Becoming Herself
Chapter Three
"Feel anything?" Aaron asked, when they finished kissing.
"Like I'd rather be run over by a truck," Cady said.
"But—you kissed me back!" Aaron exclaimed, clearly hurt.
"That was to test whether or not I was right. I am right; I must be a lesbian."
"Come on, you're just fooling yourself. The Cady I know is not a lesbian."
"Maybe I don't want to be the Cady you know anymore. I'm finding out who I am; it's far better that this is happening now than when I'm forty."
"But Cady, all the time we had together—will you just forget it, as if it never happened?" He sounded utterly dismayed.
"No, I cherish those memories. But you met Melissa and things haven't been the same since." Seeing he was looking pale, as if he were losing something precious, Cady attempted to reassure him. "My change in orientation doesn't mean that I'll forget you. I remember our first kiss with fondness. But this last one…"
"Ah, that's what was wrong. I forgot to imbue the kiss with passion. Cady, let me kiss you again."
"No," she said adamantly.
"Why not?"
"I asked you to kiss me as an experiment. The results have been negative; I no longer like men, in that way.. Letting you kiss me would be like you letting Scott Vortex kiss you." Scott Vortex was a rival on the swim team from Northside High School who graduated the same year as Aaron.
Aaron shuddered in revulsion. "Darn you know how to make nasty pictures evolve in one's head. I won't kiss you, then. I just hope Melissa doesn't become a lesbian, too."
"I doubt she will," Cady assured him. They said their farewells, and Aaron left.
Now Cady had to figure out how to approach Mercedes. She wasn't sure the girl would take her back, after the way she had treated her. When she returned home from the pizza parlor, she called Janis.
"What do you want?" Janis asked.
"I want Mercedes back, but I don't know if I can take rejection. I mean, I treated her so poorly…"
"Oh, Cady, she'll take you back. Trust me."
"You really think so?"
"Yes. And if she doesn't, there's always Emily Grisham."
Both of them laughed at this notion. Cady hung up and went to bed.
On Sunday afternoon, as she was finishing up an assignment for social studies, she thought she might send Mercedes an e-mail to reassure her. But when she started typing, she had no idea what to say. Mercedes might not read it anyway; this required a face-to-face conversation.
The next day, Mercedes was not there. Nor the next. On Wednesday, Cady decided that she had no choice but to e-mail the girl. She checked her inbox on Thursday, but there was nothing. Mercedes still did not show up on Friday, but there was a message from her:
Cady,
Oh, thank God you're no longer upset! And you think you could really like me? This is more than I could ever hope for…part of the reason I joined the exchange program was the hope that I'd find a girl in America who would share my interest in women. In Colombia, it is looked upon as a sin to kiss or even think of a girl in that way. I thought that America had put aside such prejudices long ago. I see now I was wrong.
I don't want to push you to do anything you don't want to. I just want a girlfriend. If it ever feels too awkward for you…like you can't take it…just tell me, and I'll never bother you again. There are other lesbians who will have me.
I've had a cold for several days, but I'll be back in school on Monday. See you then!
Love (I can use this word, can't I?),
Mercedes
Cady thought of replying back that she loved Mercedes too, or thought she did, and Mercedes should have no worries about being forsaken by her. But, upon reflection, she believed it would be better to demonstrate this by actions than by words.
On Monday Cady wore her most attractive dress, which caused her father to remark, "What's the occasion?"
"Oh, there's just someone I want to impress."
"Cady, any boy who likes you because of what you're wearing is a scumbag."
"All boys are scumbags, Dad."
"That's a rare statement to come from a seventeen-year-old girl."
"What can I say. I'm unique."
She patted the Dalmatian on the head, then walked out the door.
At school, she spotted Mercedes before the latter spotted her, and Cady ran into the Hispanic girl's arms faster than the speed of light. They kissed. Cady didn't care that it was a public place, that everyone was watching. She had never been this happy in her life.
