((Constellations))
when the moon and sun collide
the end
He was dreaming.
Neji blinked, feeling in control of his limbs. He didn't know how long he sat there on the wooden floors overlooking the garden. He crossed his arms, realizing he wore a loose robe and that his forehead was bare which was unusual because even when he wasn't on duty, it remained covered.
He swept a glance, looking for a head protector, a bandage, anything to cover it. He didn't recognize whose bedroom it belonged to but he noticed small trinkets; a brush, sandals that belonged to Hinata, his scrolls, and a mixture of their items. Neji wondered why but it didn't matter; he could gather them later. Time felt like it stretched to eternity. The blazing sun was hidden behind clouds and there was a sudden urge to visit his father's grave. He couldn't remember the last time he did. Everything looked familiar yet not the same and he was conflicted on how to leave. So much that Neji was lost in thought and by the time he came to, there was someone walking in the corridor.
The door slid open and Neji locked his eyes on the figure.
"Neji?" He couldn't blink, afraid to dispel the illusion. Light footfalls, the smooth crease of her long skirt, and the beautiful face that accompanied it. It was Hinata. She reached to touch his wrist then down to pull on his hand, fingers entwining intimately. Neji stared. "Is something wrong?" she asked.
He almost reached for a kunai that was never there, guilty at the thought because he now always suspected an impostor if she was ever this familiar. Had he survived the attack? Nothing felt painful except the hollow beat of his heart. But there she stood and he absentmindedly rubbed the area over his chest. "Hinata-sama?"
There was a small crinkle by her brows. "Neji, did anything happen?"
"Hinata-sama, why are you–" he trailed when she suddenly frowned. "Hinata," he tried and saw her face soften. "What are you doing?"
"I wanted to see you," she said shyly, fiddling with his sleeve. "I wasn't sure when you would wake up." There was a smile on her lips when she met no resistance and she gently took down other his arm to fold it down on his lap. Neji reviewed the situation quietly. "Are you hungry?" she asked, raising her head.
"No."
A long strand fell over his face and Hinata brushed it away, meeting his eyes with a thoughtful look, the air between them suddenly charged with longing. On her end as well, Neji realized with a jolt when she came closer. When her hand stroked his face, a cold metal touched his cheek. There was a ring. On her finger, that symbolized she had a husband and she was the wife to the lucky bastard. If that man appeared, he was going to lose it.
He stood, moving away from her. "Neji?"
"Where is he?"
She looked at him so guilelessly. "Who?"
Damn the gods if he had to say the name. He eyed her ring and Hinata noticed, bringing it up with questioning eyes. "My husband?" He tried not to bristle, but to hear it from her lips was unsettling. "He's here. You," she added when his gaze went blank.
"We are married."
"Yes," she said, something in him rejoicing and dying at the words.
Was this purgatory, Neji mused, leaving her gaze to inspect his surroundings. It was too good to be true and it surely was. He parted the hem and saw the smoothness of his skin without its scars and wounds. He pressed down on his chest, waiting for the sting of pain. There was none. He was dead. The realization was too groggy for him to process and Neji sought for a distraction. When he glanced at her face, she was eyeing his body intently with dazed interest and Neji froze.
Her eyes rose then she looked away, cheeks reddening. "I'll serve you tea," she said quickly.
Incredulous, Neji could only say, "Wait."
He came closer and gripped her chin, angling her face up to him. In another world, he wouldn't be able to do so. She bashfully focused on his hand, igniting a heavy madness in him. "Look at me," he ordered. The silence stretched and it almost relieved him when she didn't immediately obey. This Hinata only did so after a sudden long, drawn-out kiss that made him forget everything. He stared, trying to gather himself.
"You wanted to say something?" her voice broke his trance.
He could still feel the pressure of her lips. He supposed this was going to be his life now. The only wonder he had left was if Hinata would ever accept his love and not the conjuration of his imagination. "I," he started.
"Yes?"
He hadn't been able to say the words. He searched her eyes. She stared back worriedly, the exact replica of the living Hinata. He recalled a flash of tears streaking her cheeks and the wordless motion of her mouth. It faded and now, he was faced with her shy smile. He withheld the very words in the depth of his soul because his last chance was too bloody, too late to ever say it, but it was ready to burst out from the sight of her.
He tested the words, reluctant to say them because it would only ever be for Hinata Hyuuga. Not an illusion and not even in death because it was too soon for Hinata to join him, and Neji was going to find a way to haunt Naruto if he failed to keep her alive.
This Hinata seemed to sense his turmoil because she quietly admitted her love. She smiled beautifully with the same brightness that he remembered, but something in him still ached. He craved those words for too long and it no longer mattered that it was not truly her.
He wanted to hear it again and his chest seized when she said it once more. She moved closer, the warmth of her so real. "I know you love me," she told him tenderly.
Something wet his cheek. It wasn't rain, because as it slid down to his lips, it was too salty.
He ignored it, encircling her with his arms.
…
Hinata groaned.
Sasuke Uchiha has returned.
She crawled, trying to reach for Neji's body beyond her, where Lee laid him down after openly mourning him. Not once had she touched him, not wanting to feel the coldness. Others may have found it selfish, but Naruto was still caught in a mindless frenzy and she needed to assert Neji's sacrifice was not for naught. Her heart was heavy; Neji always looked out for her and she couldn't say goodbye just yet.
So she pushed Naruto to continue and a ringing slap echoed down the fields. "Hinata?" Naruto had asked.
"He believed in you," she said.
She fought to keep her eyes from straying back to Neji's body; her priority was to stay alive. Just as he commanded and she could never say no to him. Even when Tenten shot her a devastated look as she stood beside Naruto and Lee wailed when they moved his body.
To protect them both, it was his last duty to the war. Somewhere in his words, she was there. There was something he was trying to convey only to her, but the blood loss had completely limited his speech and Hinata rapidly blinked to stop the tears.
Then the world was exploding with large vines capturing every nin in the battlefield.
"Stop!" she cried, seeing it squeeze Neji's body. "Let him go!"
The thickness of the vines swiped at her legs and rose to wrap around her body. Hinata raised her face to breathe, seeing the horror of the world disappearing.
…
It was very strange.
This fantasy world catered to his every indulgence.
He pursued her one late afternoon.
