"Is this enough?"
Tantomile was exhausted. She had been mentally drained by Pouncival's self-destruction the night before. Coping with what the tom was doing to himself was giving her a mental breakdown.
"No."
Mistoffelees was angry, fired up by what Macavity had done to Tantomile in her vision. He had vowed to murder Macavity at the earliest opportunity and he fully intended to go along with his promise.
"Well is it enough now?"
Tantomile had been emotionally drained by what Macavity had done. What she saw in her vision, that poor tom... and what Macavity had done to her... made things difficult. It made it difficult to even allow Mistoffelees to touch her. Everything was still so fresh. She could still feel the ginger tom touching her...
"Keep going."
Mistoffelees also felt glad, in a way. Though he was full of anger for what Macavity had done, Mistoffelees knew that he was lucky to have built up the courage to see Tantomile when he did. She had completely broken down in his arms last night, she cried more than he'd ever seen before. He felt glad because no matter what, Macavity would have visited her this morning even if he wasn't there – so he was lucky, in a way. Lucky that he'd made the decision to be there for her.
"For the sake of the Everlasting Cat, I cannot eat anything else!"
Tantomile had been physically drained by her screaming, by her vomiting this morning... and by the fact that she hadn't eaten for close to two days. Now she felt embarrassed by her figure and was determined to do something about it, to stop herself from falling into a self-destructive spiral like Pouncival had. To stop herself from becoming him.
She handed the half-eaten bread to Mistoffelees and managed to force a final swallow. She hadn't eaten much, but that was understandable considering the circumstances. She had tried to eat, that was the main thing. And Mistoffelees seemed happy that she had tried her best.
"Fine. But I'm going to sit with you for every meal from now until forever to make sure you eat properly."
Mistoffelees smirked as he got to his feet and placed the rest of the bread in a container - he was only half-joking. The black-and-white tom stretched his arms in the air and looked around the room. It was nice to have Tantomile in his den, if only for a little while. Taking her to his was a necessity – she had no food in her den at all. No wonder she hadn't eaten.
"Careful," Tantomile smiled slightly. "I might hold you to that." She got to her feet as well and brushed the crumbs from her fur. Just one meal and she was beginning to feel a little bit more like herself. Not like her old self, of course. But at least like a version of herself. She shook her head and looked up at Mistoffelees before heaving a loud sigh. "You can join me for meals, if you'd like."
Mistoffelees smiled as he looked across the room at her. She was painfully thin. "I'm so glad!" He was beaming, he could hardly believe that this time yesterday they weren't even friends. To have been able to rekindle their friendship so easily, it made him so incredibly happy. He wasn't going to be alone anymore. She wasn't going to be alone anymore. This was the absolutely perfect possible outcome, he couldn't quite believe that she had accepted him back into her life. Wait, glad? Mistoffelees glanced away as he considered his choice of words. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. It seemed a bit presumptuous.
"I mean I'm happy!" He said with a smile, correcting himself. He didn't want to blow it by saying something stupid and putting their friendship at risk once again. "I'm happy that you'll let me join you. For meals. Obviously, I mean, you'll hold me to that." He was tripping over his words. "I'm happy that you'll hold me to that. Happy that you'll hold me. Wait, I mean, not hold me, I mean, unless you wanted to oh look I'm rambling." Mistoffelees blushed and looked at the floor.
He then took a deep breath and considered what was happening.
He was blushing.
Mistoffelees became very aware that he was blushing.
Tantomile laughed. "This is much more like how I remember our relationship being," she said as she walked over to him. "You remember, back in the day? When you were a terrified kitten too scared to-"
"I remember." Mistoffelees cut her off as he lifted his head and laughed. "I've changed a little since then." He pointed to his body. Tantomile certainly conceded that he looked quite different. Physically stronger, far more muscle than before... though he was still quite spindly. Clearly it was all of that tumbling that had given him muscle... tumbling... Tumble... she mentally berated herself. Everything kept bringing her back to that point. She had to see Munkustrap, to talk to him... but she was scared. What if he didn't believe her? She'd need help.
"Thank you for taking me here." Tantomile smiled as she glanced at the door. "As much as I would like to stay here and talk... I should go. I need to speak to Munkustrap-"
"I'll come with you." Mistoffelees interrupted. "I haven't got any plans."
