Bella's POV:
When I stumbled downstairs that morning, after going back to a very rough sleep, Charlie was sitting at the dining room table.
It was a work day; Charlie shouldn't be home. I glanced at the clock.
Oh. I guess he did have a right to be home at 3 A.M.
"Sit," Charlie ordered. "We need to talk."
I obeyed instantly. "We do," I agreed.
Apparently, I hadn't slept as long as I thought I had. I had kicked Edward out around one, and fallen back asleep afterwards. How disorienting. I could have sworn I had been asleep for hours.
"Where have you been, Bella?" Charlie asked. "I was worried sick for three days! Why didn't you at least call me?"
I smiled weakly. "It was all a big misunderstanding, Dad. You see, I went cliff-diving awhile back with Jake, and Alice found out somehow. Al told Rosalie about it and then Rosalie told Edward... Edward thought I had been trying to kill myself, so Alice brought me to L.A. to talk to him about it. No big deal, honest."
Charlie digested this for a minute before nodding slowly. "Does this mean that they're all coming back now?"
I shrugged. "I think so."
"This may be hard, Bella, because I know how you feel about Edward... But I would really appreciate it if you... didn't see so much of him. I know you'll want to get back together, and I don't think that you'll want to do that, but I don't trust him, not after what he did to you..." I let Charlie babble on for a few seconds before stopping him.
"It's okay, Dad. I've decided not to go back to Edward after all," I said, surprised that my voice stayed calm. "Not unless he miraculously proves that he cares about me more than he showed me last fall."
Charlie looked shocked. "So that's it? After all those months of... mourning him, you're suddenly over him?"
"No," I sighed. "I still like him a lot. I just think that maybe he wasn't everything I thought he was. I expected m-more from him, I g-guess," I whispered, my voice cracking.
My dad smiled wryly. "Maybe you should spend some time with Mike Newton, or go down to see Jacob," he suggested. "It would keep your mind off of things."
I nodded. No one could truly keep my mind off of things, but I appreciated the effort form Charlie. He, at least, knew the right way to show that you cared about someone. "Thanks for understanding. That's why I love you so much."
Charlie hugged me awkwardly.
"I'm going to take a shower," I told him. "I'm not going to get back to sleep now. Have a good day at work."
From my room, I grabbed my toiletries and a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
I passed the still-open window, and dropped everything. A cold gust of air blew in my face as I reached up and slammed it down.
The image of Edward leaving was almost too much to bear. He had jumped out of the window gracefully, as always, and hadn't looked back with those pleading, black eyes. In the way he held himself, and in the way that he had looked at me that last time told me that he didn't want me to do that, to tell him to butt out of my life.
But I had done it, and I knew that it hurt him, though he was too full of pride to show it.
On a deeper level, I knew that he had been right. I loved him too much to forget everything we'd shared. At the same time, I also loved him too much to forget his icy face the day he'd told me that he didn't want me anymore.
On a deeper level, I knew that I had wanted to scream, "Don't go! Come back!" as he'd walked away. I knew that I didn't want him to not be in my life.
But he was only back because he felt bad about almost getting me killed, right?
I wasn't sure. I needed to talk to Alice. She could straighten things out for me.
After my shower and a few random chores I had preformed for Charlie's sake, I wrote a note explaining that I would be at the Cullen's and why I was there, in case Charlie came home for lunch.
Going to the Cullen's house wasn't a good idea, and I realized that. Edward was there.
But so was Alice, and I needed her. She was the only person I could talk to about this stuff, even though she wasn't really a person.
I could have always talked to Jacob about it, but I really didn't want to sit through his cheering that Edward and I weren't together.
The big, white mansion was the exact same as it had been when I'd seen it a few months ago, when I'd become masochistic in my zombie state.
Emmett answered the door. "Oh, hey, Bella. Edward's upstairs, in his room."
"I'm here to see Alice, not Edward," I informed him, my voice slightly colder than I meant it to be.
Emmett's eyebrows rose. "You don't want to see him?"
I shook my head. "Not particularly. Is Alice in her room?"
He nodded, but wouldn't let the other subject drop. "Why don't you want to see Edward?" Emmett was incredibly too curious.
Just then, Edward appeared at the bottom of the stairs. "Ask him," I suggested, pushing past Emmett and heading towards Alice's room.
When I walked past Edward, he reached out a hand to touch my arm, but I jumped back.
"Bella, I—" he started, taking a step closer.
I moaned. "Please don't talk to me right now. I can't handle it."
And it was true. I couldn't handle it. I would have melted into a puddle of tears if he had apologized one more time, or made any other excuses for himself.