His mouth drifted along her neck and soft hands gripped his shoulders to pull him closer. Surprisingly his hands shook when he first reached for her and for all that he desired, it was not easy to accept her willingness. Now his fingers were steady as he wove through the long, heavy flow of her hair; it was always a curious need he repressed when she used to sleep beside him. He paused, struck at the memory before she questionably said his name. She was soft everywhere and Neji returned to her mouth to kiss her fervently.
It was not heaven because only they existed in this strange plain and this Hinata was not the woman he had fallen in love with. But he was constantly reminded of her and was weak to his desire that didn't have to be restrained here.
He lowered her to the floor.
…
Hinata woke, greedily inhaling air into her lungs. She coughed dryly as she hit the ground. It didn't even register to her that others fell from greater heights, some rolling off the vines as it uncurled.
Naruto. He must have freed them.
Hinata blinked, spots flickering in her vision.
She dreamed of something. Someone. But all she could remember was seeing the light, someone holding her and the peace she felt. In that moment, her eyes were closed with the assurance that whoever it was would protect her. She vaguely recalled calling out for someone and Hinata was no longer certain that it was Naruto's name.
She shook her head, willing her body to regain its strength.
She needed to search for Neji's body.
…
Sometimes he spent an entire day holding her in his arms.
They could be sitting on the wooden floors outside. He would tug her down until she fell between his spread legs and his arms secured her from leaving.
The bench in the garden served as the best light to her beauty. It was her domain, the exact mirrored scenery as it was in the Hyuuga compound. And the fact he always found her there broke a piece of his heart each time. She lulled him to sleep as his chest began throbbing painfully whenever he tried gazing beyond the walls.
The shade beneath the tree and grass was familiar to him. He frequented that area often to feel the earthy soil sink beneath his weight and her warmth touching his face as he drowsed. It was the farthest he'd gotten from the endless rooms and weariness consumed his bones until he sunk to his knees beneath the great tree.
The bed was the most comfortable. It was the most intimate places, a sacred refuge for his sanity. There was no other noise, no other person that disturbed them. His mind had become an eternal abyss that nothing could ground him and she never protested his tight grip as he held her each night.
Sometimes the day went by without the sight of her.
Maybe he willed it. He never spoke her name when he dreamed of the bravest and kindest woman in another world. Neji was no longer aware of himself. It was the floors or ceiling he saw when he came out of his musings.
And when he did not see her, nightmares and dreams haunted him.
"Neji?" she called him.
Sometimes she would not leave him. And Neji did not admit that feeling needed empowered the remnants of his soul.
"Hinata."
Some days he only said her name. It was longing, it was sometimes hunger and desire, it was a question, a call for her to return to his world and assure him that he was not alone. But Neji knew when his eyes closed, it was all an illusion.
But the only feeling that mattered was that she still lay beside him in the darkest hours. A warmth like no other when the cold latched onto him.
…
Hiashi grimly observed the scene before him.
Hinata was bent over his body, quietly sobbing. Kneeling from across her was Kou, helplessly looking on. The clan members who stood witness to his bravery gathered around them, a shield from curious onlookers.
"No," Hinata wept.
He was certain the mark had disappeared at the time of his death.
But it lay there accusingly, the sins of his ancestors marked on his nephew's forehead. It had manifested when they found him. It was a cursed mark, but for once it was relieving to see it again. He did not know if this was temporary, as when the dead was raised by a puppeteer, but Neji did not exhibit any other strange marks.
His brother might have glimpsed his son in the afterlife and Hiashi silently promised their next meet wouldn't be for a long time.
"He's alive," he told his daughter.
…
Everything about her overwhelmed him.
Her head was digging into the pillow, face contorted in a sort of daze, Neji couldn't tell because his eyes closed as soon as her hips grinded to meet his. His fists clenched the sheets and when she gasped his name, he pushed in harder, damning tenderness. In the back of his mind, Neji knew this was not meant to be. This was his pitiful fantasies that the gods rewarded him for his sacrifice and Neji didn't know what to think if this was his eternity.
He was losing himself.
Each time he woke up, a piece of him died at the sight of the same sun.
He was entrapped in these rooms. Hinata always sweetly called for him before he could venture further. He let himself be taken away because his death was a matter still raw to contemplate. His mind fogged once more. An imagined warmth touched his cheek and Neji gathered her body to his but she shoved him down. Neji fell back, astonished and definitely aroused, that this world went against his wishes.
By reflex, he trapped her hands. Maybe she would command him to wake. To release her from this plain and face the reality of his death so he could finally be at peace. But it wasn't any of that, not when Hinata laid a soft kiss to his stiff mouth. It was just another of his fantasies, kept hidden in his desires.
Who held the power here, Neji mused afterwards. She was curled by his side after wringing multiple orgasms Neji didn't think was possible.
This Hinata catered to his needs zealously, pushing where he was weak. He was allowed to be weak, Neji thought, suddenly furious. There was no longer someone to protect nor did anyone care for him as loving as this illusionary Hinata, and he'd accept it all for a measure of empty bliss.
She stirred when he nudged her in a position the real Hinata would not allow.
"Neji?" she questioned, reminiscent of a trembling virgin and Neji gritted his teeth.
His desires varied and the recurring theme was that Hinata always trusted him. Right now, he cursed this world for recreating her persona when all Neji wanted was vigorous, carnal sex that barred her memory.
It seemed to sense it and it was incredible how she received him despite his roughness. Neji could never forget it and he responded just as passionately, the words falling from his mouth would have made Hinata faint. When his eyes closed, Neji knew the world would restart itself once again to fit his mood.
The first time Neji woke, the world came back in a veiled curtain.
Which was strange because something was weighing him down. He tried to call for Hinata but when he took a breath, pain shot down his body. It was almost foreign for it was days without end that he felt it. He couldn't summon his voice with the crushing pain spreading everywhere. It fluctuated in random bursts, throbbing aches here and there, before spiking elsewhere and it was hard to breathe. It was a struggle to lift his eyelids and the light that consumed his vision pained him.
Noise ebbed in and out like static, but he could make out the syllables of his name said frantically.
"Ne…ji-niisan! Ne-!"
It could only be Hinata.
His title was attached to his name this time. He must be desperate to have her call out to him with the address that used to tear him apart. He tiredly tried to focus on her. It took a moment to find her face among the multitudes of her syncing and blurring in a ruined reality. He blinked slowly, fixing his gaze on her eyes.
