What did I have planned for Ashley?

I hadn't planned anything; I knew that I wanted a life together with her but the big question remained as to what she wanted to do. It's a subject I had rolled around my head since before Mom arrived and as we slowly made our way to the cafeteria I explained my desires for a life and a family while expressing my doubts about what Ashley wanted. Again, it was something that would have to wait until she got back. I didn't want to pester her with questions while she was out on a mission, it can be difficult for soldiers to separate their personal lives from the professional. Especially now that she was the acting C/O of the Normandy it was a distraction she didn't need.

Mom approved of my desire for a family and expressed her regret that things hadn't worked between her and my father. Both of them being officers they were rarely around together and eventually their marriage fell apart. It was agreed that I would stay with Mom, Dad stayed in touch for a while but even that didn't last as I hadn't heard from him since I joined the N7 program. That was why I wanted to discuss things with Ashley, I didn't want our careers to come between us or any kids we might have. All in all, Mom and I spent the next hour talking and eating and generally catching up on lost time. Eventually she had to leave and return to the Orizaba. But not before she escorted me back to my room with one last piece of advice.

I sat back down on the bed, my legs were sore from the first workout they had received in weeks when Mom looked at me, her blue eyes narrowing like they always did whenever she had something serious to tell me. "Don't be afraid to communicate to Ashley what you want, but make sure to be open to what she wants as well. Keeping the comm lines clear in a relationship is one of the most important things you can remember." A touch of sadness tinged her face as she continued. "It was something I learned long after your father and I divorced. Don't let that happen to you two." Seeing that sadness on her face was sobering.

When I was younger my parents were happy and I knew they loved each other very much, but as the years went on and their careers took them to often separate postings, their closeness fell apart. Generally the Alliance tries to keep married officers together as much as possible, but it doesn't always work. Despite the somber mood I smiled and responded, "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." Stopping to think for a moment I realized that I was being selfish by merely thinking about my future. There were millions of people all over the galaxy picking up the pieces from the war and my mom was no exception. I'm quite certain that since the threat of total annihilation of galactic civilization was gone that everyone was probably asking, "What now?"

I realized Mom needed a little advice too.

Narrowing my eyes right back at her I said. "You can build a new life for yourself too, Mom. You're not that old and you deserve some happiness." Moisture formed at the edges of her eyes as she smiled, "Thanks kiddo, I'll remember that." She stooped to hug me and added. "You keep in touch and let me know how it goes with you two. If all goes well I expect grand kids in a few years at least." I laughed and said, "I'll see what I can do." Pulling away from the hug we said our goodbyes and I was left alone again. A short time later the doctor came back having heard about my excursion and gave me a sound lecture about doing too much too early, but was pleased to hear how well I could walk and scheduled a rehabilitation session for the next day.

Sleep came quickly that night; a good conversation and a good measure of crying can wear a person out, however the dream that I had that night was not as satisfying.

Running, always running. Down that hallway. Over that crate. Up that ladder.

The woman was keeping a decent pace, always just ahead of me and never in a clear shot of my pistol. Ashley and Liara were behind me barely able to keep up. The Cerberus spy kept throwing incineration tech at us when she got a chance and by the time we passed through an airlock it became obvious that she wasn't a woman.

We were outside in the unbreathable atmosphere of Mars and she wasn't wearing any gear.

Rounding a corner I began to realize that this was a memory and not just a dream and dreaded what would happen next. A shuttle with Cerberus markings circled around to pick her up right before we got there. Despite the fact I knew we would catch her it was maddening to see her get away with the precious data we were sent to collect but her escape wasn't to be. James swooped in with our own shuttle like a hero from some action vid and rammed the Cerberus vessel, crashing it into the landing platform. After diving away from the crash I picked myself up and saw Ashley helping Liara to safety as well as the woman we had been chasing walking from the fiery wreck of the shuttle like a wraith. It was a scorched and scarred but still functioning mech. It shrugged off Ashley's shots like mosquitoes and grabbed her helmet, lifting her from the platform. Inside my helmet I didn't hear the exchange, but I knew it was communicating with The Illusive Man, asking for instruction. Knowing what was going to happen next I tried to steel myself if only to outlast the dream.

The sound of the machine slamming my beautiful Ashley against the bulkhead of the shuttle again and again drove me to the brink. I heard myself screaming her name with no response. Ashley tried to struggle, but the mech was far too strong and soon Ashley went limp as if she was a puppet whose strings had been cut. The mech dropped Ashley, turned and charged at me. Bringing up my pistol I fired shot after shot waiting for the machine to drop to the ground like it was supposed to, instead the machine slapped aside my gun and grabbed me as well. Its iron fist wrapped around my throat as its face changed from that of the scarred machine to that of my mother. Her face twisted in disgust as she spoke. "You are a failure Scott. You failed her and you have disappointed me. You left those people to die on Earth, you killed the people of Arathot for nothing and you failed to stop Cerberus time and again. I raised you to be better than that. Why I ever called you my son I will never know." Tears poured down my face as I felt her grip tighten around my neck.

