"Was it…obvious?"

Obvious. Obvious? Madeleine certainly did not remember ever dating that prick. She fidgeted in her seat ever so slightly, hoping for Gilbert to take notice of her confused disposition. Gilbert only responded by gripping her hand tighter. The duo locked eyes for a split second before torrents of gossips clawed at their ears.

"What?" one girl demanded, "Gilbert was supposed to be my future husband." Would anyone like to guess what level of stalker she is?

"They're so damn adorable together!"

"How could he go for a girl like her? She's as flat as a board…"

"Oh my god, she's totes lucky!"

Elizaveta herself was beaming, chuckling to herself. The crowd quieted down as she spoke up. "So, you guys are a couple inside and outside of the productions. Tell me, Madeleine, how do you deal with someone like him?" Madeleine could have sworn that Elizaveta had put an emphasis on guys.

All eyes turned to Madeleine. Gilbert beckoned for her to answer by releasing the crushing grip from her hand.

Well, Madeleine never felt so screwed in her life. And not the wrong kind of screwed, mind you. "I…" Just go with it, Madeleine reviewed mentally, just act like you expected whatever the hell is going on. She allowed for herself to undergo a complete change in character, a hint of smirking gracing her cardinal lips.

"Actually, I don't really need to deal with him and his PMS-ing phases." She covered her mouth in shock as everyone laughed. "Oh my, did I say that out loud? I just let the squirt bottle do all the work whenever he blurts out something inappropriate."

The crowd roared with laughter as Gilbert pouted. "And to this day she still treats me like I'm the ugly duckling out of the bunch."

Elizaveta smiled fondly at the two. "Squirt bottles are for cats, dear," she said to Gilbert. She turned to the camera. "Why don't we go on commercial break while I teach Gilbert the difference between ugly ducklings and cats? We'll have more on this lovely couple and their upcoming episodes they'll be filming when we get back."

Madeleine dragged Gilbert backstage as soon as the cameras stopped filming. "Gilbert sweetie," she stated calmly as some workers watched her manhandling of Gilbert in amazement, "would you please tell me what the hell is going on?"

Gilbert only shrugged her panic off. "Relax. We're not actually dating. Ludwig told me to do it for the publicity," he stated. A sly grin made its way to his face. "You should feel honored, you know, because you're dating me." Cocky boy.

"Honored? Oh, sure; I'm honored to be fake dating a guy who doesn't know the difference between ducks and cats. Why didn't you tell me that you were going to do it?" She glared accusingly at him. Well played, Madeleine, well played.

"You know, Madeleine your eyes aren't violet. They're violent," Gilbert joked. He put his hands up in surrender. "All right, all right. I must have forgotten to tell you…" He attempted to feign innocence, even going so far as to twiddle with his thumbs. He wasn't an actor for nothing, I suppose.

"You—"

They broke eye contact when someone yelled out that they had one minute left until the show started up again. Gilbert turned around, readying himself to walk back onstage. A heavy silence endowed the pair.

"I knew you would refuse." The serious tone of Gilbert's voice startled Madeleine, who could only stare as he walked back onstage. "I was testing you," he continued, "to see if you deserved the title of an actress." He disappeared in the bustle of the backstage crew.

"But I don't," Madeleine whispered, "I don't deserve the title of an actress."

"Reputation is an idle and most false imposition; oft got without merit, and lost without deserving," Elizaveta recited behind her. Though she was around Madeleine's age, her eyes offered breathtaking wisdom. "William Shakespeare," she credited as Madeleine whirled around. "It's my favorite quote. How has your day been?"

"It's been wonderful," said Madeleine. Her words were hollow, only the slightest drop of sincerity laced through her reply.

Elizaveta sighed in sympathy. "Don't fool yourself trying to fool others."

Madeleine's eyes could only widen. She looked down, suddenly finding the conversation awkward. "You know, then."

"I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you," Madeleine breathed, watching Elizaveta waltz back onstage.

Elizaveta paused. "Don't mind Gilbert. He's always been like that. I can tell that he really does care for you."

"But we hate each other."

"They hate only because they love." She laughed as Madeleine blushed.


The interview had been a complete success, especially Gilbert and Madeleine's portion of the show. There were a few slip-ups, like Natalya frightening half of the female viewers with her deadly glare, but Antonio managed to keep Lovino's haughty attitude to a minimum. The limousine ride back for Alfred, Francis, and Arthur, however, was nothing above awkward.

"I cannot believe you," Arthur grumbled. He loosened his red tie, debating whether or not he should strangle Alfred with it.

"Aw, come on, Artie, it wasn't a big deal, just a minor slip. You know you still love me." Alfred winked. He slid further down the seat, reaching over Arthur to retrieve a wine glass to pour champagne into.