"You're alive," she said shakily. He didn't register the wetness falling to land on his cheeks. "Neji-niisan, you're alive."
He stared. She was breathing, skin injured, and the standard uniform she wore was torn. She was saying his name in relief and more noises started to become clear. The rush of emergencies and a chant as chakra surged over the area. The illusions rushed back, reality punishing him for living past his death with every inhale of his lungs.
He jerked, panic and pain overriding his sanity.
She tried settling him, but he didn't want those hands on him. "Neji-niisan, calm down," she said soothingly, voice compressed. Wires tangled when he fought off her touch and Hinata feared the frantic sound of his heartbeat. "Neji-niisan, stop! It's me, Hinata!" she cried.
Medics came rushing in, shoving her away and as they injected him with fluids, his last sight was her struggle and tears crying out for him.
He dreamed of nothing, but Neji welcomed the darkness. He was not aware that his chakra was drained and a team continuously reflowed it back until his body could generate it naturally. Nor did he feel the pinpricks of needles invading his bloodstream or a stream of medication flooding in.
It was relatively uneventful when he woke again.
"You will recover fully," she explained shakily when he flexed his fingers. "It will take a while. But you will be able to fight again."
It was the least of his concerns. The war was not yet over and Neji only hoped Hiashi assigned someone creditable to take his place. She was talking again, but Neji tuned her out. It was difficult to face her after embracing her in the illusionary world. It wasn't withdrawals, but he still wrestled to contain the needs. He allowed himself to be selfish then, even now he merely wanted to twine their hands, but she was too far out of his reach, too real to touch.
Neji closed his eyes.
Days might have passed and someone stroking his face pulled him out of sleep. He groggily tried to lift his head and knowing he was defenseless, a sound came from his throat to alert the others. "It's okay," a gentle voice said. "You are safe." He drifted off again.
This time he envisioned Hinata as she was in his memories. They were young and ignorant, the days before his forehead was marked and she was condemned by her father. Light seeped between his lids and he managed to open his eyes. The white ceiling was all he saw. "Hinata," his voice grated.
She appeared, touching the sheets and leaned forward enough that her hair touched his fingers. "Hello," she greeted and he stared. The medication hazed his usual bottled expectations and so he thought even as he was bedridden, she was dependent on him as much as he was on her.
The next time he woke, Neji noticed a cut on her cheek. "You needn't worry," she assured him. His mouth was dry and Hinata brought a cup to his lips. There was something in it because the taste overpowered his senses, and the next time he woke up, Hiashi was by his bedside.
If he was fit for duty, he might have felt a mild rush of panic. But now he was uncaring for anything and only the fact he couldn't escape just made him slightly seize up.
"You were a fool."
The tightness around his throat eased.
"But you kept them safe. Thank you."
…
When he was lucid, she informed him of Sasuke Uchiha's return, that Obito Uchiha was gone, but the danger still remained in the form of a woman called Kaguya. There was darkness in his eyes that made her pause, but it disappeared the moment Neji noticed.
"They retreated–" But as Neji listened on, his attention shifted elsewhere. Hinata knew because he longer cared with the twitch of his fingers, signing his impatience. He was examining her intently and Hinata shifted in place. "Is something wrong?" she finally asked.
It was a while before he responded. Neji beckoned her to come closer with bandaged fingers. Hinata stepped forward, hands reaching to touch the bed. Neji briefly met her eyes before he reached to touch the area just below her collarbones. "The marks are not disappearing," he rasped.
"It constrained us all for a long time," she said, gripping the sheets tightly then relaxed when his eyes flickered down once. "I didn't notice it was still there." He didn't pull away yet, his fingertips lingering up to follow the lines. She swallowed and his hand fell. "It will heal eventually," she managed to say before the tension silenced him. His eyes ran down her figure, suspecting there were more and the inspection left her feeling warm.
"I suppose so," Neji said dully and pulled back part of his hospital robe to expose the thick red imprint wrapping around his shoulder. "It is miraculous we are still alive."
The sight of it made Hinata delicately wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You especially," her voice hitched. "I thought you would bleed out while it entrapped us." He didn't question her touch, instead his eyes were directed up at her and Hinata couldn't find the nerve to meet it. "I…I am glad you are still here." He returned her touch with a fleeting tangle of fingers in her hair that Hinata must have imagined. He shifted and Hinata drew back. He remained quiet, relieving her. She straightened and walked over to the tray. "What did you dream?" she asked.
"Happiness," he said, face turned.
Knowing not to ask more, Hinata poured a cup of tea. Neji craved freedom; perhaps he always wanted to attain it without the mark on his forehead. When she became Head, she was going to allow him as much freedom as he wanted for all he had done for her. But there was uneasiness in her, at the thought of Neji leaving her side. Then she remembered the illusion before the dark took her and thought that was impossible. "Do you–" She cleared her throat. "Are you still searching for freedom?"
"Of a kind," he murmured.
Her interest peaked. There was nothing she could do about their born status but she was certain Neji found a measure of freedom in the clan. They were equals. But the way he said it made her strangely curious. She glanced over and was surprised to see Neji watching her.
She needed to say something, to break whatever was in the air that made the world fade. "I hope you will find it."
He abruptly looked away. A stretch of silence, then, "And you, Hinata-sama?"
"I–" she began with a distance stare. The memory didn't disturb her but it was strange, because amid the confusion, she wasn't sure who it was. "I don't know."
"I see."
It felt as if she crossed a barrier that shouldn't have existed.
A strained silence fell over them. Neji could not face her and that was alright, because Hinata didn't have the courage either.
…
Neji had no strength to lift his arms. Even talking required concentration and tolerance of pain and he had none. Her visits shortened since he awakened and grateful for it, Neji was able to recuperate without haunting dreams of her. When she did visit, Hinata often spoke about new formations in their unit that he had no interest in. Her lips had his attention for some time and if he had enough strength, there was no doubt he'd kiss her.
He tested his arm and felt the sharp pain jabbing muscle. Even his own body was against him. The authorization for his release was slow and though he could now do basic exercises, the medics wanted a final run-through of tests which Neji was confident he could pass.
He was expecting a visit soon enough. "Hinata-sama."
"Yes?"
"You must leave."
He steeled himself against the hurt in her eyes. "Why?" she questioned, hurrying to his side. "You don't want me here?"
