Chapter 3: The New Rachel
The next day found me curled into Erik's arms at his house after school. We were in his living room, me in my Cheerios uniform and he in his letterman jacket, as per usual. The TV was on in the background but neither of us really paid attention to it.
Erik was kissing my neck and trying to get me to kiss him back but my mind was still preoccupied with the idea of joining Glee club. I took a deep breath and pushed him back, repositioning my body from my back being pressed to his chest to being faced towards him.
"Erik, I have a question. . . You can't judge me for it though- or tell anyone," I took a deep breath and took his hand in mine. He might be the only person who won't slushie me one day if I join Glee so I have to talk to him about it first. "I'm thinking about joining the Glee Club."
There was silence. My eyes were focused on our hands so I couldn't see Erik's face. My body tightened as the silence grew, expecting him to start yelling or break up with me. He was one of the biggest bullies of the Glee club members, taking huge joys in giving Glee members slushie faces.
When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet and subdued, "Why?" He didn't move his hands out of mine, which I took as a good sign, even though my heart was sinking into a pool of fear.
"When I sing, everything is easy and simple. It's like everything in the world is right and true. Songs can say what I never want to say. They can say the most beautiful and the most painful of things. The Glee kids accept me as I am and I don't have to pretend with them," I answered truthfully. I took a deep breath and bit my lip, unable to look up into his eyes.
A silence began again as he thought it over. I could feel his gaze on my body but I couldn't look him in the eye, afraid of what I would see. I didn't want to lose him. His hands were warm under mine but they weren't welcoming anymore. They seemed foreign and yet the only familiar part of Erik to me in this moment.
"What if they don't accept you, Valerie? What if when they get to know you, they truly realize how much of a bitch you are and won't talk to you? Then you're an outcast in two groups. You belong with the cheerleaders and football players, not with the loser Glee kids. You can't live in two worlds," he said slowly, each word carefully planned.
He was right. He voiced my main fears for joining Glee club: What if they don't like the real me? I took a deep breath and finally raised my head to meet his eyes. They held absolutely nothing in their swirling brown depths. No anger, no pity, no sympathy, no love. They were blank, maybe thoughtful.
"I want to sing, Erik. I want to be in Glee club. Let me show you," I whispered and got up off the couch. I grabbed my iPhone off the coffee table and put it on the dock, beginning a song on the speakers.
"Just listen, Erik."
"I asked her to stay/ But she wouldn't listen/ And she left before I had the chance to say/ The words that would mend/ The things that were broken/ But now it's far too late; she's gone away," I sang to him, my eyes pleading with him to understand the connection I have with the music.
I came towards him, kneeling on the ground in front of him on the couch and took his hands in mine, "It's not over tonight/ Just give me one more chance to make it right/ I may not make it through the night/ I won't go home without you."
I rose to my feet and tugged lightly on his hands in the hope that he would stand. If I could just get him to understand how much I needed him to understand what I was going through, for him to be okay with me joining Glee club.
"Of all the things I felt but never really shown/ Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go/ I should not ever let you go, oh, oh, oh. . ." I finished the song, shorter than I expected. I twined my fingers in his, watching his face for any sort of reaction. Anything that would indicate whether I will be feeling pain or joy next.
The song had left complete silence behind in it's wake. Finally Erik's voice cut through the air and broke the fragile silence between us, "You should go home, Valerie." He pulled away from me and left the room, leaving me brokenhearted and alone.
The next day, I almost expected a slushie in the face. I expected Erik to ruin my life because of what I told him last night. I didn't see him for the first four hours of the day. After Physics, when I went to my locker, I was about to shut it when I saw Erik walking down the hall. He had a slushie in his hand, cherry flavored. His eyes were fixed on me.
He was going to slushie me.
Panic filled me. I've never had a slushie in my face; I was always the one giving the slushie facial. I took deep breaths, ready for the attack. He was so close now, I could see the rigidness in his shoulders.
