Did I make a mistake?

This story starts off five months after the last chapter.


I walked into work feeling very upset and nervous. I said hello to Andrew as I sat in my seat leaving my cell phone on my desk every five minutes checking to see if Bobby would text me or Brenda would call me. I was a wrack, I wanted a cigarette, I just wanted Lynn back. I look up as a costumer came in, a young man who looked like an older version of Bobby and very handsome. He smiled at me as he came in and I quickly stood up to meet him.

"Hello." He said in an odd accent I could not seem to trace.

"Hello, how can I help you sir?" I said trying to sound professional.

"Yes I'm looking for a cell phone." He said flashing a smile up at me but his eyes slid to my wedding ring and his smile slightly faded.

"Well what kind, we all different types of cell phones. We have Samsung, Nokia; Motorola…the list goes on and on. How about you tell me how much money you are willing to spend on the phone and then we will go from there." I said to him checking my cell phone one more time. He frowned as he watched me check my cell phone and sat down in front of the desk.

"Well, I'm willing to spend about ninety dollars." He smiled at me and his smile reminded me at once of Bobby's.

"Well then the Nokia picture phone is the phone for you. With the correct plan you will have up to one hundred free texting a month, and you can take endless amount of photos. You can call anyone who has Cingular for free and you can call everybody else after seven o'clock without costing you anything." I said as a professional while at the same times checking my cell phone endless amount of times.

I showed him the Nokia which he seemed to like very much. "Okay with the plan and the cell phone the price will be seventy dollars and thirty-three cents." I told him after a while. He happily paid the money and even gave me a pretty big tip. I pocketed the tip without feeling any guilt as I looked at the clock.

"So…do you have a name?" He asked me and I looked up in shock.

"I never introduced myself to you?" I said in shock. How in the hell did I forget that.

"No, sir you didn't." He responded nicely.

"Doug, Doug Bukowski" I said at him as I played spider solitaire on the computer.

"Well then Doug, here, this is for you." He said to me as he threw a piece of paper at me and walked out of the store. I opened the note lazily, feeling a little too uptight and too annoyed to deal with Daniel Sloop.

'Hi handsome, call me. 707-8976. Come on big boy, your wife does not need to know.' I look at the note with disgust. I can't believe a guy had actually given me his number, I also could not believe that I pocketed the note actually debating if I should call him or not. I don't know why I wanted to call him but that night when Brenda was asleep and Bobby was staring at his television like a zombie I called him. I don't know I wanted to happen; maybe I was looking for a one night stand. Maybe I just couldn't bear with my life anymore and I hoped that this would distract me from the disaster that was my life for just one night. I just wanted to feel happy again, even if it is just for one night.

"Hello Daniel." I said as he picked up, feeling extremely nervous, "this is Doug. From Cingular."

"Hello Doug." He replied giggling sweetly.

I had no idea what to say feeling all too awkward and vulnerable. Luckily he said something to me instead. "Want to meet up somewhere?"

"Where?" I asked him closing my eyes; do I really want to do this?

"At the Hotel Six at the corner of green Ave. and Church st."

"Okay, I'll be there in thirty."

"Room 202B." He whispered before hanging up. I stood there listening to the harsh dial tone before hanging up. I looked toward the hallway with the rooms. Do I really want to leave them alone? I heard a whimper and I immediately looked down at Beast and smiled at him.

"You are in charge until I get back." I said to him as I patted his head before walking out of my house locking it before I opened my driver side door. I smiled as I looked around at the darkness; it has been a while since I had been outside after sunset. I arrived at the hotel without any trouble but paused as I thought I heard something, it really low but I thought that maybe it was just my imagination. But as I turned off the engine I heard it again, it was very quiet but very dangerous. I turned my head left to right as I looked around as fear gripped me. I looked around once more as I quickly made my way up the stairs. I heard another sound and I spun around looking all the way around me. I thought I heard something that sounded like deep breathing. But there was no one there. It was just my imagination I said to myself as started climbing the stairs but then I heard a loud bang and I found myself running up the stairs finding the room instantly and pounding on the quickly.

"Let me in." I yelled at loud as I turned around hearing something on the stairs. I gasp as I saw someone standing at the bottom of the floor. He or she was wearing a long robe and a large huge hat. I stared at the person in shock, who was it and why was it just staring at me?

"Hello?" I called to the person at the bottom of the stairs regretting it instantly. I heard some grunting as the person bowed at me, tipping his hat ever so lightly. I stared at him in terror as I felt the door in front of me opening and I saw Daniel standing there wearing a long bathrobe and nothing else. With one last look toward the now empty stairs I quickly ran into the room.

"Well hello." He said to me as he embraced me and I looked at this guy who could have been Bobby's older brother from how similar they looked. But I was not worried about what he planned to do tonight as the guy in the hat came back into my head.

"Did you see someone standing at the bottom of the staircase?" I asked him quickly.