"You are needed in the battlefield, Hinata-sama," he answered instead. "I will remain here. You do not need to worry."
"But–"
"Hinata."
She fidgeted, pushing down the words. Then finally, she said, "I don't know when I will return."
It was difficult for him to say, "I will see you when you do."
When she reluctantly left, he was still staring out the window when Hiashi walked in a few hours later.
The Head stood imposingly by his side and Neji knew the monotony of his life returned. To lead a team to fight a wave of enemies, expected to win. To protect Hinata even as she wandered away whenever Naruto was mentioned. To survive each day, knowing his love would never be reciprocated in this lifetime. And the reminder of his duty when Hiashi asked, "Will you still join them?"
Neji nodded.
She searched for him after hearing of his return hours ago. He was severely weakened from the confrontation with Obito Uchiha and though he recovered, the possibility of wounds reopening frightened her. "Hinata-sama," he greeted with a soft look in his eyes. She checked for blood stains. "It is not mine," he told her.
"Let me check you," she still said.
"I'm not hurt." Then added before she could say anything, "I have a request."
His hand suddenly reached for her and it confused her, so she covered her palms around his in response. He jerked, eyes flickering down then up at her face. She snatched her hands away, reddening. "I'm sorry," she said in the silence as his hand lowered. "I thought you–"
"What?"
"Nothing," she hurriedly said. "You were saying?"
"Ah," Neji began. His hand flexed and it embarrassed her even more. "I want you to accompany me."
She struggled to not break away from his gaze even though she asked, "Where?"
"We will be delivering a missive to the units stationed to the west."
"Oh." He gave her a curious look and Hinata continued, "I thought we…were going with a team this time." She noticed they were paired more often now compared to the first year of the war. She had a feeling her father arranged for it and Neji would never admit to it either.
Something clouded over his face for a brief second. "Would you prefer that?"
"It's fine either way," she said.
A rousing feeling arose inside when he faintly smiled. She shifted. It begun to bother her and Hinata wished she could place the blame on his near death for the constant tugging in her heart. "Is something wrong, Hinata-sama?"
She tried not to lie, which is why she didn't respond as quickly as she wanted to. There was something wrong. She didn't know why there was a problem, couldn't exactly pinpoint what was wrong, but it had to do with a tangled mess of confusion concerning Neji. She didn't want to examine it now. "Uhm."
He became alerted. "What is it?"
"I don't know," she said truthfully. "I need to think about it."
Neji seldom offered words of comfort and this issue wasn't worth a thought. Instead, Neji surprisingly didn't mind using physical proximity to close the distance and comfort her, as they did during the night. The thought came out of nowhere and it was getting difficult to maintain composure in front of him. "Alright," he conceded. "I will see you tonight then."
She shivered, startling herself at his words. She was grateful when Neji turned to watch a strategist team enter the camp. She heard the implications now, even though Neji most likely did not realize it. Hinata shook her head. She was deluding herself before. She didn't recognize it because Naruto was her only love, but the turmoil remained the same except it was starting to tentatively stem towards Neji.
Hinata looked for her former team for escape. Kiba was nowhere in sight and Hinata resolved to keep company with a lonely Shino near the edges of the forest. She tried calling for his attention by touching his hand and jolted when he pulled back suddenly then realized with guilt that he was startled. "Hinata-sama?"
"Excuse me, Neji-niisan," she said. "I will prepare soon, but I want to speak with Shino first," Hinata explained.
She quickly went away, as if the space between them could erase the building tension.
…
A horrible course of action resulted in Hinata getting injured and Neji was forced to flee.
She kept diligent watch as they raced away. She could argue she could move on her own, that their combined weight made them an easier target, but the tight hold on her silenced it. His breathing was unsettled, not harsh and Hinata dreaded to find more wounds.
He suddenly set her down and pressed her to the tree with his body. Her hands immediately came up to touch his shoulders when his head bent down next to her. She waited and watched over his shoulder, breath held. A few seconds later and their pursuers passed in a flash.
Her heart pounded hard and she feared Neji could hear it. Or maybe he was feeling it too, Hinata realized, from the sound of his controlled breathing to calm from the rush. He shifted, hair tangling with hers, as Neji looked through the tree for their pursuers with the Byakugan. It was getting difficult to breathe without alerting him of how nervous she was. Even through layers of clothing, she flushed at the inevitable press of her chest.
She couldn't risk whispering his name and because he was taller, she could only move her lips near his jaw and mouthed, "Safe?"
He tensed. Then Neji shook his head once. "East," he mouthed by the skin of her ear and Hinata shivered.
Neji must have known because he adjusted the distance between them. The silence stretched and she was getting nervous.
"Hinata." She nearly jumped and his hands clinched. "One."
When his body moved to eliminate the remaining wary nin, Hinata grasped his arm. She signed on his hand, "No. Will alert others if you do."
For what reason, he pressed back closer and she managed to hold back a gasp. A minute later and the leaves a few meters away shuffled then it was quiet. She waited for confirmation.
His head lifted.
She froze. It felt too intimate, something lovers shared. Desire was not new to her, not when she had witnessed lovers engaged in trysts. But it was still an act foreign to her because no man had ever shown interest in her. But there was a leashed storminess that lurked in those white eyes near identical to hers and it moved something in her.
And what lover Neji had knew this familiarity. There was something telling that he was used to such proximity among others, but her presence completely eliminated the possibility of another woman. The thought made her anxious for some reason and she drew her hand back before he could feel her tight grip. He bore through it without a word. Only watched her with hooded eyes.
She remembered the first time she saw it in his eyes. It shook her. It was not meant for her, she had reasoned, because Neji only had her by him nearly every day. But there was no doubt this time and Hinata reddened. When he realized it, his gaze cooled in passivity. He stepped back. "Hinata-sama."
She pushed her hair back. If she said his name plainly without a title, Hinata wondered what foreign look will be in his eyes next. When she sneaked a glance, the Byakugan was alert and scanned their route miles ahead. Was it an illusion, Hinata mused, given how easily Neji dismissed these questionable moments. Or maybe it was just her, she revised, mortified.
Her hands lowered. "We need to regroup," she said instead.
He nodded. She could command him to do anything and he would do so without question. She could read it in his eyes. She hesitated. "Neji-niisan," she began. "I'd like to check for wounds."
