Alright, updates might be a little slower after this one. School starts back tomorrow, so I won't have as much time to write. And sorry the chapters keep getting shorter, but here's Chapter 3 anyway. It's a little… bluh, but whatever! :)
Sunlight dripped in the window, and it flicked across my face. My eyes fluttered open to the bright room that was all together peaceful. Sometime in the night, the rain had stopped. Now, it was silent apart from the small sound of sleeping. I ran a hand through the brown locks in my face, stopping to rub my neck, before glancing around then down into my lap. I had almost forgotten completely what had happened last night. Apparently, I had fallen asleep after consoling Karkat; something I never thought I'd have to do. He was now curled up, asleep, with his head resting on my leg. Suddenly, I gained a slightly uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I shifted. I hadn't really meant to, but this seemed to have woken him. He lifted his head and sat up with a small yawn. Rubbing his eyes, he then looked up to and became a little flushed.
"Oh- sorry, Sollux." He spoke tiredly, scooting down the couch.
I gave an indifferent wave as I sat up straight. "It's fine, I didn't want to wake you up after you practically cried yourself to sleep." Apparently, I couldn't even say things right when I wasn't angry.
His eyes narrowed; time for defensiveness. "I was not crying." He barked at me, now losing any drowsiness.
I shrugged, extending my arm over the back of the couch. "Whatever Karkat, you were bawling like a baby over your precious John. Say what you want, but it's pretty clear that you've been pining after him." Dammit, could I not stop being an asshole for one minute?
His hands curled into fists, but he inevitably gave up on yelling at me. He looked exhausted, but still he slinked off the couch. His back was turned as he started walking; then he stopped. "Don't tell anybody about that. I wouldn't have let anyone see me like that. And after that crack, I'm not sure if it was right for you to see it either." He continued walking as his fists began to shake a little. "I'm taking a shower, fuckass." The bathroom door slammed shut, and it made me wince a little.
I sighed and sunk back down into the couch. Good job.
The next few days passed slowly. I woke up, went to work, came home, and repeated the cycle the next day. Few words were exchanged between Karkat and me. I couldn't tell if he was ashamed that he let me see him in such a pitiable state, or if he was angry I made wise cracks about it. Knowing him, it was probably both a mixture of shame and constant anger. It would seem lately my life had gone to shit, and just when the chance came to make it better, I'd make some snide comment and send it plummeting right back into the fire.
The days had become monotonous. Though I slightly appreciated the rhythm and normality of the world, there was never a moment when I felt as peaceful as I had just sitting on that couch. The rain had allowed grace to pass, and feeling the warmth of another person beside me made everything feel alright; but it was Karkat. That's what bothered me most. I had felt this comfort only when I let my guard down for him, and he to me. This was something that I was supposed to feel with someone like Aradia. She was the one I had put in that space; not my best friend. I couldn't let the thoughts of loneliness manipulate my mind like they were. And so, the snarky remarks flew out of my mouth. I was verbally pushing him away. Every day it was something new. Whether it was a passing word or the occasional argument that broke out, it seemed we couldn't speak to each other with flying into insults.
These weren't the usual ones either. Over time, one comes to learn that for some, Karkat used insults as nearly terms of endearment. With his friends, he barely meant them in the way they could be taken. He wouldn't waste time on someone who didn't disserve them. Most people would be happy to not have someone yelling at them, but for me it was different. He was silent whenever I walked into the room. He wouldn't even glare at me; it was unusual and rough. I wanted to go back to where we could joke around and insult each other for fun, but I had screwed it up.
After the morning he had woken up in my lap, it only got worse. Whenever he would talk to me, I would tease him about something he couldn't control. Between saying something about him crying and his love of John, to his temper that he could never seem to control, I just kept adding onto to the rage he had been building up.
However, he would never explode on me. Truthfully, I think that's what I was looking for. I wanted him to yell at me. Someone needed to. I had been spending the past few weeks doing nothing but working, getting drunk, and them winding up flat on my ass, feet in the air. I had been blind to the world, and blind to everyone around me. That's what I needed though.
I needed someone to yell at me, help me pick up the pieces.
The ring of the bell hanging on the door made me blink and center on the world once again. The smell of coffee filled my nose. I was at work again; standing in my apron, mindlessly punching numbers on the register.
"What can I get for you?" I asked as I began cleaning out an old pot.
"Uh, actually, Sollux. Can we talk?"
My head rose, and I stopped what I was doing. This voice was familiar. I looked over my shoulder, eying the buck-toothed guy in front of the counter. "Hey John." I said calmly before turning back around and continued to clean the machine.
He fidgeted awkwardly, taking quite awhile to reply. "Do you get off soon?"
"Soon, just wait at a table." I said motioning over to a corner of the shop where a few table sat against a large glass window. He followed suit and moved over to sit patiently in a chair.
I finished up cleaning and removed my apron before turning the lights off and opening the door. Sending a wave to him, he shuffled over and followed me out. I locked the door, and turned around. As I began to walk down the street, he trailed after me. Catching up to my side, he shoved his hands deep in his pockets, giving a light shiver to the cold.
I was the first to break the silence after we had already made it a good way down the sidewalk. "So did you need something?"
He remained silent for a moment. "Well, this afternoon I was supposed to go see a movie with Karkat, but he never showed."
My feet stopped, but only for a split second before I continued walking again. "Oh, really? How odd." John had never known what Karkat felt. Poor kid was completely oblivious to everything.
He nodded; his eyes were glued to the side walk with a frustrated expression. "I tried to call him, but he wouldn't answer. Actually, I haven't talked to him in days. The last time was when I called to tell him about Dave."
