November 1992

Steve leaned against the brick wall of the bakery, hands deep in the pockets of his down-filled winter coat. In the week since election day the weather had turned quite cold, at least he thought it had; most of the other people passing by on the sidewalk were dressed more lightly. It was still fairly early on Saturday morning but Steve tried to keep a regular exercise schedule.

The Italian Peoples Bakery was doing a brisk business, and he was frequently assaulted by the smells of freshly-baked pastries. Steve considered it a test of self-control, fighting the urge to go inside and get something sweet. If Danny's shift didn't end soon, though, he was going to have to leave before he succumbed to temptation.

It was another five minutes before the door opened and Danny came out wearing only a flannel shirt and a puffy green vest. "If it isn't Nanook of the North," he said with a toothy grin.

"You smell like bread."

"No shit, Sherlock. I work in a bakery." Danny shoved a small white bag at Steve. "On the house."

"What's this?"

"You could open it, goof. That's what most people do. Well, most normal people and I realize you don't fit into that category."

Steve gave him a dirty look, but dutifully opened the bag. There was a tear-drop shaped…something…inside.

"What is it?" He pulled it out; it wasn't very big but surprisingly heavy.

"You'll like it. Take a bite."

Steve sniffed at it suspiciously, but hurriedly took a bite when Danny looked like he was going to snatch it out of his hands. The chocolate cookie was soft, and covered a dense core of coconut filling. It was delicious.

"Ha!" Danny punched him in the shoulder. "I knew you'd like it. Coconuts are Hawaiian, right?"

"Yeah, right." Steve finished off the cookie as he and Danny walked to the minivan.

"I assume you want a ride home? Or did you stop by hoping for some food?"

Steve shrugged and tried to look nonchalant. "You wanna hang out or something?"

Danny paused with one hand on the door handle, clearly surprised. "You want to hang out? Is the world coming to an end or something?"

"Forget it." Steve got into the minivan and buckled up, glowering. Sometimes Danny joked around too much when he wanted to be serious. He slid behind the wheel, looking contrite.

"You just caught me by surprise, McGarrett." He started up the minivan and pulled out into traffic. "Did you have something in mind?"

Steve shrugged. To be honest he hadn't really thought that far ahead. He'd been faced with another weekend alone and decided he was tired of his own company. More kids at school were talking to him now, ever since Steph's Halloween party, but Danny was still the closest thing he had to a friend.

"Okey dokey," Danny said. "You're not a planner, I can see that. Well, if you don't mind making one stop first we can go back to my house. I'll educate you on the finer points of video football."

"Sure." Steve remained hunched against the window, but his lip quirked up in a grin. Spending the day in Danny's basement room playing mindless video games sounded just about perfect. As long as Danny didn't try to talk about anything too personal.

He didn't pay attention to where they were going until Danny pulled into the parking lot of the YMCA. He assumed they were there to pick up one of the sisters, but Danny got out and motioned for him to do the same.

"What are we doing here?"

"Don't you have these in Hawaii?" Danny held open the door and ushered Steve inside.

"Probably. I don't know." He thought it was some kind of place for underprivileged kids to go and play basketball or something like that. He started to get an inclination of what his friend had in mind when they went down a hall that smelled increasingly of chlorine.

"See, here's what I was thinking." Danny opened the door that led to the Olympic-sized pool. "I know back home you probably surf and swim like every day, and that you haven't been able to do that since you came here."

Steve was at a loss for words, his eyes glued to the wide expanse of water in front of him. He couldn't believe Danny had thought of his, had recognized his unspoken need to swim.

"I know it's not the same as the ocean," Danny said apologetically. "But until it's warm enough to go to the shore this is the best you can do."

Steve found himself impulsively pulling Danny into a hug, which then instantly mortified him. He stepped back, face flaming. "Uh, sorry. I mean, mahalo. Thanks. For the pool."

Danny was flushed too, but he had a huge smile on his face and he gave Steve a hearty slap on the back. "You're welcome. Let's get you signed up and you can work out a swim schedule."

"And then you'll teach me how to play Madden NFL?" Steve asked hopefully.

"If by teach, you mean kick your ass."

They both laughed, and Steve took a moment to think this was turning into the best day he'd had since coming to New Jersey. Well, the best day that didn't involve alcoholic enhancement.

*o*o*o*

"Steve!" Mary flew out of the house before he was even all the way out of the cab. He was pathetically glad to see her, even as he noted how thin she'd gotten.

"Hey, squirt." He caught her up in a big bear hug and swung her around. "Get back inside before you freeze to death."

There was no snow yet in Indiana, though New Jersey had already had a dusting of the stuff. Steve was bundled up in his coat, a wool cap and insulated gloves, but he was still cold. Mary only had on a t-shirt, flannel pants and slipper socks.