He mulled it over. "After we return."
"Now," she insisted. "So you will not be in much pain." He assessed her carefully then inclined his head once. She wasn't alarmed, Hinata told herself, when he rolled up the long sleeve and a long gash sliced through his skin. "Were you going to tell me?" she inquired.
"Eventually." Which meant after danger, she translated. "Hinata-sama." She looked up. "We can do this later. But we must first secure our safety."
She reluctantly agreed.
…
He was awkwardly maneuvering the standard undershirt over his bandages when she found him.
She saw the scars on his back.
Neji tried covering it up, gut twisting, but she stopped him.
He felt her soft fingers trace the puckered skin. He suppressed a shudder, oddly unsettled. She didn't cry, but he felt her sorrow and grief all the same through the unsteady shake of her body. His hand founds hers as she embraced him and held their joined hands over his heart, to feel the beat of it, to know what he felt. She may not know now, but when the time was right, she would realize it.
No words could ever soothe her fears.
She was too anxious by his near death that she never realized Neji was just as devastated when her life was close to ending if he hadn't interfered. She was prepared to die for a good cause, for Naruto, and Neji only acted so that they would live. Only a part of his debt to Naruto was repaid. If Neji was brutally honest, had there been no debt, Hinata was his priority. If Naruto perished, then there was a chance to gain her love. But the cost of war was too high and he had a feeling she would follow the hero to death and Neji would follow after her.
He already died once for her. Such drastic declarations no longer surprised him. There was only one way to erase the feral urges arising in him. Except he couldn't leave Hinata. He felt heated, more so even by her cool skin and Neji gritted his teeth. She was sniffing and all he wanted to do was crush her against him. She'd accept it, he knew. These long years allowed them to grow closer. Now that he had a taste, he wasn't about to let another sweep her away.
He made sure his back was covered before he turned to her and did it anyway, and her small gasp did nothing to his conscience. At this point, it almost seemed like cruel foreplay, Neji thought dispassionately. She clung to him helplessly and she was still sniffing, nudging her head ever so slightly in comfort. Comforting him, Neji thought with amusement. If he brought her any closer, he could have felt the beat of her heart. Just then he damned her endowments, the very thing that made her stiff in his embrace. Instead she put her chin on his shoulder and he couldn't stop a voluntary shiver.
She quickly pulled back despite his best efforts. "I-" the apology died in her lips and whatever she deciphered from his face that he couldn't conceal in time, Neji ignored.
"It doesn't bother me," he said. "I cannot see it anyway."
"Do you…do you need something for it?"
Shame immediately overrode the wild savagery in him and he tried repressing it. "No." He let go and a dark satisfaction stole over him when she stumbled in surprise.
"I meant," she continued, "if you need an ointment when it hurts? For your skin to prevent infection?"
He was a complete mess to allow his insecurities to hurt her. "I was given something."
He didn't deserve the smile she gave him. "If you need anything, I can help," she offered.
He knew she could. She frequented the medical bay to help their clansmen and he used to watch from a distance. It was another moment when he marveled at her strength. Bruises covered her face and her chakra paced slower than usual, but she gave it all to heal others. Such dedication, Neji knew, was precious and he vowed to protect it.
They are older now. The war progressed halfway through the third year and everyone felt the end of it approaching.
They quietly celebrate her birthday.
He tossed wood into the fire. "Happy birthday, Hinata-sama."
She felt the change in the air. It was long months since his birthday passed. Now she felt as if she caught up to him somehow. The war hardened his features. He was no longer the teenage prodigy, but an accomplished man who did his job well. And very well he did, the carnage he left behind was impressive considering he reduced the use of the Byakugan and relied heavily on his honed senses.
A dry smile curved his lips. "What do you wish for?"
"Peace."
"And when it is obtained?"
She met his eyes and could only smile in response. Whatever Neji assumed, something crossed his eyes in recognition. He held her gaze a little longer before he nodded. Hinata bashfully ducked her head. "Do you still hate me?" she said to fill the silence.
He frowned. "No. I do not hate you. Not ever since."
The words hung curiously in the air. Hinata knew he never elaborated further; what he said was a truth she could only imagine and whatever implication she thought of only embarrassed her. Panicked, Hinata sought for a request that had been plaguing her. "When the war is over," she began tentatively because it always made Neji tense. "I-I need your support for my position in the clan," she rushed.
"You intend to inherit Hiashi-sama's place."
"Yes."
He appeared beside her and knelt, evening the level of their eyes. "You should know I will always stand by you," he said.
The weight lifted off her chest. "Thank you."
"Of course," he murmured.
"Uhm," she continued, the red in her face telling. "The Elders… I heard rumors about arranging for my marriage when father is ready to step down."
Neji stilled. "Marriage?"
There was an edge to his voice that faltered her next words. "I-It's not that I want it. I have a feeling," she mumbled, wringing her hands until a heavy hand stopped it, "that the Elders want to negotiate my hand in marriage so that–"
"Hanabi-sama will succeed." He sat back on his heels.
She nodded. Tension creased the unforgiving lines of his face and Hinata wished there was something he could say to ignite her hope. But he stayed quiet, and the long and pensive look he was giving her made her squirm. "I-I think he won't agree."
"Hiashi-sama," he said slowly, "is your father foremost. If what you suspect is true," his hand clinched over hers, "then he will listen to you."
His resolution calmed her panic. Neji would help her; he always did. "Thank you, Neji-niisan."
His eyes dropped down and as he stood, Hinata saw the wry smile on his lips before he turned away.
…
The implication of her birth role began to dawn on her as soon as the war ended. She wasn't naïve to the brazen looks thrown her way as she walked through camp and Hinata was reluctant to discuss it. It was never directed towards her before; Neji's presence completely prevented their advances, but even then Hinata felt unsure. Neji had to notice because his gaze lingered a little too long after she bathed, the silence between them heavy and she never knew what to say. But apparently Neji had no further interest because he was quick to dismiss it and there was a building uneasiness when another took his attention, rare as it was.
Hinata quietly stood to the side. She had a feeling she shouldn't witness this meeting, but Neji herded her here and blocked the way out.
Quick fire demands and shouts from the outside and Hinata wondered what she could have done to help. She fidgeted and slid him a look. It hadn't registered to her what they've discussed. His stance was unyielding and Hinata was resigned to wait. She came out of her thoughts when one corner of the tent slid open and Hinata curiously crouched. "Natsu?" she asked when the familiar face peeked in. "Did something happen to Hanabi?"