My eyes snapped open and I gasped in air as I lay there. I slowly sat up trying to catch my breath and calm my racing heartbeat. After a few moments I began to force my mind to remember that it was a dream. I had had dreams like that before, often after trying moments in my life. The details were always a little but they always boiled down to one of my greatest fears; rejection by those who I love and respect the most. They started after my platoon was killed on Akuze by Thresher Maws and I've been plagued by them ever since. After I was extracted I underwent mandatory psychotherapy to determine my ability to return to active duty. They gave me a passing bill of health despite the nightmares and jitteriness. Due to my relatively stable home life the Alliance psychologists felt that I could handle mental and emotional stress and sent me on my way. The nightmares went away a few weeks after that and they still do whenever something traumatic happens. Of course that doesn't mean that they don't scare the shit out of me whenever I have them.

I sat up and looked around the darkened room; to my left, next to Ashley's cot was a window that looked out on the Presidium of the Citadel. Seeing the sky cars whizzing by made me remember when Garrus and I shot bottles together on one of the higher level walkways. It was completely against the rules and if C-Sec knew about it would've hauled us away immediately. I smiled at the memory of missing my last shot on purpose and letting Garrus take the win. Snapping out of my reverie I returned to the brief view of the Presidium and decided to go for a walk. I knew at this point that I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep for a while so I figured I would enjoy the sights for a bit.

Getting up wasn't as bad as before and I managed to get my robe on and walked out the room. I didn't get very far before being stopped by an Asari nurse who was on watch for the night. Getting up from her station she called out to me. "Is there something wrong Commander?" Concern etched her pretty blue face as she walked up to me. "No, I'm fine." I reassured her. "Just couldn't sleep and thought I'd go and see if there was a place I could watch the cars flying by." Her expression turned to a smile as she directed me to a small park on an upper level area of the hospital. She offered to get me some assistance, but I insisted that I could manage by myself.

Making my way there I found that the park was just an open platform designed like many of the well manicured parks that looked out on the Presidium. Just like every view on this part of the Citadel it was beautiful, the artificial ceiling showed a dark night to simulate time periods with the humming and thrumming of the sky cars sounded as they flew past. I also heard the splashing of various fountains below that dotted the artificial water ways. I thought back to the first time I saw it all nearly three years ago. Ashley, Kaidan and I stood in Ambassador Udina's office waiting to hear back about the attack on Eden Prime. We stood in wonder of it all. Even for someone as well traveled as myself, I had never been to the Citadel until then and it was awe inspiring how large the station was.

That thought reminded me of the discussion the three of us had about the races of the Citadel and how humanity could possibly contribute to it all when I commented we had plenty to offer. Jokingly I stated that we had sandy beaches, beautiful women and the emotion called "love". Thinking that I was flirting with her Ashley made a bad attempt to joke that I would have to buy her dinner first before I could see her in something skimpy. I shrugged it off to save her further embarrassment, but the thought of seeing her in a tin-foil skirt and thigh high boots was appealing.

Despite my desire to continue reminiscing I knew that I was already well on my way to recovery and hopefully could return to the Normandy. I knew I needed to continue catching up on current events so I started checking messages again on my omni-tool to see what else I had missed. A recent message had come from fellow Spectre Jondam Bau. He reported that the remnants of the Batarian Hegemony were petitioning the Council to bring them back into the fold. With the Batarian home world and their colonies nothing but rubble and their race being recently listed an endangered species they were looking for the protection of the Council. The report went on to say that despite the new petition there were already rumors of a small cell of Batarian dissidents led by General Balak that were calling for the reunification of the Hegemony and a return to the old ways. Bau included a warning to me personally that he had heard that Balak was still out for my blood for the destruction of the Bahak system and to watch my back. I sent back a quick reply thanking him for the information.

In addition to that were dozens of messages from the various friends that I've made over the years welcoming me back, including one from Admiral Hackett recommending me and Ashley for the Star of Terra as well as an invitation, which seemed strangely like an order, to an ungodly amount of press junkets and ceremonies marking the end of the war. Curing the Genophage and ending the Quarian/Geth war seemed like child's play compared the amount of glad-handing and standing around in my dress blues that was in store for me.

As I continued reading and replying I heard the door that led to the park swish open. Twisting around on the bench I saw a sight even more beautiful than the Presidium. Standing there at the door dressed in Alliance fatigues was Ashley. She smiled and said. "Hey Skipper."