"Nope, the only person I saw was you." He said as he immediately began to kiss my cheek. I immediately began to kiss him and we found ourselves on the hotel's bed passionately making out. I smiled at him as I let the passion overwhelm me, our rhythm staying perfectly together. He may not be Lynn but he was a good one night stand and he looked so much like Bobby, he pushed in harder and I kissed him harder. As I came I moaned, "Oh Bobby." Oh shit! He immediately stopped and looked at me weirdly.

"Bobby? Who is Bobby?" He asked me suddenly as I felt myself redden.

"You where imagining somebody else?" He asked me suddenly getting out of bed and throwing me my clothes.

"Get the fuck out of here." He said suddenly while he kicked the wall hard.

"I'm so sorry, I never…"

"Shut up, get yourself dressed, and get the fuck out of here." I frowned angrily as I put my clothes on walking out of the room skulking. It was just a one night stand. What the fuck was his problem?

"Dude, I'm sorry." I said to me as I started walking down the stairs. Shit…I could not believe that I said Bobby's name during sex. I feel so embarrassed and so dirty. I just wanted to shoot myself for being so stupid. He shut the door loudly leaving me in the darkened parking lot alone. I heard a noise again and I froze with too much fear. I turned in a circle looking around me, knowing that someone was out there, watching me, stalking me. I walked to my car hastily, nearing running as it came into sight. Something was on the floor next to the car and I stopped picking up the object hesitantly. It was a hat, the hat the figure on the stairway was wearing. I turn myself around one more time before jumping in my car and driving away from the parking lot as fast as possible. Something was going on, something was not right!

The whole drive home I felt so nervous and every noise startled me. I was so relieved when I saw my house I nearly cried. I parked the car staying in the car too afraid to get out but too afraid to stay in the car. I opened the door quickly and ran into the house as fast as possible never stopping until I turned the door knob and went into my darkened house. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me? I heard Beast barking outside the kitchen's window and I ran into my bedroom looking at Catherine who was still asleep. I ran into Brenda's room happy to see her asleep as well. I ran into Bobby's room finding no sign of Bobby.

I freeze in his room, now really afraid. Then I heard the sound of water running and I calmly walked into the bathroom. I turned the knob as I opened the door closing my eyes as I expected the worst. I opened my eyes to see a naked Bobby standing there watching me, holding a towel over his private parts. I blush as I looked at his body noticing to my horror that I was actually checking him out.

"I'm so sorry. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." I said as I shut the door as I walked back into my bed laying down upon it. First I said Bobby's name during sex and then I was checking him out. Please tell me I do not have a crush on Bobby!

Who was that figure on the stairway and what did he want? Was he really stalking me or could it be just some punk who was trying to play some type of trick on me? I sighed as I turned my body to look at Catherine. She was sleeping so well, I could see her steady breathing from here. What would I ever do without her? She is my daughter. She will be my pride and joy and I swear that she will grow up happily. I swear she will only see the beautiful side of life. She will never have to live though terror ever again. I pray that she would be too young to remember anything from that dreaded summer vacation. If she was young enough to not remember such an event than she would be lucky. She won't have to deal with all the fear and paranoia that Brenda, Bobby, and I have to live with.

Two weeks later I got the biggest shock in the world. Brenda and I was eating breakfast while Bobby was watching television. Catherine was sitting in the high chair and I about to feed her some pancakes when she shook her head and said the word no. I heard Brenda clap her hands and even Bobby got off the couch and came over to Catherine. I was smiling with pride. Her first word she ever spoke and she sounded so cute.

"Catherine say it again." Brenda asked Catherine rising up a spoon full of pancakes to Catherine's mouth.

"No." Catherine said and I was surprised when I saw Bobby smiling. The first smile I saw since summer vacation. Brenda got Catherine out of the high chair and hugged her with all her might. I stood up too taking Catherine from Brenda and kissing Catherine's forehead.

"You spoke Catherine. We got to write this in your baby diary." I said as I vanished into my bedroom with Catherine and took out the baby diary that Lynn and I had started since we found out Lynn was pregnant. I turned to the page about the baby's first, the page with the baby's first words, first steps…I write in the date and the word and then I asked Catherine again as I picked her up and spun her around like a airplane that always made her laugh with so much glee. I looked up to see Brenda standing in the doorway a strange expression on her face.

"It's so funny." She starts and I found myself looking at her solemnly. "Its funny that life still goes on, you know? That even after Lynn and my parents had been killed, I still find myself in college. That Catherine still managed to say her first word and we are still so thrilled about such a little thing when we all know how much Lynn would have loved this moment. Hell my parents would have been so thrilled, so happy." I looked at her as I noticed the tears running down her face.

"Hey, Brenda. Everything is going to be okay. I promise you." I said to her not actually sure what to say. Truth told I know that Lynn would have freaked out and called all her friends and family if she heard Catherine speak, and I know that Big Bob and Ethel would have smiled with happiness.

"I know it is just I feel so hopeless sometimes like I should have done more to save Lynn or I should have…"

"Brenda don't you start blaming yourself. It is not your fault and it will never be. Shit happens, Brenda." I said but looked down at Catherine. No more cussing in this house, not when Catherine is starting to speak. I don't want Catherine to start cussing, I want her to be higher class…

Brenda still looked like she was trying to find any way to blame herself so I walked over to her and hugged her.