"Hanabi-sama is safe, Hinata-sama," the caretaker assured with a smile. "Hiashi-sama wishes for you to be stationed closer."
Neji gave them a quick glance. "I cannot abandon my unit," she told her. "There's much to be done."
After some more urging, Natsu left and Hinata was relieved to see her well. Neji finished his discussion and when they left the tents' cover, Hinata wondered what Neji thought of her appeal to other men. There was a male nin from Konoha that tried pursuing her and when Neji caught wind of it, suffice to say, he no longer had an interest. "Did you do anything to him?" she asked nervously.
He coolly returned her stare. "Of course not, Hinata-sama."
Attractive, physical qualities claimed the male psyche, Hinata quickly learned. Her beauty was not remarkable though her body was embarrassingly so. The only consolation that came after her birthday was the access to the loosely structured law that every nin had to abide despite the war. When the army successfully reclaimed territory, drinks and food flooded the camps. Neji drank and no matter how many Hinata counted, he was unfazed. "None for you, Hinata-sama," he said, plucking it out of her hands and someone else grabbed it from him.
"I can now," she said firmly.
He paused and stared at her so intently she ducked her head. "Yes, you can," he said slowly, drawing out the words.
"S-So I can drink," she mumbled, shuffling her hand for one.
He silently handed the one he held, shadows in his eyes. Heat rose to her face and she tried not to imagine where he had placed his mouth on the cup. It tasted bitter and Hinata grimaced. She let it sit in her mouth and it burned when it slithered down her throat. It was an acquired taste, the Hokage had once said. She took another swig and the world swayed. "That's enough," Neji demanded and it was pried from her hands.
"I only took a sip," she protested.
"You didn't like it."
"I swallowed it," she pointed out and coughed when the burn itched lower.
He mumbled something Hinata didn't hear and his eyes closed for several seconds. "No," he said and Hinata relented, only because she was beginning to contemplate how to unbalance him completely.
"What was in it?" she asked nervously.
"A strong drink," was all he said and passed it on to another intoxicated nin.
"How come you aren't…?"
"You will know when I am," he said, staring at her. It was the alcohol, Hinata reasoned, that she was feeling strange. "But I won't allow myself to. We have a war to win, Hinata-sama."
"Yes, of course."
They lounged further away from the center of camp, where the rowdiest were falling over and brawling. Though her eyes were heavy-lidded, there was too much noise. She mentioned it to Ino, who tried slipping her an innocent looking cup, but Neji snatched it with a dark look and Hinata didn't dare protest.
The warring stirrings Neji wrestled for three long years no longer mustered as much in random intervals.
He was quite content, his wishes nearly fulfilled just from her presence. He supposed he was a simple man and there was an occasional night where his desires manifested, except this time he allowed a moment of tenderness at her consent.
That didn't mean he was entirely pure from sin.
It frustrated him to no end that she already witnessed it. He considered wringing their necks for showing her first demonstration of sex. He shifted uncomfortably. Knowing their lives could end the next day, Neji could not blame them. Hinata deserved more than the hard ground and rough tree barks if she ever felt inclined to explore her sexual curiosity.
He already considered all the possibilities. His status was forever a Branch member and it would only shame her if she did come to him. He could never face her the next day if it was done at the compound. He was also certain he'd kill whoever took her virginity. He threw down his weapons in disgust. The only hope was to capture her attention.
There were still nights when he entertained the thought of Hinata loving him those ever trusting eyes. She made it difficult these long weeks to retain his usual indifference. Maybe he had been too welcoming and she responded in kind, in a way he did not expect. There was no way Hinata was not aware of the implications of what they did. They were no longer bumbling youths ignorant of the world.
There were other nights when he woke in a cold sweat. The severing puncture of spikes through his body. The shadows of nin he killed chasing Hinata. The reminder of death's hold on him. He was getting used to her unreserved closeness when they slept before. Now it was completely out of sorts the closer his final mission loomed. Too weary of everything and even Hinata couldn't grant him peace.
He woke one night, kunai in hand and was prepared plunge it when he sensed someone close. It fell to the ground once he registered it was her.
His hands scrubbed down his face tiredly.
Hinata.
It was her beside him. A mantra he needed to remember nowadays.
He traced the bottom of her lip to console himself. It would be easy, Neji thought.
In the illusionary world, she was once naked beneath him. His memories flashed back to his hands drifting down her body. He wanted her mouth on his, to drag her hips maddeningly over his until climax shattered them both. It was strangely realistic how everything felt authentic in that dreamscape plain. His memory recreated her dimensions perfectly and was as real as she felt. He was going to receive divine punishment, Neji swore, for allowing such thoughts.
It couldn't be stopped either way; circumstances forced them in close proximity. She was always in a daze then, maybe a little uncertain, but all Neji did was step away and present her with an escape. And Hinata always took it because there was no other way. The possibility of her running away after seeing how much he desired her stayed him from ever revealing it.
"Hinata-sama" he'd say.
"Neji-niisan," she'd reply.
She always reddened easily, but it was troubling to read her in those moments. It helped that it took her a while to respond because he also needed to find clarity. He now suspected Hinata had an inkling of his desires, yet she remained as she was to him. It put a strain in their arrangements and the impending separation after the war doused him greatly.
As much as he wished for the nights, they couldn't continue on like this any longer.
…
They were separated for a week.
And when they finally shared the night together, it was spent in separate places.
Hinata shivered in the night. Neji forced himself to endure.
…
When the army gathered, she no longer focused on the blond hero proclaiming his resolve. Instead, she searched for a dark figure with hard white eyes.
"Naruto is in the camp," Kiba told her. "You want to go?"
"No, I need to tend to the wounded," Hinata said.
She was only mildly surprised when Kiba leaned forward and sniffed. "You'd better check yourself first before looking for others."
"I'm fine."
"Neji's somewhere here, he'll patch you up."
She was mildly jealous of his superior senses to find him easily. "I don't need it."
"I bet Neji will say otherwise."
"He's–" Hinata stopped. She hadn't seen him since their return. She bade them a short farewell and headed for the numerous tents mounted for each division.