Arthur looked confused. "Love you? Has hell already frozen over?" He grabbed the glass of champagne from Alfred before the latter could indulge in it. "Minor slip? Alfred, you actually slipped. Onto me." He poured the glass of champagne back into the bottle, corking it and holding it out of Alfred's reach.

"My champagne…" Alfred reached for the bottle of alcohol, pouting as Arthur made it impossible to attain. "Don't deny that you didn't like it, Artie. Half the girls were screaming their heads off." He tried his luck again to get the bottle.

Arthur blushed, muttering twat. They wrestled for the bottle of champagne and somehow ended up in the same situation as earlier in the interview, with Alfred pinning Arthur to the seat in a quite compromising position that very much gave off an intimate vibe.

"For god's sake," Francis complained, "though I do like making amour, I do not enjoy watching amour." He flipped his hair overdramatically. "Please keep your hormones down until the limousine ride is over."

Alfred and Arthur swiftly sat up, their faces flushed, and the bottle of champagne long forgotten. They refused to make eye contact with one another.

"And now there is sexual tension in the air. Quite surprising for Arthur, the womaniz—" Francis was forced to stop, you know, considering the fact that Alfred had socked him in the stomach. "Mon dieu," Francis managed to cough out. "You do not have to take your sexual frustrations out on me—"

"—that way," he added as an afterthought. "I would quite enjoy the other way." He winked at Alfred before Arthur promptly punched him in the gut. "Dieu, you two punch hard," Francis whimpered, cradling his injured abdomen.

"You two react so violently when jealous," Francis stated. He saw Arthur and Alfred glaring at him dangerously. "I said the wrong thing again, didn't I?"

Yes Francis, you did. Adieu, my friend.


Alfred was stepping out of the limousine when he saw Madeleine.

"Madeleine," Alfred called out to his sibling in the parking lot, "since when were you guys dating?" He quickly caught up to her. When Madeleine's response was quickening her pace, he kept talking. "Didn't I tell you to have a relationship with no strings attached—"

"D-don't," Madeleine said, her teeth chattering, "don't even, Alfred."

"Whoa. Hey, why are you soaked?"

Indeed, Madeleine was soaked to the bone. Madeleine only shook her head, cradling herself with her arms in an attempt for warmth. It was then that Alfred noticed Gilbert trailing behind them.

"What happened?" Alfred asked.

Gilbert shrugged, grinning. "There was a hot tub in our limo. I told her not to go in, but she did."

Madeleine quickly turned around. "That's complete bullsh—"

"So when did you guys start dating?" Alfred cut in; oblivious that Gilbert was spewing nonsense.

"Well," Gilbert said, "when she finally found the balls to ask me out—"

Madeleine quickly turned back around, effectively slapping Gilbert with her soaked hair in the process, thus shutting him up. "Shut up, Gilbert," she ordered in a singsong voice.

Alfred looked at Gilbert in amazement as he shut up. "Dude, she's got you whipped."

Ludwig, already at the entrance, spotted them and waved them over. His eyebrows raised in question as he took notice of Madeleine's current state. He quickly ordered an assistant to grab some towels. The assistant quickly ran back, handing a large towel to Madeleine as she stepped into the building.

"Did it have something to do with Gilbert?" Ludwig asked.

Madeleine nodded, shivering. Ludwig shook his head, muttering something in German.

"Anyway, Gilbert, Madeleine, the producers wanted me to show you something." He began to walk in the opposite direction towards one of the meeting rooms. Madeleine and Gilbert took this as a signal to follow him. By then, Alfred had gone off to bug Arthur.

In the meeting room, Gilbert watched as Ludwig pulled out a laptop and turned it on.

"I think you need to see this."

Ludwig opened the Internet Explorer, quickly making two tabs for the websites Twitter and Facebook. Ludwig quickly typed in Gilbert Beilschmidt on Twitter, and pointed to the messages.

((read from top comment down))

MileyCyrusGurly How could MY Gilbert be dating that fake whore?

Less than 5 seconds ago from web

Iwntmypuppies IKR :((( Damn her. I bet that Madeleine forced him to like go out with her. Bithc.

Less than 5 seconds ago from web

MileyCyrusGurly Ur nickname's ridiculous.

Less than 3 seconds ago from web

Iwantmypuppies You shouldn't be talking.