"There was not anything you could have done to have stopped those mutated freaks from killing your family, okay?"

"Whose fault was it then?" She asked and my blood ran cold. Whose faults was it?

"It was not any of our faults, okay?" I told her.

"Why did it happen to us, Doug? Why us?" She asked and I did not have an answer to her question.

"What made them so mad that they would something like that?" She asked and I remembered that mutant, "you made us what we became," and I closed my eyes.

That night I stayed up late thinking over what Brenda said wondering why actually they tried to kill us, why they killed anyone. Was it for revenge against the government? Was it just for pure enjoyment? I heard Brenda screaming once again and I stood up to wake her up from yet another nightmare. How much longer is she going to keep having nightmares? And when will Bobby speak again? God Lynn, I don't know if I can help your siblings, I think they need someone stronger to take care of them. I wake her up from the nightmares hugging her tightly patting her head as she cried into my t-shirt and I was way too tired. On the way back to my bedroom I stood outside Bobby's room as I fought the urge to open the door. He was okay, I was okay, Brenda is okay, Catherine is okay, and I can go to bed. Nothing is going to happen…

A week later I found myself in Bobby's high school talking to the principal who sounded very worried and he was very worried about Bobby.

"Listen Bobby has not been doing well in school this last almost six months and his teacher is very concerned." Mr. Bacon said.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused, Bobby always wrote that he was doing well in school, was he lying to me?

"Have you seen has fall semester grades?" He asked me and I froze.

"No, not really…"

"He had received a GPA of 1.95." Mr. Bacon told me as I closed my eyes tightly. Oh Bobby!

"What…what?" I asked with nothing else to really say.

"He has been spaced out this whole year. In fact he hardly ever pays attention in any of his classes; he has been late to all his classes. He had been in detention almost every single day. He won't talk to anyone, even his friends who are all seriously worried about him." Mr. Bacon informed me.

"What should we do then?" I asked in shock.

"We think he should see the school counselor." Mr. Bacon said and I found myself nodding my head.

"Okay." I said as I looked at the watch, I have work in fifteen minutes. I have to go.

"Okay, I will have the counselor call your house to set up a meeting between Bobby and her." Mr. Bacon said as he shook my hand…

"Andrew, I'm taking my lunch break now." I said to Andrew grabbing my cell phone and cigarettes.

"Hey, I thought you stopped." Andrew told me frowning slightly at the pack of cigarettes.

"I tried but you know how it is." I said trailing off as I walked out the door. I walked into the alley between our building and a subway and lit a cigarette taking a long drag of the cigarette. I quickly looked at my cell phone hesitating before texting quickly to Bobby. 'How are you doing? I waited for his replay even though I doubted he was going to respond but ten minutes later my cell phone vibrated and an l new message shown on the front cover. I held my breath as I opened the phone and clicked on messages, the replay scared me. He wrote 'I want to go home.' I frown as I re-read his message. With a small sigh I wrote him back, 'why?' His replay was almost instantly, 'someone is watching me.' I sigh once more as I thought about what he wrote. 'There is no one watching you.' He had written that to me way too many times for me to take it seriously. His replay was instantly, 'just please. Can I please go home?' I thought about it before writing, 'k, I'm coming to get you. Just hang tight'

I ran back into my office and ran toward Andrew. "Listen Andrew, I really have a problem that I currently have to deal with so I need to go home."

"Will you come back today?" He asked me kindly.

"No, I don't think so. I probably won't return till tomorrow. Will you be okay here by yourself?" I asked him concerned about missing yet another day of work.

"Yes, I'll be okay. I will see you tomorrow then." Andrew waved me off as I ran toward my car. I drove to the high school as fast as I could feeling panicked seeing what Bobby text me over and over again 'someone is watching me.' God he has really gotten paranoid, maybe him seeing that counselor was a good thing! Does he even want help?

I walk into the main office in haste asking the receptionist to get Bobby out of his class. She looked really nice and smiled politely to me as if I was asking her out on a date. She looked up his schedule on the computer and asked her student helper to give Bobby a pass. I never understood why they never just call the classroom why do they always have to give them passes. Ten minutes later I see Bobby walking into the main office his eyes darting around suspiciously. His eyes where wide in fear and his eyes where red with tears. I looked at him funny before I noticed that the receptionist had been trying to get my attention for over the last five minutes.

"You need to sign him out, sir." She said not even looking up from her computer as she spoke to me, but maybe it is a good thing she did not see the state that Bobby was in. I signed him out in seconds dragging him to the car. I did not say anything to him the whole time as I drove home even though I have a feeling that he was staring at me. When we got home I immediately took him into his room grabbing a notebook and a pencil with us. I sat him down on his bed as I pulled up a chair and gave him the notebook and pencil.