"You've already done too much for me." Tantomile shook her head at him. "If you do much more, you'll quickly regret befriending me again."
Mistoffelees shot her a frustrated look. "Stop saying things like that," he snapped. "You'll start to believe it."
"I do believe it." Tantomile said with a grunt as she kicked the ground. "If you keep hanging around me and offering to do all these things for me, you'll remember why we stopped talking in the first place."
Mistoffelees shook his head at her. "Do you want to just talk for a little while?" He asked, but stopped as he saw Tantomile turn and walk back over to the middle of the den. She threw herself down on a pillow, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. She was frustrated, angry at herself for letting him go in the first place, though angry about so many other things too. Her head was a mess from what had happened earlier, though she had cried about it, the feelings were still there. Her fur still felt unclean. Clearly she did want to stay and talk after all.
"You're allowed to be upset." Mistoffelees followed Tantomile and sat down beside her, though he didn't lie on his back like she did. "You've been living with some horrible things for a long time. It would be weird if you weren't upset by them... but remember when you helped me when I was a kitten? Let's role reverse. I can help you now... just talk to me."
Tantomile sighed and closed her eyes. She didn't want to talk. "How about I show you, instead?" She put out her hand to Mistoffelees.
After a little while he began to piece together what she was getting at – why she was lying down.
For as long as he could remember, Tantomile had shown an incredible aptitude at replaying memories – as in, literally replaying them like a mental film. By linking paws, she could show that mental memory to anyone, though it worked best with those who already had some kind of magical ability. Mistoffelees was a perfect candidate for this.
But he was scared. He didn't want her to show him what Macavity had done to her, he assumed that was what she was suggesting. But if it would help her get through it, help her get over it... he would do it. Mistoffelees closed his eyes and shuffled onto his back before taking her paw in his and drawing a deep breath...
…
...everything was very dark all of a sudden.
In the distance, two figures began to appear across from him. They were talking about something, no, arguing about something. As the figures got larger, it became apparent that they were familiar. By the time they got very close, Mistoffelees recognised them as Tantomile and Pouncival, though things were different.
For one thing, Pouncival still had his whiskers.
It made Mistoffelees remember the night it had happened, that first bout of anger and self-destruction that caused the Pouncival to turn on himself, to rip out parts of his fur, his whiskers...
Mistoffelees shuddered. Focus, now. Tantomile was showing him this for a reason. He began to look at the figures and allow himself to get sucked into the memory, to be able to experience it as it happened. To switch off his consciousness and fall into the thoughts and figures around him, to experience it as though he was there...
It was as though he was watching a film. He didn't exist anymore, just the two cats talking, arguing in their den...
…
...Tantomile was angry.
"You have to eat, Pounce! For the love of God, you have to eat!"
Pouncival was angry too.
"You don't own me! Stop pretending that you do!"
Pouncival didn't like this. He didn't like the shouting. He didn't like the loud noises. He didn't like the fact that they were mad at each other because it wasn't fair. How could it be fair, how could anything even be fair anymore I mean come on, after what had happened, that was it. Life wasn't going to be fair anymore. He knew that. Life wasn't fair. Life was mean and cruel and sadistic and he just had to put up with that. Why couldn't she just accept that and move on?
"Don't be ridiculous." Tantomile snapped. "The fact is, I can't watch you starve yourself." Pouncival tried to interrupt but she wouldn't let him, instead her voice cracked a little as she said: "You know that I love you too much to watch that happen."
For a moment, there was a pause. Neither cat spoke. Pouncival looked down at his body, considering his fur and thin physique before responding. "If you love me half as much as you say you do, how come you keep saying such horrible things to me?"
Tantomile growled audibly, frustrated and angered by his childishness. "It's not a horrible thing to say, it's just a fact!" She threw her arms up in the air in frustration. "Look at your stomach! Look at your chest! I can see your ribs, you look like you're starving to death!"
Pouncival pressed his paws against his own chest, pushing back on his ribs. "You think I care? I don't care. Who am I trying to impress anymore? Mum? Dad? Tumble? Here's a newsflash for you – they're all gone." His voice cracked as he said those last three words. He felt like breaking down but couldn't, instead he yelled in frustration.
"They're all dead!" He yelled again as he reached out and gripped Tantomile's arm. "I watched them die. I watched Macavity kill them, I watched him murder them."