A few peeks in the first tents proved useless. Thankful for it, Hinata contemplated on how to speak with him. More aloof then she was used to, Neji surprised her one night. He was more distant than usual and it made her fret, because Hinata thought they've grown closer. She found him one night when he returned from a solo mission. He was packing supplies in a knapsack and she nervously asked, "Are you staying tonight?"
And he had said, "No."
He resided close by and she didn't have the nerve to question him. He was too polite to reject her outright. So Hinata made do though she couldn't stop thinking about him. It was foolish to consider the uneasiness in her when it came to Neji. She pondered for days and Hinata didn't come closer to finding an answer.
A limp slowed her walk and she reached for the covers of one tent when it burst out and a woman hastily came out, red lips set in frown. Their eyes briefly met before she headed towards the supply crates, hair messily tied and glasses askew. The ground crunched at her feet. She faltered, unsure on what to anticipate. His bare back, riddled with scars, was to her when she entered. She didn't know what to think and the man in front of her suddenly felt like a stranger.
The distance crept in and she couldn't silence the noise in her throat in time. "Hinata-sama?" he asked. A large bandage was by his shoulder. He held up gauze. "Do you need assistance?"
She tried piecing it together. "No, thank you."
The defined muscles on his forearms held her attention. It was too expected that nins were fit, but it was always hidden by long sleeves, and it surprised her that she nearly forgot Neji was just as fit too. But it was a lie if she thought she hadn't noticed. How could she have forgotten on a moonlit night, after she disposed of an assassin and he rushed to her, barely clothed.
She covered her face.
He was on his feet and faltered before his hands gently pried her arms apart. "What's wrong, Hinata?" She didn't even notice the address he used because her cheeks reddened at the rigid muscles lining his abdomen. Hinata looked to the side. He noticed and stepped back, going to gather his uniform. "My apologies," he said swiftly.
Hinata hesitated. "No, I'm sorry. I should have come in later…"
The silence stretched. Neji searched her face. "She is Shikamaru's subordinate who needed my report," he finally said.
Her fingers touched nervously. "That is…I didn't mean–"
He pulled on a shirt, muscles flexing hard. "Of course you didn't," was his flat parting words before he departed.
…
The cold water was welcomed to his heated skin.
Hinata was just there, but he could no longer answer her. The first time he turned her away, she couldn't look at him. It was what Neji wanted, but it still wounded him. Hinata truly had no investments in their time together. She tried trailing him one time and he couldn't face the hurt in her eyes when he told another excuse and she didn't ask about it anymore. It was a thousand times worst inflicted on him than his near death. Eventually she would stop caring, he thought bitterly.
Naruto was in the area, surrounded by counsels and though they also called him, he couldn't leave not knowing how her recovery went. Just as well. He could excuse his stalking tendencies on the fact that Naruto needed him here, just as she was seeking Naruto. When death chased him, he was convinced he wouldn't allow anything to stand between them. But like a coward he turned tail and abandoned her before the end.
He was hurting too. Then she had come in, looking for him. One look at her face and he knew her confusion was misplaced.
For a split second he hoped the interest on her end was mutual to his. So he told her, "She is Shikamaru's subordinate who needed my report." When she stuttered something else, the hope died in him and it was another reason to stifle his love. He stormed out with enough dignity to not rouse her suspicion and thank the gods she didn't call him back or he'd have swallowed his pride and reluctantly, though very much willing, return to her side. Relief was a balm to his soul when she didn't follow him.
Kiba shouted at him, "Hey, Hinata was looking for you!"
"She found me," he bit out.
Kiba muttered something bad and trudged the other way.
Though Neji knew he was acting selfishly, he needed to settle things between them before the last charge.
The sun was setting and his heart pounded hard when they found each other.
The words were stuck in his throat. Hinata was searching his face and afraid of what she might find, Neji tentatively closed a hand on her shoulder. There was surprisingly no resistance and before regret consumed him, Neji looked for any more signs. Apparently it took too long when Hinata embraced him loosely.
A truce.
…
Two weeks before supplies were exhausted, the war was nearing its end. Towards it, there were revelations.
She didn't need to ask for his closeness before. He would oblige anyway. There was comfort and there was restlessness. It felt unfulfilled because Neji couldn't reciprocate it. So Hinata chose to not say anything when he distanced himself.
Her affection for Naruto had dwindled. His muscles locked tight whenever she went to him. He understood her well enough to know she needed his reassurance. Like a drug, it was a brief respite but in the end, the ache in his heart grew heavier. So Neji kept away and hoped she could find the strength to adjust once more.
Not unlike when she was resuscitated, a choke gripped her throat when they returned, fewer than ever, and she was alone. Medics attended to her and she healed, but it didn't disappear. She could finally breathe again when she saw him in the camp, standing tall and alive.
His heart eased when she was among the nins. He kept her in his line of sight and discreetly moved to follow when she was ushered away. Though his duty was to the clan, to serve only her, and the war, he wouldn't survive if she fell before him.
…
He was resting by a tree, lines of exhaustion marring his face.
She finally found him alone, away from the pace of battle and rushed gatherings. He was reluctant to stay beside her when they were alone and Hinata was determined to find out why. She couldn't deny she missed him every night and it wasn't because of the nightmares anymore.
A twig snapped by her feet and Hinata flinched. Neji opened his eyes and met hers with an unreadable look. She hesitated. Though she had just disturbed him, there was a look in his eyes that told her he was waiting for something. Too afraid to speak, Hinata approached closer. She lowered herself in front of him, legs folding gracefully.
She immediately regretted it. There was no room for him to move away and Hinata was about to rise to do so when Neji stopped her.
It surprised her when he suddenly pulled her in an embrace.
She whispered his name.
"I am here, Hinata."
There was something masked in his voice that made Hinata uneasy.
His heartbeat was steady. His arms were strong to keep her in place. It was all Hinata registered before relaxing, fitting into his space. There was no longer any doubt. In that illusionary world, it was Neji who she dreamed of. Hinata could only think it was because of her strong belief that Neji would never leave her. Those nights from the past three years, there was always a lingering thought at the back of her mind, of Neji's response to their sleeping arrangements.