"Okay, why do you think someone is watching you?" I asked him. He immediately started writing on a piece of paper. He held it up toward my face and I read it aloud, "I was walking to from my math class to my shop class and I saw someone outside the window in a big hat and a trench coat. He looked right at me and for a minute we just stayed there staring at each other. And then he tipped his hat to me and chuckled before running away from the window. It was one of them, I know it is. They followed us here; they are going to kill us all. We are not safe." I freeze remembering that guy at the hotel. Oh Jesus, could it be the same person? Was that person stalking me?

I quickly grab the boy in a deep hug before kissing his forehead lightly. "Nothing is going to happen to you, okay. I promise! I care too much about you for anything bad to happen to you." The hug tightened up to the point in which I could feel every inch of his body against mine. Damn it to hell. My body arched in the response and I blushed. His body felt so right against mine and for a minute I relaxed into the hug kissing his forehead once more. I hugged him in a tight hug until I noticed to my horror I was starting to get a hard on. He tensed against me immediately feeling my unwanted erection, my face beginning to turn a ripe tomato. I untangled myself from the boy as I started to stand up; I was surprised when Bobby stopped me, his weight bringing me back onto his bed. I looked at him nervously as he hugged me again ignoring my unwanted erection as I smelt his dark beautiful hair which smelt like strawberries, sweet, sweet strawberries. I sighed in content as we stayed hugging each other, although it was really beginning hard for me to continue to be this close to this boy.

I kissed his sweaty forehead again, my hands was running though his uncombed hair every once in a while my hands would get stuck in a bad tangle. I did not want to say anything or do anything to ruin this moment. To ruin how close he was to me, how he is ignoring something that I am ashamed to have. I felt his lips near my neck, his warm breaths warming my neck ever slightly. An hour later I got off of his bed being unable to control myself anymore as I quickly went into the bathroom telling myself that I am going to take a cold shower, a very cold shower. I turned the shower on, turning the temperature on as cold as I could get it and got in the shower. But as I stood in the shower all I could think about was Bobby and I felt guilty. God, I felt so guilty that I got a hard on from the boy. Jesus he is only sixteen and he is Lynn's brother. I highly doubt she would have been happy that I got a hard on from her brother. And Big Bob and Ethel, oh god, what would they say? God, what will Brenda do if she ever found out? I mean she probably had an idea that I had a crush on him but if she found out that I actually got a hard on from the boy she would kill me. And Bobby…I couldn't tell if he did not like it or if he did not mind, did he possibly liked it? Why would that worry me? Damn, this is all too difficult for me. I don't know what to do now. Damn what is wrong with me?

Another thirty minutes later I was dressed and free of any erection as I walked out of the bathroom. I saw Bobby out in the living room watching television the nanny putting Katherine to bed. I sat in the living room a whole couch away from Bobby and as I walked into the living room Bobby looked up at me. I nervously smiled at him feeling like a pervert remembering that guy who came into my work, who I basically had sex with. God he looked so much like Bobby but at the same time so different. Bobby was way more handsome, way sexier. Shit, I have to think about something else. I looked at the television scene watching what looks like Date Movie. I smile as I watched the movie almost able to forget about the mess that was my life. That is until the part where she goes on that reality dating TV show. I frown as the announcer on television said that the main guy had a huge cock. I frown looking at Bobby wondering just how big Bobby was. Wondering how he looked naked, wondering how he looked during sex…shit, think about something else. I noticed then that Bobby was looking back at I, a strange emotion of his face that I did not recognized.

I felt so awkward and embarrassed. I couldn't love the boy, it is just sick.vHe quickly picked himself off of his couch choosing to sit down on my couch instead. I held my breath as he touched my legs ever so slightly. I choke back a small moan cussing myself lightly. I turned toward him searching his eyes, trying to finger out what he wanted. I don't know why I did what I did, but I locked my lips on his demanding entrance. He was shaking slightly and I immediately moved away from the boy, backing away from him. I just kissed my brother-in-law. Shit, shit, shit, what do I do now? He got off the couch to coming up to me again, hugging me ever so slightly and I kissed his forehead again. Damn it…

I felt lips on mine and I nearly smiled as he opened his mouth allowing my tongue to enter his mouth. It felt so right, so natural, and I felt adventures. But at the same time I felt disgusting, perverted, and needy. My hands where shaky as I pushed him against me, his body once more rubbing against me, my erection once again coming back. I pushed him toward his bedroom being as gentle as possible. I threw him in his bed as I stood over him undressing myself quickly until I was only in my boxers and then I started undressing Bobby loving his naked body, his gorgeous boy body. I loved Lynn's body too, but Lynn was a female and Bobby was a male so maybe it will be okay just this once…just to give us some comfort that we had not felt since that dreaded summer vacation. I pulled my boxers off smiling at Bobby but something clicked and I started to frown. Comfort…

"We can't do this." I said suddenly pulling my boxers back on and Bobby looked at me with wide eyes.

"Listen, you are searching for any form of comfort you can get a hold of. And I'm sorry but if we have sex right now it will only do you more bad than good." I walked out of my room taking my clothes with me leaving a very hot Bobby in bed willing to have sex with me. I walk back into the bathroom kicking the trash can and screaming out loud. I ruined it, he wanted to have sex with me and I wouldn't do it. I sigh taking another cold shower and stepping out of the shower thinking I really should have had sex with him.

