Written 04/24/2015
Idea from satiny-angle "What if fem!Madara hates being female so much that she maims her own reproductive organs, because if she can't have children then maybe her clan elders will stop trying to make her settle down to breed."
Characters: Fem!Madara, Izuna
Pairing: None.
Warnings: Self-mutilation. Angst.
It's not long after her first period finishes (and she gets so hysterical and has a giant panic attack when she realizes what's going on, and she knows that she can't let anyone find out that she's started menstruating because they'll make her stop fighting) when she makes up her mind. Madara is not quite thirteen yet, she still has two more months to go until her birthday, and that's probably the only reason that nobody caught on to the fact that she was bleeding from the one place she never wanted to bleed from, because that means that now they can marry her off, and get her to stop fighting when it's all that she lives for, but just because her body is capable of bearing children now- She stops that train of thought with a bite to her cheek until her mouth floods with the taste of copper. It did no good to let her mind dwell on those thoughts, not when she has her plan to carry out now.
She claims she's going out to train a bit (and Izuna looks so suspicious but he doesn't say anything because even at ten he's a smart one and can tell she just had an episode and needs time to cool down, although she can tell from the way that he narrows his eyes (so similar to their mother's) that he will be about twenty minutes behind her at the most), and technically she does train, for a little while, just to calm herself down and get in the proper mindset for what she's about to do to herself. (It's not like it's the first time she'll be doing something like this. That scar on her face wasn't actually caused by any hand but her own after all, after one man told her that she was "turning into an attractive young lady" and she nearly stabbed him as he held her chin and forced her eyes to meet his as he leered, and if she didn't see him facing down four enemies at once in a skirmish the next week, well, she was too busy with her own battle to go to his aid.)
Madara feels nothing, she's numbnumbnumb- as she grasps the kunai close to her abdomen and kneels on the ground. Her hand isn't shaking. She realizes what she's about to do, and knows that there will be consequences, but they will be better than the alternative. So much better than the alternative, which is tantamount to death for her, because she belongs on the battlefield, not held back with a babe in her belly, because she is not cut out to be a mother ever, it's just not something she will ever, could ever, do. And with that thought in mind, she drives the kunai into herself, driving it deep and ripping it sideways with a pained gasp. She grits her teeth as black spots dance across her vision. It hurts. It hurts so much, but she can't stop yet, she needs to make absolutely sure that the medics can't properly put her back together from her "accident". It is only her resolve keeping her upright enough to twist the kunai just a bit deeper, deep enough to make it so she will be useless to those who wish to breed her.
There will be consequences of her "training accident", she knows as someone (Izuna. Only her too smart little brother would know that she was planning something this stupid) finds her lying curled up in her own blood, but, she thinks numbly as she starts to fade out, they will be better than the alternative.
(Izuna looks so pissed at her when she wakes up three days later and she thinks that if she weren't currently bedridden from such a devastating training accident, he would probably punch her, and the thought makes her grin lazily as she pretends not to notice the tears he wipes away.)
