Chapter 3: Training Ninjas

Entry No. 5

Dear Diary,

Holy crap, that was terrible. That was so embarrassing. I couldn't believe what had happened, it was completely insane.

Our sensei is apparently into the "Make-Out Tactics" novels by the traveling frog hermit. What a steaming load that is. Sifu-Kakashi is a pervert, and a very classless one at that, as there are far more erotic, and well-written books out there, like "Fifty Clones of Shadow". And no, I'm not saying that just because "Make-Out Tactics" isn't about yaoi. Great, now I have Naruto and Sasuke back in my head again. And they are doing the yaoi. And now, my mind has twisted it so now they're doing the yuri. I've got problems man.

But, that's not really the meat of the day, isn't it? The main topic of today is the ass-whooping Mr. Hotcakes gave all of us. I guess that's why he's a jonin. I believe in other circles, he would be what you would call, a "bunny-ears lawyer", in that he has weird quirks, but he's too damn good to let those quirks get the better of him. I still would fire him thought, but that's more to do with my uncontrollable rage.

Let's start from the very beginning, as it's a very good place to start. The test today? A bell test. The parameters, two bells, three hopeful genin, the two who get the bells by lunch pass, the genin lacking the bell fails. Simple, Sasuke and I could do this, and we could leave Naruto in the dust. The little bastard himself complied all too easily, and challenged coach Kakashi out in the open. Now, in a land where 90% of the major military is made up of stealthy ninjas, that's a pretty dumbass thing to do, but then, this is Naruto we're talking about. I won't fill you in on what happens, because you non-existent audience members can fill in the blanks.

Now, the plan was, have Kakashi own Naruto, then Sasuke and I can take him out together. It was a brilliant plan, until Sasuke decided to aggro Kakashi too early before I was prepared. That pretty much decided that raid, and completed the wipe. Because of Sasuke acting like a jackass, I was pretty disoriented myself. So disoriented, that 1970's experimental glam-rock sensation Kakashi caught me in a genjutsu! However, he used the most annoying cliched thing you could think about, Sasuke dying. Seriously, think up of something more creative man! This is genjutsu, you can create whatever the hell you want! Have me burned in a pool of boiling lava! Have my hand cut off, and then have some evil overlord reveal that he's my father's brother's nephew's former roommate. Have me trampled by an angry mob calling me a "useless bitch". Where is the creativity these days? I was so frustrated at the fact that he thought I would fall for such stupid trick, that I fell for his stupid trick. I hope I broke his eardrums with my scream.

Luckily, I got better, and then saw Sasuke's head sticking out from the ground. It crossed my mind that I could teabag him for being a super-aggressive noob, but I decided to stick with the screaming.

Then blah blah blah, Naruto get's tied to a log, blah blah blah, teamwork blah blah blah blah, we left Naruto blah. Which is a pretty assholish thing for us to do, I mean man, the kid's an orphan, let's just take away his bed for the night.

To be honest, I'm exhausted. Apparently I passed Kakashi's test by screaming twice, and falling for a genjutsu. Perhaps if I applied the same approach to all my other ninja endeavors, I'll keep scoring victories. Right now, I need to go to bed. I'm probably going to be dreaming about Naruto and Sasuke again, forming a dynamic duo, with each of their dynamic duos. I really should relax, the kiss was an accident anyways. The only place where they're going to fall in love is in my twisted dreams, which I will be all too happy to be rid of. Hopefully no one else experienced the same overreaction I did and started to write fanfiction about them, that would be truly demented. Shannaro!