At five before I went to pick up Brenda I allowed Bobby to sit in the front seat who looked mildly embarrassed. I felt embarrassed too, which I guess was good because we can feel embarrassed together. Before Brenda came to the car I asked him not to let Brenda find out because I have a feeling she is going to be asking him about it. Brenda walked toward the car frowning as she saw Bobby in the front seat.

"That's my seat you faggot. Get off my seat." She told Bobby

"Brenda just get into the back seat and shut up." I told her as she does so mumbling to herself.

Dinner was really difficult that night. Bobby was too embarrassed to even look up and Brenda was quite, a little too quiet.

"So Brenda, what did you do in school today?" I asked politely.

"James wants to go on a date with me tomorrow." She told us all. Bobby held up a piece of paper and Brenda silently read it before replying, "You think I should go on the date Bobby? And what do you mean I need to socialize with other people? What about you dipshit? How many girls have asked out lately?" Brenda said as she left the table and washed her dishes, "I'm going to give Katherine her bottle and give her a bath, okay?" She asked me even though I really was not listening. I was watching Bobby who was playing with the little kitten. As Brenda left the room I felt awkward again, he was so beautiful, so nice, and all want to do is kiss him again. But I cant, that would be wrong, that would be sick. Still…we stood up at the same time and looked at each other in intensely. He walked passed me and walked to his bedroom shutting the door behind him. I frown as I started to do the dinner dishes. That night when everyone was asleep I looked at the picture of Lynn and me when we just married. Did I have an attraction for Bobby then? Did I always like Bobby? There was a time when I liked Brenda, she was just so beautiful but I loved Lynn more. I never would have done anything with Bobby if Lynn was still alive, wouldn't I?

I stood in front of Bobby's room listening to Bobby's breathing and I shut my eyes tightly. God, what is wrong with me? The image of Bobby naked and ready to be taken flashed before my eyes and I almost opened the door but instead headed of to my own bedroom. As soon as I was asleep I had the nightmare about the summer again. I awoke with a start shaking head to toe. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to think about Lynn anymore. I heard a knock on my door and I immediately told the person to come on in. It was Brenda.

"Hi Brenda." I said to her as I sat up.

"Doug, I wanted you to know that I found some information about Bobby." She said sitting my bed.

"What are you talking about?" I asked her.

"I have been seeing a therapist at the college for about four months now." Brenda told me looking ashamed.

"That's really good Brenda. Has it helped you at all?" I asked her as I yawned.

"Kind of. I mean we are still working on it," she said, "but that does not really matter right now. I asked her about Bobby, I had said that he had not spoken since summer vacation and I asked her if she could tell me why."

"Did she tell you?" I asked her sitting up.

"She said it could be guilt. That he felt so guilty about not telling anyone that he won't allow himself to speak. She said she will need to see him to actually see why he won't speak that that is just a guess. But I thought that might help us." She said before leaving my bedroom, shutting the door behind her. I throw a pillow over my head and sighed in anger. What am I going to do?

The next night I was pretty gloomy and pretty worried about being home with the boy without Brenda here with us. But god she was wearing a pretty short dress that showed off her beautiful body well and she actually went out of her way to put her hair up, and she looked stunning, but not as stunning as Lynn was. The doorbell rang; James was at the door holding five stunning roses. "I want you to know that if you even think about having sex with her tonight I will fucking chop off your balls, you get it?" I asked him.

"Yes, of course. I swear to you she will still be virgin after tonight." At those words I flinched, god she was a virgin? Those mutants where her first sexual experience? Damn that really fucking suck.

"Doug leave James alone!" Brenda told me as she walked over to him and kissed him on his cheek. "Are you ready to go, baby?" She asked him as he handed over the roses to her. She thanked him and put the roses in a vase. "Okay I'll be back by two o'clock."

"Two o'clock. Wait a minute, don't you have school tomorrow?" I asked her honestly.

"I'm in college Doug. I can decide when I can come back from a date." She said as she shut the door behind her leaving Bobby and me in the house. I don't know why but I must have drank a whole bottle of wine because I found myself in Bobby's room making out with him passionately. I undressed him quickly before undressing me and climbed on top of him, taking him slowly and softy. I moaned while he panted against me, I quickly kissing him passionately, kissing him hard, kissing him long. Our bodies arched together as we both came closer…in the end it was sweet, it was long, and it was passionate. It was only when I woke up at one o'clock with a splitting headache that I noticed what I had done and with the feeling of dread I picked up my clothes scattered about his room and ran to my bedroom dressing quickly, all the time crying. I had just made love to a minor; I had just made love to my wife's kid brother. I sob even louder than before knowing I just committed a crime. Even though he wanted to sleep with me he was still a minor…When Brenda came home I was still awake feeling sickened with myself.