I glanced over quick enough to catch the small flash of a smile. I looked back ahead, trying to think of an excuse. He owed me for covering.
"Well, Karkat hasn't been feeling very well recently. He's pretty tired. That's probably why he hasn't called you back." That should be good enough. Gullible Egbert would believe that.
"Oh, too bad. I hope he feels better soon." Check. "But you know, that conversation ended oddly too. He just sort of hung up in the middle of when I was telling him." He laughed quietly though it sounded tight. "Hell, I even talked for like five straight minutes after that before the dial tone was blaring in my ear. I-"
"Look John," My voice was loud, but it soon quieted down when he stopped talking. "He's just been feeling a little sick lately; nothing to worry about." I turned my head and feigned a smile.
He looked as if he believed me as he returned the smile. We stopped walking upon reaching my building. I turned to leave. "It was nice talking John. I'll see you around." Before I could even start walking, his hand was on my shoulder pulling me back.
He retracted his hand rather awkwardly and stood fumbling his words for a second. "I, uh, do you think I could come up and say hi?"
No. My first thought was correct, but he just stared at me with those round blue eyes. I sighed and shrugged. "Sure. I guess it couldn't cause much harm…"
I led him upstairs and unlocked the door. With slight hesitation, I opened the door and walked in. "Karkat, I'm home."
"Like I care asswipe!" He yelled back at me from the bedroom.
This apparently tickled John, because it triggered a small laugh on his part. Not for long.
I moved into the kitchen and pulled out a can of soda, popping the tab. I leaned up against the counter then called out to him again. "We have a guest." Meanwhile, John stood awkwardly in the door way, only moving when I ushered a hand to him. He sat down in a chair at the table as Karkat came bumbling in.
"Who the fuck would want to visit us?" He said, in almost a shout, but stopped in his tracks upon spotting John. He had a look of disbelief which quickly melted into a glare, settling on my face.
"Hi Karkat." John said quietly, except Karkat turned on his heels and escaped back into his room. And of course, it wouldn't be a Karkat exit without the slamming of a door. John stood and scuffled over to the door quickly, knocking warily. "Come on Karkat, come out. I want to speak to you… Why won't you talk to me?" There was only silence from the other side of the door. After a few more futile attempts, John twisted back around and walked straight to the front door. "I guess it wasn't a good idea to come over."
It was clear to me by his actions that John had figured out quite easily what was bothering Karkat. Well, not entirely, not the whole love ordeal, but he knew it wasn't because he was sick. He gave me a sheepish smile before opening the door.
"I hope he feels better soon." He mumbled, it was completely a façade, but he spared me from questioning. I nodded to him and he left with the quiet click of the door.
From there, I pushed off the counter and over to the bedroom door. I layered a hard knock on the door which was returned by the sound of something soft smacking against it. What I took to be a pillow slid down.
"Karkat, open the door."
"Go away dammit!" He yelled at me, but once again it had that tone that wasn't at all threatening. My eyes rolled as I opened the door; he hadn't even taken the time to lock it. I was right, it was a pillow. I stepped over it as my eyes caught on to him.
There he sat, bundled up it what had to be every sheet on his bed. He always did this when he was sad. It was like a child, but nevertheless, he did it. The t.v. was flashed, and all that could be seen from within the covers was a small hole for his face. I moved over and sat down on my bed with a sigh. It was on the other side of the room, so I had a clear line of vision to stare at him.
"He came to the shop today; walked home with me. He just wanted to come say hi."
Silence.
"Why didn't you go today?"
He shifted a little and grumbled something.
"What was that?" I persisted, staring him down.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He mumbled turning his eyes away from the screen for only a second.
"Of course you do. And, I want to know why you didn't go meet him this afternoon. If this is what you've been doing all day, you had no reason not to go."
"I have a fucking reason!" His head shot out from the covers, and now he was set in a full on glare. "And you know why I didn't go."
"You should have talked to him." Both of our voices were loud now, even if we didn't mean to be yelling.
"How could I? He doesn't know how I feel!"
I threw my hands up in the air. "That's exactly my point! You never told him."
"Why should I? It doesn't matter now."
I stood, smacking my hand back to my sides. "You're right, It doethn't matter." Shit. There it is. Oh well, don't stop now. It took me a second to recuperate, but I still continued. "It's too late now. You might have had a chance if you had told him earlier instead of denying it. Now, he has Dave, and you know what? When he even mentions his name, he smiles. So yes, it doesn't matter. You screwed up. And guess what else. It may have been alright if you would just fucking talk to people sometimes."
He pulled the covers back around his shoulders but never stopped scowling. "You're not the one who should be telling me I need to talk. Isn't that the whole reason Aradia left you?"
Cheap shot. I backed up, staring at him with narrow eyes. "Shut up douchebag."
"Leave." He replied shortly as his gaze returned to the movie. "I don't want to talk to you."
"Yeah, you never want to. Not until it's too much for you to handle, and you end up dumping yourself on me in a pathetic ball of emotion."
His glare intensified, but he didn't look at me. "I thought I told you not to talk about that."
I shrugged. "You wanted me to talk; I'm talking."
His head burrowed deeper into the wad of safety. "Go away." I stood my ground without returning an answer, but his voice came out of the heap; it was quiet now and almost trembling. "Please Sollux, just leave me alone."
I decided I couldn't do anything else, so I simply turned and with a final look back, I walked out of the room. The door clicked just before I slid down it and hung my head, rubbing my neck.
How did this keep happening?
