"Me? In the army? Oh no no no no no! This simply won't do. I wouldn't want to be caught dead in those horrible outfits! Especially if we're going to be attack Celestia! Which brings me to my second point; I don't want to attack Celestia!" Rarity complained, her face a look of pure agony. Discord wasn't fooled. He had no empathy for the posh pony. She reminded him too much of his mother. Discord snapped his fingers. With a loud cracking noise and a puff of smoke, Rarity's muzzle was transformed into a zipper. She pawed or, more accurately, hoofed at the zipper in a desperate attempt to get it off. Sadly, her lack of digits impeded her in this task.

"Listen up, my dear Rarity. You will attack Celestia. And you will wear the uniform. I made it myself!" Discord said with pride as he held up a horribly-sewn army jacket, buttons and zippers placed in places that don't need buttoning or zipping. Even the colors were messed up, a constantly swirling blob that seemed to attack the eyes. Poor Hoity Toity would have a heart attack. It was as chaotic as the being that created it.

"If you don't do as I say, Rare-bear, I'll let a certain friend of yours deal with you." Discord snapped his fingers. In a poof, Tom Dan appeared, his sunglasses reflecting beams of light all over the place. You may ask yourself, dear reader, why Tom Dan needs the glasses. To be honest? He doesn't. It just gives him a false sense of authority. Well, it would, if he could have feelings. Discord snapped his fingers again, giving the rock arms, legs, and thought. Then he snapped his fingers for a third time, making it loyal to him. It looked to him, or at least to his general direction, and saluted. Rarity cringed instinctively.

"Are we agreed?" Discord glared at her, as did Rainbow Dash. Tom tried to glare, but ended up looking in the wrong direction. "You're supposed to be glaring at Rarity, Dan! Not at a tree! What did that tree ever do to you?" Discord's eyes filled with rage. Tom Dan pointed to the tree. "Dammit, Dan! Stop pointing at the…" He stopped, mid-sentence.

"Hey, dweebs! Prepare to die!" Gilda growled. She was flanked by Flutterbitch, and a bunch of random griffons and ponies, all armed with a makeshift weapon of some kind. And that wasn't just a tree that they were standing on.

"Bloomberg! You're alive?" Applejack shouted. The tree waved. "Wait, you can move? On your own? What the hay! Are you an ent now?"

Discord snapped his fingers, arming his ragtag group with weapons. Applejack got a machine-gun mounted on her back. Pinkie Pie got knives, which she held in her teeth. She also got explosive cupcakes. Rarity didn't get anything. She didn't need anything. Her horn was enough.

"Charge!" Rainbow Dash Yelled. She made a beeline for her former best friend, and bro-hoofed her right in the beak. It broke.

"Dashy, what the hay are you doing? Are you insane? Discord is evil!" Gilda shouted. She struggled to be heard above the chaos of the battle. Suddenly, a muffin splattered violently against her head. Blueberries and crumbs noq, littered the battlefield. Gilda turned around, "Dammit Derpy! No! Not me! Hit them!" She pointed.

"Tonight! We dine! On muffins!" The blonde mare yelled as she charged into battle, her eyes trying their best to stay focused.

Gilda sighed. "Heh, classic Derpy for you." She looked back at Rainbow Dash. "Dash?" She was cut short by Rainbow Dash cannonballing towards her. Time seemed to grind to a halt. Her eyes widened, and she tried to fly out of the way. But she wasn't quick enough.

Rainbow Dash slammed Gilda to the ground. The griffon hit the earth and left a crater, yet miraculously survived. She was too dazed to get up, so she just laid there. She figured it was safe, seeing as Rainbow Dash had flown incredibly high up in the air. Gilda couldn't see her anymore.. Suddenly, she was blinded by a flash of multi-colored light and was deafened by a boom. The blood-curdling scream that came from her beak was the last noise she ever made. Seconds later, Rainbow Dash crashed into her, living up to her embarrassing nickname. The griffon exploded feathers and blood going everywhere. Rainbow Dash looked up from the bloody site and scanned for her next target, eyes narrow and jaw set. She was terrifying looking. Her once well-groomed mane was covered with blood, and her flank had all sorts of scratches and wounds.