I went outside to greet her and see how her date had gone. When she saw me she smiled at me, looking at me. We talked for a couple of minutes before she headed off to bed and I stood next to Bobby's door again for a couple of minutes before walking into his bedroom again. For a while I just stood there watching him sleep, looking at his for-once relaxed body. I kissed his forehead again before walking out of his bedroom not even attempting to turn the light off or turn the television off. Tonight I will go to sleep as if nothing had happened, tomorrow I know I will feel terrible…

The next morning I hesitated getting out of bed. I did not want to face what I had just done. But still at five o'clock I woke Brenda up allowing her to take her long shower, making her some cereal. Then at six-thirty I walked into Bobby's room shutting the door behind me as I woke Bobby up. Bobby flinched as he tried to sit up and I frowned at him slightly. God I did not know I was going to hurt him that bad.

"Bobby, I'm so sorry about last night. I don't know what came over me but…" I was cut off as Bobby kissed me sweetly, his body still naked. I looked into his eyes wide with fear and his body was once again tense but when he looked at me he held compassion in his eyes. He even slightly smiled at me. The second time I had seen him smiling since that summer.

"Do you want to go to school today?" I asked him honestly. I was not going to force him to go to school, not today. He shook his head lightly hugging me tightly as tears ran down his face.

"Did I do something wrong last night?" I asked him and I was glad when he shook his head. Still I felt so guilty and all I wanted to do was throw myself off a cliff or beat me to death. Was he fully ready to have sex?

I thought maybe his attitude would slightly approve after that night but I was wrong. He was just as traumatized as before, still freaking out in public, still dazing off into space for most of the day. He still has to have his bedroom light on and he still needed his television on to be able to sleep. And we never told Brenda, not even once about what Bobby and I did that one night. It has almost been a week since then and I found myself trying not to be alone with the boy at all times. I did not want to reply the accident. True I love him and I would love to be able to snuggle him and to have sex with him but I cant allow that now. I won't allow that! Still…oh shit. I mean Bobby has a lot of things he has to get over before he starts being comfortable in a relationship. He would not feel comfortable going out with me at least not now… but I wanted him to know and understand that I would wait for him. I just couldn't live without him anymore, I fell his love with the boy, and that terrified me to no end.

It was a Saturday morning when I found Brenda in the kitchen making breakfast for the fist time when she lived in this house. I smiled tiredly at her as I sat down. She only set two plates on the table which does not surprise me, the boy barely ever eats. Hell he does not even sleep anymore. Brenda is improving though, she is down to only three nightmares a week, she has starting socializing again, and she is beginning to smile more and more with each passing day. Maybe that college therapist was the right thing for her; maybe it was what she needed to get over the whole summer disaster. Catherine was sitting in a high chair as Breda was attempting to feed her some applesauce, making funny faces to get her to laugh. She is so good with Catherine just like Catherine's mother was.

I look at a picture of Lynn on the wall with regret. I felt awful, I felt like I betrayed her. She would be so disgusted about what I did with Bobby, hell Big Bob would have murdered me, and Ethel would have called the cops. I probably would have been in jail already serving a ten year sentence. I turn back to Brenda who was still talking to Catherine wondering what she would have done if she ever found out. Bobby's door opened and I hid my faced embarrassing trying not to look at him. He sat at the table without grabbing any food and just stared out the window. It was all too awkward. We did not do anything during that day just watched movie after movie after movie. Comedy movies we all decided to watch even though before that summer vacation we were all big horror fan. The thought of even watching a horror movie now is not only stupid but sick. Bobby was sitting beside me, a little bit away but close enough for me to brush his leg when Brenda was not in the room. Close enough to add a tiny little kiss when Brenda got a phone call and ran to her room. Even though I enjoyed it, the guilt was too much for me, I don't know if I could keep doing this.

That night when Brenda was asleep in her bed I found myself in Bobby's room once more. I was just watching him sleep, remembering how he was during the time we had to take the family vacation. He was loud; he was such a teenager, a healthy, happy teenager. And I remembered his voice and I frowned I missed his voice but then I keep remembering his words over and over again on the night that Lynn died and I nearly cried, "…I found Beauty and she looked like she had been cut open…." Why didn't he tell us before that, what was he thinking? I knew the answer I knew it from how scared he sounded, so vulnerable. He was afraid. With shaky hands I walked over to his bed and sat down softy on the bed. Is it so bad that I love him? Is that a sin? Will I go to hell for loving him? With one small kiss on his lips I walked out of the room and returned to my room hating the king sized bed that I slept on. It felt so empty without Lynn sleeping next to me, cuddling me. I looked over at Catherine who was still asleep in her crib; she will never have her mother there for her. Lynn won't be there for her when Catherine first learns how to talk, she wont be there for her first day of kindergarten, and she won't be there for her prom night. Lynn won't be there for Catherine's first date or her graduation, or when she first has her first baby. But I will be there…but will that be enough? I grabbed Lynn's favorite bathrobe and held it close to me, smelling the fading smell of Lynn, god I need her here, I just need her back…