Less than 2 seconds ago from web

Baileen WHYY IS GILBERT DATING THAT BITCH? I DON'T BELIEVE IT

Less than 1 second ago from web

Roygbiv I know I know. I bet she's not dating him

Less than 1 second ago from web

Baileen If she breaks Gilbert's heart I'm gonna kill herr grrr

Less than 1 second ago from web

Itsbritneybitch I bet you theyre not dating. Gilbert's, like, always denied to liking her

Less than 1 second ago from web

Iceee Ya me too

Less than 1 second ago from web

Popcorn_ Methinks they're faking it. Don't worry soon they'll break up

Less than 1 second ago from web

Lalaloopsy Ya. GILBERTTT IS MAH MATCH FROM HEAVEN SO ITS OBS THAT HES NOT DATNIG HRE

Less than 1 second ago from web

Landofthehotttiess GILBERT WOULDN'T DATE A BITCH WHO CAN'T SPELL. HE'S MINE!1111!1

Less than 1 second ago from web

Lalaloopsy NO HSE MINE. MINEMINEMINEMINE THE FORTUNE LADY TELLER SAID OS

Less than 1 second ago from web

Lalaloopsy MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE MINEMINEMIN

Less than 1 second ago from web

Santahookerbby THEY'RE NOT DATING

Less than 1 second ago from web

Gilbert grinned. "Told you, Madeleine. You're hella lucky. All these girls are fighting over me."

Ludwig clicked on the Facebook tab. The comments were even worse, what; with everyone denying that they were dating. And Madeleine being insulted every other comment.

"It's hard for me to tell you this, considering your current relationship," Ludwig stated, "but the producers wanted me to tell that you have to make them believe that you're dating." Madeleine could only sputter chopped up syllables.

"It's obvious—" obvious, oh, how she hated that word now "—that this pains you. However, it's quite safe to say that you may be in danger, Madeleine. Gilbert's fans are quite aggressive, and to find out that you two are not really in a relationship could end in disaster," Ludwig explained.

Gilbert smirked. He looped his arm around Madeleine. "So I guess that that means we'll be spending more time with each other, boss."

Oh; that blush on Madeleine's cheeks? Yeah; that was only out of anger. Not anything else.


Madeleine trudged into her dressing room and unceremoniously pulled off her wig, releasing a heavy sigh. She stared at the golden tresses that splayed elegantly from the net, which was quite close to her own hair color. She settled into her vanity stool.

"For years I've been invisible to this world," she whispered sadly, "and my consolation prize is a damn wig. What. The. Fuck."

Madeleine laughed bitterly. "If the world knew I was a drag queen..." She drifted off.

She thought about everything she'd worked for up until this point. The sacrifices, realizations, people she'd met...

"It would all go to hell."

And Madeleine herself would become an abomination along with it.


Gilbert Beilschmidt was a reasonable man. He might be a bit too high up on his (Prussian) horse, yes, but he was a good person. Wasn't he?

There wasn't a single trace of conceitedness in his blood. Not that he knew of, anyway. And he did good deeds now and then. Like saving that kitty from the top of the tree. He may have been scratched in the face, and when the media found him and ran to surround him the little girl waiting for her kitty may have been trampled, yes, but he saved the little kitty brat. Saving was a good deed. And it's not like the little girl asked Gilbert to save her from the stampede of people.

So what if the world thought of him as fucking sexy and drooled at the sight of him? That didn't mean he thought he was sexy. Although, if he had to comment about his looks, he wasn't going to complain.

All those women loved him. Fought over him. Worshipped him. It was further proved by those Facebook posts. Gilbert had also learned that girls with Miley in their username are not friendly.

Therefore Gilbert Beilschmidt hadn't the slightest clue as to why Madeleine Williams hated him. Or held disdain for him. Anyway, he was not in her favor, especially when he tried to use a cheesy pick up line to lighten the mood when he first met her.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together," he had said. Madeleine only gave him an odd look, and then smiled sweetly.

"Really?" she had said. Gilbert had prepared to answer with a flirtatious tone before Madeleine continued. "Because I'd put F and U together."

That took Gilbert aback, he admitted. He only let out his signature grin. "Well, I wasn't really expecting you to be straightforward about that, but anytime is good for me."

"Too bad; N and O are already together," Madeleine had retorted, smirking.

Her hate for him was as abundant as manna from heaven. And now, due to some odd twist of fate, they were dating. Or fake dating. Either way they had to act all buddy-buddy now.

But, hey, Gilbert wasn't going to complain. Madeleine was actually kind of cute, anyway. And he liked how she didn't act like a total lovestruck girl. No offence, but those girls were batshit scary.

N-not that he liked her in that sort of way, but if he had to choose between her and a bunch of really hot fangirls, it would most likely be Madeleine. Th-that was only because he didn't want to get mauled by an army of teenagers.

Gilbert wondered why his cheeks felt like they were on fire. Was he sick?

No...no, oddly enough, he wasn't.

Back to the original task at hand, he was searching for Madeleine. Huh; whenever he thought of her name that same feeling flared in his cheeks.

... ... ...

Oh well.

Sometimes Gilbert really needed to quit being a bastard. Or being just plain stupid. Words straight from the mouth of Lovino.


Madeleine was having quite a day, to say the least. Why did she have to date Gilbert? Not that he was some ugly bastard, but Gilbert was a guy. And she, no, he, was a guy, too. To think about it was a bit awkward. And the only reason she was wearing that wig was because...