I took a deep breath and held it, going rigid in anticipation of the cold pain that would come from the slushie (or so I'd heard from the slushied Rachel last year). As the seconds ticked by with nothing happening, I almost opened my ears. The quiet rustle of Erik's letterman made me squeeze my eyes shut tighter.
I gasped in shock when I felt something warm touch my lips. Erik's lips pushed at mine, begging for attention. His tongue ran along my lips and I laughed in relief. I opened my eyes as Erik pulled away and smiled at him as he leaned against my locker. He held out the slushie to me, "Here, you can drink it or slushie someone."
I took the drink from his hand and looked at it then back to him, "So. . ."
"I didn't know what I needed to do. Glee is full of losers. I wanted to know if I could slushie you," he took a deep breath and stroked a piece of hair away from my face. "I could never slushie you, Val. I love you."
I lifted my hand to his, holding his hand against my cheek, "I love you too." I twined my fingers with him and we started walking down the hall, hand in hand. "So you're okay with me being in Glee club?"
He smiled at me and stopped me in the halls, taking my hands in his, "One step better: I'm joining with you."
"So everyone, give a round of applause to Erik Tucker and Valerie West, who are auditioning for Glee club this year," the adviser, Will Schuester, said in front of the choir kids, clapping. There were three familiar faces in the crowd: Brittany Pierce because of cheerleading, Audree Tucker because she's Erik's little sister, and Blaine Anderson because of our duet two days ago.
Brittany seems to not be interested in the two of us auditioning while Audree looks astonished and pissed, the former because her brother is trying out and the latter because me, who judged her so harshly, am trying. Lastly, Blaine is smiling wider than anything else. As the music to the song begins, Blaine sends me thumbs up.
Mr Schuester told Erik and I that we had to sing a duet for auditions, to save time. Eleven people's are on us as Erik and I get ready to sing in front of an audience, something I've never done.
"Let's run away, from these lies/ Back to yesterday/ Safe tonight/ I feel the sun creepin' up like tick tock/I'll try to keep you in my head, but if not/ We'll just keep running from tomorrow," I began the song, walking around Erik as I sang, pulling him with my eyes. I smiled at him seductively at him.
Erik took a deep breath and, for the first time in front of me, sang, "With our lips locked/ Yeah, you've got me begging, begging." He sang better than I'd ever expected him to. Not as well as Blaine did in our duet and he was more awkward when singing.
"Baby please don't go/ If I wake up tomorrow, will you still be here/ I don't know, if you feel the way I do/ If you leave I'm going to find you," We sang together and it was pleasing to here. My finger lightly touched his chin and ran along it, pulling his lips down towards me. Just before the kiss, I turned away and continued the song, teasing him.
"Baby please don't run away from my bed/ Start another day instead," I smiled at him from across the choir room, watching him as the music wrapped us in another world.
"Baby please don't go, go, go, go. . ." Erik sang in the background as I sang the next part of the song, "I feel the sun creepin' up like tick tock/ I'll try to keep you in my head but if not/ We'll just keep running from tomorrow/ With our lips locked/ You've got me begging, begging/ If I wake up tomorrow, will you still be here?/ I don't know, if you feel the way I do/ If you leave I'm going to find you."
"Baby please don't go. . ." We sang the last line together, our bodies pressed close as the world held only the two of us. Around us, we heard applause and I shook my head slightly and finally noticed again that there were people watching us sing. I blushed lightly at how close Erik and I were.
Other students began to stand and I smiled at the standing ovation. Mr Schuester laughed and clapped, "I guess that's a pretty sure answer. You guys are officially part of Glee club!" I took Erik's hand in mine and held it above our hands, smiling at everyone.
From the fresh round of applause, I saw wheelchair kid lean over to Blaine not even a foot from where I stood. Even though it was a whisper, I still heard what he said, "She is the new Rachel. She's better than Rachel ever was, almost."
Songs in this chapter:
"Won't Go Home Without You" by Maroon 5
"Please Don't Go" by Mike Posner