My dark thoughts kept me up late though the night, the future so fragile and insecure that I still have no idea of what is going to happen. My door opening caught my attention as I looked up to see Bobby standing in the doorway looking very unsure with tears running down his face. He walked over to my bed and immediately collapsed against it, his eyes full of guilt. I smile at him as I pulled him against me pushing my face in his sweaty hair. We stayed like that for a while, I listening to his gentle breathing as I laid there staring at a picture of Lynn, frowning at the picture. I loved her so much but I loved the boy too. But do I really love him or do I love him because he reminds me of Lynn? Do I really love him…could I stay with him forever? I tightened my hold on the sleeping boy as tears ran down my face as I stared at Lynn. "I'm so sorry," I whispered to the picture, "I never wanted this to happen. I miss you so much. I wish I didn't have to admit it to youbut I think I have fallen in love with your little brother. Please don't be mad at me." I kissed the top of his head as I smiled contently. I loved him, but why do I feel so dirty and disgusted when I hold him? Why do I feel so guilty when I watch him sleep as I so often do? Why do I have the feeling that everything is going to start crashing down?

In the morning I woke up a little later than usual. I sat there as I watched Bobby sleep loving that he was still so innocent, still so young. I got out of bed quickly stealing his mouth in a kiss as I went to take a shower. Is this okay? I'm I doing the right thing with him? God, this is too much to think about at this moment. God, I need a vacation. After the shower I walked into the living room to find Brenda sitting with James watching some stupid love movie. I said hello to both of them a little surprised to see James.

"Have you two had breakfast yet?" I asked them both.

"No we have not." Brenda spoke for both of them.

"Okay do you guys want some breakfast?"

"Sure." James replied as he kissed her neck. I watched her jerk slightly but didn't attempt to move away. I made a mental note to tell him when Brenda is not in the room that he is not allowed to do that.

"What do you guys want?" I asked calmly as I smiled at them politely.

"Maybe some pancakes." Brenda replied looking at her boyfriend in question. He smiled at her warmly, "yes pancakes will be fine."

I started to make the pancakes all the time eavesdropping on what they where talking about. I wanted to make sure that they are not doing something they shouldn't be doing, but of course I being the hypocrite did probably one of the worst things possible that I knew I shouldn't have done. Still I did not want Brenda to do something she would regret. It was easy to listen in their conversation for they where both talking kindly loud.

"Did you enjoy our date from a week ago?"

"James, I loved it. You were the perfect gentleman."

"Well how about we go on another date?"

"Sure…when?"

"How about tomorrow night?"

"But tomorrow is a school night."

"Baby don't worry we will plan the date at lets say five-thirty. We will go out to The Depo which is a very fancy restaurant that you will just love and then we will go watch a movie. How does that sound?"

"When will we be back?"

"Probably somewhere from eight-thirty to ten."

"okay, it sounds great."

"Hey, I love you Brenda."

"I love you too James."

I smiled as I finished making the pancakes and called them to breakfast. They both started grabbing pancakes and chewing them up as if they have been starving. I smiled at them as we all tried to make simple conversation and I realized after talking with James for awhile that James was a really good kid, maybe a little high-stuck but still is really nice and kind. A type of guy that Brenda needed. My bedroom door opened and Bobby came out carrying Catherine with him. Brenda froze slightly dropping her spoon in her bowl. She looked at me with accusation. I looked at her with determination. James looked confused. Bobby looked tired, Bobby looked really pale. Is he sick?

I grabbed Catherine out of his hands feeling his head with the back of the hand, he does not feel hot. He locked his arms tightly around me and I freeze in panic as I looked back at Brenda who still had such accusing eyes. Jesus, she can't find out about us. She just can't. I untangled me from him blushing as I sat Catherine in her high chair feeding her some baby food which looked absolutrly disgusting. Briefly I heard Brenda telling James that she will see him tomorrow, and briefly I heard him asking why. But still he leaves and I watched as Brenda drags Bobby to his room taking a pad and pencil with them and I tiptoed near Bobby's room listening to Brenda's words with a feeling of dread.

"Why where you in Doug's room this morning?"

"What do you mean you fell asleep in his room?"

"Fuck, Bobby…"

"Yes I'm mad at you. What are you thinking you fucking idiot?"

"Nothing happened? Well…I'm warning you if I ever find out that you are doing anything with Doug I will all the cops.

"Why? What do you mean why? It's wrong Bobby, its wrong on so many different levels. First of all you are underage; secondly he is your brother-and-law. And third of all he is a guy, Bobby. And I'm not going to have a faggot for a brother." I freeze as I realize that she knew something was going on. And I felt a heavy sense of shame as I stared at another picture of Lynn. I stepped away from the door running back to the kitchen before Brenda stepped out walking past me and grabbing the car keys.