"Is that all you brought?" she asked, indicating the duffle bag Steve swung over his shoulder.

"How much do I need for three days?" He paid the cabbie and trailed after his sister as she bounced back into the house. He'd never been to Aunt Deb's before and was immediately overwhelmed by the smell of potpourri and the seeming hundreds of Hummel figurines that sat on every available flat surface.

"You get used to them," Mary whispered, correctly interpreting the horrified look on his face.

"Stevie? My God! Look at you!" Aunt Deb appeared seemingly out of nowhere and captured his face between her hands, giving him a careful once over. "You look good, sweetie."

He could only nod. He'd forgotten how much his aunt looked like her sister – Steve's mother. A wave of painful longing rose up and threatened to drown him, but he swallowed it all back down.

"Woody! Come meet my handsome nephew!"

Woody? he mouthed at Mary. She just grinned. Aunt Deb stepped back and Steve was able to take a more objective look at her. While her facial features were very similar to his mom's, in all other respects they were very different. Aunt Deb kept her normally light brown hair dyed a deep maroon-red and wore it in a messy knot on top of her head. Her nails were long and sculpted, painted a vivid shade of purple that matched the western-style shirt she wore. She was bright and standoutish whereas Steve's mom had been softer and more reserved.

A man came in from the rear of the house, dressed in a sweater vest and slacks, his beard and moustache neatly trimmed. His facial hair was salt and pepper, though the hair on his head was still a dark brown.

"Pleased to meet you, Steve." They shook hands. "Mary's done nothing but talk about you for weeks."

"Woody is Aunt Deb's boyfriend," Mary said helpfully.

"Take your brother upstairs and show him his room. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes." Aunt Deb tugged Woody out of the room; Steve could hear them kissing noisily as soon as they were out of sight.

"He seems…nice." Steve followed Mary up a narrow staircase.

"Woody's okay." She opened the first door in the upstairs hall. "This is the guest room. Mine's right next door."

Steve tossed his duffel bag next to the bed and flopped down on it. The flight hadn't been very long but his layover had been almost five hours; he was exhausted. The sheets smelled of lavender.

"So how's Jersey?" Mary sat at the foot of the bed, legs crossed. "Is it awful and full of smog?"

"It's okay, I guess. Danny says I'm starting to assimilate."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm not sticking out like such a sore thumb." He wasn't sure he agreed with Danny's assessment but he certainly was spending less time alone, or with his aunt and uncle. He had, in fact, become a regular fixture at the Williams house – he'd now eaten several meals there, though he rarely joined in the noisy cacophony that passed for dinner conversation.

"And you're still swimming?"

"Every day after school." It was sometimes crowded and lacked every good quality of the Pacific ocean, but water was water and he was getting used to that difference too. "How about you? Things okay?"

"Cripes, I don't want to talk about me. It's all just school and stuff." Mary waved a dismissive hand. "Do you…does Dad call you?"

Steve's jaw clenched painfully. "I haven't talked to him."

"I wish we could go home," Mary murmured. "I don't like it here."

"Kids! Dinner!" Aunt Deb's bellow carried up the stairs.

"Prepare yourself for goulash." Mary pulled a face. "Tomorrow will be better at least."

Steve sighed. He wondered how long it would take until he wished he was back in Jersey.

*o*o*o*

As it turned out, it took Steve until the following morning to wish himself back to Trenton. He switched between the Macy's parade and the channel that showed the parade in Hawaii; when the Kukui High band went marching by on screen his throat tightened up so much he could barely breathe. It went downhill from there. Aunt Deb was hard at work on Thanksgiving dinner preparations and Mary found some fault with each and every part of it.

"You didn't put any pineapple in the stuffing? Mom always did."

"Cranberry sauce in a can?"

"Mom never mashed the yams."

Steve was aware that Aunt Deb was getting more and more annoyed, and he understood that it wasn't fair to her that she did things differently from their mom. And maybe it had been a bad idea coming here for the first Thanksgiving since…

"Mary! Give it a rest!" Something slammed down in the kitchen and Mary went running by Steve, tears in her eyes.

Steve crossed his arms and hunched in on himself. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. Thanksgiving meant watching the parade with Dad, and then gearing up for the football game they'd watch after dinner. Mom would be in the kitchen with Mary, stuffing the turkey with pineapple stuffing and showing Mary how to make apple pie. They'd eat together in the dining room, sharing the same old silly family stories they knew so well. Then there'd be football and the annual viewing of March of the Wooden Soldiers, which Mom had always watched as a kid, and late night turkey sandwiches.

