, "Hope studying is going well. Don't burn yourself out!" really meant, "What happened the other night, Bec? Talk to me."

Beca's succinct, stoic replies, "oh yeah, just give it to me whenever" and "going ok, thanks," belied the amount of time she had spent reading over the messages, her brow knit together as she chewed on her bottom lip. She mused that she must have read each text at least 1000 times. The latter 999 or so readings really had been unnecessary. They had instantly committed themselves to her memory.

The text that had really burned, that had melted the clay battalion she had spent the past few days rebuilding from the rubble, came the night before. She had just finished a paper that was due in the coming week and shut down her laptop for the night, ready to try to sleep when the bed vibrated near her foot where her phone laid. Her heart leaped into her throat and she looked down to see a notification from Chloe. Sliding her finger across the screen, she was greeted with only a few words. "Thinking about you xoxo." She knew the tacit meaning in that message as well, "Please, Beca, tell me what's going on."

She rolled over in bed and looked at her clock. 8:30 am. She had been awake for quite some time already. Kimmy Jin, who Beca had deemed a masochist as well as generally unpleasant, had a class with a start time of 8:15 on Monday mornings and was rarely considerate of the fact that Beca's first class didn't start until 11:30. Not that it mattered on this particular morning, since Beca had woken up sometime between 4 and 5 and hadn't been able to fully fall back to sleep since then. When she wasn't tossing or turning, she was looking at her phone, swiping her way to her messages, hoping to see something new from Chloe, knowing that it was unlikely at such an unreasonable hour.

She picked up her phone again, the familiar, heavy thud of anticipation in her chest as the screen lit up. No new notifications. Of course there were no new notifications. She hadn't even responded to the last message, figuring she could play it off like she had already been asleep when Chloe sent it. "Thinking about you xoxo." She hadn't known how to respond. Before this weekend, she would have sent a response in no time. Beca never played the "how long should I wait before responding" game. She didn't see much point in playing hard to get with someone you were actively dating and obviously crazy about. Maybe her response would have been sarcastic, maybe it would have been sweet, maybe it would have been borderline scandalous. But now all she could do was stare at the screen.

A loud knocking startled her and made her drop her phone and set her heart racing. She hopped out of bed and went to the door, opening it just a crack to peek out into the hall.

"Hey, you." Chloe, smiling big and bright, held up a white paper bag and a cardboard carrier with two cups in it. "I have coffee and muffins."

"Chloe," Beca said, soft and affectionate, "come in." She opened the door fully to allow the redhead to enter.

Chloe glanced around the room, seeing the unmade bed then Beca's unkempt hair and pajamas. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"No," Beca said as she grabbed her phone from her mess of covers and started making her bed. "Hurricane Kimmy Jin left not too long ago, so…"

Chloe laughed and put the items she was carrying on Beca's desk. Once they were out of her hands, she grabbed the jacket she had draped over her arm in her hand and held it out to Beca who had started to try to pat down her unruly hair into something a little less Bride of Frankenstein. "I brought your jacket. I know it's your favorite and thought you might want to wear it today."

Beca looked up, a shy, half-smile on her lips. "Thanks." She grabbed the jacket and walked behind Chloe to drape it over the back of her desk chair. She stood there, her back to Chloe, her hands on the chair. "Listen, I'm sorry about…"

"Beca, I'm sorry for…" They both stopped, having started talking at the same time.

Beca turned around, coming face-to-face with Chloe. "I'm sorry for how I acted the other night."

Chloe held up her hand, halting Beca. "Beca, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I'm sorry for anything I did that made you uncomfortable or…"

"You didn't!"

"Beca," Chloe's eyes reflected the concern that could be heard in her voice, "I know you didn't leave because you had to study."

Beca exhaled, "I'm sorry I left like that." She reached out and grabbed Chloe's hand. "And I'm sorry I was so distant all weekend."

A somber laugh caught in Chloe's throat. "I missed you. A lot. I thought maybe you… and me…" She swallowed and shook her head, her eyes cast downward. "I thought a lot of things."

Beca pulled her into a tight hug, whispering, "I'm sorry," into the hair at Chloe's neck, right under her ear. She heard Chloe sniffle and squeezed her tighter. "I'm sorry." After long moments, they pulled apart. Chloe reached up to wipe at her damp eyes. Beca leaned in and kissed her, tender and long. Chloe seemed hesitant at first, but eventually, Beca felt some of the tension release from her body with a gentle exhale through her nose.

Beca pulled away and moved to sit cross-legged on her bed, her back against the wall. She patted the bedspread. "Come sit with me?"

Chloe did as requested, mimicking Beca's pose right beside her, their knees touching. Once she was settled, her hand automatically reached to rest on Beca's thigh, something she'd done countless times in the past. Before she made contact, though, she thought twice and pulled back to place her hand on her own leg. Noticing the gesture, Beca reached out and grasped Chloe's hand, bringing it into her lap where she knew the redhead would have normally placed it, keeping hers on top.

"I don't want things to be weird," Beca said.

Chloe shook her head. "I don't either. I just… I don't know, Beca, I feel like I… like I crossed a line I shouldn't have and I'm so, so sorry." Chloe squeezed Beca's leg in her hand.

"Chloe, no." Beca changed her position so she was half-facing the other woman. "I wanted…" Beca stalled as Chloe looked on, worried and curious. "I wanted all of it. I was really into it. Really into you. It wasn't your fault, I promise. I'm sorry I made you feel like you did something wrong."

"Ok." Chloe nodded. "Ok," she repeated, continuing to nod a few moments more. "Then I guess I'm not sure what happened."

Beca's head picked up with the nodding where Chloe's had left off. She had decided, over the course of the weekend that she would tell Chloe everything when she had the chance to do it properly. That she would be as honest and frank as she possibly could.

"I know. I wasn't sure at first either, why I had shoved you like that. It came to me in the next instant, but I just… I don't know, I felt like the whole room was shrinking around me and I had to get out of there." She looked up to see Chloe's intent stare. Beca took in a deep breath and shook out her shoulders, trying to relieve some of the tension she was feeling. "Ok, so like, when I was a Sophomore in high school…"