Discord was standing off to the side, decked out in a full cheerleading uniform. He looked surprisingly attractive. Sure, he wasn't that good of a cheerer, but it would have to do.

Tom Dan and Bloomberg were locked in a surprisingly epic struggle. Every swing thrown by Tom was effortlessly dodged by his tree adversary. However, the tree was getting sloppy. His movements slowed ever so slightly, too slight for most ponies to notice. However, Applejack wasn't like most ponies. Time seemed to slow down as she rushed towards her dearest friend. Bloomberg was always there for her. She remembered back to her days as a filly, back when Bloomberg was her only friend. He listened to her. He was her shoulder to cry on, even though he was very rough on the skin and had no shoulders. She wasn't going to let him die. It wasn't going to happen anytime soon. And certainly not by a rock! Tree's make paper, and, as we all know, paper beats rock!

Discord stared, his jaw so wide that you could probably step into it, as Applejack dove in between the fighting forces of nature, and kicked the rock as hard as she could.

"Get the fuck offa my friend!" Applejack yelled, beating the rock with her hooves and screaming obscenities. She quickly regained her composure. "We don't need to kill 'em. He could jus' be onna our hostage's."

Discord seemed to like this idea. He smiled, showing dagger-sharp teeth and a disregard for mental hygiene, and snapped his fingers. Bloomberg was suddenly bound and shackled. Tom Dan dragged him over to his master. Applejack smiled and turned back to the battle, her machine-gun firing as fast as she could make it fire. "Yee-haw!" she yelled, filled with the sort of enthusiasm one finds in a young child. Everypony who was unfortunate enough to be in her line of fire was transformed into a red mist.

Whilst Applejack was going on her rampage, Pinkie Pie was skipping across the battlefield. In her mind, or what little of it she had left, she had decided that a battle was a lot like a giant party! Suddenly, music started. "Oh! This is my jam!" Pinkie shouted. Nobody heard her. She started dancing on the battlefield, jerking her head violently. Her knife was accidentally stabbing anybody who got too close. The music started to swell, it's once graceful sound morphing into something hectic and demonic. She looked up and waved. "Hi! Hello Fluttershy! Hiya!" She waved frantically until she got the other pony's attention. "I'm so glad you could make it to my party!" She reached down to her belt and grabbed a cupcake grenade. "Here. Have a cupcake!" She threw it at Flutterbitch.

Pinkie, being in her delusional state, didn't realize that she was throwing a grenade at her best friend. She honestly thought it was a cupcake, and she loved cupcakes! Cupcakes were her favorite sugary sweet.

Flutterbitch panicked, seeing the grenade fly towards her at a surprisingly fast speed. She tried to move out of the way, but she couldn't seem to move. It was as if a weight was holding her down. She struggled against the invisible bonds, but to no avail. She just stood there, awaiting her fate. Her world ended in an explosion of fire and confetti (which soon caught on fire).

With Flutterbitch and Gilda dead, the remaining troops scattered. Those who could escape were lucky. The prisoners of war, on the other hand, weren't. Discord had managed to snag Doctor Whooves and Derpy, and a bunch of other ponies. Discord had won, or so he thought. He snapped his fingers and poofed his hostages and his troops back to the base.

Lyra, Bon-bon, Octavia, Vinyl-Scratch, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders climbed out of the bushes they were hiding in. They had managed to avoid the battle. Not due to cowardice, however, but because they knew that they would be slayed. They hurried away from the scene of the battle and regrouping at Sweet Apple Acres, where they started to formulate a plan. They were going to get the prisoners back!

Phew, that was a doozy to write. This fanfic is getting bigger than I thought it would, and we aren't even in Canterlot yet! I honestly do need advice now. Constructive criticism or praise is wanted. Hope you guys are enjoying this! Chapter 4's gonna be mainly about the resistance fighters.