Tantomile looked as though she was about to cry. She moved forwards sharply and tried to hug Pouncival, but he pushed her away and released her arm.
"Don't act like you know how I feel, because you don't. Did you watch someone slice your mother's throat? Did you watch someone stab your father until he stopped screaming? Did you watch someone break your best friend's ankles and drag him off after promising to eat him? No? Didn't think so." Pouncival was crying.
Tantomile shook her head softly. She couldn't imagine what that would feel like, to see Coricopat hurt in that way. To have to imagine Cori being eaten, to live with that image every day... she couldn't imagine it. It was too hard. "If this is what you need baby..." she started, a few tears beginning to fall down her cheeks. "If you need to yell at me to get better, you can. I want you to know that. You can scream at me all you like, if it will make you feel better."
Pouncival was again taken aback by this. He didn't really have a good response. "I just don't feel like eating." He said sharply, his voice falling completely flat as he dropped down and sat on the floor. "I don't feel like doing anything. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I don't mean to. I don't want to do anything to hurt you... but they're gone, Tants. They're all gone. And now I just feel like sitting here until I stop."
Tantomile gasped sharply as her eyes welled up. "Oh, Pounce..." she came over and kneeled in front of him. "Please don't say things like that. We talked about this. You promised you would stop saying things like that." She couldn't stop herself from crying.
Pouncival shook his head as he looked at the floor. He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "You don't understand. Stop pretending like you could even possibly slightly understand."
Tantomile could almost feel her heart being ripped to shreds. "Please..." she said quietly as she reached out to hold him. Pouncival didn't resist this time though, he allowed himself to fall into her embrace. She drew a deep breath and exhaled a sigh of relief, her arms wrapped tightly around his chest as Pouncival rested his head on her shoulder. His arms wrapped around her back as well, creating a tight embrace.
"I love you." Pouncival said softly. He closed his eyes.
"I love you too, Pounce." Tantomile looked terribly sad. She closed her eyes too before placing a small kiss on his lips. "We will get through this, together. I promise you that I will help you through this, I will make sure of it." She gave him a half-smile.
Pouncival opened his eyes to look into hers. He responded well to her words, but was still visibly dejected. Compared to the Pouncival that Mistoffelees was used to seeing, this was an improvement. But compared to the Pouncival that he knew four or five years ago, the Pouncival that he was friends with as a kitten, the happy-go-lucky backflips, unicorns and rainbows kitten... this was painful to watch.
What was making this even harder for Mistoffelees to watch was the fact that he was beginning to feel some unexpected emotions. A pang of jealousy came from watching them embrace, anger from watching them kiss. What was the purpose of this? To remind him that she was technically still in a relationship? She needed to let that go. Pouncival wasn't even... wait, no, that wasn't it. Was this to show him something else? The memory was continuing...
"I will always love you." Tantomile moved to kiss Pouncival on the lips again, but he pulled away slightly. There was an awkward moment before he shifted away from her entirely, breaking the embrace and looking at the ground. "I'm sorry." Pouncival said as he let out a visible shudder. "I'm not ready."
Tantomile tried to speak but he cut her off, glancing up and into her eyes, a look of desperation painted on his face. "After what happened to my parents..." he paused and took a few breaths before continuing. "I'm not ready to feel anything other than sadness. I'm not ready to kiss you, I'm not ready to be intimate with you, I can't do it, I'm sorry but I just can't do it-"
Everything went black.
Mistoffelees felt a cold shiver as he looked around, he could see himself once more... yet he couldn't see anything else. The images in front of him had completely vanished, the whole scene gone into thin air as though it hadn't happened in the first place. He suddenly felt rather cold and rubbed his arms to try and warm up, but it didn't help. He was back into his physical form, it felt as though he had somehow been teleported into a dungeon. A pitch black dungeon.
Everything was getting a bit scary.
He calmed himself, assuring himself that this kind of thing just happens sometimes with magic. After all, Mistoffelees was a magical cat himself. Though he had never experienced anything like this before, he just assumed that it was a kind of magical limbo and that it would sort itself out sooner rather than later. He would wake up beside Tantomile and everything would be fine. He had to believe that, because he didn't like this one bit.
And then he smelled something.