Over the next several weeks, Mercedes and Cady were inseparable. Cady brought the Hispanic girl to her house, and introduced her to her father. Emily Grisham glared at Mercedes in the hallways, for stealing her dream girl. Mark Hagen had joined the Photography Club, and he took pictures of Cady and Mercedes kissing. One of these pictures was printed in the school newspaper, and at first Cady was angry and threatened to kick Mark in his crotch, but then Mrs. Yutsin called her down to the counselor's office.
"Miss Heron," said the counselor, her lips pursed. "It has come to our attention that you have been behaving in questionable behavior in the school hallways."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Cady said, calmly.
"Kissing the exchange student in a romantic manner. Does this ring bells?"
"Um…yeah. But is there a law against that?"
"If this were the early eighties, yes, then there would be. Unfortunately, it is the twenty-first century."
"Well, that's good."
Mrs. Yivust pursed her lips even tighter. "I don't know what your definition of 'good' is. If you do not cease this behavior immediately, the school will have to notify your father—"
"No! It'd kill him!"
"Then you must understand that, though we can't have you arrested or suspended, we can inform your father that you are a hooligan, a slut, a dirty woman."
"For kissing a member of my own sex?"
"Yes."
"This is ridiculous! I thought this was a progressive country, but I see I was wrong."
"Listen, here, young lady. Homosexuality should be forbidden. It is a disgrace to mankind. What if one day, it's illegal for men to love women, and women to love men? Then procreation will be impossible. I would call your father now, but I'm a pleasant woman, and have chosen to give you another chance. No more kissing Miss Marquez. You'll ruin her for when she goes back to Colombia, where she'll meet a nice man, get married, have children. It's perfectly fine if you're a lesbian," though the way Mrs. Yutsin said it made it sound as if it was anything but perfectly fine, "but Miss Marquez is a respectable Colombian who can barely speak English, and—"
"She speaks English better than you think! Heck, if she entered an English-speaking contest against most of the students at this school, Mercedes would win!"
"Then why is she in ESL classes?"
"Because this stupid school lost her files!"
The counselor's face became hard and cold. "You have just insulted this school. I will eagerly be waiting your graduation. As soon as you walk out those doors, you can kiss all the girls you want. But I'm warning you…if any of our staff catches you in this disgraceful behavior again, your father will know immediately, and you will be expelled."
"I thought you said you couldn't expel me for that."
"We'll find another reason to expel you. There are girls who know a lot about you that could result in instant expulsion. Regina George seems particularly interested in giving information."
Cady was fed up with her school. To think that they would make a deal with Regina George! She couldn't help thinking what a corrupt world this is.
"I think we have made clear what we can do to you. You are dismissed."
Cady left in a huff. She thought she should've made a retort about the school watching Emily Grisham's behavior, since she was also likely to kiss girls in public venues. But all she wanted to was find Mercedes.
At last she spotted her talking to Ms. Sullivan, her science teacher. Mercedes finished her conversation, then rushed to wrap her arms around Cady's shoulders, leaning in for a kiss…but Cady put her finger to the girl's lips.
"We can't," she whispered. "Not here." Ms. Sullivan was watching them.
Cady told Mercedes about everything Mrs. Yivust had said. Mercedes was really upset when Cady mentioned that the counselor had remarked that one day she'd marry a Colombian boy. But Cady did not mention what hurt her the most…that Mercedes would be returning to Colombia one day, and Cady could not follow her there.
If the day wasn't bad enough, that night at dinner her father made an announcement. "I'm getting married!"
"What?" Cady asked.
"Caroline is amazing. I can't live without her any longer."
"But…I haven't even met her! And you'll expect me to call her 'Mom,' I bet…"
"That's about the sum of it."
"Dad, this isn't right! It feels like you're a traitor!"
"Cady, your mother is dead. Get over it."
That was too much. Cady ran to her room, slamming the door behind her.