I darted up the stairs and knocked on the door to Alice's room.
She opened it right away, barreling into me. "Bella! I was so worried you and Edward—"
"I need to talk to you, Alice," I told her. "This doesn't have anything to do with Edward."
Sort of.
Not really.
Alright, it had everything to do with Edward. I just needed someone to talk to about my dilemma. Which happened to involve Edward.
"Will you come to my house? I don't want anyone listening in, or 'hearing' this conversation." I made air quotes.
Alice got the picture. "Let's go."
I hadn't exactly planned on going to my house, but I had temporarily forgotten about a certain person's mind-reading abilities. It had slipped my mind with everything that had happened.
I didn't want to chance that Edward would listen.
Edward was arguing quietly with Emmett when Alice and I got downstairs, but they stopped when they noticed us.
"We're going to Bella's," Alice informed them.
Emmett grinned. "Have fun. It was nice to see you, Bella. Don't get hurt." He said the last sentence with a glare aimed at Edward.
Edward said something incoherent and the arguing began again, Emmett's hands balled into massive fists.
Alice shoved me out the door, an annoyed look on her face. "Don't kill each other please," she called after us as we walked out.
At my house, I took my note and shredded it while Alice sat down in the living room.
"Edward told me what you said to him," Alice said when I sat down next to her.
I bit my lip. "All of it?" I felt horrible. "I don't know what I was thinking, Alice. I hurt him. I didn't mean to, honestly."
Alice smiled gently. "I don't think that he meant to hurt you, either. Maybe you should give him a chance to explain himself."
My eyes filled with the tears I'd been fighting to hold back. "He doesn't want me. He said so himself."
"Why don't you tell me exactly what he told you when he left, Bella? I never have gotten the whole story." Alice glanced at me. "Unless you don't want to, of course. I won't make you."
The tears dripped down my cheeks and I hastily wiped them away. "H-he told me that he wasn't human and didn't want to have to pretend to be. He said that h-he didn't want me anymore." I sucked in a gulp of air. "He said that I was wrong for him."
Alice's face darkened. "I think he deserved your breaking up with him then."
I sighed. "He only told you we broke up?"
She nodded. "Was there more?"
"I threw all the stuff he said to me back in his face. I sort of repeated what he said to me. And he knew what I was doing, too. I could see it on his face," I whimpered. "But he was right, whether he lied like he claimed or he's just guilty now. I am wrong for him. He d-deserves better then m-me."
Alice hugged me tightly before releasing me. "Bella, honey, it's alright. Shh... Don't cry."
"I hurt him, Alice," I sobbed. "He didn't deserve it."
She laughed, and I stared at my fingers, playing with a stray thread from my t-shirt. "Trust me, he deserved it. Charlie told me how depressed and upset you were about us leaving. Edward deserved it," she repeated. "He knows how it feels now. Even so, maybe you should talk to him about it and work things out."
"No!" I shrieked. "Alice, please don't make me talk to him! I can't handle it. I'm tearing myself apart, Alice. I don't want to go back to him. He'll leave me again and... and..."
"So you think that if you leave him, that it will be easier?" Her voice was curious and not accusing in the least. I was grateful.
I nodded weakly, still not looking up. "At least then it's my choice. It won't hurt me as much."
Alice smiled. "Don't you think that breaking up with him might have hurt Edward?"
"I don't know. It's really sick, I know, but I almost wish that it would devastate him. Then I'd know that he cared about me," I admitted.
"I understand, Bella. I'm sure Edward would, too, if you gave him the chance to explain," she told me.
Wiping the rest of the tears off of my face, I looked up at Alice, but she was staring at something behind me, through the sliding glass doors.
I turned to look, but nothing was there.
But someone with super-human speed could have easily run away.
I was going to kill Edward.
If I ever spoke to him again. Because I was seriously considering not to.
A/N: I almost had this posted earlier, but, like an idiot, I decided to check my email first... I had about 40 emails from fanfiction, being reviews, alerts, favorites, and stuff... I checked the mall, replied to some reviews, and then, by the time I finished, I had 20 new emails... All from fanfiction... I think everyone decide to read, review, and alert/ favoritize my stories at exactly the same time‼!
It was crazy... But slightly funny...
Anyways... I hope you liked this... I'm really struggling with making Bella stay in character while being not with Edward... It's harder than it looks, especially considering that she would most likely NOT have not gotten back together with Edward... But that's why I'm writing this...
Thanks you all for your wonderfully amazing reviews... I love them... And the people who write them... Just not in a stalker-y way, I promise.
So make me happy again and review‼‼
------YoolieYick
Disclaimer... I don't own the characters, books, or places... Too bad for me...