Maybe she imagined a phantom's touch ghosting her hair, a fleeting tangle of fingers, and a jolt of shock at the contact. But when she woke, she had to wonder if it was a dream, seeing Neji's strong back. It made her nervous, that if Neji withdrew from her because of her nightly habits that began accidentally, then she didn't know how to face him. But after a few nights, he never questioned her. It shamed her to bring it up, so not one word was said in the morning. Then it began routinely and it was something she relied on after the heavy toll of war. One look at him and something in her calmed in the midst of chaos. Now, she was lost.
"You've been with me for so long, Neji-niisan," she murmured. "Thank you."
She still remembered that night. When she saw his scars, tears clouded her eyes. His hand guided hers to the steady beat of his heart, to assure her that he still lived. But now Hinata wondered if Neji perceived her more than a responsibility, more than a teammate, and more than just familial bond.
It was clear to Hinata how exhausted he was. But Neji never asked for her to leave all those times, and it made her wonder how deep Neji's tolerance was of her that he allowed her to stay in a lover's proximity without question.
The next time, Hinata told herself, she would find a way to ask him, and fell into sleep's embrace.
…
A nin alerted him it was time to leave with a distinct whistle.
He glanced towards the row of trees where the nin emerged, signing urgently. Neji nodded. In his arms, the weight of her body was nothing compared to the chains he felt wrapped around his heart. It was time to say goodbye. More noises, forcing him to leave fast. Hinata stirred. Neji flicked a glance to the nin, who promptly disappeared after one last signal.
He stared at the mass of indigo hair draped over him and below was the face of his charge, soft in sleep. He wouldn't wake her. Neji could only imagine her protest and for her to join in the last battle was out of the question. He lingered, engraving her face and touch to memory. He didn't know how their time spent in moments like this would change after the war. Even in the comforts of the village walls and security of the compound, would Hinata still seek him in the midnight hour, Neji mused.
He managed to push her away the last few weeks. She learned how to cope with his disappearance. It was also training him to handle the vast emptiness when they returned to normal life in Konoha.
If he managed to survive. The thought sobered him.
He allowed himself one last stroke of her hair, reining back other dark urges. If he were to die the next coming days, then he would be content because he knew how soft her hair was, how warm her body truly was, even if it was unspoken that she allowed for his touch as she did to him. But he still wouldn't give in because it was her trust in him that he'd betray, because he'd fully take advantage of her kindness, because he thought more of her than Hinata ever assumed.
Another purposeful crunch of gravel.
Neji didn't need to look to see it was another Hyuuga to secure her. Neji briefly wondered if the sight of Hinata in his arms would raise any suspicions on her end. His faithfulness to her was known, only because it was to be expected and no one dared thought it would be reciprocated. The clan dismissed the case of Naruto Uzumaki; they knew his importance of the war, and if it motivated their heiress in the war then they would allow it, because they knew it would motivate Neji in return, who'd go to hell and back to fulfill her wishes.
The Elders thought they were the puppeteers, Neji darkly reflected, to use Hinata as a pawn, who thought freedom was granted to her in the midst of the war, and if they thought he was another puppet through Hinata, they were wrong. He only served Hinata and if he had to manipulate her away from their control, Neji would.
A nin emerged from the trees.
A sort of heaviness dropped on his body. He sat up a little straighter, careful to not disturb her. His hands hovered over her skin. He had a feeling the parting would be much harder for him. He looked to the clansman, who knelt and carefully gathered her until Neji slipped away. He stretched, loosening his body for the long, long, battle, and checked his equipment.
His sight saw the unit in preparation from afar, the Byakugan an instinctual habit from the years of war. Only a dozen or so made up the team that would support Naruto. Indeed, it was a suicide mission. The veins mellowed by his face and he took a moment as the world returned to the sight of colors and faces after the darkness faded. It was longer now and Neji accepted his inevitable blindness during the battle. He took one last look at Hinata. He still didn't know what it was supposed to mean, her need for his closeness and a despairingly hopeful part of him wished for her love but he shoved it away.
Neji left.
When the war was over, if it ever ended, and he managed to survive from this, Neji only wished to the gods that Hinata would look for him first and not Naruto in the ruins of the battlefield for his body, dead or alive.
…
Hinata knew something was wrong when no warmth shielded her from the cold air. She sat up, looking for the familiar figure of Neji but found someone else. "Kou?" she questioned and the nin looked to her. "What are you doing here?"
"Hiashi-sama assigned me for your protection."
Her brows furrowed. "Where's Neji-niisan?" she asked quietly.
The silence lengthened. "I am sorry, Hinata-sama."
"Why are you apologizing?" she asked, an edge to her voice that made Kou stiffen. "I want to see Neji-niisan."
"He is gone."
"Where–"
"The war will end soon, Hinata-sama. Believe in him."
It wasn't the answer she commanded of him. She quickly stood, a horrible feeling settling in her. "Where is he?"
Kou hesitated. "He is in the front lines of battle with Naruto. It is our only chance left."
She gripped his vest. "Where is the unit stationed at?"
"Even if I tell you, they are too far away to intervene. Their mission is to support Naruto to end the war."
"Why wasn't I informed?"
"It is confidential."
He left her again. She didn't find him the next day. In three days, intel informed them Naruto advanced further and they had lost more nins. The witnesses declined to give names.
In a week, they felt the tremors of the earth and the battlefield was littered with too many bodies, among it were the few nins assigned to Naruto's protection. The Alliance prevented anyone from retrieving the bodies until Naruto stood victorious.
Sleep never came easy and Hinata waited for the sunrise each day as everyone kept watch.
"Kakashi and Sakura have withdrawn from battle!" and only a few hours later, "Naruto did it!" the words proclaimed over the land.
Naruto was alive. They won. The golden hero emerged, Sakura and Kakashi supporting him by the shoulders. He grinned widely and shouted their victory to the sky, "We won!" before collapsing.
The medic nins immediately acted.
Hinata rushed towards the scene, scouring with the Byakugan for any pulse left. She pushed a familiar body, frantically turning him over. Blood stained everywhere, matting his long hair to battered skin. She cried his name and searched for a heartbeat.
Finally, his eyes slowly opened. She bent over him. "Hinata," he rasped.
His white gaze was always focused on her and Hinata now knew she didn't want them to ever look away.
FIN
Aaaand Canvas in White begins a few months after this in which I decided that they had enough tension so I just let them work it out. Their before, their present, their future in one trilogy. Wow. Thank you to the readers for sticking with me in every fic I've written for this pairing. You guys are the best.