Something... putrid. Dirty, dank, wet and abhorrent. It made his whole body convulse.
"I'm not afraid." He said firmly, turning in a full circle to try and see something, but there was nothing there. Mistoffelees was beginning to get very afraid, despite his claims otherwise. He didn't like being alone, he had never liked being alone.
And yet he was about to wish that he was alone.
Macavity was there.
"I will kill you!" Mistoffelees yelled as he made flames appear in his paws, but they snuffed out instantly. He tried making ice to throw but that melted in moments, he tried summoning all kinds of things to throw at the ginger cat in front of him, but nothing worked. His magic was not working properly.
"Now, normally I wouldn't bother with this kind of visit," Macavity spoke in his raw voice, the words oozing from his mouth. "But I heard you tell my Tantomile that you love her. And I'm afraid that there's only room for one tom in this world to love her, and that cat is me." He grinned a gleaming yellow grin, showing off his fangs as a sign of dominance.
Mistoffelees stepped forward, measuring up the tom in front of him. This wasn't good, not at all. His only form of defence was his magic, with that not working he was defenceless. Worse still, the pure hatred he felt for the ginger tom... Mistoffelees hissed.
"I told her I love her too much to watch her starve to death, that's slightly different." Several realisations hit Mistoffelees at once, not least that the point of the memory she had shown him was to highlight that conversation. To show him what had happened to Pouncival, to show him that she needed to eat too, that Pouncival had done the exact same thing.
More pertinently, the cat in front of him was most definitely Macavity. Bright red fur, white streaks and untamed everything. He was about twice the size of Mistoffelees, which absolutely frightened him. The whole sight was terrifying.
But more than anything, it struck him that Macavity had called Tantomile 'his'. He had spoken as if he owned her, which filled Mistoffelees with even more anger and hatred than he had before. "Tantomile is not yours." Mistoffelees growled. "And if you had listened to the whole conversation, you would have heard me vow to kill you. So say your final goodbyes to whatever satanic demon you pray to, because I'm going to rip your head off." He hissed loudly and bared his claws.
Macavity rolled his eyes with indifference. He really didn't seem bothered, but when Mistoffelees showed his claws it made the ginger tom spring into action. With a glance of his eyes, Mistoffelees froze into place. "You're in my domain, kitten." He purred before approaching so they were face-to-face. "And in my domain, I have the control. If I want you unable to move, you won't be able to move. If I want to gift you with some pain, I will."
Macavity brought his paws up to Mistoffelees' face. He tried to struggle, but found that movement was completely impossible. Even speech was impossible, all he could do was stand there like a toy for Macavity to play with, which absolutely terrified Mistoffelees. This wasn't right, this wasn't fair...
Macavity gribbed two of Mistoffelees' whiskers, one in each paw. He then leaned forwards and pressed their noses together, laughing quietly as he rubbed noses with the other tom. "I do feel slightly sorry to have to intrude on whatever vision you were having before. Then again, I probably don't feel half as sorry as you will be in a few minutes." Suddenly he ripped his paws apart, tearing the whiskers from Mistoffelees' face. He flicked his paw, magically allowing Mistoffelees movement so that the tom would collapse to the floor, gripping his face as blood stained his fur. Macavity held the whiskers he had so cruelly torn from the tom's face and rolled them between his fingers.
"The funny thing is, all of this isn't real." Macavity laughed as he drove a powerful kick deep into Mistoffelees' belly. "And yet, the pain is real. It all genuinely hurts as though it was really happening to you, doesn't it?" He kicked Mistoffelees in the gut again before bearing the claws on his foot. "You should feel blessed, this will end soon and you will still have your whiskers... but I'll be back. I'll be back to do this to you as long as you keep pestering my Tantomile." He drove a powerful kick into Mistoffelees' gut again, this time slashing across with his claws to draw further blood.
Mistoffelees screamed out in pain as he rolled on the floor, one paw covering his bloody face and the other holding his gut. The pain was unbearable. Yet he knew now why Macavity was doing this. He knew and he laughed. Everything was beginning to feel warm. Even though everything hurt and he could feel the blood leaving his body, it all became rather funny to him. Macavity growled. "What's so funny?!" He spat on the tom, a ferocious anger burning in his eyes. "Why are you laughing? You should be in agony!" He drove another kick into the tom's gut, again slicing him with his sharp claws.