"I'm going out for a while and I am taking the car," before leaving the house angrily. I sighed a little bit as she slammed the door shut a picture dropped to the floor heavily. I picked up the picture realizing what the picture was; it was Lynn's senior picture from high school. I smiled at the picture slightly, tracing her beautiful face with my finger. "I love you." I whispered to the picture before I started crying. I look at Catherine who was still in her high chair before kissing her forehead and put her in the playpen. I gave her some little toys, some stuff animals, and a couple of cookies. I smiled down at her as I watched her play. She was so beautiful, beautiful like her mother. I knocked on Bobby's door before opening the door slowly. He was just sitting on his bed, looking straight down toward the floor. I sigh before I took him in my arms, looking at the pad thrown to the ground. I sigh picking it up reading Bobby's side of the conversation.

"Okay child. Everything is going to be okay. I promise you." I told him kissing the side of his face. He nodded his head as we stayed in that position for a long time. What do I do now? I patted his head as I left his room heading back into the living room looking at Catherine feeling such a intense depression that I could barely deal with my life anymore.

The next day was difficult, Brenda was watching Bobby and I like hawks. That night at five-thirty Brenda was waiting for James, with every passing second getting more panicked.

"What if he is not coming?" She asked me worriedly.

"Don't worry, Brenda. He will be here soon. Sometimes people can't help but be late." I told her as I looked back to Bobby sitting on the couch watching Spongbob Squarepants.

"Are you certain?" She said looking at the television in disgust.

A knock on the door was heard and I smiled nicely to her, "see here he is now." She opened the front door to see James smiling at her. She said goodbye to us, her eyes still glaring into mine as she shut the door leaving Bobby and me. My mother wanted to take care of Catherine today so Bobby and I are fully alone in this house. With a shake of my head I sat beside him watching the television scene without interest. My eyes found a picture of Lynn and for a moment I thought the Lynn in the picture shook her head at me, tears running down her face. And I realized that Lynn was not happy with me, was not happy with what I did or what I planned to do tonight. I closed my eyes as I whispered "I'm sorry." to the picture of Lynn who shook her head at me before I grabbed Bobby's hand and raised him up from the couch and I gently took him in my arms. "Please, please just talk to me. Just try to speak for me, just this once." I whispered in his ear as he shook his head and forced his head on my shoulder.

"It's okay Bobby…its okay. You will talk when you are ready to." I told him as I kissed his lips ever so lightly. I felt a small smile cross his lips before it fell back into the frown that he always wore these days.

"What do you want to do tonight?" I asked him before grabbing a pencil and pad and handing it to him. I looked what he wrote and smiled slightly. "You sure?" I asked him as he nodded his head. With shaky hands we went into my bedroom and sat down on the bed. He looked nervous; I could barely catch my breath. I crawled toward him and kissed him passionately, lovely. I felt shaky hands on my shirt trying to unbutton it and so I helped him, smiling at him all the time, trying to make him be calm. I pulled his shirt over his head and he trembled again and I nearly stopped, nearly. But then his hands went toward my pants and I felt my pants slid down and then my boxers. I did the same to Bobby who looked nervous and yet excited. I smiled at him as I climb over him, kissing him passionately, I felt his body tense as I pushed in, I saw how his face went red as I continued, he kissing me on my lips hard, passionate, and I continued going faster and faster but not too fast, I did not want to hurt him. As we had sex my eyes focused on yet another picture of Lynn. My eyes start to water as I imagined Lynn and me having sex here for the first time when we first moved in. I try to hide my face from the picture. She is dead, she is not coming back, she would have been so mad…

I kiss him again, running my fingers though his brushy dark hair and even though I was crying I smiled. Yes I feel guilty about having sex with Bobby but at the same time I loved him and I did not regret it. If only Lynn would have not frowned at me with deep hatred, if only she did not look at me as if I was slime, like I deserved to die, if only…if only I did not love the boy so much, if only if I did not love Lynn so much….

When we where finished I was full of so much guilt that I was sure I was going to explode. I did it again, I had sex with Bobby. Then I remember that was what he wanted to do…what he wrote shyly. Still I felt like I am fooling Bobby. He does not know what he what; he is still too confused over what happened during the summer. And Lynn, god she must be so disappointed in me, and Brenda will kill me if she found out….

I heard the front door open as I hugged Bobby closer, knowing who it was, hoping that she will go straight to bed. I was too tired to deal with her, too tired to deal with anybody. And Bobby was asleep again, snuggling so close to me. I kissed his forehead as I started crying slightly. "I'm so sorry Bobby. I'm sorry Lynn, god I'm so sorry." I hugged him against me as I heard footsteps coming closer to my bedroom. Leave, I wanted to say to her, come back tomorrow. I will deal with my consequences tomorrow but I'm too tired tonight, please just leave. Unfortunately I heard my door start to open and I just closed my eyes waiting for the upcoming disaster. She will for sure call the cops on me…god I'm going to be arrested. She is going to separate me from Bobby. I can't let that happen, I need him….

I held my breath as the footsteps got closer and then stopped right outside my door. With shaky hands I released Bobby from my grasp as I waited for doom day to begin.

Five…four…three…two…one, I tense my body as I saw the doorknob turn…oh shit I am so screwed…


How was the chapter? Was it better than the first two chapters because I hope this chapter is better? Review please, I really appropriates it.