Chapter 3
Sara was fitting into the team quite well, other than the fact that she and Catherine seemed to bump heads still. Sara chalked it up to alpha female territory. She had gotten a nice studio apartment and filled it with pictures and deep jewel colored tones. She didn't spend much time there and when she did, she ordered take out and shopped online and from catalogs. She often had the police scanner on when she was, on the rare occasion, home.
She lived for work. She lived for Grissom. Sara had fallen into the habit of doing almost nothing else besides work. She stayed late, came in early, came in on her days off, and even fell asleep at the lab once in a while.
The whole team was beginning to notice her dedication, or as Catherine called it, obsession, with solving the crimes. Grissom figured she was still just learning as much as possible. At least, that was what he thought until the case with Pamela Adler.
Sara was obsessed. She knew it, too.
She entered the hospital room and felt the victim's hand.
"She's warm." Sara put her hand back down.
"Feels different, huh," the detective said.
"Um, we're going to need a little privacy," Sara said as he exited.
She began to process the first living person she ever had to deal with as evidence. This was very different. She began to talk to ease her tension. "I never liked this part of my yearly exam, these things are always freezing," Sara said as she blew hot air on the speculum before inspecting the woman.
Sara had finished processing her and started to look through the victim's clothes and other personal effects. A small chain fell to the floor, and Sara stooped to pick it up. It was Saint Catherine, the martyr. "St. Catherine? She studied Science. She was tough and very outspoken. Went against the emperor himself. Chewed him out for persecuting Christians. Took two or three tries to execute her. She never gave up. She was brave." Sara closed Pamela's hand around the talisman.
"You hold on to this." Sara leaned in close and whispered as Grissom entered the room "This should not have happened to you. But I promise, I will find out who did this. I promise."
"Hey," Grissom said making his presence known.
"Hey." After a pause. "Sexual assault case ready to process."
"How does it look?"
"We'll see. She's breathing."
"She's evidence." Sara turned around to prevent herself from saying what was on her mind. That Grissom was cold and unfeeling. That he shouldn't treat humans like objects.
He seemed to pick up on it. "Sara, if you try to chase two rabbits, you end up loosing them both."
Sara got to the lab to log the evidence and go through the rest with Nick and Grissom. She ended up on the missing person's database looking through reports, looking for one that matched her Jane Doe.
While at the computer, she ruminated on how Nick and Grissom had treated her when she called the victim Jane, as if the woman didn't deserve to have a name, to be known. It was bad enough that women don't usually report these crimes. It was bad enough that many people thought it was the woman's fault, but to have those working for your side treat you like an object, like you're already dead, that was just inhumane.
She remembered the cold tissue scratching her skin when she was in a similar hospital bed. The accusatory looks from the nurse as she performed the SAE kit. The similarities were becoming too much for her. She tried to put it from her mind.
Grissom entered and heard Sara singing to herself, trying to dislodge the memories that haunted her.
"Hey," he said as he entered.
"Any luck on 23rd street?" Sara asked.
"I broke in my new shoes. That's about it. What did the lab say?" Grissom responded.
"The DNA on the ball cap is a match to the semen on the Jane Doe, but Codis hasn't kicked out a name."
"So you're just, looking at missing persons' reports?" He obviously thought that this was a waste of time.
"We're not having any luck finding the shooter from his DNA or the belt loop so I thought that I would try and identify the poor woman before she dies." She was beginning to get short in her answers.
After a long pause, "Sara, do you have any diversions?"
"Do I what?" This was not what Sara had been expecting Grissom to say.
"You max out on overtime every month. You go home and listen to your scanner. You read forensic text books."
"Yeah..." She didn't understand.
"Look, everyday we meet people on the worst day of their lives, its a lot to deal with. Everyone who's had any time on this job knows that you have to have a diversion in order to cope with what we see. What do you do for fun?"
"I chase rabbits--" her temper was getting the better of her, "and I read crime books and I listen to the scanner."
"You need something outside of law enforcement. Catherine has her kid, you know. I sometimes ride roller coasters. What do you do?"
"Nothing." She was loosing her patience.
"OK... What do you like?"
"I don't like anything!"
"You godda' find something to like. You can't get too close to the victims."
"She's special...to me, I can' t help it." He didn't understand.
"If you don't find something they'll all become special and you'll burn out." His words echoed in her head. The last thing she needed right now was him patronizing her.
Grissom saw his cue to leave but turned at the door, "Sara--." He was nearly pleading now.
"Ok, I'm almost done, I just have to log off." Sara was getting defensive now. While everyone else went home, she stayed and looked for her Jane. It wasn't until the crew was back that she struck gold. Her name was Pamela.
Nick and Grissom met at the beginning of the shift. "So now you wanna use the scent dogs?" Nick had noticed Sara's obsession with this case and Grissom's growing concern with his colleague. Nick still wondered what kind of history lay there. "You're rushing this case for Sara."
Nick's words stung. Grissom knew that he was acting differently since Sara had decided to stay, but he hadn't told anyone why. Seeing Sara so tortured like this was getting to him. He wanted to get this case wrapped up. He decided not to respond to Nick's accusation. Nick and Grissom let the dogs go. It wasn't long before Sara got a call from Nick about a possible suspect.
Finally, she felt at ease enough to meet Nick in the layout room. While she looked through the photos of the crime scene, she sang, feeling much happier about Jane Doe having been identified and having a possible suspect.
It wasn't until they had caught the guy and there was no way for him to be charged with murder or attempted murder unless Pamela died that she really lost it again. She went to the hospital and met the victim's husband. It reminded her, again, of the lack of justice in the world. Her attacker would never be found and this woman's attacker would never be held responsible for what he had done, not really.
Sara made her way to Grissom's office to brief him on what had happened with the case. She sat down in his chair and sighed. She was exhausted, functioning only on caffeine and emotion. She sighed and Grissom noticed her sitting there.
"So, how did it go?" Grissom glanced up from his papers.
"It—uh. It's fine. The victim will be transferred to a long term facility." Tears began to roll down her cheeks. "She won't die."
"Sara..."
"I don't know if I want her to die or live. What kind of life will she ever have? But if she died, then we could really nail this guy."
"Things don't always happen how you'd like them to." He got up from his desk and took a seat in the chair next to Sara. "I told you that you would see things here that you never thought you'd see. Are you going to be alright?"
"I'm fine. It's that woman who isn't fine. And her husband." There was a long silence as the tears kept leaking down her face.
"The husband doesn't get it. He's so happy that she's going to live. He doesn't realize that she's going to be in a vegetative state for the rest of her life. And that kid is going to be out of juvie in 48 months. It's not fair." She took labored breaths, stemming the sobs that wanted to come.
"It's the system."
"What kind of system rewards the suspect when the victim is too tough to die?" They both looked down at this. Sara got up to leave and crossed to the door.
"Sara, you have to learn to let it go or you're going to spend all your time in hospitals trying to help the people you couldn't save."
"I wish I were like you, Grissom, I wish I didn't feel anything."
Sara went home that night and curled up on her couch and cried. Walking into work the next day, Grissom called her into his office.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine." Sara, the ever powerful, put up a strong front.
"Do you want to go to breakfast in the morning, after shift?"
"That would be great."