"You're in love!" Mistoffelees yelled as he forced out another laugh, the pain obvious in his broken voice. Yet there was no longer a cold draft, instead it was replaced by warmth, as if he could feel arms around his body. "You're in love with Tantomile, that's why you hurt Pouncival, that's why you're hurting me!" Macavity growled louder. Mistoffelees just laughed again. "You know what's funnier? She will never like you. She will never even think about you. You'll waste your life and never feel what it's like to really kiss her, to really feel her-"
Macavity jumped on top of the tom and screamed a terrifying scream to cut him off before biting into his neck. The fiery red tom screeched in anger as he slashed across Mistoffelees' face, causing the tom to scream in pain, terrible, debilitating, fierce and awful and gone.
There was light.
Mistoffelees wasn't screaming anymore.
When he opened his eyes fully, he was greeted to the sight of Tantomile, who was holding him tightly. The queen was sat against the wall with Mistoffelees held against her, her arms wrapped very tightly around his frame and his head pressed against her chest.
Mistoffelees was panting. His heart was pounding as he brought his paws up to his face, feeling his whiskers. They were all there. He felt his neck, his gut, his face... no wounds. He was fine. Physically fine.
Tantomile kissed the tom on the top of his head. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "He must have got to you, too."
Mistoffelees didn't break the embrace for a little while as he tried to come to terms with what had just happened. It was a harrowing experience. The image of Macavity fixed fiercely in his head, of being overpowered and beaten so brutally...
He pulled away from Tantomile slightly so that he could sit upright and look her in the eyes. Could he tell her? Macavity wanted her, she needed to be warned... but the ramifications of it all were brutal. If Macavity was only doing all of this to get to Tantomile, it made her directly responsible for what happened to Pouncival. Mistoffelees could deal with what he'd seen – hell, he'd had far worse nightmares – but could Tantomile deal with the truth? After what she had been through today, probably not. He made a decision.
"Thank you for showing me what you showed me." Mistoffelees said quietly, before placing his paws on Tantomile's shoulders. "You don't need to be afraid. That won't happen to you... you won't turn into him."
Tantomile looked as though she were about to cry, but quickly she shook her head. "Forget about the memory. You were screaming for almost five minutes. Five whole, real minutes of screams... of sobs..." She lifted her paws and placed them on his arms, before moving his paws from her shoulders so they could hold paws together. "You were screaming these awful, terrible screams. You cried into my chest. It was Macavity."
Mistoffelees made a loud sobbing noise as he looked away, but Tantomile squeezed his paws and he looked at her again. "Don't be afraid." Tantomile said sternly as looked at him. "Whatever he did to you, it's over. You're safe now."
"He killed me." Mistoffelees said quietly as he looked at her, breathing slowly in an attempt to avoid tears. He couldn't understand what was happening. The pain he had felt... it was terrible. Such fierce pain that he had never felt before. All of that coupled with the feeling of dying, the feeling of life being sucked from his body, the feeling of death. That was why he had woken up. He died. "I was helpless and he murdered me."
Mistoffelees felt tears running down his cheeks. This wasn't supposed to happen. He looked Tantomile in the eyes as he began to cry, which only served a terrible purpose – he watched teardrops form in her beautiful eyes and fall down her cheeks as well. For a brief moment, they simply held paws and cried, not needing to speak. They had both been physically abused by Macavity. On that day, they had both been victims.
Both had been taken to the brink of a terrible experience, yet they had helped each other through it. Tantomile felt that she couldn't stand physical contact, yet with this tom she felt safe. Mistoffelees had just felt his life slip away, he had internally begged for death just to stop the pain that Macavity had inflicted on him. He had only been able to get through it because Tantomile held him, he assumed that was why he had felt so warm.
In that moment, he leaned forwards and the pair embraced in a warm hug. A hug so comforting that as they shifted their heads and their cheeks brushed, everything began to feel safe. As Mistoffelees nuzzled Tantomile's cheek, she no longer felt sad. As she ran her paw through his fur, he no longer felt scared.
As they shut their eyes and began to accept what was happening, they both felt an overwhelming warmth rush through their bodies. Neither cat was crying anymore as their lips met and their overpowering emotions caused them to share a terrible decision - a soft, tender kiss.