There would never be another Thanksgiving like that now, and he rubbed his arm across his eyes, angry with himself for crying. He turned off the television, not in the mood for any more floats or balloons or marching bands. He knew he should probably talk to Mary, try to smooth things over for the sake of the holiday. Then he spied something on the entertainment center and thought that might be even better.

Steve scrubbed at his face and headed up the stairs to his sister's room. He knocked once and then poked his head in. Mary was lying facedown on her bed, the stream of curses coming out of her mouth muffled by the pillow.

"Hey, Mare." He leaned in the open doorway, arms crossed. "You busy?"

"Go away."

"You didn't tell me Aunt Deb had an Atari. You wanna have a Frogger competition?"

Mary rolled over and looked at him with red-rimmed eyes. "What?"

"Frogger. Let's play."

"You're no good at it, you know I'll kick your butt." And now there was smug superiority, which was preferable to angry tears.

"Yeah, well, I've been practicing. Danny has a Nintendo."

"Cool."

Steve headed back to the living room and Mary followed. They passed the rest of the time until dinner playing Frogger and Pacman and Triathlon. It was enough that when it was finally time to join Aunt Deb and Woody, Mary was able to at least be civil.

*o*o*o*

It was just after eleven, and everyone else had called it a night, stuffed full of turkey and pie. Thanksgiving may have started off badly, but it ended on a good note. Whatever else Aunt Deb did differently, after dinner she'd pulled out a copy of March of the Wooden Soldiers and Steve had been stupidly grateful for it. He hadn't even minded when Mary curled up next to him to watch it, her head on his shoulder.

Now, though, he was feeling antsy and unsettled. Dad hadn't called, not all day, and it hadn't gone unnoticed. His mother's absence had been bigger than he'd anticipated, and he'd thought about her more today than he had in months. And it hurt, it hurt a lot.

Steve snuck downstairs, making his way carefully through a minefield of Hummels thanks to the streetlight shining through the windows. There was a cordless phone in the living room, which he took into the den. It was completely dark in there, at the back of the house, but luckily the buttons on the phone lit up when he turned it on. He felt bad, calling so late, but he needed to talk to someone who would understand how he was feeling. The call was picked up on the second ring.

Do you have any idea what time it is? Normal people don't call this late.

Steve couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. "So why did you answer it?"

Knowing you, you'd keep calling and then you'd wake up my mother. Can't have that. Everything okay?

"Kind of a crappy day. Mary cried a lot."

Yeah. We had some of that too. Holidays are always hard.

Steve could hear some sadness in Danny's voice, and wondered if the Williams' had talked about Matty, sharing memories. There'd been none of that at Aunt Deb's table, but it probably would've made things worse; maybe next year, when the loss wasn't still so fresh.

"Did you watch the parade?"

Parades aren't really my thing. We have a touch football match every year. Could've used you.

"I bet. Did your team win?"

We would've but Rose cheats.

"I can see that." Steve could easily imagine the whole family, and probably a boatload of cousins too, playing football in the yard. He felt guilty for wishing he was there instead of with his own sister.

So what time is it in Indiana?

"Same time as Jersey, dingus. Don't you know your geography?"
Time zones aren't geography, so sue me. The tone was indignant but Danny's laugh sapped it of intensity. Hey, I saved you a piece of my mom's pecan pie. You'll never touch another one after hers, I guarantee.

"Cool. Thanks. I'd offer you a souvenir but all my aunt has around here are Hummel figurines. Like, a million of them. It's creepy."

I hate those things. Always worried I'm going to break them. My gram likes the ones with the big eyes.

"Why do girls need so much frou-frou crap anyway?"

You got me, pal. Listen, I better go. You'll be back on Saturday, right?

"Yeah, but not till like seven."

You wanna hang out on Sunday? My annoying cousins should be gone by then.

"Sure. Sounds good."

See you then, McGarrett. Danny ended the call and Steve sat there in the den, feeling tired enough now to get some sleep but not ready to head back to the guest room yet. He tried not to think about how difficult Christmas was likely to be, and vowed that he was staying put in Trenton for that one. Unless, of course, Dad changed his mind and he was back home in Hawaii by then.

"Keep dreaming," he muttered to himself. He finally got up and returned the phone, then made his way back to his room. He fell asleep thinking of stuff he and Danny could do on Sunday.


AN: And holiday season begins. I figured it was time for Steve to start coming out of his shell and actually initiating spending some time with Danny. I have to say that Aunt Deb is an amalgamation of several female relatives of mine. I feel kind of bad for her – she has no chance against the memory of Steve and Mary's mom (their much nicer than TV Doris mom, I should add). However difficult Thanksgiving was for Steve, I can promise you that Christmas will be much worse.