Madeleine heard an obnoxious knock on her door. Followed by that oh, so distinct voice.

Speak of the devil. Literally. Get it? Because speak pertains to voice, and Gilbert's words — according to Madeleine— spawned from the devil. No? Okay…

"Yes?" Madeleine called.

"Can I come in?"

Madeleine sighed before making her way to the door. She twisted the knob, the door already half an inch open, when she realized something. She froze.

"Shit," she cursed.

"Something wrong?" Gilbert said, patiently waiting on the other side of the door.

It just so happens that Madeleine had conveniently forgotten to put her wig back on. And stupidly went to answer the door before realizing it. Madeleine swiftly shut the door, but not before Gilbert painfully sacrificed his foot to prevent the door from closing.

His voice was strained as he spoke. "What's up, Madeleine?" He sounded concerned, but mostly pained.

Madeleine cursed once more and hid behind the secluded part of the doorway where she wouldn't be seen. "I was changing. Now please kindly remove your most likely fractured foot from the doorway so I can finish."

Something was up. "Not from the looks of it, miss sailor. And why would you open the door if you were changing?" He began to push on the door.

Madeleine paled, desperately trying to find a way to take that damn foot out of the door. She decided to change the subject. "Miss sailor?" she questioned, disdain spilling from her voice. "What's that supposed to mean?" Let's just say that Gilbert isn't the best nickname giver in the world.

Gilbert pushed on the door with more force. If she really was changing, then she wouldn't try to change the subject. Something was definitely up. "The sailor part is because you cuss like one. The miss part is because you're a girl." He said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Madeleine pushed back with nearly the same amount of force, punting Gilbert's foot out of the way with her own foot in the process. If he only knew the irony in his words... He would soon find out if she didn't do anything about it.

Gilbert yelped at his poor foot, sure that something in there had cracked. Okay, now he was really suspicious. And he kind of wanted a bit of compensation for his broken foot.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt, I said I was changing. I swear if you do not let go of this door I will break your foot."

Gilbert grinned. Oh; this girl was just asking for it. "You already did, sweetie. Now would you come out and kiss it better?"

Madeleine swore she didn't blush. She swore that a grotesque blush didn't bloom across her face. Fed up, she finally found the strength to slam the door shut. Hey, don't go judging. She used to play hockey.

"Owie..." Gilbert whined. "Ma-de-leine! Quit being a tsundere."

A...what? Was that some kind of insult or something? "A what?"

"I dunno, I was talking to Kiku once and he said something about it. Like how Arthur was a soon day ray or something."

Or was it Lovino that Kiku was talking about?

"That's... Nice?" Madeleine commented, relieved that she had finally succeeded. She celebrated by plopping into a seat, exhausted. Gilbert was stronger than Madeleine gave credit.

Gilbert sighed. He was back to square one and he didn't even like squares. (Because circles were the shit nowadays. Ever seen hoop earrings?) "Aw, come on, miss sailor." Some was definitely, undeniably, one hundred percent, up. Gilbert's tone suddenly turned serious. "I know you're not changing. And you were about to open the door. What suddenly came up in a millisecond that you just had to close the door, Madeleine?"

No. No no no no no. Gilbert was not supposed to be that smart. "I told you Gilbert, sometimes a girl forgets that she's changing." Though, I wouldn't know, Madeleine silently added.

"And then they sometimes forget that kicking someone's foot too hard will break them,"Gilbert said sarcastically. "That's not it, Ma-de-leine. What are you hiding?"

Madeleine's brain felt like it was drowning in complete turmoil. "Stop calling me that..."

"And someone who's changing but forgets doesn't frantically try to close the door. I'm going to ask you one more time, miss sailor. What. The hell. Is up?"

"I told you, Gilbert."

"And you wouldn't try to avoid a subject twice just because you were changing."

"Twice? When was the second time?"

"Three times, Madeleine."

Madeleine was silent. Probably for quite a bit of time, because when Gilbert spoke again, he sounded worried.

"Madeleine—?"

"Some things," Madeleine interrupted, "are better left unsaid."

That was effective in causing Gilbert to pause. He took the time to think.

"Then what about the other things, Madeleine? They have to be let out."

"This isn't about the other things, Gilbert." Her voice was hoarse as she spoke, yet it managed to tangle disparity within it.

The moment Madeleine had shut the door and sat down, Gilbert realized that she hadn't locked the door. He was going to open it as soon as Madeleine had admitted to something.

But the tone of her voice stopped him.

"Then I hope you realize that some things that are left unsaid destroy people from the inside out."

The doorknob was left untouched.


He'll think of Birdie eventually. OHSHIT*SPOILERALERT*- just kidding. You all knew that that was going to happen.